There was no moon and the wind was blowing colder. Anna stood outside the Catholic church; she had only her day coat on, but she didn't want to go home just yet. She didn't know how to face John's hurt and confusion.
She had never been inside this church but had always been curious. She wandered in tentatively. It was quiet, with votive candles casting tall shadows. Anna took a pew at the back where she could be alone.
Three nuns walked down the isle. Two of them seemed to be carrying one in the middle, a nun nearly as small as a child. She was bent and trembling. As they were about to pass Anna's row the tiny nun put up a hand. They stopped. A gnarled finger pointed at Anna. There was some conversation. Anna overheard the other nuns arguing and the tiny one in the middle gesturing strongly. Finally one of the younger sisters approached Anna.
"Will you help us, please?"
"Oh," said Anna, "Of course,"
"Follow us,"
They went back through the church courtyard and into another building, through hallways and down a long set of stairs to a plain room, lit with a single lamp. The nuns deposited the tiny woman onto a simple bench and motioned for Anna to sit beside her. Anna was puzzled and apprehensive; what could this be about?
"Half an hour," said the little nun, and they left.
"I am Sister Judith," she said, and Anna had a look at the milky eyes, the worn teeth and the deeply wrinkled face. She looked to be over a hundred years old.
"I'm not a Catholic," blurted Anna.
Sister Judith laughed. It was the tumbling, bright laugh of a girl. She patted Anna's hand.
"A child was attacked by a mad dog, in Ripon," she said.
"Oh!" said Anna, "How terrible!" She wondered how she could help. It seemed such a strange thing to talk about. Being alone with a stranger in an unfamiliar place, even if she was so frail and petite, was unsettling.
"She should not have been playing so happily, that child. Nor laughed so much. She should not have been so pretty or sweet,"
"But-" said Anna, "Why would tha-"
"That is what a child does. But if she hadn't, perhaps the mad dog would not have attacked," Anna was fascinated by the melodic voice, which seemed to belong to a much younger woman. "Or perhaps something was wrong with the child? Perhaps she was not a perfect child, and that is why she was attacked and mauled?"
"But no one knows what a mad dog will do," Anna protested.
"AH!" Sister Judith laughed her joyous laugh. "Mad dogs. And some men. Men who will attack women and children, they too are mad dogs. No one knows what they will do. Not man's laws of science, even. Who alone has dominion over a mad dog?"
Anna was stumped. "Urm-God?"
She snatched Anna's hands. Her voice boomed out.
"Are you God?"
Anna gulped, her brain finally absorbing the point. But how could Sister Judith know? Anna's heart began to pound. The little nun waited, her eyes shifting under the cataracts. She tilted her head to listen.
"Are you God?" she asked again.
"No," said Anna.
Sister Judith laughed, releasing her. "We are alone down here," she said. "Now we will talk about the poison. How does one wash poison out?"
Poison? The use of the word startled Anna, reflecting her own thoughts out loud.
"Yes," said the nun, "I like that one,"
Anna bolted to her feet. It was much too strange. Sister Judith darted forward and grabbed her hands again, this time with the strength of a man. Anna gasped.
"You wash the poison with tears, with running water when you can get near some, and with the motion of water. We rock like the waves. Rock now, my dear. We will rock now. There is no one else down here," Sister Judith rocked forward, then back on the bench, pulling Anna with her.
"Sister, I-"
"Rock,'
Now the old nun loosened her shoulders, taking on a kind of animal posture, catlike. Her eyes seemed brighter. She followed Anna's every expression.
"What he did," she said.
"Wh-what?"
"He hit you. Split your lip. Bruised you,"
Anna tried to rise once more.
"I wish we could take more time, my dear," said Sister Judith, pulling her down with an almost terrifying strength. "But this is my last night, you see. You are strong enough. It must be now. Rock, and tell me. He hit you,"
The sob that escaped Anna now startled even herself, but the little nun leaned in closer. "Yes, yes," she said. "Hit you. Tell me,"
"Hit me and then-"
"Rock," the Sister reminded her, pulling her, "And then-"
"By...by my hair and-"
"Dragged you?"
