13

HAPPY CASTLE100 MONDAY! And thanks so much to the super cute people who have been tweeting me telling me to hurry up and write this chapter. I love you guys!


After some time, Kate had no idea how long, she began to come to her senses again. He had told her to leave. So she would. She had to. She wanted to. She had never even wanted to kiss him. He had just been childish and silly. He had beaten her, but it hadn't been fair, and she could go now. Like she wanted to. She WANTED to leave! She did!

She was still sitting in the chair. She bit her lip. She didn't even know which room was his... If she went upstairs to look for him she wouldn't be able to find him anyway. She'd probably end up in Alexis' room!

And it was all immaterial because she wanted to leave. She wanted to leave. She had never wanted him to kiss her, she was glad he had gone, and she wanted to leave. She stood up. She wanted to leave. She rolled her shoulders and adjusted her posture to one of strength and control. She wanted to leave! She walked the ten paces to the door of the living room and put her hand on the handle. She wanted to leave! She opened the door and looked into the hallway. She WANTED to leave! She walked to the stand where the butler had put her cape. Ryan. The butler. He was nice. She picked up her cape and took her gloves out of the pocket. Her hands were shaking but SHE WANTED TO LEAVE! She put on the gloves. SHE WANTED TO LEAVE! She put her cape over her shoulders and felt for the knife she kept concealed beneath her skirt. She went to the front door. The lock would snap into place when she closed it from the outside. She wouldn't be able to get back in once she'd gone through it. Which was fine, because SHE WANTED TO LEAVE!

She threw herself through the door and slammed it closed, leaning against it taking deep, panting breaths. Well. That was that.

She hurried through the streets. It would take her 45 minutes to walk home; it was late but not too late. She would go to bed, no prowling the streets tonight. She had been walking for about five minutes when she realised he hadn't invited her back tomorrow. So when would she see him again?

She realised five minutes afterwards that he would be with her tomorrow night, following her around. There hadn't been a murder that she would need to solve; they would be going to the danger areas where people preyed on young women, mostly. Society was so unfair. Kate wished young women could be taught how to defend themselves, but there was barely even any acknowledgement of the problem. She was glad Rick had educated Alexis. She would have found it hard to like him if he hadn't.

She had promised to have tea with Alexis and her friends, too. She wondered when that would be. It was Monday night. She didn't think it would be the next morning, but it could be as soon as Wednesdays. She chuckled. She would have to prepare herself emotionally. Most young women seemed to take a lot of patience.

There was someone behind her. She felt it instantly. She stopped. They stopped too. Her frustration morphed instantly into resolve, all her energy channelling into alert, defensive power. She kept her breathing calm and began to walk again so they wouldn't suspect anything. They were good. They were keeping their footfalls in time with hers. He. He was too heavy to be a woman. She slid her hand through the gap in her dress that Lanie had helped her put in and pulled out her knife. She kept it concealed beneath her cape and walked a little faster, trying to get as close to home as possible. Montgomery might be older, but he was strong and had scared away several criminals in his time.

He was getting faster, and he was getting faster faster than she was. He was catching up. He had noticed she was hurrying and thought she might be running away. He wasn't going to let her. He was almost on her; she let him catch up but just before he could strike she threw a flying kick to his jaw. He gave out a loud yell.

"Hey, it's me!" it sounded like.

"Castle?" she whispered loudly. She squinted at her attacker through the darkness. It was him!

"Castle, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

He rubbed his jaw, still sitting in the road. "Helping you catch bad guys," he mumbled. Kate dragged him to his feet and under a gas lamp.

"Tilt your head up," she told him. He did as she said, shuddering with pleasure or pain, he didn't know, as she ran her gloved fingers along his jaw.

"You'll be fine. You'll have a bruise, though."

"Don't feel fine," he muttered.

"Well it's your own fault! Why were you following me like that?"

"I... I didn't know if you'd be ready to talk to me yet. I was going to wait until you were home."

"And you thought you could follow me without me noticing? Castle, remind me, what do I do?"

"Look, I didn't... I don't know. I wanted to surprise you, I thought it would be funny."

Kate laughed. "Actually, I am finding it a bit funny now," she said, looking at his puppy eyes and wounded expression.

"You're cruel."

"You're an idiot."

"We make a pretty good team, then."

"We're not a team. There is no team. I work alone."

"You want me as your partner. You let me win, you weren't just forced into it."

"No I don't."

"You do. You like it. You want us to be friends."

"I'm not having this conversation. I wasn't going to go out tonight. You should go home."

"Why weren't you going to go out tonight?"

Because I was going talk to my friend and then lie in bed thinking about you. "I didn't know when I'd get back, and then you seemed far too tired. And I don't have a murder to investigate; the police seem to be coping."

It sounded like an odd explanation – not to him, but to her. She always went out, but now she had been planning to stay in, to let people go unprotected, just because of a man? Because of Richard Castle? She was ashamed of herself.

"If you aren't tired, we can go out. I'll show you what I do when I don't have a particular person to catch."

They started walking in the direction of Montgomery's.

"What do you do?" he asked her, rubbing his jaw again.

"I go to the big halls where there are dances and watch women going home alone to make sure they get back safely."

