AN... I am sooo sorry for the long delay in getting this one out! I struggled
with it so much, I literally re-wrote this chapter at least a dozen times. And
now, thanks to my AMAZING pre-reader, Prettyflour (ILY), it is finished!
I hope that you all enjoy. I know that I left you all on a little bit of a cliffie,
but I hope that this chapter makes up for it.
I won't promise that there will never be another delay in postings, but I
will promise to try very hard to not allow more than a week in between.

A big thank you to all who have reviewed this story, it means so much to
me! I read every review, and have responded to alot of them. I will try to
be better about responding to all. Thank you also to everyone who has
added this to their alerts. I love my lurkers too! I welcome all of you, and
hope that you will send some love my way, and tell me what you think so
far, and feel free to ask any questions!

So, without further preamble, and no more ado, I give you...

Chapter 23

Feel the Burn

~UUaAP~

Leah POV

By the time we reached Edward's house, I was feeling strange all over. I was breathing too fast, and it felt shallow, like I could not draw enough air into my lungs. I felt clammy, and feverish. I was listless, barely able to hold my head up. Edward cradled me softly and ran into the house in a blinding speed, depositing me on a metal table in Carlisle's office. Alice was at my side quickly, her eyes full of concern.

"Carlisle will be here any moment." Alice assured us.

"How is my mother doing, is it safe for him to leave there?" I managed to wheeze.

"Leah, love. Your mother will be fine. Right now you are the first priority. Your mother is resting, but you are the one whose life is in danger." His eyes were blazing with intensity. He looked like he was in physical pain.

I could barely keep my eyes open any more, I felt like I was being sucked under water. Breathing was becoming difficult, and my tongue began to feel thick in my mouth. I barely registered that someone had put an oxygen mask over my face. The blackness surrounded and engulfed me.

Everything was dark, but I could hear and think all too clearly. My body was unresponsive, but I could feel everything. I felt Edward's hands as they gently cradled me. I heard his tearless sobs as he begged me to stay with him. I listened as Carlisle's car came up the drive, and scattered gravel as he skidded to a stop, obviously traveling at an outrageous speed. The door slammed open as Carlisle entered the house, running at incredible speeds and shouting questions as he practically flew to my side.

"Edward, you need to let her go, I cannot examine her properly with you holding onto her." Carlisle demanded. I felt Edward lower me back onto the table. Carlisle began to check me over, thoroughly, checking my vitals. Hands grasped my head at the top, and under my jaw, angling my chin towards the ceiling, and prying my mouth open. I heard plastic crinkle and tear as I heard the sound of something being spritzed in front of my face, followed by a bitter taste and numbing sensation coating my mouth and throat. I felt pressure as something large was forced past my lips and down my throat. For a few seconds, it was impossible to draw any breath, and I was filled with panic. My brain kicked into gear, trying to understand what was happening to me. I thought of the medical dramas that I had watched on television over the years, and realized that Carlisle was intubating me. By the time I realized what he was doing, I could feel air being forced into my lungs. It was a relief.

I felt something cold and hard moving against my skin, and heard metal rubbing against metal in sharp ringing clips. Someone was using scissors against my breastbone? I felt the material of the tee shirt being tugged open, and cold hard hands running along my collar bone.

"Damnit, son! You marked her? Didn't you listen to me, at all? I need to know everything. Every detail, and don't you let your puritanical principles get in the way. Any detail could hold an important key."

"Yes, Carlisle, you're right. I got caught up in the heat of the moment, and cast my principles aside. I fucked up. I fucked her. I was so careless. How could I be so wreckless?" Edward's voice was so broken.

"Son, we can deal with your brokenness and self-loathing later, I need you to focus right the fuck now on helping to help Leah. I need details. Did you use protection?"

"No."

"Shit. Okay, so venom is already absorbing into her system vaginally. Damn it. What else? What other exposure?"

"She swallowed my... when she… " Edward's voice faltered again. "And the bite."