"Threw me,"
"Threw you. On a table,"
Anna felt and heard a squalling moan escape her own lips. She seemed to have been captured somehow and now she could not resist the memories, which were beginning to march out in a nightmare parade.
"Yes, yes, good. Rock, rock. You were alone. All alone,"
"I was alone! And I screamed and no one came! No one came!" Anna was bawling.
"Alone," said the little nun, "And he had you,"
"I thought I would die!"
"Rock, rock,"
Anna paused to gulp air. Sister Judith was rubbing her forearms now and saying in a very soothing voice, "There, there, my little one, there, there, my dear, there, there. Yes, yes,"
When Anna's breathing had calmed the nun took her hands again.
"Now," she said, "You are a strong girl, and we are alone. What he did. What he did,"
"I can't,"
"You can. There is much yet in this life for you. Much, much to do. And so much bliss! Bliss in earthly love! Don't throw it away," She dug her thumbs into Anna's palms, making her jump. "Fight for it!" she urged, "What he did. Rock,"
The horror and misery bubbling up inside of Anna felt enormous, felt the size of Krakatoa. How could she possibly release it without being torn apart? But the little apple doll face and cloudy eyes stayed on her, pushing her, urging her, then soothing her in turns. To speak about such things with a holy sister would have been impossible for Anna. But now she saw it, saw the way it worked, and now she could not have stopped herself. She began to remember to rock on her own. She went deeper. She told it all, all of it. She nearly collapsed when she had finished, heaving, shaking.
"When the poison calls to be let out, running water, tears, and rock like the waves," said Sister Judith. "You've rocked before. Now with a purpose," she laughed. Then she abruptly changed the subject.
"You see this humble shawl?" It was made of grey homespun and had been repaired. "I tore it on a nail. Sister Magda made it, and she repaired it. See how long the tear was?"
Anna was relieved to be making ordinary conversation, even if she was now so wrung out and exhausted that she felt weak. She wondered if she would be able to walk home.
"Yes, I see,"
"How did she repair it? With one long tail of yarn in one single stitch, pulled tight?"
Anna laughed wearily. "Of course not,"
"Then how?"
"One stitch after another, stitching up the whole row,"
"Stitch by stitch. That is how one mends," said the Sister. She grinned at Anna, who was stunned again.
"This shawl will bring warmth for many years. It is a good shawl. It has a mend in it. But so much good will come of it before it is done. It will bring so much comfort. It has yet much to do,"
The nun slipped the shawl off her shoulders and began to place it on Anna's.
"Oh, no, I-"
"Show me the tear again,"
Anna groped with the shawl. "Here,"
"And how was it mended?"
"Stitch by stitch, one after another,"
The nun nodded, wrapping the shawl around Anna. "Go knock on that door, my dear,"
Anna knocked on the inside of the door. A moment later the other two nuns appeared. When Anna turned to look back she gasped.
Sister Judith seemed to have shrunk to half of her previous size and was trembling so violently that she was nearly wobbling. They carried her up the stairs with Anna following. One of the sisters spoke softly to Anna, motioning to a tiny room just off the hallway.
"Come in here, drink some water and wash your face," she said kindly.
"Is she alright? I should-" Anna began to take off the shawl. The younger nun's eyes widened in alarm. "Best not," she said, smiling. "And you were her last. Drink water, wash your face, and then go home,"
Anna filled the small cup three times from the pitcher to quench her thirst, wet the towel, washed her face leaving the towel folded on the edge of the basin, then found her way out of the little room and began walking toward the entrance door.
A distant voice, strong and melodious, echoed down the hallway.
"Are you God?"
Anna stopped. She lifted her voice. "No!"
"How does one wash the poison out?"
"Rock-like water!" she answered, losing all self-consciousness. No matter who might be listening or asleep, the words rang out.
"How does one mend a tear?"
"Stitch by stitch!"
"Goodbye, my dear,"
