AN... FINALLY! I am so sorry for the delay folks!
I DID post this, then pulled it, and re-wrote the majority of it,
and it is now nearly double it's original length. I hope you all
consider it worth the wait!
A HUGE THANK YOU to my pre-rewader Prettyflour for proofing
this monster twice! You rock, love!
WARNING! Huge Lemon ahead... my most graphic thus far,
(and Prettyfloour seems to think it's my hottest! ;) SO, if you
are easily offended by sexual content, you may want to skip
through the middle portion. Just Sayin'!
~~..*..~~
Chapter 31
Hungering for More
Bella POV
Leah and Edward wanted to get back to her mother, and Seth. The rest of us went to my house to see Alice and Esme. It was such a relief to be home. It had only been a little more than twenty-four hours, but it felt like an eternity since Red-eyes came and carried me away. It was a welcome sight to see my second mother, and chosen sister waiting on the stoop for out arrival.
Alice ran to me, and wrapped her arms and legs around me, which was an uncharacteristically exuberant greeting. I found that with my new height, and somewhat stronger body, she didn't seem so unyielding or frigid. I laughed at her display, and when I sat her onto the ground, I was amazed by how tiny she truly seemed. I had always found her to be spritely, but now instead of an inch or two, she was nearly five inches shorter than I. What a difference a day makes.
"I'm so glad you're safe." She breathed out at last. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry."
"There's nothing for you to be sorry for! You didn't do anything wrong." I pulled her back into a tight embrace, willing her to feel the truth, that I harbored no ill feelings or blame.
"But if I hadn't…"
"STOP... Enough! I will not have my bubbly Alice turning all Edward on me. Emo does not suit you very well, got it?"
"But you don't under.." I put my hand over her mouth.
"Mary Alice Brandon Whitlock Cullen!" My voice was loud and firm. Everyone witnessing the exchange began to giggle. "If you do not cease in this pathetic display of apologetic nonsense, I will not allow you to take me shopping for my much needed new wardrobe." Her eyes grew round as saucers, and I felt her lips turn upwards against my hand, which I promptly withdrew.
"Really?"She squeaked, beginning to bounce.
"Yes, really!" I assured her. "There are conditions!" I saw her eyes cloud over in a momentary vision.
"Yes, I know, more denim than silk. There will be t-shirts and sweats, and you have final say over every item. But… skirts, and dresses, and heels? Really?" I saw excitement flashing in her beautiful saffron eyes.
"Heels? I'm going to let you buy me heels?"
"You don't realize how very sure-footed, and graceful you've become. By the time we go shopping, you will have seen it for yourself. It isn't just when you're the wolf either, you know!"
Esme approached me, and wrapped her arms tightly around me. She rocked me from side to side, and pressed her hand against the back of my head before running it down the length of my hair in a simple, and loving motherly gesture that brought tears to my eyes.
"I was so worried. I thought we'd lost you. I haven't felt such grief since... " She whispered.
"I'm okay, Esme. I'm sorry you were worried." I leaned fully into her embrace, and hugged her back with all of my strength.
"I love you, Bella. You are my daughter, and that will never change." There was a quiet ferocity to her voice.
"You're right. It won't. I don't ever plan to stop phasing. I want to live forever with my family." I assured her.
"Give it a hundred years. You might find that growing old will become a welcome idea." Carlisle chimed in, as he extricated his wife from my arms to wrap her into a tender embrace of his own.
Alice and Jasper were standing off to the side, wrapped in their own little bubble of greeting and adoration. I knew that their separation, even for the short time he was gone had been difficult for them. My eyes sought out Emmett and Rosalie. He was leaned against the car, and she was leaning against him, the back of her head rested against his chest, and his chin against the top of her head, while his arms engulfed her. They were watching the rest of us, seemingly enjoying the tranquility of our happy reunion.
"Well, then. Bella, Jacob." Carlisle extended his hand towards us, and Jake grasped it tightly.
"Thank you, Carlisle. For everything." He said sincerely. "Thank you all for helping to bring her home to me."
"She's special, this one." Carlisle looked Jacob deeply in the eyes. "Treat her like the special woman that she is." His voice took on a distinctly fatherly tone. I began to laugh, and Carlisle smiled in my direction. "Your man loves you. Never doubt it."
