An... Big hugs and all gratitude to to Prettyflour for pre-reading. Flove you!
Okay ladies... WAAAY back in February, someone nominated me for 2 SheWolf
awards. I just found out this past weekend. I have no idea who did this for me.
My heartfelt and sincere thanks is yours! I was bouncing around my house,
and *squeeing* like crazy. I'm NOT just saying that, either... ask Prettyflour,
she'll verify that I was UBER excited!
I walked a few ledges on this chapter. It is full of unique and strange ideas.
I hope I presented my ideas logically enough that they make sense to you.
I am REALLY counting on feedback from this chapter.
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Chapter 35
Breakthroughs and Answers
Leah POV
After having holed ourselves up for far too long, we finally decided around nine in the morning that it was time to rejoin the world. Staying enveloped in our own private world for eight hours had been amazing, and definitely the hottest experience of my life, and I was reluctant for it to end. Edward tenderly lowered us into the amazing infinity tub that took center stage in his personal bath. We soaked for nearly an hour in the tranquility of this masterpiece of bathroom architecture, making love once more before actually making our way downstairs to join the family.
Entering the kitchen, I quickly noticed the amazing breakfast spread out for the three of us who ate actual food. The delicious aroma of bacon overwhelmed me, and my stomach growled at its emptiness. I delved into the plate of bacon and baked French toast that Esme placed in front of me, shoveling in several mouthfuls before my stomach began to protest. I was ravenous, but apparently my stomach was not liking my choice of food. My mouth began to salivate, while at the same time, my throat felt parched and hot. I quickly drained a glass of water, trying to quench my sudden thirst, and put out the fire that was licking at my throat. The only purpose that it seemed to serve was to cause me to rush to the nearest toilet, and expel all of the contents of my stomach. I didn't understand.
Luckily, Carlisle and Bella instantly knew. As I was guzzling the glass of water, I noticed a pointed glance pass between them, and something began to tick at the back of my mind. I saw very easily that moment of silent communication taking place.
Having emptied my stomach, and rinsed my mouth, I reentered the kitchen. The expression on Edward's face was dark, and angry. I could feel the self-loathing rolling off of him in waves. Jacob's expression was equally abysmal, as he focused his eyes downward on the counter in front of him. Esme's face was blank, and Bella's seemed sympathetic as Carlisle was impassive as he held out a large metal tumbler with a lid and a straw.
"Try this." He instructed.
"What is it?" I asked warily.
"Do you trust us?" Bella asked, and I nodded. "Then please, just drink it. We'll explain, I promise."
Nodding again, I reached for the proffered cup, and lifted it towards my mouth. I paused to take a whiff of whatever was inside. It smelled divine, and without any further hesitation, I took several long, deep draughts on the straw, pulling the thick liquid into my mouth. It tasted so good, and felt so refreshing as it slid down my throat that I decided I needed to drink even more deeply. I popped the lid off of the tumbler, and chugged the remainder like a collegiate at Octoberfest.
Sighing in contentment as the fire died in my throat, and my stomach accepted the liquid readily; I wiped the drops of moisture left on my lips and chin with the back of my hand. I smiled at Carlisle and Bella in relief… and then I noticed the smear back of my right hand.
I don't know how long I stared, stupefied at the red smudge. I hardly acknowledged the sound of the brass tumbler as it fell from my left hand and clanged against the floor. Horror filled my brain as rational though fled.
Blood. I just drank blood, and it tasted… phenomenal. What did that mean?
I waited for my stomach to churn, and roil. I waited for my disgust to overwhelm my body in an effort to expel the blood from my system as it had the bacon just moments ago, but it wasn't happening. What did that mean?
A light spatter of red appeared on the floor, and the side of the counter and refrigerator. I ran the forefinger of my right hand against my cheek, removing the bead that landed there as the fluid splashed around the room. With no forethought, I brought my finger to my mouth, and licked it clean, and the back of my hand as well. What did that mean?
"Carlisle?" I turned my eyes towards him in accusation. "What the FUCK? Was that…?"
"Not human." Carlisle quickly assured me.
Edward's eyes were boring into mine from across the room, but he remained silent. As he sat there, witnessing my outraged astonishment, he remained brutally uncommunicative. His eyes gave none of his thoughts away, as his whole face maintained a dispassionate expression.
Way to lend me your support! I hurled at him wordlessly. What is this? You share your mind through the beauty, but shut down when push comes to shove?
I wanted to hit him. He was withdrawing from me now. In this moment, when I needed him most, he was shutting me out. I. WAS. FURIOUS.