"Was there any other exposure to your venom?"

"She tried to mark me as well. She bit me repeatedly."

"Fucking hell, Edward! Why didn't you just set up an IV? I have no frame of reference for this! I am going to have to call Billy Black, and Old Quil. And you had better hope to God that they don't consider this a breach of treaty, or relations. "

I could feel the tension crackling in the atmosphere. Carlisle sounded irate, and Edward sounded like a man in mourning. I was desperate to reach out and break it. I was conscious, but still unable to move. It worried me that Edward didn't seem to be able to hear my mind. I tried to reach out to him purposefully.

Edward! Baby, Hear. Me. Listen to me. Please!

I felt his grip tighten on my hand.

"What is it Edward?"

"I heard her. She's conscious!" Edward's voice was bathed in relief. "Leah, baby! What do you feel? What's going on? Can you hear us?"

Yes, Edward. I hear you. I hear and feel everything, but my body won't respond to me. I'm frightened, and I'm starting to feel cold.

"She says she can hear and feel, but not move. And she's cold." I felt Edward's lips against my forehead and the back of my hand that he was holding. "I'm so sorry for putting you through this. I'm so fucking sorry! We will figure this out, I promise!"

Don't start going all Emo on me. I wanted it too. We are in this together, remember?

"Yes, together… we'll get through this together."

"Leah, it's Carlisle. Can you hear me?"

Yes, I know who you are. I'm physically incapacitated, not a mental cripple.

"She knows it's you." Edward translated.

Yeah, edit for me Vampire Boy. That was funny and you know it. Puritanical indeed. Get over this guilty bull shit Edward. It isn't helping anyone. We both screwed up. We move forward, got it?

"But baby, I am so scared. What if our screw up ends you? You have to fight, Leah. I need you to fight, damnit!"

I am fighting, Edward. I have no intention of dying. Now, I have some questions for Carlisle. Ready to translate?

"Yes, of course. Carlisle? Leah wants me to speak for her, she has some questions."

"As do I."

Ask him why he is concerned about me biting you? I mean, we tear vampires apart with our teeth. It's what we do.

"She wants to know why you are concerned about her biting me. Werewolves tear vampires apart with their teeth all of the time."

"That is true, Leah. My concern is that when you do, you are in wolf form. There may be a difference in how the wolf metabolizes the venom, and how your human self metabolizes it. Tell me, are there stories in your histories about what happens to wolves bitten by vampires?"

We only know of two. Both died of suffocation, or at least that is how it appeared. If I weren't intubated right now, I would be dead, wouldn't I?

"There are two that they know of, and both died from what appeared to be suffocation."

You didn't ask or answer my question, Edward.

Edward sighed heavily, and touched my face. "She wants to know if she would have died if you had not intubated her when you did."

"Well, her pulse oxygen levels were down to eighty-two. We tend to freak out when they dip below ninety-seven, so yeah. It wasn't good. Right now you are just at ninety-seven. I am going to turn up the oxygen saturation right now."

So, why would venom cause us to suffocate?

"She wants to know why venom causes suffocation for them."

"Well, judging by the reaction I saw in your throat, and the swelling of your tongue, I am willing to bet that this is anaphylaxis. I am going to administer epinephrine, and see if the swelling goes down." I heard a flurry of activity in the room.

"Edward, I am going to inject the dose directly into the spinal fluid. It speeds into the system for severe cases. Help to hold her head in alignment. Alice, I need you to monitor her oxygen saturation levels, and help me to turn her to her side. Esme, help hold her steady while I prepare the site, and give her injection."

Suddenly I was being braced by several pair of hard hands and turned onto my side. It felt like I was being held in a large cold vice. I felt it when my spine was rubbed down with liquid. It didn't smell like alcohol, so assumed it was betadine, or something like it.

"Leah, the first pinch you feel will be an anaesthetic. After that sets for a moment, and numbs the injection site, there'll be another shot. I won't lie to you, sweetie. The main injection will hurt, because the needle has to be pushed between the bones, and I cannot numb them, and the force of the medicine being injected into your spinal fluid builds pressure in your body. It can burn going in, and possibly cause a severe headache."