"I don't." I beamed. "I won't!"
"You should go in and get some rest, Bella. You have had quite the ordeal, and I am sure your body needs the rest." Carlisle slipped from father mode to doctor in the span of a heartbeat.
"I'm not tired." I told him honestly.
"Well, you should at least try to rest. Doctor's orders."
"Okay, Carlisle. Okay, I'll try." I promised. Jake and I watched them leave, and walked into the house, his arm wrapped securely around my waist.
I was feeling very hungry… ravenous really. I went into the kitchen to find something to eat. When I looked into the refrigerator, scanning its contents, I spied a family sized package of steak that needed to be separated into smaller portions and frozen. I decided I would cook some up now. When I cut open the air-tight plastic, a curious compulsion overwhelmed me. The scent of the raw meat assailed me, and before it registered to me what I was doing, I found that I was greedily tearing into a piece of raw steak. Nothing had ever tasted so good. I was working on my third or fourth bite before I comprehended the reality of the situation.
A part of me was disgusted at the thought of what I was consuming. Another part of me could not have cared less. I looked over to Jake who was staring at me, mouth agape, with eyes as wide a dinner plates. I cringed, and my face crumpled in apology, but before I could stop myself, I began to lick the blood dripping down my fingers.
In a frenzy I grabbed the package off of the counter, and tipped it up, drinking the blood that lay in a pool at the bottom of the foam tray. Then I began to squeeze the piece of steak that I still had clutched in my hand, trying to milk it for the liquid that I suddenly craved.
"Oh, God! You're not.. you can't be!" Jake screamed out as he fell to his knees at my feet, and wrapped his arms around my waist. He sobbed brokenly and I dropped the package to clutch him to myself. I had never been so torn in two. On the one hand, this intense craving for blood was all encompassing, crushing me beneath the weight of desire. On the other was my love for Jacob, and my need to assure him that I was alright… of course, that would have been easier to do if I was able to assure myself first.
"Jake, I'm… I'm okay, really. I just… I think I might need to hunt."
"That fucking bastard changed you, Bella!" his grasp tightened around me.
"Yes, he did. His venom triggered a change in my body, and now I am something… other. I'm not a vampire, Jake. I'm a shape-shifting hybrid freak, and if you want to leave me, I understand." Tears filled my eyes as I choked out the last few words.
"Bella, no!" Jake stood, and cupped my face in his hands. "Never! I'm just furious over what happened to you… all of the changes. All of the pain you went through. I've been dying to ask, but terrified to know…" he searched my eyes. "Did he rape you?"
"No, yes…no." I stammered. "He forced me to…." I closed my eyes; I could not look at him when I said the words. "He was jerking himself off, and he… he shoved it in my mouth right before he came. He made me swallow it." Jacob pulled me into his arms, and held me tightly to his chest as I sobbed.
"I'm so sorry, baby." He whispered softly, rocking us from side to side. "I'm so sorry that you had to go through such horror. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, that we didn't find you in time." I pressed myself more deeply into his arms, and snuggled myself against his warmth. He reminded me in that moment why I had thought of him as my own personal sun. He was everything bright and beautiful and warm. As he held me, and showered me with his unconditional love and support, I could feel the anguish I had been holding inside dissipate.
"Jacob, you were right where you needed to be. It was me that was out of line. I threw a temper tantrum, and I ran off by myself. It cost me, but I can't bring myself to regret it. We have a forever together, Jake." I assured him.
Jacob pulled back far enough to rest his forehead against my own, and stared deeply into my eyes. We stood like that for a little while, until he seemed satisfied with whatever he read there and then he kissed me. It was a gentle, tender kiss that grew and flourished. Soon, he was devouring my mouth, our tongues danced and caressed against each others. I found that my hunger for raw meat and blood was replaced quickly with a passion for Jacob.
I was scooped up, and taken to my room where he threw me onto the bed. He began to unbutton Edward's shirt I was still wearing. He placed kisses over every exposed inch of skin as he slowly unwrapped me like I was a gift. He lavished me with his love through his kisses, and touches, and words. When I lay naked, bare before him, he stood, and unabashedly drank in the sight of me. I could feel the blush creeping under my skin as I looked at the intensity of the desire that filled his eyes. Jacob began to undress himself, never looking away from me.
