AN... Hello?! Yes, yes... I DO exist! I am so sorry that it has taken so long for me
to get back to this. The past two months have been very... interesting. I have
learned alot about myself. I have also learned alot about my husband... if only
I had done this years ago. We might have had a much better marriage for the
last 10+ years. Ennywho...
I want to thank everyone for their well wishes and prayers. They have been
appreciated more than you know. Surprisingly, I only got two messages from
people getting irritable over the length of my absence. Thank you all for your
patience. On my way here, my laptop died. I had only an outdated "smartphone"
with which to read emails, and stories. I could not write or upload anything, so
I am JUST getting this up! Please forgive the lateness!
To my Prettyflour... Thanks so much! You are wonderful, and have helped me
alot. I am grateful that you agreed to pre-read this craziness for me! ((hugz))
To MrsK81... You have been a shoulder and sounding board. You have proven
to be a genuine friend, and I appreciate you so much! You are my hero in more
ways than one!
Chapter 37
Knowing He's Enough,
Hoping we Have More
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Leah POV
To say I was stunned would be a stupendous understatement. I had come to accept that I would never have a child of my own. I was okay with it. To find out that the venom coursing through my system had reversed the damage in my reproductive system was kind of sending me into a tailspin. I clung to Edward. My heart became a battleground of sorts.
I had just reamed Rose a good one two days ago for insinuating that I leave Edward for someone who could give children, and grow old with me. I told her I didn't want or need that. Edward was all I could ever ask for. Nothing has changed since then. Everything has changed since then.
Imprint, mate, sire. Imprint, mate, sire. I repeated this line in my head over and over. A part of me took comfort from this mantra. Edward was everything to me. I had not known him long, but I knew everything I would ever need to know of him. He was mine, and I was his. This was a bond that could not be broken. I refused to dwell on what he couldn't provide. Not. Happening.
He drew me more tightly into his embrace, and caressed my back softly as he breathed me in, and gave me the kindness of silence. He could have flooded my mind with his own thoughts, but he chose to keep his thoughts to himself. It was the most selfless thing he could have done under the circumstances. I knew that he could hear my every thought. He was the sole witness to my inner musings. He knew the tug-of-war raging inside my mind and heart, but he didn't seem to take it personally. His tenderness in that moment spoke countless volumes about the kind of man he was. While Bella and Jacob spoke privately with Carlisle, Edward had chosen to take me back to his room to allow me to work through this in private.
You are not alone in this. Ever. Edward thought gently after a while.
I choose you. Always you, Edward! I sent out with conviction. I just need to absorb this.
My love. Edward's eyes, filled with tenderness and compassion gazed into my very soul. I know how you feel for me. I also know what having your own children means to you.
Oh, Edward… Don't let this be another reason for you to hate who and what you are! Please! I begged him. He had just accepted the changes taking place in me this morning, and Carlisle had helped him to see that this bonded us, and could make us stronger if we let it. I was not about to let this new revelation undermine his new-found peace.
Edward smiled at me, his eyes crinkled at the corners. I didn't need to hear his word to know that he was telling me that he wasn't self-hating.
I know it is unrealistic to hope. I know that vampires cannot make babies… but let's not use protection. Ever! We can always hope! I gazed fiercely into his goldenrod eyes which still held the tiniest flecks of crimson around the edges of his irises.
First of all… You're right! We are absofrigginlutely not going to be using protection. I never want to feel a barrier between us. He dropped a hand to my hip and gave it a squeeze. And secondly, why would you think it is an unrealistic hope, exactly?
My brow furrowed and my face scrunched into a bewildered, and I imagine slightly incredulous expression. Why would I not? Vampires cannot make babies.
A sly grin spread itself across Edward's face, and his eyes were dancing with some unspoken merriment. He made me think of a child on Christmas morning, taking in the trove of presents that appeared under the tree overnight.
Did you listen to the story of the Lobishomen? Were you paying attention?
As he held my gaze, he began to replay the conversation in his head, reminding me the origin of the creatures, a cross-breed between vampire and werewolf. My mind began to whirl as I took in that information in an entirely other light. The twins were conceived when of a vampire male. I had heard it, but it had not registered in those regards.
So, a vampire male can father a child?
That's how they came to be… according to the lore. It's not like male vampires go around having sex with humans, and letting them live long enough to know whether or not they were impregnated. Many DO have sex with human women, but it is a prelude to the feast, and it is certainly not a pleasant coupling for the female. He shuddered slightly with the last part, completely disgusted with the practice. So, we can't be certain right now, but Carlisle is already planning to take a sample from me to run some tests.
Tears spilled down my cheeks for the umpteenth time this week. Edward had already given me my life back. He had accepted the imprint instead of running for the hills. He loved me in spite of the fact that our species were mortal enemies. As a young girl, I had daydreamed about what the love of my life would be to me. All of my fondest dreams fell exceedingly short of this amazing man. Edward was everything I ever needed, and more than I even knew I ever wanted in this life. He was the promise of a forever kind of love.
All of this, and now he was telling me that I might even get to bear his children? I might one day hold a precious life in my hands? I could possibly look into the eyes of a perfect creature, created by our love, and that precious being would call me Mommy? It was too much. I could never deserve such bliss.
Edward's arms surrounded me, and he held me tightly to his chest, rocking me gently as he hummed my gentle aria.
"There is no guarantee. We don't really know yet, but I promise you, Leah. If there is the smallest possibility, I will do everything in my power to make it so." The fire in his eyes and the passion in his voice gave weight to his already zealous words.
"A week ago, I believed that love was a lie, a fairytale myth of epic proportions. I thought that the words were a deceit, woven for the specific function of decimating a heart." I whispered.
"And now?" Edward prompted me. "Do you still have such doubts about love?"
I shook my head, and smiled as broadly as my mouth could possibly stretch. With tears still leaking down my face, I told him the truth. "I will never doubt again."
"There will never be a need." He whispered softly. We both chuckled at our shamelessly plagiarized lines. Edward knew that my one "girlie" trait had been my love of romantic comedies… especially the movie Princess Bride.
"You're far sexier than Westly ever could have been!" I giggled.
"You mean you like me better than Carey Elwes?" Edward opened his eyes wide in faux awe, as if he could not believe such a thing were true. I kissed him on the nose as I rose from the bed.
"Baby, there is not a movie star; living or dead that can hold a candle to you!" I looked at him through my lashes, giving him my lustiest gaze.
"We don't have time for that Leah." Edward narrowed his eyes, sending me a reproachful expression as he adjusted himself inside his tightening pants. "So not fair to promise with your eyes what you cannot hope to deliver."
"Oh, I can hope all I want!" I laughed, batting my lashes at him playfully.
"You are cruel woman!" He chuckled. "Positively inhuman." He smacked my ass as he slid himself off of the bed, then took my hand as we walked back to the living room where the family was beginning to gather. It was time to make the trek to the clearing for our last night of training. The tension in the room was thick, but there was an undercurrent of excitement, and dare I say it?... Hope.
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Reviews are welcome and wanted
and they always make me smile!