"Fuck you!" I spat, ignoring Carlisle as he began to speak to me. I heard his voice, but nothing registered. He may as well have been an adult in a Charlie Brown cartoon for all the noise I acknowledged.
I crossed the small distance between us and shoved Edward with all of my strength, knocking him onto his ass with a resounding crash. "Yes, I'm disgusted, and you're obviously disgusted, but it is what it is, Edward. You're really going to crawl inside a hole of despair and self-hatred? You're really going to withdraw and leave me to deal with this alone?"
I straddled him, grabbing the lapels of his shirt, and got in his face; nose-to-nose, seething. I replayed our conversation in my mind, flinging it at him, reminding him of the bond we had just made hours ago. "Unbreakable?" I shouted. "Imprint. Mate. SIRE." My voice dripped with venom. "This is where the rubber meets the road. You either get the hell out of your head, and MAN the FUCK UP, or I will test the theory of our "unbreakable bond."
The silence in the room was palpable. I shoved against Edward's chest as I stood, with tears streaming down my face. "Fuck you." I whispered, brokenly. "Do you even love me? If this is how you were planning to handle hardship, why didn't you let me die on that table? Why did you let Carlisle save me?"
"Son, I have witnessed you internalize every single event in your life." Carlisle spoke softly. "I have stood by and watched helplessly as you have turned every event into a reason to hate who you are. Free will does not mean that you get to choose your life's circumstances, Edward! Free will means that you can make the decision as to what you do with them. Who will you become? I should have found a way to help you with this years ago." He sighed deeply. "Right now, you have a choice! Are you going to throw away this rare gift by giving in to hatred, and a life of self-flagulation, or will you give yourself over to the beauty of the bond that you share with Leah? Will you trust that beauty can rise from the ashes, or will you allow this depression to overwhelm you, and rob you of the most precious experiences in this life?"
"But I ALMOST KILLED HER!' Edward roared, his face contorting in disgust and remorse.
"Almost is the operative word, Edward." Carlisle countered softly. Esme ushered me into the living room, and pulled me onto the couch beside her. Bella and Jacob followed behind us, and sat on the wide armchair together. We all instinctively knew that Edward was in a moment of both crisis, and hopefully self discovery. I offered a silent plea, and heartfelt prayer that Carlisle would be able to break through the wall that Edward had erected over his many years in this life.
Sometime later, Carlisle and Edward emerged from the kitchen. I wasn't sure how long they had been in there, but I was grateful for the time they had spent together. Without intending to, I was able to hear all that had passed between them, and I knew that Edward had had a breakthrough.
I'm sorry baby. Edward thought to me. I saw it all as my fault, and I was disgusted with myself for causing you to crave blood. I will never leave you alone again, I swear it.
I believe you. I'm sorry I cursed at you so horribly. I lamented.
I don't blame you! Had I been in your shoes, I'd have.. I cut off his line of thought
You'd have stood there politely, and interpreted my silence to mean that YOU had done something wrong, and instead of saying "Fuck you", you'd have been saying "Fuck me". I grinned at him with my eyebrows raised in challenge. Edward nodded, and smiled sheepishly as he acknowledged the truth of my assessment.
"I love you, Leah. With all that I am, I love you!" Edward was in front of me in a flash, pressing his lips against my temple, and holding me tightly in his arms. I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist, clinging to him like a spider monkey. He turned, and sat on the sofa with me still curled around him, breathing in his scent.
Carlisle sat in the leather recliner, and spread four manila folders on the coffee table. Clearing his throat, he drew our attention to himself as he launched into Dr. Cullen mode.
"I have here some rather interesting results. As you know, I have compared tests you had done previously to tests that I ran a couple of days ago. While they are not all back yet, the ones that are - are painting an interesting picture." He picked up a thick folder and thumbed through it. "Dr. Lonogan performed a pelvic ultrasound and CT scan on you last year. It showed shriveling of the fallopian tubes and shrinkage of your ovaries, and your uterus was filled with scar tissue." Carlisle held up a scan in front of the light, and pointed to the various organs as he explained, showing me for the first time the extent of the damage caused by the infection and the resulting PID. He explained that inflammation had irritated the lining of my uterus, and that it caused scar tissue to form, completely taking over my system. They shrinkage of my ovaries and shriveling of my fallopian tubes was equal to that of an eighty year old woman whose system had completely shut down on the other side of menopause.
"This is the CT scan from two days ago." Carlisle lifted another folder off the table, and held another scan in front of the lamp. "Notice the difference?"
