Chapter 6

Hero

Well, it can be safely said that Harkin is indeed an ass. Seriously. I had the urge to punch him before his mouth even started to move. That's never happened to me before. Though, I suppose knowing what to expect to come out of his mouth likely influenced that. I flex my hand as we walk through the wards, heading to the clinic where Garrus should be. Apparently Shepard sees my hand flex because he speaks up, "Was it really necessary to hit him?"

I looked to Shepard as we walked, "Yes! I was expecting him to be an ass, but that was way more than what I'd expected."

"You have to admit, he was pretty vulgar, especially toward Ash," Kaiden said.

Ashley let out a soft snort, "Hell, I wanted to do more than punch him. Seriously though, I'm surprised you didn't break your hand."

"Heh," I smiled, "His head is certainly dense enough... and it did feel like punching a brick wall."

"Punching a brick wall?" Ashley said incredulously, "Seriously? I haven't heard anyone use that phrase since my grandpa said it when I was a kid."

Crap! I should've known something like this would happen... I mean how many brick buildings must be left standing on Earth right now? Quick, gotta say something to allay any suspicion...!

...

"Meh," I say with a shrug.

Okay... could've done that better. Still, this could work. Act as if it's no big deal and it'll be forgotten...

"Here's the clinic," Shepard says, drawing everyone's attention as we approached the door.

Without a pause, Shepard opened the door and steped in, the rest us stepping in after him to get a look at the interior of the clinic. Alright. There's Garrus sneaking toward the corner, and there are the thugs threatening the doctor. The one threatening her looked up and saw us, immediately grabbing the doctor to use as a shield and pointing his pistol at us.

"Who the hell are you?!"

BANG

Boom, headshot...

The thug fell limply to the side as Garrus stepped out with his gun raised and the other thugs gave him a deer-in-the-headlights look. We all grab our pistol and bring them up. I didn't fire the first shot, but once I heard it I started squeezing the trigger. An instant later it was all over and everything went silent.

A silence quickly broken by the sound of weapons folding back up as they're put away and the others moving to the doctor. And I just stood there, blinking. I was feeling like I should be thinking something but no thoughts would really form. I just helped kill people. Real people. Not machines, not synthetic zombies, but real flesh and blood people. What the hell am I supposed to do with that? I'm not sure how long I stood there just staring off into space.

"Hey, you alright?"

I looked up to find Shepard standing in front of me with a frown of concern on his features.

"Huh? Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine," I replied.

He raised an eyebrow at me and crossed his arms in front of him, "You haven't seen much combat, have you?"

I look down, closing my mouth and swallowing before I respond, "No. Not before Eden Prime."

"But you were helping a Spectre?" Shepard says.

I just shrugged. I didn't have any clue how to explain that to him. Thankfully he didn't get a chance to press the issue.

"Shepard, we should get moving if we're gonna find that Quarian," Kaiden said.

Thank you Kaiden!

Shepard looked Kaiden and noded, "Yeah you're right. Come on, let's go find Wrex and then pay Fist a visit."

As we all filed out of the clinic Shepard started explaining the conversation they'd had with the doctor. It felt kind of odd though, in part because I hadn't asked, and secondly because he kept looking at me as if to gauge my reaction. I just nodded at everything he said as I felt the weight of my pistol on my hip. I'd actually killed people...

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

Wow. So that's Urdnot Wrex... yeah, I will readily say he is intimidating. Seriously. He's just standing there talking to a C-Sec officer while several others stand around him, and while they're all tense he looks incredibly relaxed. It's like it's just another day for him. And the parallel scars on his face look much more impressive in real life. As for his eyes... well, his eyes are simply just frightening. Those are the eyes of a predator. You could forget everything else, hell stick those eyes on a pink polka-dotted rabbit, and it would still be intimidating.

And now those eyes are looking this way...and getting closer. Damn, I think Wrex is awesome. A great, deep, real character... in the games, but damn if he isn't scary right now that he's now a real person and standing in front of me.

"Do I know you, human?" Wrex asks, looking at Shepard and the rest of us.

Shepard crosses his arms in front of him and leans back slightly...dang, I think even Shepard is intimidated by Wrex. "My name's Shepard. I'm going after Fist, thought you might want to come along."

"Hmm, Shepard...Commander Shepard, I've heard a lot about you," Wrex sayid before taking a step forward, "We're both warriors Shepard. Out of respect I'll give you fair warning, I'm going to kill Fist."

"Fist knows you're coming," Garrus said, "We'll have a better chance if we all work together."

Wrex let out a grunt and focused on Shepard, "My people have a saying: Seek the enemy of your enemy, and you will find a friend."

Shepard grined, "Glad to have you on the team Wrex." The two shook hands and suddenly I didn't feel quite so intimidated. Good, Wrex is an ally now. All that's left here is to save Tali, make Shepard a Spectre, and then get to hunting down Saren. Things are starting to move along now!

We made our way back to Chora's Den in silence, our pace brisk. The entire walk there I thought about the situation. There are going to be enemies, and I'm going to have to fight, maybe even take a life...again. I have to be prepared to do that. How the hell do you prepare to do that though? Just squeezing the trigger and watching the person drop seems so...cold. Heartless. I feel as though doing so would make me a monster, but what else can I do? Sooner or later I'm going to have to get comfortable with it. Monster...what makes a person a monster...the Reapers are monsters, cold, brutal, unyielding. I can't do that. I care about life, and taking a life is not something that should be done callously. I refuse to be brutal. Having compassion, looking for alternatives...that's who I am. Mercy...I want to give mercy and yet in spite of that I know, I know there will be times where I can't give it. I won't be a monster, but then... what will I be? Well, this is like a dream come true...so, I guess I could work toward making another one real as well. I mean, who hasn't dreamed of being a hero?

A hero. Someone who is courageous, compassionate, and willing to die so that others might live. I can be compassionate. Would I die for another person? I've daydreamed about it, saving a life at the cost of my own, but could I actually do it? I'd like to believe I could, but if I'm honest, I really don't know. And courage. Not an absence of fear, but a mastery of. It is okay to fear, fear is normal, natural. But fear shouldn't get in the way of ones actions, it shouldn't make someone hesitate or flinch back. It shouldn't keep someone from being willing to take risks.

...I'm not like that. I want to be, but, I'm not. I've feared everything throughout my life, even to the point where I can hardly claim to have any friends. The fear of being turned away has defined me for nearly two decades, and it's only recently that I've been able to start opening up more... and now I've wound up here. A second chance. A second chance... how many people ever get a second chance, to be who they dream of being? To start over? Begin anew? How many people have the will to walk away from everything they've ever known? I don't, I know that, but that hardly matters in this situation. I don't get the choice. I'm here now, and I need to decide what to do with myself. Yeah... I've got to make the most of this right? I could be anybody... so why not be the me I've always wanted to be?

A smile came to my face as I hear Shepard mention that the Den was closed down. A new start...my new start, and it starts right now!

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

…...Or not. I sighed as I watched the others move up to the door of Chora's den. I saw Shepard look towards me and motion at me to get going, so I turned and stepped out of sight. I was really disappointed. Shepard thought I wasn't ready for a large firefight yet though, and I had to grudgingly agree with him. I'm not made of the sort of stuff that handles that kind of situation easily. So he'd told me to wait for them nearby, back the way we'd come.

So that's what I did.