"Sire," Lancelot called to Arthur as they passed each other in the hallway. It was quite late into the afternoon, and Arthur was already thinking about dinner and rest. He had spent most of the day discussing politics with the council and his father, and his brain was slowly turning to mush. Politics weren't usually something Arthur hated, but calculating how much grain should be given to each village based on the number of children, elderly, pregnant women and working adults, while factoring in the varying geographical circumstances of all of the villages, well, that wasn't really one of Arthur's favorite topics. However, Arthur was particularly fond of discussing infrastructure and was pushing the council to pass a suggestion to start work on a new road which would make travel easier for many from the outlying villages, who wished to come to the city for trading or other purposes. So far, they had more or less ignored him and his wishes for a new road.
Regardless, the point was that Arthur was tired, but Lancelot was always good company, "Yes?" Arthur answered, stopping to converse with his knight. There weren't many people around them, only the passing servants who were getting ready to serve dinner for the inhabitants of the castle.
"I heard that you plan to have some knights escort Lord Agravaine on his travels," the knight began and Arthur nodded.
"That is true, although I don't believe that to be public information yet," Arthur smiled, teasing Lancelot was always a little fun, only because he usually got the joke about three seconds later, and always looked slightly baffled when he thought he had done something wrong.
"Merlin talks," Lancelot explained, a smile growing on his face as he had realized Arthur was joking.
"He does," Arthur agreed, "It's a bad habit of his."
They both smiled, but Lancelot continued, "Regardless, sire, I wanted to request that I became a part of this mission."
"Really?" Arthur lifted an eyebrow, "I think you are a bit too talented to go on such an excursion."
"Perhaps, sire, but I want grow in any way I can, so what I came here to ask was if I could lead the mission. If that isn't too arrogant of me," Lancelot bowed slightly to show his respect, but Arthur beamed. He had planned on sending out some of the more… inexperienced knights on this little mission, but if it could serve to let Lancelot grow more comfortable in a leader position, then it would be excellent.
"That is a great idea, Lancelot," Arthur said, not even trying to hide his smile, "If you are ready to lead, I think you would be very fit to do so. I'll have a list send to your quarters of the knights available for your mission, and you shall choose five. I would also like you to write a short essay explaining your choice of knights."
"You shall have it within a day, sire."
Lancelot disappeared down the corridor and Arthur felt more awake than before. Lancelot was his finest swordsman, and a couple of years younger than sir Leon. When Arthur became king, Leon would be first knight, but Arthur was looking to incorporate Leon into a council position at some point. Leon wasn't only a fine knight, but a skilled tactician and a naturally observant person. With many years of military service, Leon could prove very useful in the council, and when that time came - whether naturally or forcefully - Arthur would love for Lancelot to be first knight. Not only was he incredibly skilled and perfect for the job, but he wasn't of noble blood, and when Arthur was king, he would remove the laws that prevented others like him to become knights. Having Lancelot as first knight would be a great example of status not mattering, but only what was in your heart. But more than just that, Arthur was happy that Lancelot was taking agency as a knight with much potential.
Arthur came back to his chambers with food ready on the table and Merlin tidying his desk. He was still not allowed to do everything that he wanted to, but at least he wasn't complaining a lot about it. Merlin was in a good mood today, Arthur noted, as the sound of Merlin's humming reached his ears. Arthur could only wonder why, because his servant was often in a good mood for trivial reasons (last time Arthur had asked, Merlin had simply said that he was happy because the sun was shining). Merlin didn't acknowledge that Arthur had entered the room, perhaps because he hadn't noticed as he was standing with his back to Arthur. The prince watched the back of his servant for a moment. One would hardly think that he was recovering from two serious injuries with the way he was behaving.
