He always ended up alone and afraid, waiting in the hallway of a hospital. Why did fate have to conduct itself in such a way? What was he doing wrong? He didn't even know what happened to Kendall or if he would be alright. Logan collapsed into his hands and began to cry. Why? Why? If only he could see, he could understand.

"Logan!"

A familiar voice perked him right up. He looked in the direction of his name being called out, and soon James ran up to him and took a seat beside him on the bench.

"What's going on?" James asked.

"I don't know," Logan cried. "I don't know what happened. Kendall was sick. I had to get the neighbor and she called 9-11."

James stared at Logan with his mouth open. "You found him?"

"Yeah."

"Oh wow, Logan…" James couldn't believe what Logan was saying. "That's so brave of you."

"No, it wasn't. I couldn't do anything. And I don't know if he'll be okay. I don't even know what happened!"

"Logan," James cooed. He put his arms around Logan's shoulders and put a little kiss on his cheek. He smiled and breathed heavily. "That's amazing."

They waited for about an hour until finally a nurse came out of the room in front of them. "He's coming to," she said to Logan. "You can come in and say hi if you'd like to."

"Is she talking to me?" Logan whispered to James.

"Yeah."

"Take me into the room," he said.

James helped him up, took his hand and lead him into Kendall's hospital room. They stepped inside and James gasped to himself. Kendall was hooked up to a few tubes. He had deep bags under his eyes and he looked absolutely horrible.

"James," Kendall said hoarsely. "When did you get here?"

"What the fuck happened, man?" James asked, ignoring his friend's question.

Kendall shook his head. "Logan," he said. "Come here."

James helped Logan get right up to the bed. Kendall reached out and took Logan's face in his weak hands. He moved his head close to his and smiled.

"You saved my life," Kendall whispered.

"I did?" Logan asked innocently.

"Yeah. I overdosed on pain killers. A few more minutes and I would've gone out cold."

"Why did you do that?" James snapped, half angry and half worried. "Why the hell did you do that?"

Kendall released Logan from his hands and retreated back to his sides. He sighed and shrugged his shoulders. "Stupid," he said. "After Carlos left, I thought there was no point in going on without him."

"That's silly, Kenny," James said. "I mean like, why did he leave?"

"I…" Kendall sighed again. "I don't know. He was all angry 'cause I…I dunno."

James could tell that Kendall knew what the argument was about, but he didn't want to talk about it. A few years ago, James probably would have harassed Kendall until he told him, but he knew better now. He respected that.

"I don't know when I'll be outta here," Kendall said. "You guys take care of yourselves, okay? Hey, what's that?" He pointed at Logan's left hand.

"Ohh, hehe," James giggled. "Well…."

"You didn't!" Kendall gasped but James just smiled cutely. "You DID!"

"What are you talking about?" Logan asked.

"Well, you know, hehe…" James mumbled. He squeezed Logan's hand.

"Dude, that's too soon," Kendall said, trying not to sound condescending. Logan realized what they were talking about then.

"I know, but I don't care," James explained.

"Ooof…"

"What?"

"I dunno man," Kendall sighed. "Doesn't seem like a good idea to me."

"We aren't getting married tomorrow you know. Still a few months. Right, Logan?"

"Uh huh!"

"Well anyway, you give me a call when you're ready to come home, okay?" James asked Kendall and he nodded in agreement. They said their goodbyes and went on their way.

"I wonder what happened with him and Carlos?" Logan asked.

"No idea. It must have been pretty bad to push Kendall over the edge like that. I can't believe it. He's the last guy I would ever expect to do a thing like that."

"We almost lost him…" Logan said sadly, turning his head down. They left through the doors of the hospital. "You drove here, right?"

"Yeah of course."

He took Logan out to where he had parked his pick-up truck. The weather was getting progressively colder these days, and soon Logan would need some better winter close. He hopped up inside the truck and buckled himself in, and then James went around to the driver's door and got in as well. He started the engine and backed out of the space. Logan pressed his forehead against the window with a frown.

"What's going on?" James asked.

"I don't want to lose anybody else."

"Well yeah, nobody wants to lose people. It's life though, baby. People are gonna die."

Logan sighed real loud. "But can't it wait a little bit?"

"We can't choose, silly."

"I…I know. But, still…"

"Logan," James said rather seriously. They stopped at a red light and he looked over at his fiancé. "Do you realize that you saved Kendall's life? If you hadn't found him like that, he would have died. You saved it all."

"Well, I guess…"

"Something wrong?"

"I'm afraid I'll lose another. Afraid I'll lose you."