I understand. Let's just do this and get it over with.

"She understands, and just wants to get it done."

"Okay, little pinch."

He was right, it was a little pinch - not much worse than getting bitten by a mosquito. While we waited for the anaesthetic to take effect, Edward pressed his lips to my forehead, and whispered sweet assurances to me.

"This will be over soon, baby. We have a dinner to get to."

"Okay, Leah? Big pinch this time." Carlisle warned me. I felt an intense pressure in the small of my back, followed by a stabbing heat. There wasn't much pain, but it was uncomfortable. "And now I am going to administer the dose. This will be the most painful part." He was right again. The pain and heat that shot through my spine would have been debilitating had I not already been incapacitated.

Holy Shit! Motherfucking cocksucker! Fuuuck! Sonofabitchthatfuckinghurts.

"Carlisle, how long does the burn of the medicine last in the spine?" Edward pleaded.

"It varies from person to person. Sometimes it lasts just moments, but sometimes several minutes. I'm so sorry, Leah."

It burns so bad, Edward. It feels like my spine is on fire. I can't handle it. I can't…

In that moment, my mind seemed to freeze. I could process everything around me, but I couldn't think coherent thoughts. I felt fire licking at my spine, and spreading slowly throughout my system. Pain was all I could feel. It enveloped me, swallowed me whole. I could feel the medication as it entered my blood stream, like lava coursing through my veins. The lava made it to my heart after what seemed like an eternity. When it hit my heart, it seemed to splinter, fragmenting into millions of tiny needles, each containing the heat of a thousand suns, and prickling throughout every fiber, each and every cell of my being.

"Carlisle, I still can't hear her! The last thing she told me was that her spine felt like it was on fire. Is she changing? What the hell is happening to her?"

"Son, I am not sure. I can only hypothesize! This set of circumstances has never occurred before. "

"Alice, what are her O2 levels doing?" Edward demanded.

"They are up to ninety-nine, and holding steady."

"Carlisle, could the epinephrine be reacting badly with the venom?"

"Again, son… I DON'T KNOW! Give it another minute, if there is no response, I will start her on corticosteroids. They are also used in cases of severe allergic reactions."

"Carlisle, she's sweating. It's pouring out of her!" Alice gasped.

"I just noticed that too… and her heart just started pounding. She's not turning, she is suffering common side effects from the epinephrine." Carlisle began to bark orders, "ESME! Get me more syringes, a vial of cortisone, and my Tegaderm IV kit! ROSALIE! Head over to the hospital, go to the pharmacy and pick up my order at the window." Then he was dialing the pharmacy, and ordering a bag of cortisone drip for an IV, instructing them that she would be picking it up in a few minutes.

All of this registered in my understanding, but no words of response would form in my psyche. I vaguely realized as I was rolled flat onto my back, and a tourniquet was placed around my arm. I felt the stab of the IV needle, and the sensation of another liquid being forced into my vein. I kept trying to recoil from the pain. At least the fire was not building anymore, there was no increase in the pain. It was holding firm, the flames licking at my nerve endings throughout my body, searing me from the inside out.

Rosalie burst through the door, running into the room. "I have it."

I heard movement, and felt gentle tugging on the IV lines. Within moments, more liquid was seeping into my bloodstream. After another small eternity, I noticed the fire receding from my extremities. The needles and prickling disappeared. Ever so slowly, as the new medication worked its way through my system, the fire retreated until it was nothing more than a warm compress inside of my spine. My relief was manifest.

"Leah, can you hear me?" Edward began talking to me. "Leah, I know the pain has stopped. Baby, please you gotta talk to me." He sounded so broken. It penetrated my mind, and I felt my heart break for him, but the words refused to form.

"Leah, you promised me to fight, so fight! Where are you? You have to be in there. Talk. To. Me."