Other than Merlin's humming, the room was silent - so silent in fact that Arthur could hear when Merlin went through the papers on his desk, orienting himself on what everything was so he could organize it correctly. It was only then that it occurred to Arthur how much he let Merlin be privy to. Merlin was free to read everything Arthur left on his desk, Arthur confided in Merlin when it came to matters of state, and he let Merlin advise him on whatever the topic of the month was. And somehow the realization only put a smile on Arthur's face.
Arthur was also in a good mood today, and when Arthur was in a good mood, he liked to mess with his servant. Arthur silently snuck up behind Merlin, until he was less than an arm length away from him. He then brought his hands together to make a loud clap, and watched with delight as Merlin jumped and threw all the papers up in the air.
"Arthur!" He exclaimed, and Arthur burst out laughing at the sight of his servant, "Not funny!"
"That's where you're wrong," Arthur said between laughs, and then he slowly composed himself again.
"You are horrible," Merlin shook his head, "Now I have to start over," Merlin gestured to the mess of papers that now covered Arthur's floor.
"I'm sure you'll manage," Arthur said and clapped Merlin on the back, "Now come and eat with me."
"What?" Merlin said in disbelief and Arthur almost burst out laughing again.
"You heard me. You keep bringing up way too much food so I have to assume you eat everything that I don't anyway. Might as well keep me company."
Merlin squinted his eyes, trying to see if Arthur was joking (to be fair he had done that before), but then eventually pulled out another plate, cutlery and cup, and sat down with Arthur.
"Lancelot came up to me today," Arthur said, studying Merlin's reaction.
"Did he?" Merlin said casually, "What did he want?"
"He wanted to lead the escort of knights that Agravaine is taking with him next week."
"That seems like a great opportunity for him," Merlin said, and Arthur knew that if he hadn't known what to look for, he would never have known that Merlin was lying to him, or rather, deflecting from the truth (at least this time it was more in jest than anything).
"Don't pretend you don't know," Arthur said and gave Merlin a little shove. Merlin smiled knowingly.
"I really don't know what you mean."
"Only three people knew that Agravaine was taking knights with him on his journey. I didn't tell Lancelot anything, and I'm sure my uncle didn't either, so who do you think let him know?"
"Probably Gwaine," Merlin said and gestured into nothing, "He couldn't keep a secret even if his life depended on it."
Arthur shook his head, and Merlin smiled at him. One day, Merlin wouldn't lie to him anymore, but Arthur could live with this. This was fine. Truly.
"You are close," Arthur said slowly, "You and Lancelot," Arthur didn't know where he was going with this topic, but he was interested in knowing more about what made them such good friends. He was also quite interested in knowing what Merlin and Gwaine had in common that made them good friends, but Arthur didn't think his brain was ready to wrap itself around that just yet.
"He saved my life the moment we met," Merlin said, "Don't really get better first impressions than that."
"It definitely beats being called an ass."
"Hey!"
"You're still very close though," Arthur continued, "You could have told anyone about the mission, but you told Lancelot, why?"
"He deserves it," Merlin shrugged, "Besides, you look at him differently than you do at the others. Like you expect more of him. Thought I'd give him a hand, since you have high expectations."
"Are you saying I'm hard to please?"
"Very much so."
Dinner with Merlin was easy. There was no awkward silence, although they always seemed to have something to talk about.
"I've been wondering," Merlin said slowly, and Arthur rolled his eyes in jest.
"That requires thinking, Merlin, you think you can do that?"
Merlin groaned lightly and shook his head, "Honestly, Arthur, you're such an ass."
"I think that's well established by now, but what were you wondering? I am curious."
Merlin took a breath, perhaps to steady himself and Arthur braced himself for their conversation taking a turn.
"When I told you about Nimueh, you didn't question that I sought to magic for help," Merlin seemed resolute in his statement, "I simply wanted to know your thoughts about... everything I told you."
Arthur sighed. Were they really doing this now?
