It was dark inside the TARDIS. The Doctor was lying on the floor, motionless. His face was blank. Silence resonated throughout his ship. Suddenly he felt compulsion to scream, just to reassure himself that he was still able to. Just to make sure he wasn't dead as well.

She was. He still held his grief at the bay. He wouldn't run away as he always did. She deserved better. Every tiny human could sit and cry and then, after some time, let go eventually. They could, he couldn't. He was too weak. The Doctor was usually full of energy, prepared to save the day. Now, his young face reflected its true age. He was so very tired.

He laid there on the glass floor, just as quiet as his only friend, the old faithful ship. The Doctor fell asleep. He slept for two days and when he woke up, he was empty inside. The Time Lord didn't take enough care of himself. He had grown a beard; he didn't have enough energy to shave it off. His appearance changed entirely.

The TARDIS had understanding for him at first; she was grieving as well. After some time had passed, however, she grew disconcerted. She worried about her Time Lord who didn't want to move on. He was aware of her concern, but ignored it anyway. He slept too much in these days and yet felt exhausted. Even after he woke up he wouldn't get up from the bed.

So when he did stand up, the TARDIS felt almost happy. His trance was over, or so she thought, when he went to the bathroom and shaved. Then he continued to his closet to get dressed properly. The Doctor opened its door and closed his eyes. He wasn't prepared to see any of her belongings. It would make her death conclusive. Nothing was sadder than a dead person's clothes.

He fumbled about in the closet, relying on his memory to lead him to the pile of clean clothes. Once he grabbed it, he made sure to get out as quickly as possible. He felt disgusted at himself being so gutless. The Doctor had faced cataclysms, monsters and other terrible, sick beings, but in fact he was a coward. These things might have tried to kill him, might have tortured him,yet still it was himself whom he feared the most.

When he got dressed, the Doctor walked to the console room. He pulled some levers, pressed some buttons, typed in coordinates, but the usual joy he possessed had vanished. Left behind in its wake was a sorrowful, old man. With a heavy sigh, he pressed a blue button. The TARDIS set off quietly.

Lights were green and blue and violet. They were constantly changing and flickering in odd way and gave the club gloomy atmosphere. There was a big square-shaped bar where different sorts of alcohol could have been ordered. In one of the bigger rooms was a band playing. The place before stage was full of different people and aliens who were moving in impossible way but not a single one of them seemed to feel ashamed of their bizarre dancing. They looked free. The music was suggestive and primitive, slow and yet dynamic. River suddenly felt strange urge to join the crowd and dance senselessly till she'd drop.

She put down to the liquor she had sipped before. River had no idea why she had come there in the first place. Earlier that day she had broken up with Andrew. Although it was her who had ended the relationship, sorrow settled down in her hearts.

Loneliness had been driving her mad recently. She did have friends; in fact she was quite popular amongst people, but they were lacking some qualities she required but couldn't put a finger on. Her relationships with others were very shallow from her side.

River always tried to be honest with herself and she realized that her current friends weren't able to keep up with her. They weren't good enough to make her feel fulfilled and satisfied. She was alone. Her friends were in the club as well, but she didn't feel like being with them.

She got back to the bar and ordered tequila. The woman was miserable and wanted to drown her sorrows in alcohol. River felt a bit guilty about avoiding her problems that way. It was almost like cheating.

'Whatever', she thought, licked her wrist, placed the salt, licked it again, drank the shot, closed her eyes, and sucked a lemon. Her mind was a bit dizzy when she opened her eyes again. River stood up and decided that dancing wasn't that bad idea at all. She didn't get to the dance floor, though, as a pair of lips suddenly crushed on hers. She was shocked and didn't respond at first, just stood there with her mind frozen.

'Whatever', she thought again and deepened the kiss. She didn't want to be sensible at the moment. The stranger backed her to the wall, both of them not caring about their surroundings. He was kissing her eagerly and somewhat desperately. When her mind started to work a bit, she noticed that the touch of his hand on her hip was familiar. Also his scent was unique and she was sure she had smelled it before. When he bit her lip in that very-him way, she knew. She pushed away abruptly and slapped him. The Doctor let out a sigh of pain and gave her a sad smile.

"You bloody idiot! I've been searching for you two years. Now you show up just like that and snog me without even saying hello!?" He was so stupid. The Doctor was pleased to see her. It was almost unbelievable that he had bumped into her. That's kind of why he didn't even think about the possibility of it being too early for her.