Edward shifted me off of his lap, and leaned further towards the scan, his eyes opened wide, and his bottom jaw lowered as if in awe. Not having any real clue what I was looking at, I shrugged, looking back and forth between Carlisle's obvious excitement, and Edward's blatant shock, waiting for one of them to say something in way of explanation.
"Hello? Three non-doctor types in the room!" Bella said sarcastically while waving her hands.
"I'm sorry! Of course, you're right." Carlisle chuckled softly.
"The scan clearly shows that your ovaries and fallopian tubes are healthy, and that your uterus is clear of scar tissue." Rosalie's voice startled me. I had not noticed that she and Emmett and Alice and Jasper had all entered the room behind us. I had been so focused on what Carlisle was trying to show me that I had not heard them. "It means that you are probably capable of conceiving a child." Rosalie said wistfully.
"We don't know that for sure." Carlisle jumped in quickly to clarify. "In order to know for sure, I would have to run a few more… invasive tests, but according to the scans, the damage was reversed by the venom."
I shrugged. As much as I liked the idea of maybe having children some day, I loved Edward; and I would not miss anything that he could not give to me. I smiled at him, knowing he would have heard the thoughts that flew through my head rapidfire. His eyes smoldered as he looked at me and kissed my forehead, nose and lips in silent appreciation. I turned back to Carlisle.
"What else have you found?" I was truly curious, as was Bella.
"Here are the x-rays." Carlisle held up one sheet to the light. It was one of my arm that had been broken. "This is the follow up film taken after they removed your cast and pins." Carlisle explained.
"This," he held up another right beside it "is the one I took."
I looked at them, and even to my untrained eye, the difference was obvious. The first was your every day x-ray picture. The soft tissue barely registered on the scan, the bones were slightly more opaque, but even more dense, and brighter where the break was healed over. I knew enough about x-rays to know that the more solid the structure, the brighter it showed up on the film. On the new scan, my whole bone showed more brightly than in the former scan. My soft tissue also was somehow more defined than the first film showed.
"So, what does that mean?" I queried.
"Why are her bones so much brighter on the new scan?" Jacob threw out there.
"Forget the bones, Jake! Look at her whole arm! You can see some muscle definition there." Bella interjected.
"Keen eyes there, kiddos." Carlisle grinned. "This means that your bone density scans will be interesting when they come in next week. I would hazard a guess that they are hardening and strengthening. "I can't know for sure yet, but I suspect that your bones have become nearly as dense and strong as aluminum alloy."
"How would that compare to ours, Carlisle?" Jasper sounded intrigued.
"Our soft tissues have the density of titanium alloy, Jasper. I don't think there is anything on this earth that is stronger than our bones. I could be wrong, but I have not found it yet." Carlisle explained.
I was no scientist, but I knew that titanium alloy is one of the strongest metals known to man. Bella and I stared at each other for a few moments, absorbing what we were seeing and hearing.
"Is your hearing changing?" Bella asked me, as her eyes darted towards Carlisle, who suddenly appeared to be struggling to maintain his composure.
"Yes." I cleared my throat. "I noticed this morning that I am hearing more clearly." At this, Carlisle let out a poorly concealed laugh, holding a hand to his mouth as if he had coughed.
"I can hear things now that I never noticed before… like someone left their computer running upstairs for instance. I can hear the fans running, and the hard drive keeps spinning, like the computer is thinking." Carlisle closed his eyes for a moment, and looked as if he were centering himself. He looked directly at me as he answered. I noticed Edward's chest shake slightly behind me, and took in the crimson blush now on Bella's face. She was staring rather embarrassedly at the ceiling.
"Yes," Carlisle cleared his throat, "I have my computer running a search program for more information on the Lobishomen, or anything remotely like them." I made a mental note to question Edward later as to what I was missing. He didn't make me wait.
Poor Bella got a real earful this morning. Apparently we weren't the only ones taking advantage of our alone time.
NO! She heard us? I closed my eyes, and willed my blush to die down.
Oh, yes. And Jasper and Alice.. and Emmett and Rose. Apparently she was mortified, and Carlisle lost it. He went on a laughing jag like I've never seen before.
"Lobi-who?" I laughed, ending our brief conversation, and tried to get off that topic before Bella and I suffered any more humiliation over that episode.
"Lobishomen." Bella stated flatly. "They were the fabled offspring of a vampire and a werewolf. The legend is that they were blood drinkers, and that when the Volturi finally found them, they were destroyed. They were the only ones of their kind that are known of."
"So, that's what you think we are? Low-bee-show-men?" I enunciated slowly, turning the word over in my mouth, trying to get a feel for it.