"So beautiful." He whispered as he lowered himself to the bed. He covered me with his body, resting himself between my legs, with his erection placed firmly against my slit. He held the majority of his weight off of me, propping himself up on his elbows as he leaned down to kiss me. I rolled my hips against his, reveling in the feeling as his hot shaft slid against my wetness. He groaned at the sensation.
"So wet for me," he said against my lips. I grunted softly in response as he flexed his hips, sliding against me again, and spreading my wetness over my sex. The silky feeling of his rigid cock against my clit was amazing, and I bucked beneath him.
"Condom, Jake. We don't have any!" I felt the need to remind him of my father's warning.
"I don't care. I need you. I don't want that barrier between us. We'll deal with whatever comes our way." He kissed me passionately. "I'll cross whatever bridge we come to, so long as you're with me."
He continued to kiss me as he found a rhythm, sliding himself through my slick folds, and palming my breasts. I broke apart from his kiss in order to breathe, and shuddered at the pleasure that he was bringing me.
"Please, Jacob. More… I need to feel you inside of me." I pleaded with him. He pulled back his hips, and aligned himself at my entrance, then paused. He waited until we had direct eye contact before he pushed his way inside of me. We groaned loudly together as he filled me. The feeling was accompanied by a strange yearning from within me. I suddenly could not get enough of his skin. I felt like I could not move or breathe if he didn't kiss me, I needed to feel all of his weight on me as he was moving inside of me.
I wrapped my legs around him, locking my ankles together against his bottom, drawing him even more deeply inside of me as the angle of my hips changed. I wrapped my arms around his back, and lifted my hands to his shoulders, pulling him tightly against me. It was like I couldn't get close enough. I urged him to move faster, thrust harder and more deeply.
"Baby, you feel so good… ungh… so tight." Jacob gasped as he obliged, grasping my hips, and slamming our hips together, grinding against me with his pelvis with every thrust. It was a delicious explosion of sensation; the feeling of being stretched as he filled me, the heat and weight of his body pressed against me… everywhere, and the way that his pelvis ground against my clit with every thrust. I could feel my orgasm coiling within me, and I tried to hold it at bay, not wanting to lose this closeness… this feeling of being one complete being.
"Oh, my God! Jacob… so good! Ahhh." I cried out as pleasure erupted throughout my system, sending me into virtual convulsions, and my eyes rolled back into my head. I was electrified with sensation, and I clung tightly to Jacob as he continued to pound deep into my core.
"Bella… so… good… uh… soo…so good.." he grunted with every thrust. He leaned down, and sucked a nipple into his mouth, flicking it with his tongue, re-awakening my desire, and filling me with hunger for more. Jacob reached down, and pushed back against my right knee, drawing it upwards beside my torso, allowing him a deeper angle of thrust. He looked down to where we were joined, and watched as his shaft pumped into me.
"So beautiful, Bella. Look at it, watch me fill you."
I looked down and watched with him as his cock filled me over and over. He was right; it was beautiful to watch as our bodies joined. I reached down with my left hand, and began to press against my clit, rubbing circles into my tender skin. I let my hand dip lower, and spread my fingers, so that I could feel what I was seeing; as his cock slid between my fingers where we were joined. Jacob watched, and his eyes widened momentarily before clouding with lust.
"Fuck, baby. That's so hot." He moaned loudly, before he began to piston into me at an even faster rate, grunting and shuddering with every thrust. I felt the coil begin to tighten again, and I began to clench around his shaft as my orgasm slowly overtook me. I had the sudden, overwhelming urge to sink my teeth into him, and I could not shake it. I kissed him along the base of his neck and over towards his collar bone. I bit into him, and felt his blood trickle into my mouth. The pleasurable sensation of his blood against my tongue was unfathomable. I felt Jacob kissing along my collar bone as well, sucking and nipping against the skin there. My pleasure built and grew, sending me into a spasmodic, shuddering spiral before crashing over me, and consuming me in a tidal wave of bliss. I barely registered as Jacob came with me over the edge, screaming my name.