My inability to communicate was irritating me. I was having fragmented thoughts, but I couldn't push them into the field of my conscious mind. I felt like I was locked up, being held a prisoner within my own head. I began to focus all of my energy on pushing at the ethereal walls of said prison, looking for a place of weakness to slip out of. It seemed that each time I pushed, they would give, and it felt like I was making headway, but I realized each time that the "wall" gave, it simply expanded. Before long, I found that my memories and thoughts were clear, but somehow I still felt restrained, as if I could not break free from some unseen cell. My head, my mind felt right (aside from feeling trapped within itself), but my body was still unresponsive.

"Edward, I think I am going to take out the breathing tube. She's been breathing fine on her own for the last hour, and the swelling has gone down." I heard Carlisle saying.

"Okay. If she is progressing so much, and the allergic reaction seems to have cleared up, then why isn't she coming to consciousness?" I felt the tube being removed from my throat, and I felt myself drawing air into my lungs. It felt like my throat had been scoured with steel wool. Each intake of air was like pouring lemon juice on a paper cut.

"How long has she been unconscious now?" Rose was asking.

"Two hours and forty-seven minutes." Edward said quietly.

I was listening to everyone speak, and I was screaming inside my head for Edward to hear me. I was beginning to panic over the fact that he could not. It was our first connection; this strange telepathic sharing of minds. I needed him to hear me. I needed to feel connected to him again.

I heard the beeping of the telemetry monitor, as my heart rate rang out in digital sound. It was picking up speed with my increasing internal crisis. I felt my breathing hitch, and accelerate as my heart rate soared. Mentally, I was pushing against the "walls" of my mind again. Scratch that, I was raging against them. Body slamming them. Clawing, biting, kicking and screaming… all against a barrier that I could feel, but not adequately define.

"Carlisle, what is going on with her heart rate? And she's hyperventilating!" Edward's voice was frantic.

"I don't know. You are asking questions that I am asking myself! None of this makes sense from a normal medical standpoint… but Leah is not a normal medical case!"

Edward's hands were on either side of my head, and he was yelling at me. I could hear every word, and my mind was yelling back at him in response, but I could not break free for him to hear me. I grew so agitated, so angry at my inability to communicate with the man I loved, that I began to scream.

It was an internal, mental scream. It felt like my synapses were firing all at once under the sheer magnitude of the force of that internal shriek. I felt like I was vibrating from my mind outwardly. The vibration began to manifest physically in my fingertips. I could feel them begin to tremble, and I focused on them. I stopped screaming, and focused on my fingertips, willing them to move again, but I could not find the connection to them, it seemed that just as my mind had disconnected with Edward, it also had disconnected from my body. It occurred to me what was going on. I didn't know how to undo what I had done, but I figured it out.

While experiencing the intense, wracking pain cause by the epinephrine, I had escaped into my mind, locking my consciousness safely away in my carefully constructed "safe" of memories. When the steroids counteracted the effects of the epinephrine, I should have awoken, but my consciousness was trapped inside of my brain, locked behind the invisible wall that I erected for self preservation.

I remembered watching an episode of House M.D., where Mos Def plays a man injured in a bicycle accident who ends up paralyzed, yet conscious. That is what was going on here, I was absolutely certain. I just needed to figure out how it was that I made the connection to my fingertips.

"If she weren't unconscious, I would say that her sudden spike in blood pressure and heart rate, in conjunction with the increased respirations resembled a panic attack." Carlisle's voice sounded thoughtful.

That wasn't news to me. I knew I was in the middle of a panic attack. I felt like I was on the verge of another as I considered the possibility that I might forever remain locked inside my own head, unable to move or communicate.

"Do you have access to an EEG at the hospital? I mean, maybe something changed in her brain between the venom and the medications, and I just can't hear her. Maybe she IS having a panic attack." Edward asked.

"I guess checking out her level of brain activity would be a good idea. Let's get her into the car, and take her to the hospital. The EEG is not something I can take off the premises. We'll go in through the employee entrance in the office wing. I doubt anyone will be there at this time of evening."

