Chapter 2: Emptiness and
By the time I'd reached my destination, it was nearly one in the morning. My legs burned in protest. I had never been athletic, and the walk from Hanekoma's cafe was a lot longer than I'd thought. He'd offered to drive me, but for some reason I just felt like I had to come on my own. Maybe I needed more time to sort out my thoughts – to prepare myself for what I was about to do.
Whatever the reason was, I was here.
I'd only been to Neku's apartment once before, not long after we all got back from the UG. On that day, Beat, Rhyme and I had come to pick him up, just to hang out, and they'd nominated me to go up and let him know we were here. I'd stood there, staring at the door just like I was doing now – seemingly a lifetime later – trying to work past some irrational fear to knock. Beat called out from the parking lot, "What're you waitin' for, Shiki? We ain't got all day!" I'd held my breath and quickly rapped twice on the door.
That day, when the door opened, was the first time I saw Neku without his headphones. Before he closed the door behind him, I'd caught just a glimpse of them, laying on the floor, unworn for the first time in a long, long time.
He didn't say anything about it. Neither did I. Nothing needed to be said.
But today, I knew that if I knocked, there would be no Neku to answer the door, smiling that small, soft smile of someone who's finally come out of his own lonely world. There would be no one – only an empty apartment.
My hand trembled more than it should as I reached into my pocket. I felt the tiny shape of the key Mr. H had given me before I left the cafe. On another day, under different circumstances, I would probably have wondered more about how he had managed to procure a key to Neku's apartment. As it was, there were far more important things to think about. With my heart pounding irrationally in my chest, I stuck the key in the lock and turned. The door slowly creaked open.
The inside of the apartment wasn't much. Then again, I suppose I didn't really expect it to be. Both before and after our time in the Reaper's Game, Neku hadn't spent much time here. His room wasn't a complete mess, but it certainly wasn't clean, either. Clothes were strewn about on the floor here and there – including, I noted with a detached sort of irritation, some of the outfits I'd picked out with him. A small stack of CDs sat on a shelf beside his bed. Next to them laid the item I was looking for. I walked forward and picked up the headphones.
They were bulkier than they looked. I slowly hefted them up and down, feeling their weight. I still remember the first time I saw Neku – desperate, searching for someone to make my partner. When I first yelled at him, I'd felt a brief moment of panic, thinking that he couldn't hear me through these.
There were plenty of times in those first few days where I had to question how much of what I said he could actually hear. He was stubborn, he didn't listen, But gradually, little by little, he opened up, and when I talked I knew he was listening, and he talked there were fewer insults and more of his true feelings.
Not only that – he helped me realize my true feelings. He was my partner – I trusted him, and he trusted me.
He trusted me – and he fought for me. He saved me. Now it was my turn to save him.
With a surge of resolve, I placed the headphones around my neck. They were heavy, but oddly comfortable – oddly familiar. They reminded me of him. The last of my hesitation faded away. I was ready.
I drew the pistol out of my bag. The metal shape that had made me shiver when I first opened that case in the cafe wasn't so scary anymore.
My hand slowly, steadily rose beside my head. The trigger was cold against my finger.
I closed my eyes.
Deep breath.
In my mind's eye, I saw Neku standing there in the darkness, hand outstretched, smiling his tiny smile.
Bang.
I had never actually met Joshua. I only knew him by how Neku and Beat talked about him, and by the brief moment he appeared in the chambers past the Shibuya River. That scene, at least, was burned into my brain.
So I instantly recognized the person standing in front of me.
Then again, "standing" might not quite be right. He was – both of us were, now that I looked – floating in the middle of... nothing. Just blackness.
He was smiling. One of the things Neku had said the most about Joshua was how infuriating he was whenever he grinned. I had figured it had mostly been him; Neku had been annoyed by pretty much everything during the week we had been partners. But now, seeing that smile for myself, I understood. He looked at me, and it was like he was playing a game, studying a particularly interesting piece. Anticipating how he could move it next.
Breaking my thoughts and the silence, he spoke. "So, you decided to play."
Suddenly, I really didn't want to talk to him. I just wanted to wake up, and start this Game. His eyes bored straight into mine, part condescending, part teasing, part – I'm not even sure what. I wasn't the type to hate people, especially not on first sight, but something about him was trying to set me off.
I knew, though, that I was going to have to answer if I wanted to play. So I would just have to keep it simple. "Yes."
"You know there's no going back if you lose, right? You're dead now. If you fail, you stay that way... and so does Neku."
For some reason, I flinched when he said Neku's name. Maybe it was the way he said it. His tone had been blatantly mischievous up to then, trying to provoke her, but for that last part... it was unreadable. I clenched my fists at my side. "I know that."
His grin widened just a bit. Then he shrugged and threw up his hands, as though it really didn't matter to him either way. He went right back to his original tone. "Well, all right then. As long as that's established." That smile grew just a little bit more. "In that case, there's only one last thing to settle, and I'll let you be off on your merry way."
Those words caught me off guard. "One last thing? What..."
...Oh.
He clearly saw the realization in my eyes. His grin expanded to its full smug size. "So, let's see..." He nonchalantly drew the words out. "What will your entry fee be this time?"
"You want more?!" The words exploded from my mouth before I could stop myself. My vision "I just killed myself to participate in your stupid Game, and you're going to make me give up more?"
He chuckled. "Now, now, Shiki, it's only fair. Think of all the other Players. They're dead, too, in case you'd forgotten. Now if you got off scot-free, just because you offed yourself, how would that be fair?"
He was right. I knew he was right, it wouldn't be fair, but I still hated it. Maybe that wouldn't be fair, but this wasn't either.
I felt the weight of the headphones shift around my neck.
It didn't matter. I'd do it. Neku had played three times over for me, even when his fee had been every other Player in the Game. He'd still won. Now it was his life that was in the balance.
I would save Neku. No matter what I had to pay, I'd win the Game, take back my fee, and bring him back. I'd meet him in front Hachiko, hang out with him and Beat and Rhyme, go see movies, drag him to 104 to try on clothes, just walk through the streets of Shibuya together, hand in hand.
I'd make it so he could smile again.
"So, what will it be..?" Joshua mused on. Then he snapped his fingers. "Ah. That's it."
The darkness around us began to encroach. Black mist obscured Joshua's white figure, but not before I saw the smile fall from his face.
"Your entry fee will be him."
Blackness swallowed everything. The last image in my mind was Joshua's fading face, no longer teasing, nor condescending, but solemn – almost regretful. He spoke one more time. The words were almost lost in the wave of unconsciousness that overtook my brain, but I heard them.
"Good luck."
A/N: Huh. Did I really write chapter 1 two and a half years ago? Damn.
Well, hopefully chapter 3 won't take quite that long. That said, next chapter I'll have to make a very, very big decision. Almost as big as choosing Shiki's entry fee (which, by the way, was in no small part responsible for how long it took me to write this).
Rest assured, it'll probably happen eventually. Probably. Reviews usually help. Probably.
See ya around, hectopascals.