~.~
I awoke forty-five minutes later, wrapped tightly in Jacob's arms. I was a sticky mess, and my whole room reeked of sex. I could not control the satisfied giggle that erupted from my throat. I looked at Jacob, and traced the edges of his jaw and the outline of his lips with my fingertips. I marveled again at his breathtaking beauty, and thought back over the last ninety minutes or so, replaying our love in my minds' eye.
I was somewhat shocked with myself, and slightly ashamed that I had not argued with Jake about contraception. It was irresponsible, and if I was honest with myself; downright insane to have unprotected sex. I thought back to my reasoning in that moment, and realized that something had happened inside of me when we started kissing. It was a different connection that sprang up. I knew before today that I loved Jacob with my whole being. He already owned all of my heart, that much was certain. I could not begin to put into words, even those that were merely thoughts what had transpired between us just now.
I felt tied to him in a way that defied explanation. Jacob was more than just my other half. There was more than mere completion to what I was experiencing. The mere idea of being separated from him suddenly caused my very soul pain. I tried to remember how it felt when I "loved" Edward, and it did something strange to my system. It almost made me nauseas – the very idea of loving or belonging to anyone other than Jacob. I was consumed by a sudden and irrational feeling of guilt over the fact that I had kissed Edward. That I had allowed anyone room in my heart of hearts except for the lovely man currently lying fast asleep in my arms.
I walked into the bathroom, and started the shower, waiting for the water to heat up. It always took a few minutes for the hot water to reach upstairs. While I waited, I looked into the mirror, taking in the pallor of my skin. My irises were a strange color, like someone stirred dirt into red paint. They weren't exactly brown or red, but they were most certainly not a human's eye color. I wondered idly if it were because of the blood and flesh I had consumed earlier, or if they were already this color before that. My features seemed to me to be more prominently displayed on my face; sharper somehow, and more well defined. My face looked both older and younger at the same time. My skin was smoother, and my complexion clearer than it had ever been, but there was a maturity to my face that I had never noticed before. Nothing that I could put my finger on, but I saw it none the less.
My eyes fell to my neck and shoulders, and I paused. I noticed a feint mark along my collar bone, and I leaned in to take a closer look. There was a subtle outline there that looked vaguely like a bite mark. I wracked my mind, trying to remember being bitten there. I had been bitten up and down my arms, and had the ugly scars to prove it. They were all paler than the rest of my skin, slightly raised, hard, and cold to the touch. Noticing their texture and temperature drew my eyes back to the one on my collar bone. I ran my fingertip across it, noticing that it was not raised or hard at all. The skin there was actually soft, pink, and warm. For a moment, I puzzled, until it occurred to me that this was the very spot that Jacob had been sucking, and nipping at as we came together. I realized then that what had felt soft and tender was actually as violent and needy as my bite on Jacob's collar bone had been.
Worry set in momentarily. I thought back to what I learned about Leah's reaction to Edward biting her. I ran swiftly into the bedroom, and paused at the edge of the bed to listen to Jacob's breathing, and his heartbeat. It amazed me that I could hear it so clearly. It was strong and steady, and his breathing was deep and regular. I leaned down to look closely at the bite that I had inflicted. There was an obvious mark; pink and raised from the rest of his skin, but it was the same temperature as the rest of him. He didn't appear to be suffering any ill effects. A gust of air left me as I released the breath that I had been holding since I put two and two together. Relief was palpable as I returned to the bathroom to shower.
After I washed, I returned to my bedroom, and sat in my rocking chair. I watched Jacob's sleeping form, and marveled at the surreal situation that was my life. My thoughts, (which were many) were a whirlwind… a cacophony of epic proportions. I was thinking about my past relationship, my current relationship, the depth of my feelings, my sudden craving for blood and raw meat, the upcoming battle, and all of the changes that had taken place in my body over the last two days. It was giving me a headache.
I knew that I needed to speak with someone wise about all of this… someone who might have more answers than questions. I knew that when he discovered the changes in me, my father was going to have a short-term melt down, and a temper-tantrum would be nearly inevitable, and then there would be an inquisition. I hoped I could get some answers before I saw him.
I left Jacob to sleep while I slipped on a pair of pajama shorts and a tank top, and went to the kitchen. I knew that I was going to have to face my father soon, and that there was no time for me to learn how to hunt at this moment. With Edward and Leah at her mother's house already, there was no way that Charlie would not be expecting me soon.