Edward had me cradled in his arms and carried me to a car quickly. He must have sat us in the rear seat, because he held me the entire way to the hospital. He whispered into my ear, and gently kissed me throughout the trip.

"Baby, I have this feeling you can hear me. I know you are in there. Hear my voice, and stay strong." He kissed my forehead. "Somehow this is going to work out. We'll find a way." Kissed my nose. "I need you. Come back to me." Kissed my cheek. "Feel me. Feel my arms, hear my voice, and feel my love." Kissed my lips. "I love you."

For a moment, I allowed myself to bask in the tenderness and love that he was showering on me. His declaration of love was so genuine. I could hear the sincerity of his voice. I could feel love radiating from him. It surrounded and enveloped us. I wished yet again that he could hear me.

I love you! I love you so much, Edward. Hear me, please. Feel me. Feel my love.

I felt Edward's arms flex around me, pulling me more tightly to his chest. He buried his nose in my neck, and breathed deeply.

"I feel you, baby. I feel our connection. Why can't I hear you?" his voice was so tender, and so sad. I knew then that our connection was not severed, I could feel everything he was feeling, and I could hear everything he was saying before he opened his mouth. It was all there. He was a part of me now. It was like I could feel him inside of me.

Hello epiphany! I could feel him inside of me! Of course I could feel him inside of me. This was a result of his venom. It wasn't just me locking myself into the "vault" inside of my head, his venom was coursing through my body, absorbed through my tissues. Something inside of me was changing, it had to be. I began to seek out that feeling of connectedness, that bond that had made us into one person.

"We're here, Leah. Carlisle is going to run more tests." Edward reassured me as he carried me gently into the office. Carlisle had called ahead and spoken to one of the nurses that he trusted, and asked her to set everything up for him. They began to hook me up to the machine, placing sticky dots all over my head.

As I took all of this in, I was still able to focus on the venom connecting me to Edward, and feeling it as it crept through my system. I could feel him throughout my pelvis and abdomen, creeping into my legs. I felt him spread outward from my stomach, radiating into my chest, and seeping further into my head, and arms. It occurred to me that as I felt him spreading through my system, I was not cold anymore. The air around me began to feel increasingly warm. I was feeling comfortably toasty from the inside out.

"There is definite brain activity. It's incredible, look at this, Edward! The high levels of activity across the board are astounding! It appears that she is using far more of her brain than the average human." Carlisle's voice seemed to grow in excitement as he expounded. "Look at her Gamma and Beta wavelengths. She is most definitely alert, and concentrating hard on something. The odd part is that her Delta and Theta waves show just as much activity! It's like she is dreaming while she is actively thinking. This is fascinating!"

"So, her whole brain is active?" Edward sounded both puzzled and excited.

I listened and followed the conversation. It made sense. My mind seemed to be capable of keeping track of everything that was going on all at once. My focus was clear on the ever growing feeling of association with Edward, the increasing panic that I would not be able to break out of this mental prison, while feeling incredibly emotional over the declarations of love between Edward and myself. There was room in my mind to listen to the hum of the lights in the room, and the scratching of the needles against the paper on the EEG machine.

"Edward, I think I want to look into her medical history. Do you think she would mind if I looked into her charts to compare them to what I am seeing now? You know her better than any of us. Would she see it as a violation of her privacy?"

"I'm not sure, but if you think it will help shed some light, then I am willing to go out on a limb. I say go for it."

I heard the door to the room open, and more than one set of feet leaving the room. When the door shut behind them, the room fell quiet. I listened to the voices of Edward's family in the hallway as they plotted to hack into my files to find out what kind of information was contained in them, and if they might be helpful. They planned to split up afterwards, and break and enter into the various doctor's offices that might contain enlightening material, make copies, then bring them back here for Carlisle to compile a comprehensive picture of my health before today's events.

