Tegan Chronicles STV Style 4:

Canis Major 9

"Hey." Tegan looked up when the doors to her quarters opened and Kathryn stood at the entrance.

"Do you mind if I come in?"

Tegan sat up on the couch her brow wrinkling. "You know you're always welcome here, at least I hope you do."

She didn't stop to give Maverick an ear rub when he greeted her like she normally did. "Tuvok and I talked, we're concerned about you."

"I'm fine." She automatically threw out.

"We're concerned about your new abilities and what they could do to you both mentally and physically if you can't learn to control them." She clarified.

Tegan was glad she didn't refer to them as her gifts. "I'm fine both mentally and physically." She realized the statement would have been more believable if the doctor didn't currently have her biomechanical arm under lock and key. "Honest."

"A week ago B'Elanna took advantage of your empathic abilities to make you enter a physical altercation with her where you could have seriously hurt her or vice versa."

"I know, but I didn't use my prosthetic."

"You can't even go into the mess hall. You've given up singing on Friday nights, which I know you loved. It's not healthy and it's going to take its toll. And that's just the empathic part of your abilities. Your ability to take pain away has caused you to collapse on more than two occasions with one of those being in the middle of a mission.

"It's not unheard of for Betazoids to go insane and some even commit suicide when they are unable to filter out the thoughts and feelings of others."

"I'm not going to commit suicide." Tegan huffed.

"Tuvok and I are going to do some research over the next couple days and see what we can find to try and help you with this. I've also drafted a letter to be sent out to some contacts of mine, back in the Alpha Quadrant, who might be able to help. It will go out on the next data stream to earth."

"Whenever that is," Tegan muttered.

Kathryn gave her a sad smile. "Hopefully sooner rather than later."

"In the meantime?" Tegan knew there was another shoe, there was always another shoe.

"In the meantime we'll do everything we can to get through this."

"And I'm stuck on Voyager? No missions, no shore leave."

"And," Kathryn took a breath, "limited duty."

"What?" Tegan blinked. It was the other shoe.

"Just for now."

"How limited?" Tegan had suspected she wasn't here as Kathryn and that was why she had asked for permission to enter her quarters, now she knew.

Janeway stood straighter and puffed her chest out slightly. "Emergencies only, for now."

Tegan's nostrils flared and she glared at her. "I'm being demoted to the status of an emergency medical hologram."

Janeway watched Maverick move into the bedroom. "It's temporary."

"That's bullshit."

"Excuse me?" Janeway could always count on Tegan to voice her opinion, although she was often more diplomatic about it.

"That's bullshit, Captain." Tegan ground her molars together. "You might as well just put me in a torpedo casing and jettison me out into space."

"If we weren't in your quarters right now…"

"You'd what? Throw me in the brig?"

Janeway shifted her weight from one foot to the other and back. "You have your orders."

"Aye Captain."

Tegan felt the shift in mood as a nervous apprehension bubbled just below the surface seconds before Kathryn asked. "Are we still on for dinner?"

Tegan loved that about Kathryn, how well she hid her insecurities. Even though she had known that Kathryn had them before she could feel her emotions, she admired her ability to keep them just out of sight. She answered while trying not to sound indifferent, "Sure."


Kathryn watched her push the food around her plate. She had only seen her actually take one bite. "You're mad at me."

Tegan lifted her eyes but kept her face tilted toward her dinner. She could feel Kathryn's emotions simmering. She wanted to keep things separate, but she was currently so mad at her captain she wanted to scream and she couldn't even complain to her girlfriend about how unfair the whole thing was. "No."

"Yes you are." Kathryn pulled her napkin off her lap, wiped her lips and tossed it on top of the remainder of her dinner.

"I'm not happy with Captain Janeway," She shrugged. "I'm fine with you."

"So, you want to have sex tonight?"

"No." She pushed her plate back.

"See you are mad at me." Kathryn stood up and put her own dish in the replicator to be recycled.

"Because I don't want to have sex tonight, I have to be mad at you?" She rolled her eyes.

Maverick who had been lying at her feet got up and trotted over to the bed by the couch.

Kathryn shook her head. The question had been thrown out to ease the tension not increase it. "It's temporary, I promise."