"But you didn't lose Kendall at all. Come on. Logan. You saved him. How many times do I have to outline this?"

"I guess."

James sighed stiffly.

"What?" Logan asked.

They finally turned into the parking garage and James made his way to a space without saying anything.

"What?" Logan asked again, starting to get concerned.

"Nothing." The growing tone of resistance in James's voice made Logan worry. He parked the truck and shut off the engine.

"What did I do?" the blind boy asked.

James let out another long sigh. "It seems like you don't want to do anything."

"What do you mean…"

"Being blind made you lose confidence in ever doing anything with your life. You convinced yourself that you'll never accomplish the things you wanted to. Now, you actually make a difference but you're reluctant to accept it. Do you enjoy being useless?"

"Wh…what?"

James put his face in his hands and breathed loudly, while Logan sat there with his eyes welling up with tears. It was the first time James had ever said anything cruel to him, and it burned deep. James looked over at him. "Ohh," he cried out and gave Logan a hug. "I'm sorry. Maybe it came out wrong."

"How could you say that…" Logan mumbled between sniffs. "I don't enjoy being useless. I don't like it that you have to take care of me."

"Then why can't you accept that you saved a life today?"

"I guess it's just too hard for me to handle. Like, I have convinced myself I won't accomplish anything. To be able to actually help someone else is difficult to fathom."

"Well," James said. "You did an amazing thing. I really wonder what happened between them, but either way you seriously saved Kendall's life."

"Th-thank you," Logan whispered.

"But hey, he's going to be okay, and we'll find out eventually. Let's go inside and have something to eat, okay?"

"Yeah, sounds good."

They got out of the truck and headed up to their apartment. As they came down the hallway, James spotted Carlos standing at their front door.

"Hey," James called out. Carlos looked up suddenly.

"Oh. Hey guys. Is Kendall home?"

"No. He's uhhh…why are you here?"

"I feel stupid about the fight we had, kinda wanted to apologize."

"Ohhh," James and Logan said at the same time. The taller boy then asked, "What exactly happened?"

"Ugh. It's stupid. We're both stupid." James noticed that Carlos was holding flowers behind his back. "I was a lil' pissed 'cause he kept talking about you, James. Not in a romantic way, but he kept bring you up. So I told him I was mad about it, and he said if I don't like his friends, then I shouldn't like him. And it went back and forth like that for a while. And then maybe I sorta told him to drop dead."

"What?" James asked. His face turned pale. "Why did you say that?"

"'Cause I was pissed off! I dunno!"

"Jeez," James sighed. "Do you want to come in?"

"Okay."

He unlocked the door and led the other guys inside. The three of them sat down in the living room. Carlos casually tossed the bouquet of roses onto the coffee table. "So why are you all weirded out acting?" he asked.

"Carlos," James said nervously. "Well, see, Kendall is in the hospital right now."

"What?" Carlos gasped. He got that serious face that rarely occurs. "Why?"

"He tried to kill himself."

"Ohh fuck," Carlos whined. "What the fuck. Oh no. No, no no. That's…shit." He crumbled up on the sofa and started to tear up. "That's my fault."

"It's not your fault," Logan chimed in. He tried to reach out to Carlos but was unsuccessful. "Nobody can make somebody do that."

"But I told him to die. Oh my God. I had no idea he…I had no idea he was so emotionally volatile."

"I didn't either," said James. "I never would have guessed Kendall could pull a stunt like that."

"Ohhh God," Carlos continued to cry. "Ohhh my God. Whyyyy…" He clutched his heart as if it was literally breaking.

"It's okay," James said. "He's going to be fine."

"Kendall…"

"Do you want a beer or something?" James suggested.

"Yeah. If you don't mind."

The pain didn't cease, but James and Logan did their best to help Carlos out through this problem. He stayed for dinner and then proceeded to get drunk on the sofa. By the time ten o'clock rolled around, Carlos had passed out and James decided to call it a night.

"I have class early tomorrow," he said. "We'll see how Carlos is when we wake up. It's fine if he stays here."

"Oh, okay," Logan agreed. He followed James off to bed. "I don't feel like reading."

"No? Not at all?"

"No. I just want to sleep. This was a big day. I feel emotionally overwhelmed."

"That makes two of us. Well, three I guess. No, probably four." James pulled his shirt off over his head and put it on a hanger. He stretched out real tall and yawned big. Logan giggled and crawled under the covers.

"I'm just glad everyone's alive and okay," Logan said.

"Me, too," James agreed. He got in bed next to his boyfriend and gave him a warm hug. "And it will stay that way for a long, long time."