Edward picked me up again, and held me in his strong arms. He rocked me gently back and forth, humming the beautiful aria that I had heard him hum once before. I wanted so much to just regain control over my body. The more connected I felt to Edward, the more connected I found that I wanted to be. The timing was horrendous, but I found that I wanted to connect with him physically again. I wanted hold him tight against me, skin against skin.

How sick was that? Here I was, completely unable to move, or communicate with the man I loved, and all I wanted was to make love to him again? Maybe, (I told myself) it was because he was holding me in his arms, and humming to me while a corner of my mind was still tracking the venom as it moved inside of my body. Right now, it seemed to be concentrated in my pelvic region. There was an odd tickling sensation there. It felt like a slightly less painful version of the "pins and needles" that you feel in your feet when you sit on them for too long. I made a mental note to mention this to Carlisle… that is of course, if I were ever able to communicate again.

I struggled against the barrier again. Fighting to get out. I was so overcome emotionally that I could feel my heart rate escalating again, and of course the hyperventilation resumed. I was sobbing inside, and I felt like I was about to crack under the intense desire to be free.

"You're crying?" Edward croaked, wiping tears off of my face.

The desperation increased within me at a remarkable rate until my breathing began to heave, and sobs broke free from my throat. I was sick and tired of all of the crying that I had been doing over the last few days, but this? This felt like freedom! The more I allowed myself to feel, the more I allowed myself to mourn for all of the loss that I felt in that moment, the more my body responded. I thought about my father's death. I thought about the fact that he might not even have been my father to begin with. I allowed myself to remember the night I was raped in detail. I brought to mind every sad occurrence I could muster, and forced it all to the surface.

I found that I was sobbing hysterically. I was physically bawling. As Edward pulled me tightly to his chest, my arms somehow found their way around him, and I curled myself into him, clinging to the back of his shirt.

"Leah, it's okay. You're going to be okay! Open your eyes" Edward whispered, kissing my temple.

Through all of the pain that I allowed myself to feel and purge in those moments, I suddenly felt hope. It started in the simple reminder of Edward's love for me. As he spoke to me, pleading with me to wake up and come back to him, I felt my heart expand inside of me. Maybe not literally, but I felt it all the same. I was loved. Edward loved me, and had staked a claim to me. I knew that vampires only ever mated with one person. I knew that the bonds that had been forged between us over the last couple of days were unbreakable. I was his, and he was mine.

Great, now I was crying because I was so happy! Suddenly, I felt a shift take place inside of my mind. It was like something had settled into place. I didn't know how else to explain it, but I definitely experienced something. After all of the struggling. After all of the screaming, and fighting to get free? Freedom came through mourning my losses, and accepting that I didn't ever have to feel the weight of them again.

"Oh, Edward!" I exclaimed. "I can move!"

Edward began to laugh. It was a sound of relief, and sheer delight. I drew my head back, and smiled at him through the tears.

"Don't ever scare me like that again. Ever."

"Never." I promised, and then I kissed him deeply, and clung to him with all of my might.

~UUaAP~

Reviews are welcome and wanted!

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Time for a couple of Rec's... If you have not already, please take time to read:

Laid Bare by Brits23... Summary-Desperate to taste-unable to deny. A defective vampire-a deceptive human girl. Monster and man discovers primal urges he never knew existed. Can it ever be enough? To drink her is completion, to touch her is , ExB OOC,Canon pairs. Rated M

You Can't Hide Forever by MrsK81... Summary-Bella has been running for six years, always hiding away but when she meets Edward Cullen that isn't an option anymore. Does she risk everything for him or can she walk away? AH and with a bit of everything romance, humor, angst and suspense. Rated M

My Shiny Freak by prettyflour... Summary- Bella with some backbone. A cynical smart ass who attracts the attention of the local brooding vampire, Edward Cullen. AU/OOC. Rated M for strong snark and lemons galore. Nominated for three Tomato Soup Awards! (I laughed my arse off through this whole story. Her sense of humor is fabulous!)