Changed the story summary. No real reason why, just the wording has been bugging me. Seemed to comical for a story based around the horror of a sexual predators mentality, other boring things like forbidden fruits, and generic corruption.
Sorry for the slow down. I have college finals these next few weeks or so. Ill probably post daily again during summer vacation. It would probably be better for me to write long chapters, but I don't like to do that. Long chapters require filler. I am to lazy to write filler even if it makes a story more coherent. I wont finish the story if each chapter is like 500000 words long.
ALSO, I never thanked my readers and reviewers. You guys, I really did not expect anyone to read this let alone like it. I mean, orihime is really, really, really intentionally out of character. So, thumbs up. So for the sake of sanity ill thank you guys here, in a weird italicized authors note.
Thanks.
Song of the day is 'Girl Loves Me' by David Bowie
Chapter 11: Games
There are no mirrors here. Isn't that weird? I cant even look at myself. I can't check my hair. I can't see if my lack of sleep is affecting my looks. These things never really mattered to me though. It is just that I want to look at my eyes. I want to see myself. I want to see if I am still me.
Something is different. Usually I reprimand myself for my inner thoughts, lately though they have become a comfort.
Who am I?
I have decided to ignore that question for my own sanity. I just wont think about it anymore.
Ulquiorra replaced my door. He does not lock it anymore. He comes every morning and every night. We talk, if you can consider what we have conversations. Then after he decides he is wasting his time with me and takes off I leave to spend my time wondering the halls.
He should be coming in soon. He is a punctual person.
You see, there is no sense of time here. Not really. I can not tell you what hour of the day it is; or if it is really day. But after a while you get used to a certain way of things. Somehow, Ulqiorra has become my schedule. He is kind of like an internalized clock.
I can in a way feel when he is coming, and that lets me know the time. I wonder what we will talk about today? My heart? His heart? My friends? How I am to be used? How I am useless?
I am tired of it. Everything he says ends in insults. The worst thing though, is probably his curiosity. He has feelings, so real I can almost taste them. They are thick, buried underneath the lifestyle he lives. He knows they are there. He is just begging for someone to prove he is real. I do not know if I want to be the one who does it.
I cant stand him.
Because I do not want to be his friend. I do not want to see him as a person.
I do not want to see anyone as a person anymore.
Who am I?
I do not want to see myself as a person anymore. I do not need to ask myself that question anymore. I need to stop it.
Its to hard.
I hear my door open and he comes in with a plate of food. It is random chopped fruits and vegetables piled up and segregated.
Our eyes meet briefly as we acknowledge each other. No words are exchanged. It wont last, the silence between us never does. It is almost like a challenge
Eventually one of us breaks.
Before that, I think I am going to try something. I always come to him. I wonder - I wonder if I can get him to come to me?
Can I do that? Can I make him do something? Oh, that would be...
The air is now tense, I bet he is expecting me to get up. I know he could feel it even if he appears the same. There is a harshness to his eyes, a type of knowledge he gained from his recent experiences with me. I bet he is expecting me to act rashly.
No, unfortunately for Ulquiorra, I have learned my lesson.
I am going to try different things now. Lets see...
Maybe Ill take a page out of Grimmjows book?
The person who thinks of himself as a king.
I look at Ulqiorra. I think I am viewing him like I own him? You know, I want to try the mentality of owning the world. It helps with confidence.
Then it hits me.
Confidence?
Is that what I lacked?
Confidence.
I see. If I think I rule him then I do. Who is he to tell me otherwise?
"Ulquiorra." I say this with finality, I can feel it. I can see it. His attention. The air is electric. There is power in knowing someones name. Why havent I ever noticed that.
I guess that means I lost the quiet game. Whatever.
To bad the only reaction I get is a blank stare. At least blink...
I hold a hand out. If I think he will come for it then he will right?
He doesn't even glance at my hand. His eyes never leaving my own.
We continue this strange stalemate.
This is exhausting. But I wont let him win. Not this time.
"Ulquiorra, come here."
I swear I saw him twitch. It was just a little.
What would Grimmjow do after this?
Oh, he would mock him.
"Are you afraid of me Ulquiorra?"
And now he is moving. Its really working? I am thrilled. He is coming to me. Seriously?
Each step he takes makes a soft 'click' on the floor as he moves. They fill me with... he is right in front of me. I really made him move... That's just...
He slowly leans in close and examines me. Is he breathing? Does he ever breathe?
Am I breathing?
"I know what you're doing."
He says this in such an empty way, it felt condescending. Words really have power. I suddenly feel angry.
He then backs away and leaves me without a second glance. When the door closes behind him I realize that I lost.
I pick up my food tray and aggressively throw it at the door; bits of food fly everywhere as the tray hits it with a loud metallic 'clank'