As he came to the club he was determined to get drunk. Of course, she would be there. River always liked a good party. It hurt him so much to see her being so, River-ish even as young as she was. She was crossed with him and yelled at him and yet he was truly happy after so very, very long time.

"Nice to see you too, honey. Though it occurs to me that I really deserved that one," the Doctor said casually as if nothing had happened.
"You bet you did," she said less angrily, feeling a bit ashamed for her spontaneous action. She wouldn't let him see that, though. River was far too prideful. She was glad she'd ran into him. The woman had been trying to do so since he left her in that hideous hospital. She still didn't have her answers. Granted, the man was a good kisser.

"So, Melody, what have you been up to lately?" The question was a bit corny.

'Actually, it's River now,' she said. She caught his look-there was wisdom and kindness in his eyes, as if he already knew the answer, but would ask anyway. She suddenly recalled what he had whispered into her ear and it made her uncomfortable. She didn't trust him at all. But she was attracted to him like a moth to flame.

'I've been studying at university.'

He was almost amused, "Oh, how interesting! What do you study?"

"Archeology," she simply answered, trying to play it cool. Her cheeks grew pink at the reality that she was truly studying him. That's what betrayed her in the end.

For God's sake, that's River Song blushing. The Doctor would have laughed if he hadn't forgotten how to, "Okay, then, River Song," he said with a teasing smirk, "do you fancy having a drink?"

She was sitting in one of the more intimate boxes. The Doctor brought two mojitos and sat down on the opposite of her. He looked straight into her eyes, "So what questions do you want to ask?"

River gave him an inquisitive look, "How did you know I wanted to ask you something?"

"Spoilers, dear,"

What a tricky word, spoilers. Once hated, once loved, or both as it was this time, "Question one: Why do you keep using that word?"

"Next question," He wanted to give her choice; she still could choose not to use the word at all. His look told her not to push the subject.

"What am I?"

The Doctortried to stay neutral, but the look in his eyes betrayed him. They hadn't told her, "You really don't know, do you?" She shook her head, "You're half human, half Time Lord."

This time it was her who was surprised, "Both of my parents are human."

"Yes, but you were...well, conceived in time vortex, which means you have some Time Lord traits."

There was a pause. It was a very big, silence engulfing pause that ate her up inside. River already knew the answer to this next question, but there was no harm in asking, "Can you take me to Amy and Rory?"

He had anticipated this question, but it hurt him nonetheless. His voice was soft, as were his eyes, when he spoke, "No, I can't."

"I could fly her myself," River stared at him, wonder and determination in her eyes, "you wouldn't have to do a thing."

"That's not the point. I literally can't. It's all sort of...timey-wimey spacey-wacey and I can't really tell you more although I really want to," The Time Lord spoke as fast as he could. The look River gave him suggested she didn't even understand, but then she spoke.

"Spoilers?"

His eyes were sad, "Yes, I'm afraid so, and I'm very, very sorry. I promise you'll meet them soon, you just have to be patient."

Rivers eyes went hollow for a split second, "I miss them."

"I miss them too." River wondered why, but decided that she didn't want to know the answer. They were both silent for a while, but it wasn't Doctor could see her inner fight. Finally she spoke.

"I'll give it to you straight. The thing you said before in Berlin, were you serious or was it just an attempt to save your life? Please, be honest. You owe me the truth."

He smiled gently, "Yes."

'Yes you were serious, or yes you wanted to save your life?'

"Yes, I was serious," The Doctor simply said.

"How was it? Rule one: The Doctor lies?" She didn't want to snap it out, but she just couldn't help it.

"Not this time. Never about this," The Doctor muttered to himself quietly. She was there, flesh and bones and it made him both miserable and joyful. It was the end for him. He knew he would never come to the Library again and hated himself for it. Even if she forgave him, he wouldn't. His throat was suddenly too tight.

"I'll go fetch another drink," He mumbled, stood up and walked away, leaving River behind, just as he always did.

They had been talking and laughing and dancing and flirting all night long. It was three in the morning and the Doctor was walking River home. Air smelt like rain. They became silent when they approached River's house. His eyes were bleak.

"Goodbye, River Song," he whispered and gently kissed her. His lips lingered on hers just few seconds. Then he walked away and didn't turn, for the Doctor knew that it would break his hearts. He heard sound of door slamming behind her.