Richard stared at her. "Wait, really? That's what you do every night?"

"Don't you think someone should?"

"Well... yes, but isn't that what the police are for?"

"The police are useless. They only patrol the main streets and each officer has a huge area to cover."

"But... why should it be you?"

"I ask myself that but the other way around. Why shouldn't it be? And the answer is there is no answer. I'm qualified. I'm good at it. I'm no better than anyone else, I have the time, I don't need a paying job, and I don't have any dependants."

"But you... You're so..."

"Pretty? I'm glad you think so but that is completely irrelevant."

"You have people who care about you."

"My mother is dead, my father is a drunk, and I have no other family."

"I care about you."

"You met me three days ago. And you don't need me. You just want to sleep with me."

"Kate, I don't know how long it's been for you but I hope I don't have to explain to you that there will be no sleeping."

"Fine. You want to have sexual intercourse with me. Now we've given it the proper definition-"

"Can I just say that hearing you say that is incredibly hot?"

"You already have said it. Anyway. Your desire for me is not a reason for me not to help people."

"But it's something for you to live for, too. I think you do it because you think it wouldn't matter if you got hurt. You don't want to die, but if you had to die to keep people safe, you would. You say you're no better than other people, and you're right. We're all equal. But being equal, Kate, means you're no worse, either."

His eyes were suddenly so soft, all traces of teasing had disappeared.

"You know you're strong. You know you're beautiful. You know you're clever. So why don't you know what you're worth?"

Kate looked at him. She didn't really understand, but in a way she did.

"I'm worth just the same as anyone else."

"And what is everyone worth? What is every life worth?"

"Life is priceless."

"So what are you?"

"Castle, this is just silly."

"Kate, you just said it. What are you?"

"I... look, you're tricking me. Stop messing around."

"Why is it making you so uncomfortable? I'm not messing around. Think about it. What is Alexis' life worth?"

"It's priceless, of course."

"And mine?" he asked with a small smile. Kate smiled back.

"Priceless, too."

"And Lanie's?"

"Priceless."

"And since all people are equal, and of equal worth – what is your life worth?"

Kate sighed. "I know what you want me to say so I will. It's priceless."

"But you don't believe it."

"I..."

"You don't. You've shut yourself up behind all these walls and you won't come out, you won't admit that there's even someone in there. You're controlled, you're sensible, you help people... But you don't want to feel. You don't want to give yourself the right to feel. But you have it. You don't have a choice, you don't get to decide. You have the right to feel, your life is priceless, and you have the right to love."

"That's a very nice speech, Castle. You use words so well to turn something hugely complicated into something you can explain away in a minute."

"So you don't have another part of you that you shut away?"

"I... Stop it. Just stop."

"What?"

"You heard me. Stop, or leave."

"Why? Are you afraid of what you'll admit? It's okay, I already know!"

"Castle! This isn't one of your books and I'm not one of your characters! You can't play with my life and you can't make me do what you want. I'm sure that in a book you and I would be in bed together within a week but this isn't a book! This is not a story! It is my life and I do not need you to tell me how to live it."

"I'm not telling you how to live it. I just want you to acknowledge that yes, you are priceless, and to at least think about how you feel."

Kate was furious with him now. She wasn't even sure why. They were almost outside her door; she would not let him in. "And why do you want me to do that?" she said icily. "Because I think it has a lot to do with how you feel, and absolutely nothing to do with me."

"You're wrong!" he shouted. "I care about you."

"No you don't." Kate threw her cape on the ground and held out her arms. "You care about this. You care about your character, this woman who would no doubt welcome your affection and the fact that you care about her, you want her to feel. I'm sure she'd find it absolutely adorable. But I am not her! So stop looking at me like you know what to do, like you know me, because you might know my name, Richard Castle, but you know absolutely nothing else!"

She was crying now. He stared at her helplessly, wishing he knew what to say but unable to think of anything that wouldn't upset her.

"Kate," he began eventually, taking a step towards her. She backed away instantly. "Kate, I didn't mean-"

"No. I'm sure you didn't," she said shortly. "I think you can go home now."

She waited for him to leave. He looked at her for several minutes and tried to speak a couple of times but her glare stopped him. He walked home wondering how such good intentions on his part could have turned into something so awful.


Kate hung her feet off the flat roof and watched the street. Everyone seemed to be getting into carriages; no women were going off on their own. She wiped her eyes, still stunned that she had actually cried. She felt bad for not explaining to Lanie but she would explain in the morning. She hadn't been up to it when she got in from fighting with Castle.

But she was never so weak. Lady Beckett did not break down and cry, especially not because of a man. And because of a man telling her she was priceless. It was so... When she thought about it objectively there wasn't really anything to be upset about. The only explanation was that he had been right. That everything he said had been absolutely true but instead of admitting it, she had chosen to insult him and accuse him of being interested in her for nothing more than her body. She had been beyond cruel, beyond selfish. She had crushed him, when all he'd done was care about her.

And now she would have to live with the fact that she would never see him, or his daughter, again. She had said enough to drive them both away forever.


A/N: So, thanks for reading, please review, and no, of course this is not the end, and of course she hasn't really driven him away forever! xxx