"I have a lot of thoughts," Arthur said truthfully, "But I suppose we can start with the magic. Honestly, I didn't think much of it," Merlin seemed surprised by this fact, and rightfully so. Arthur had grown up with a father who had beaten it into his skull that magic was evil to its very core, "When you told your story, I think it finally occurred to me just what you are willing to do to keep me safe – which I am not happy about by the way – and if I had had the knowledge you did, that I could exchange my life for someone I cared about, I would probably have done it too."
"But," Merlin pushed, "It's magic."
And that was another thing. Magic wasn't just illegal in Camelot and punishable by death, but just hearing the word sent his father into a frenzy. For a long time, Arthur had believed his father's words regarding the forbidden art. After all, he had only ever seen magic being used for evil. But slowly, ever so slowly, it occurred to Arthur why that was. Who would dare use magic to grow a plant, when it could get them killed? And who would shy away from it if they intended to kill the king? The idea of his father being wrong had been slowly growing, and evidence had slowly piled up. The light guiding him to safety as he had retrieved the antidote for Merlin. The magic that had cured Gwen's father. The keeper of the unicorns, Anhora. The druids going about their life peacefully.
And Arthur thought that in some ways, Morgana was proof as well. Morgana hadn't turned on them because she had magic, Arthur refused to believe that. She had turned on them because of how Camelot treated those with magic. Magic could do frightening things, but Arthur had to believe that it could do good things as well. When Arthur had thought Merlin's story through, it had made sense to him that Merlin wouldn't shy away from using magic. He hadn't grown up in Uther's kingdom, but in Cenred's. He had grown up in a place where magic was legal. So Arthur had not thought much of it when Merlin had told the story and when he had finally thought it through, it just made sense to him, so he had let it go entirely. To Arthur, the core of the story was that Merlin had sacrificed himself for him, and he wanted to avoid that Merlin would have to do it again.
"It was magic and I'm alive because of it, so there isn't really much I can say to that," Arthur ended up saying, and Merlin nodded slowly, perhaps processing Arthur's reply, "But maybe we should talk less about how you did it and more about why."
Merlin looked startled for a moment, before regaining composure and looking intently at Arthur: "I believe I already explained why. You can't already have forgotten, can you, sire?"
Arthur huffed, it was just like Merlin to make light of the situation. "Of course not. Do you really think so lightly of me?"
Merlin rolled his eyes dramatically, "I don't think you want me to answer that question, my lord."
"But seriously Merlin," Arthur said, getting back on topic, "You can't just... use yourself as a shield every time I'm in danger. Didn't it ever occur to you that I don't want you to die?"
"I..." Merlin hesitated, seemingly at a loss for words, "It's not that simple."
"And why not?"
"Arthur, don't you get it? You have to live. If there's the tiniest chance that my life can keep you alive just a day longer, then I have to take it. You have no idea how precious you are. How important you are to this kingdom and its people."
"Merlin, I understand well enough what my role as the future king-"
"No." Merlin interrupted harshly, "Arthur. You don't understand. The actions you take. The decisions you make. Everything you do shape this kingdom and make it a better place. Look at your knights. Look at Gwen. Look at me. You give us something to believe in. Give us hope for a brighter future, because we know that you act out of the good of your heart."
Arthur looked at Merlin in disbelief, "How can you be so sure? I ruled this kingdom for three months and it was overwhelming. It was harder than I could have imagined, and you must have noticed. You were with me every day. How can you have that kind of faith in me?"
Merlin forced a laugh, and looked at Arthur hopelessly: "You are an arrogant, royal prat, Arthur Pendragon, but sometimes I wished you were more confident in yourself."
Arthur had nothing to say after that, and they finished dinner in silence.
"You didn't touch any of the chicken," Arthur remarked as Merlin cleaned the table, "You need meat to grow muscle."
"Ah," Merlin said slowly, "I try to avoid meat. Not a big fan."
"I would ask how a person can't like meat, but for some reason I assume that it's because you feel sorry for the animals?"
"Something like that."
Arthur shook his head and it felt like they had never had that heavy conversation. The rest of the night felt normal.