"I don't want to talk about this. You are doing what you feel you must do as captain"

Kathryn wished it was as simple as that. She wished it was just the captain in her who made the decision, but it wasn't. The only redeeming grace was that Tuvok and Chakotay had whole heartedly agreed with her decision, from a command point of view. Kathryn knew she couldn't always protect Tegan though she wished she could.

Tegan stood up and added her dinner and dishes to Kathryn's on the replicator platform before hitting the recycle button. When she turned around Kathryn had moved away. Tegan stared at her for several minutes, taking in the line of her jaw as Kathryn stared out the transparent aluminum that comprised the large porthole. She moved into Kathryn's space and wrapped her arms around her waist from behind. She pulled the stiff woman into her and moved her lips to her ear. "It isn't fair."

Kathryn stiffened even more.

"It isn't fair," she repeated softly and continued, "for me to blame you for the captain's actions; even if you are the captain."

"But you're still mad at me." Kathryn's voice was low.

Tegan spun her around gently so she could look her in the eye. "Yes ok, I'm mad. I'm mad that I can't work, and I'll probably go mad because I can't work. I'm not at all happy that Tuvok remembered this lovely piece of information, and I'm pissed that he and Chakotay agree with you on it."

"Do you have a better alternative?"

"Let me work." She let go of her and turned away.

"Would you be a danger to yourself if I did?" Kathryn wanted to reach out and touch her but she didn't.

"Will I if you don't?" She spoke without thinking.

"I don't know but I know that by not letting you work you won't be a danger to those around you." She watched Tegan's shoulders slump. "Tegan?"

"First do no harm." Tegan mumbled.

"What would you do in my shoes?"

Tegan spun back to her with her eyes blazing with annoyance. "The same damn thing."

"Then why are you mad?"

"Because I'm the one being grounded." She stepped forward and slouched into Kathryn wrapping her arms around her. "Because I will go insane with nothing to do."

"Then I'll find something to occupy your time. I promise." Kathryn pulled her close.

"Can I be mad at you and love you at the same time?" She placed a soft kiss in front of Kathryn's ear.

"Yes."

"I love you." Tegan whispered huskily into Kathryn's hair.

The next morning after dropping Maverick off with Tuvok for training, Tegan headed to astrometrics. "Icheb." She smiled at the young man before looking at Seven. "Hello Seven."

"You are bored." Seven stated her observance rather than issue a greeting.

"What makes you say that?" Tegan glanced at Icheb who grinned at her.

"You have been ordered off duty, have you not?"

"Yes, but—"

"And you are here."

"I'm here because I wanted to ask you a question."

Seven lifted her optical implant and turned her face to Tegan. She gave her permission to go ahead with a single nod.

"Have the Borg ever assimilated a Betazoid?"

"Yes, during Worf 359."

"Do you happen to know how they block telepathy?" She was hopeful.

Seven thought for several minutes. "They usually gain their abilities during adolescence and they mainly learn to filter out the feelings of others as their abilities increase overtime. Unlike you, who are neither adolescent nor Betazoid, they do not just wake up with full abilities. Often those who gain their abilities earlier or are born with them are stronger, but they end up with mental problems because they are unable to filter out outside stimuli."

Tegan watched Seven study her as she wondered how often she was going to hear that.

"Is this what you are afraid of?"

"No." Tegan answered quickly before she softened her tone. "Thank you for the information."

"I wish I could offer you more assistance."

"Thanks Seven." She forced a smiled. "Don't worry about it."

She left astrometrics and went straight to the bridge. She stepped out of the turbolift and froze momentarily before she reminded herself she could easily handle six people and it was only a few more steps to the ready room, where she hoped Janeway was.

"Can we help you Doctor?" Chakotay asked.

Tegan blinked and looked down to see both Chakotay and Janeway leaning forward and craning their necks to look back at her. "I—uh—yes." She hated what this was turning her into. She had never truly stuttered in her life, or found herself so frequently off balance and at a loss for words. "Captain, do you have minute?"

"Certainly." Janeway stood up and led the way to her ready room. She turned once the doors had closed behind them. "How may I help you?"

Tegan just blurted it out without any pretense, "I want to die."

"What?" Kathryn visibly blanched her command mask faltering.

"Well, not die, die. More like a controlled near death experience." She grinned. She hadn't meant to attack it the way she had. "Actually I was just thinking coma."

She pulled her command façade back in place. "So you start the conversation with, 'I want to die'?"