I grabbed the package of steak from the refrigerator, and resumed eating the piece of raw meat that I had started to eat earlier. A part of my mind mulled over the fact that just yesterday, the scent of blood made me ill. Handling raw meat had always been a meager necessity of cooking. It was not one that I relished. I was always quick to rinse it off, and get it seasoned and cover the scent of blood that it exuded, especially beef and pork, and then I always had to wash my hands and the work surfaces quickly and thoroughly. Now, the scent of the steak in my hand was as welcoming as the scent of a freshly opened package of coffee grounds, or the inviting smell of fresh popcorn at a theater. It was a rich, earthy, heady scent that called to my taste buds.
As I bit into the meat and began to chew, the flavor exploded in my mouth. It was delectable, and unlike any flavor I had experienced before and therefore defied accurate description. It was sweet and salty; it was almost buttery, but it had an acidic tang that made my mouth water for more. I ate the whole piece of steak, and found that I was somewhat hungry for more, even though my stomach felt bloated. I figured it had to be thirst, so I reached for a glass, and filled it with water; knowing full-well that it would not fulfill the need I felt, but I had to try. I had to find out if I could even consume "normal" foods or liquids.
It surprised me that water had a taste. It was sweet like syrup… too sweet, and it set my stomach to twisting, but I continued to chug the glass down, reasoning that if any part of my physiology was still human, I would need to nourish it as well. To my surprise, the water stayed down, but it set in my stomach heavily, and it felt… sloshy. I shuddered, and reached for the phone, dialing the familiar number, and praying that he would pick up.
"Bella, this is a surprise, we just left you. What can I do for you?" Carlisle's voice comforted me immediately, and I felt certain that he would hold the answers to my questions.
"Carlisle, I'm so glad you picked up. I have some really…. I need…" I struggled, what did I need from him?
"Bella?"
"I need to ask you some questions, but I am not certain you will have answers." I stood silent as I tried to formulate a starting point. I knew that I would need to lead with the most pressing question, but I needed to figure out which that was. The fact that I was craving blood certainly seemed important, but the fact that water tasted like drinking light corn syrup was a mind trip in and of itself… and what of the depth of feelings that I was experiencing for Jacob. Even now, standing in the same house, with him asleep in a room over my head, I felt too far away from him.
"Bella, unless you ask them, neither of us will ever know." Carlisle's amused tone broke me out of my reverie.
"I am craving blood, and raw meat." I blurted out. There was a small sigh, and a pause on the other end of the line.
"The craving for blood is not surprising. I was wondering if this might occur. You already show many vampiric traits. You are also part wolf, and they eat raw meat in their wolf form. You are an amalgam of the two, so nothing is going to be cut and dry, Bella. The lines of your life and cravings are going to be blurred. I wish I had a better answer for you." Carlisle's voice was soft and full of sympathy.
"Water tastes sweet, like syrup." I informed him.
"Huh." Was his brilliant response.
"No insights?" I knew I sounded desperate.
"Maybe ask Jake? I don't know what to tell you there, sweetheart." I could practically hear him shrug.
"What does it feel like to mate?" I stammered, then blushed as I realized how that might sound. "I mean, emotionally! I don't mean.. that is… I mean, I know what if fells like to…" I kept digging the hole; chewing on my foot. I sighed, and tried to think of how to word my question. "What I want to ask is, how do you know that you are part of a mated pair? What does that feel like exactly?" I asked him slowly.
"Well, I know that for me… it feels like Esme is an extension of who I am. She's more than just my other half to complete me, she's… " he paused, apparently searching for words. "She is my heart, walking around in a body that is separate, but fully mine; if that makes any sense." I nodded into the receiver, listening intently. "When we are apart for any length of time, I feel an ache, like a phantom pain that amputees describe. I feel her missing, even when she is just across the room. I only feel complete when we are touching, and I only feel truly whole and fulfilled when we are intimate. Even then, sometimes it feels like I cannot be close enough. It feels like if I could crawl inside of her, and she inside of me, what we could become one complete being, and we would never have need for more."