And then came morning, and Arthur had to confront all the things Merlin had said the night before. Arthur wasn't sure if he wanted to see Merlin at this particular time. He wanted time to think, and it was hard to think about Merlin, when Merlin was there.
And whether by luck or design, Guinevere entered his chambers with breakfast, and while he was always happy to see her, he honestly couldn't say that he always got this delighted when she walked up to him.
"Merlin said he was behind on some chores, and I offered to bring you breakfast," Guinevere explained, less to say why she was here and probably more to let Arthur know that Merlin wasn't slacking off on his duties. She was quite protective of him.
"Mind staying?" Arthur offered and pulled out a chair for Guinevere at the table, which she gladly accepted.
Perceptive as she was, Arthur hadn't even taken his second bite of breakfast before Guinevere asked what was troubling him.
"It's Merlin," he said honestly, "He keeps getting hurt."
Guinevere but her lip at that, and something occurred to Arthur. He had never asked her about the relationship between the servants, and certain knights and nobles.
"Did you know?" Arthur said quietly, "About sir Richard?"
Guinevere lowered her head as she answered: "I did, Arthur, I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I-"
"It's okay," Arthur assured her, "Merlin told me that he made everyone promise to keep it a secret."
"He's usually okay," She continued, "There was a boy, once, about three years ago, the man he was waiting on would beat him every night. He almost couldn't walk by the end of the week, so Merlin stepped in. It was the first time, at least that I know of. We were all so scared for him, but there was nothing we could do. And Merlin, he was fine. At first we thought he was just putting up a facade, but we checked him. Barely a bruise to be found. He's not always that lucky, of course, but it's never... He's never..."
"I know," Arthur said, "It's not your fault."
"For what it's worth, I think you were right to kill him."
Arthur looked at her, slightly startled, "That wasn't my intention."
"I know. I know, but anyone who treats someone like Merlin so poorly, I can't help but think the world is a better place without people like that in it."
"Perhaps," Arthur said slowly. He wasn't fond of killing. And especially killing his own knights, even if what he had done was unforgivable.
"Be more confident, Arthur Pendragon," She sternly, "It would suit you."
Arthur smiled sweetly at her: "Merlin said the same last night."
"Of course he did. He always gives the best advice."
Guinevere left soon after, having other duties to attend to. Arthur regretted not seeing her more, but there was nothing he could do. Not as long as they had his father's watchful gaze on them.
Arthur stayed in his chambers most of the day. He had paperwork to do, and it wouldn't do him any good to put it off. Besides, it looked like it would rain, so training could wait until tomorrow. Arthur made it way past lunchtime before he finally heard Merlin clumsily making his way down the hallway – hopefully with some food – but he still wasn't in the mood to see him, so, mature as he was, Arthur hid in his own chambers.
From Arthur's excellent hiding spot, he could see as Merlin put down the plate of food at the table, and set the table for Arthur to eat, even if he wasn't there. He half expected Merlin to leave after that, but was weirdly surprised to see Merlin do his job and do a quick sweep of the room. Merlin eventually made it to Arthur's desk where his papers were still scattered, and Merlin looked at them for a while, perhaps contemplating if he should put them away or if Arthur would come back to it.
Merlin never got around to make a decision as someone entered the chambers. Merlin turned his attention towards the door, clearly expecting Arthur to walk in as he smiled, but his expression faltered immediately as he laid eyes upon Agravaine. His uncle closed the door behind him and looked around the room before addressing Merlin.
"Where is Arthur?" His uncle asked politely, but Merlin just sighed.
"I'm afraid I don't know." (At least that wasn't a lie.)
There were a couple of seconds of uncomfortable silence, and Arthur swore he could cut the tension between them with his sword.
"I know you think that Arthur is your friend," Agravaine finally broke the silence, "But he is a prince, a future king, and he cannot be seen taking advice from servants. I would advise you to hold your tongue and stick to cleaning his chambers."