"I thought it might soften the blow?" She shrugged.

"So we're talking about a controlled medical coma?" She turned and ascended to the upper level of her ready room before she walked over to her replicator. She needed something strong to drink, in the end she ordered her usual. "Coffee, black."

"I don't know that that will get me where I need to go."

"You don't even know that dying will get you there." She turned back to Tegan with her coveted coffee in hand and shook her head.

"No but like you said, I could die if I don't learn to control it."

She moved back toward the steps but stopped short. "What makes you think you'll find answers there?"

"I figure it's worth a shot."

"The transmission to Starfleet went out at 0200 hours this morning. Give it a few days."

"I'll go insane with nothing to do." Tegan reiterated her argument from the night before while forcing herself to keep any hint at whining out of her voice. She huffed. "I didn't have to come to you about this."

"Tegan," Kathryn's tone warned.

"What?" Tegan's voice stepped past sarcastic. "Let me guess, as my Captain you forbid my body to do whatever it is my body does?"

"I forbid you to do anything to further endanger your health." Janeway set the record straight.

"Of course you do. You're the Captain." In some far recess of her brain she heard the monster whisper, Delicious.

"I mean it." Captain Janeway cautioned.

"What are you going to do, throw me in the brig?"

"I'll confine you to sick bay." She promised before looking into the depths of her untouched coffee.

"That's even better." She smiled slickly.

"Give me two days, hopefully by then we'll have another transmission from headquarters."

"Fine," Tegan relented. She had been grasping at straws with the hair-brained idea in the first place.

"I want your word." It was one thing Kathryn knew Tegan wouldn't break.

"You have my word. Forty-eight hours."

"Dinner tonight, my quarters, 1900."

"Aye, Captain."

"Dismissed." Kathryn sighed as the doors closed before she took a long drag from her now lukewarm coffee.


Kathryn turned when she heard the doors to her quarters' hiss. A wide smile was plastered across her features which reached her eyes. Tegan walked in with Maverick at her side, she glanced around quickly finding Kathryn over by the replicator. She frowned at her joyous expression. "What are you so happy about?"

"Has he eaten?" She ignored the question as the doors slid shut behind the beautiful redhead who even looked hot in a pair of heather gray sweat pants and a t shirt.

"Yes. We just finished up his evening exercise routine." She stared at Kathryn paying no attention Maverick's longing gaze. Finally she growled, "If you smile any bigger your face is going to crack."

Her eyes twinkled and she tried to stop grinning so broadly. "We've found a way to stay in contact with headquarters. It's a small window everyday but it's enough to allow live communications and Deanna wants to talk to you tomorrow."

"Deanna?"

"Deanna Troi, she's Betazoid and a friend of mine." Kathryn waved to one of the empty chairs at the dining table. "The rest of the crew doesn't know yet, aside from Seven who took the transmission, Tuvok, Chakotay and myself. We've decided to wait until you speak with Deanna to let the crew know and then each member will draw a tile with a number on it to be able to talk with their loved ones."

"I don't want to preempt anyone." Despite how badly she wanted to get back to work she didn't think it was fair for her to jump the queue. Tegan shifted her weight from one foot to another glad she hadn't actually taken a seat yet. She looked down at Maverick and released him, he quickly trotted over to Kathryn who patted his head absentmindedly.

"You aren't, it's medically necessary."

"And of course Tuvok and Chakotay agree?" This time Tegan did pull out the chair and slid into it. She was tired despite having done nothing all day long. Just walking through the hallways was starting to take a toll on her mentally, though she would never admit it.

"They do." Kathryn didn't dare tell Tegan that Tuvok had actually backed the decision with a little more than his normal Vulcan gusto. He was worried about Tegan. Kathryn had known him long enough to see the subtle clues. "Dinner?"

Tegan nodded and watched as Kathryn ordered up roasted chicken with roasted potatoes and carrots. She loaded food on to Kathryn's plate and handed it to her before doing the same with her own. She picked up her fork and stabbed one of the small potatoes and took the whole thing into her mouth. She moved it to the back of her mouth with her tongue before crushing it between her molars, feeling it burst from the skin with a satisfying pop. She chewed it thoroughly before swallowing and looking at Kathryn whose smile had faded when they fell into companionable silence. "So, tell me about this Deanna Troi."