"Not exactly, but they are the closest thing I could find that comes close to what you are. Of course, they were half true werewolf, and half vampire from birth."
"Wait, doc! What do you mean, true werewolf?" Jacob asked incredulously.
"Your tribe are not true werewolves, Jacob. You know this!" Carlisle chided. "You are shapeshifters. You change at will, not according to the cycle of the moon. Also, true werewolves stand erect, and look like a disfigured, hairy man, not an actual wolf."
"Think Underworld dude!" Emmett chimed in. Everyone got a kick out of that and laughed with him.
"So, we're similar to the Lobishomen, but not really like them." I stated, trying to pin this down.
"Right. You have human instincts, and thought processes."
"Except we now crave blood. Is that not a vampire instinct?" I challenged.
"Bella discovered this morning that after she had met her body's need for blood, she was able to consume regular human food as well. So, yes... this is a vampiric trait, but it is not as strong as ours. It is not a driving factor, it is merely a biological need."
"Why is that?" I couldn't help but ask.
"I have a theory." Bella jumped in.
"I'm all ears." Carlisle looked to be earnestly interested in Bella's thoughts.
"This is going to sound… really gross, so bear with me?" We all nodded assent. "What if blood is what feeds the venom, so that it can reproduce itself?" She looked around the room, and was greeted by nine confused expressions. "Okay, here's the gross part. You all don't produce… waste, right?"
Everyone but Jake nodded, silently pressing for more. Jake just looked lost.
"That means that every bit of the blood you consume is used up in your systems. Your saliva, your… other bodily fluids that I am assuming - in light of Leah's experience - that you produce… They are all varying forms of venom, correct? I mean, I know this is a tangent, but I remember Mr. Banner explaining in Biology how all of our human bodily fluids are essentially made of the same materials, but in different viscosities… so if we apply that idea here, the blood is used up in your system to give you the necessary energy for motion and to fuel your bodies… and whatever would be left over as waste from human consumption… that must be what the venom uses to feed and replenish itself." Bella looked around the room again. "Does that sound stupid?" She asked in a small voice.
"No, Bella! It absolutely doesn't." Carlisle encouraged.
"So, my theory is that while the venom has not caused us to turn completely to vampires, it still exists in our systems, and replenishes itself, and gives strength to the parts of us that it changed when we drink blood. I think that there is something inherent in our blood as shape shifters that balances the venom, and holds it at bay. Whatever that is needs to be nourished by human food. So, I think that when the venom weakens in our system, due to the changes, the imperative for blood overrides all other needs so that our system can have the energy it needs. After we have met the demands of the venom in our system, I think that our body's regular needs emerge once again. Then we can eat regular food." Bella bit her bottom lip, and shrugged her shoulders as she finished her speech.
"Very astute, Bella. I don't think I could have said it any more clearly myself." Carlisle's voice was dripping with pride. He smiled at Bella, and gave her a wink. "My theory after over three hundred years of consideration is that venom itself is an entity; an organism that needs a symbiotic host in order to live. Edward, you often refer to the part of you that hungers for human blood as "the monster". What if you are right? What if the thoughts that torment you when you are struggling to maintain your hold on your humanity are not your own? What if you are responding to the imperative of the venom in your system?" Edward's eyebrows were drawn, and his whole demeanor screamed "deep in thought".
"While extremely interesting, and definitely something to consider; I really think we should table this part of this discussion until such time as we are not getting ready to head off to train for a battle. Mm-kay?" Esme said with a false perkiness. I got a kick out of her.
"Did you discover anything else, doc?" Jacob wondered.
"Yes." Carlisle grinned. "Leah, you said you had an appendectomy, and tonsillectomy, right?"
"Yes, that's correct." I told him.
"Your current MRI scans would beg to differ." Carlisle said with an amused air.
"They grew back?" I was incredulous.
"Yes, and while I have seen cases of tonsils spontaneously re-growing, I have never seen a single episode of a regenerated appendix!" He smiled at me.
"So, essentially, what you are saying is that I am tougher than any human or shape shifter – Bella notwithstanding – but not as strong as a vampire, and that thanks to the venom coursing through me, my systems have all healed themselves?"
"Yes. And I am saying that unless your reproductive system has become too rigid to expand, it is likely that you can conceive and carry a child." Carlisle's eyes and face were alight with happiness.
"Hence the need for an invasive test in the future, right?" Bella asked.
"Right. I would have to find out more about the density and elasticity of the tissues of your ovaries and uteri." Carlisle said matter of factly. Neither Bella nor I missed the fact that he spoke in the plural, as we looked at each other with matching expressions of hope.
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and I WANT them! ;)