"Of course," Merlin said, the fake respect back in his voice, "But you should know that I am very bad at doing what I am told."
Agravaine took a couple of steps closer to Merlin, and Arthur found his protective instincts kicking in as he almost leaped out of his hiding spot to interfere with whatever was going on.
"Come on Merlin," Agravaine pushed, almost intimidating Merlin (or at least he tried to, Merlin didn't waver in the slightest), "You can't possibly believe that you can advise Arthur better than someone like me."
"Oh, I think anyone could advice Arthur better than you, my lord," Merlin added the last part mockingly, "Morgana must really have hit rock bottom to allow someone like you to work for her. She used to be smarter than this."
"Be careful with your accusations, boy," Agravaine hissed, "You don't know what you're talking about."
"Of course not, my lord," Merlin bowed slightly, "I shall inform Arthur that you dropped by."
Agravaine turned on his heel and slammed the door shut behind him. Merlin watched the door for a second, before casually turning back to Arthur's papers, which he began sorting through. Arthur could only watch his servant secretly as he went about his business as if nothing had ever happened – no, that wasn't true. Merlin was frustrated. Merlin was usually careful when handling paperwork, but he slammed documents on the table harder than necessary and his movements were more rapid than usual.
It had been perhaps ten minutes, when a certain piece of paper caught Merlin's attention. Arthur recognized it from his hiding place. It was a speech he had written only an hour ago about the new road he wanted to build. It was meant to sway the council and his father, since nothing else had seemed to work. Merlin read it through, and then sat down in Arthur chair and began writing all over the speech. Great. Now he had to start over.
Arthur was stuck watching – spying on – Merlin for almost an hour before the servant took his sword (presumably to clean and sharpen it) and left his chambers. Arthur silently slipped out of hiding and immediately looked at the speech Merlin had tampered with, only to find himself surprised by Merlin's work. Merlin had carefully corrected a few grammatical errors (errors Arthur had made entirely because he had been hungry), and added suggestions where he thought they were needed. At the bottom of the parchment, Merlin had added the suggestion to ask the citizens about the need for a new road in order for Arthur to prove its potential usefulness. It was a great suggestion that Arthur couldn't believe he had thought of himself, and he made sure to save the draft of his speech so that he may remember.
Arthur should have continued the paperwork or maybe even eaten the lunch Merlin had brought up for him, but once again his mind drifted to his servant and his uncle. At least now he knew that Merlin suspected Agravaine of working for Morgana, and logically Arthur knew he should be wary of such suspicions. Merlin had been right in the past and it would be wise to trust him, but the way the conversation had gone down made it seem like Merlin didn't have any evidence. It was almost like he had attempted to bait Agravaine into a confession as he had accused him of working for Morgana. And his uncle hadn't taken the bait, although his reaction was not what Arthur would have expected from him. And of course the effort Agravaine went through to try to stop Merlin's advice from getting to Arthur was quite suspicious in and of itself.
Arthur knew that he was putting it off, but it he felt conflicted about the whole situation. He was secretly hoping that Merlin would come up to him someday and give him the evidence he needed, but if there was no evidence to give, then what could Arthur do? Agravaine seemed to have his father's trust and without evidence, Arthur couldn't arrest him or tell his father that he suspected his uncle of treason based on the suspicions of his servant. It hadn't worked out for him in the past, and he doubt it would now. Especially as a family member was involved.
Tomorrow he would talk to Merlin, but today his mind needed some time to rest. Too much was going on.
Arthur didn't see Merlin that evening, his dinner brought up by some nameless servant and he went to bed trying not to worry about the people who could so easily kill him in his sleep.
Unfortunately, Arthur should have worried because he woke up to a stranger hovering above him, his eyes growing wide as Arthur stared back at him. He took hold of his dagger just as Arthur reached for his sword.
There will be a slightly longer wait for next chapter, because it got out of hand and school is keeping me busy