"Exactly." I leaned my head against the upper cabinet, letting his words echo in my mind. They were exactly what I had been feeling when Jacob and I made love today. It was the most fulfilling experience of my life, and yet it had felt like I could not possibly have enough of him. "For a few moments… just hours ago, I had a minor panic attack. I had a thought of Jacob possibly imprinting on someone else. I don't think I have to worry about that anymore. He is my mate, in every way."
"You sound so very happy, Bella." Carlisle's voice held a smile.
"I am Carlisle, I truly am!"
"Esme and I are so happy for you. We both worried so much about the four of you when the imprint was made. It seems impossible that so much has happened in the last five days." There was a wistfulness in his tone. "So much change in so little time, but so far everything seems to be changing for the better. It makes me so happy to know that the family is just growing as it changes, both in number and closeness."
"Yeah. It's odd that the very thing that I thought would shatter my life has actually completed it!" I smiled broadly. "Carlisle, Jacob is waking up, and we have to get going to Sue's house. Thank you so much for your time. I appreciate you."
"Thank you, Bella. I appreciate you too… daughter." Carlisle's voice was so quiet at the end of his sentence that I almost didn't hear him whisper the word – daughter. I hung up the phone in time to hear Jacob climbing into the shower, and cleaned up the kitchen, placing all of the meat back into the refrigerator. I knew that I would have to learn to hunt soon, but for now, and until after the battle that would happen the day after tomorrow, this would have to suffice.
After his shower, Jacob dressed in his cut off's and sought me in the kitchen, wrapping his arms around me from behind. I melted back into him, and my heart felt full at his touch. I sighed deeply, breathing in his nearness, as he also immersed himself in my scent, breathing against my neck.
"Jacob, does water taste different to you since you phased?"
He chuckled. "Yeah, it sure does. It is sweet like… I don't know how to describe it. It is just very sweet. At first it turned my stomach, but now there are times when I crave it, and can't drink enough." He smiled against my neck.
"Why did you never tell me that before?" I wondered aloud.
"I don't know." He shrugged. "It never occurred to me, I guess."
"Yeah. I guess it is an odd thing to think to tell someone, 'Oh, did you know since I became a shape-shifter, water tastes like corn syrup?' Not exactly a common conversation."
"Yes, that is exactly what it tastes like! I could never put my finger on it." Jake laughed. "I guess I felt like you already had to think I was strange with all of the changes and supernatural crap. I didn't want to compound it by telling you that water tastes sweet, and raw beef tastes delicious."
I turned in his arms, and wrapped my own around his neck to drag his face against my own. I claimed his lips in a deep and tender kiss. I felt the desire quickly ignite for more of him, but I stamped it down, and broke off the kiss, sighing heavily against his throat.
"We should get over to Sue's house. Dad is going to be concerned."
"Bells?" Jacob's eyes were lit with a fiery passion.
"What baby?" I looked deep into his eyes and ran my fingertips over his chest.
"I meant what I said earlier. I don't care if you decide to go on the pill. I understand that, but I don't want to have a barrier between us when we make love. I need to feel you, and it doesn't matter to me what the outcome is." He reached between us, placing his hand over my belly. "If we made a baby today, I would be the happiest man alive. Whatever life brings… I mean it, Bells. I can face anything with you by my side. Don't every leave me. You can't. Want to know why?" his eyes blazed with a fire that looked to consume us both.
"Why, love?" I breathed.
"I realized today that you are my imprint. I feel everything for you that Sam feels for Emily, but this is magnified. Bella, I can't be without you. Ever." His voice wounded desperate, urgent.
"Jacob, we can never be apart. You make me whole. You fill every part of me with your love, just by being. When you touch me, it is like my heart recognizes its counterpart. I can do anything… be anything with you by my side." Jacob spun me in a circle, and kissed me all over my face as he laughed.
"You are everything to me, Bells. I love you!"
"I love you too, Jake. Forever. You are my mate, my imprint, the love of my life… whatever you want to call it!" I smiled so widely that it felt like my face might break. Jacob and I lost ourselves in a passionate kiss for a few moments before I broke away from him, and looked at the clock.
"Jacob, love… we really have to get going. Dad is going to freak out if he finds out about everything from Leah and Edward before I get there."
"I know. You're right… we should go." He sighed and placed one more chaste kiss firmly against my lips before we turned and ran out of the house, hand-in-hand.
~~..*..~~
