17

A/N: Hello! I just gave blood (woohoo) so if you're type A+ I might save your life one day. Just saying...


Kate slipped out of bed the next morning long before Richard woke up and hurried to get out of the room. She felt... strange. Good. But... there was an edge to it. As though she was doing something wrong. It was uncomfortable. Mostly she was thinking about her mother and everything she had promised her life would be after her mother's death. She didn't think what she was doing with Richard went against that exactly, but she just had this feeling that it wasn't supposed to be fun. Solving murders, getting justice... it wasn't supposed to be something she enjoyed. It was penance. It was supposed to be hard and painful and difficult... But Richard made it fun. He made her laugh while she worked, he made her smile at the thought of the day ahead.

She knew this shouldn't be a bad thing. She knew enjoying life wasn't something to be ashamed of. But her life... Perhaps she really did have different standards for other people. She put herself in a different category. And that category was broken, abnormal. She didn't think of herself as having the same rights as everybody else.

And whether that was right or not, she was broken. That was undeniable. She had been broken for nine years, from the day she had run away and started trying to hunt down her mother's killer. She was still just as broken. She might not act it any more; her walls were strong and close to impenetrable. But she wasn't whole. She couldn't be relied upon. She couldn't be trusted.

She knew Richard wanted to trust her. She knew the friends thing was rubbish. He wanted to love her. And as Lanie had told her, she wanted to be loved. It was incredibly selfish, but that was why she had let him be with her, and why she would continue letting him be with her. She needed it. She was using him. She was using his love to keep herself afloat because she was lonely and it had been too long and he was sweet and handsome and funny and kind and clever and honest and wonderful and brilliant and-

She... somethinged him. She didn't 'really care' about him. She really cared about Alexis. She didn't like him. She liked... Josh. She didn't love him the way she loved Lanie; she loved Lanie as a best friend. She... wanted him? But it was so much more than that.

Maybe you just love him, like he loves you.

She shook herself. No. It couldn't be love. Not that she had ever been in love. Not that she knew the first thing about love. But it couldn't be love. The only love she knew was in books and it was... fake, anyway.

Whenever she saw him her world lit up. The weight lifted off her chest and she wanted to smile. She wanted him to make eye contact so she could see into his soul through those big blue eyes. She felt safe. She felt comfortable. She felt good, warm, happy... She got butterflies in her stomach before he even touched her, her lips tingled when she watched his, every hair on her body prickled if his skin brushed hers. When he smiled she felt like a little girl again, young and free and innocent. When he spoke she hung on his every word.

"Good morning," he said from behind her. She had been standing in the living room. She was still just wearing his shirt. He had put his breeches on.

"Good morning," she said, some of her worry fading just at the sound of his voice. How could something be wrong when it felt so right? She turned to face him – which was a mistake, because he saw her face.

"Kate, what is it?" he asked, instantly worried.

"Nothing, I was just... thinking."

"What on earth were you thinking about? Don't take this the wrong way but you look terrible..."

Kate managed a weak smile. "I was thinking about... us, sort of. Me. How this is... selfish."

Richard put his hand on her face and tilted it up so she was looking at him.

"Kate. It's not selfish. I'm the selfish one, if one of us is being selfish."

"How did you work that out?"

"I persuaded you to do this when you weren't sure. And if you don't want to it really is okay. We can stop, we can be friends only."

"I didn't take much persuading, Castle. And, were you there last night? Of course I still want to do it. But I... I'm using you."

"Use away. Please. Nothing would make me happier."

"I don't believe you."

"But you know I wouldn't lie."

"I..."

"Kate. There is nothing I would enjoy more than spending the rest of my days helping you solve crimes and making love to you. With a few breaks to visit my daughter, maybe. But I... I'll throw it back at you. Were you there last night? How can you think this is bad for me?"

Kate bit her lip. "I..."

"You're really used to shit, aren't you?"

"Excuse me?"

"Shit. Rubbish. Bad things. You're used to them."

"I know what the word means. I don't know what you mean."

"You... a lot of bad things have happened to you. And now something that feels good is happening and you don't know what to do, how to feel about it, how to react to the goodness that's flooding through you. So you're hiding from it, when you should be embracing it."

"I don't need you to tell me how to feel," Kate said angrily. "I may be a little unsure about this situation but that does not mean I am a scared little girl who needs your constant comfort and support. I think we've exhausted the subject, don't you?"

"Wait. We're still going to-"

"Castle. I am not going to stop fucking you. Now go get us some food while I start working."

"Okay.. can I have my shirt back."

"No. Is that a problem?"

"No, no problem.. I'll wear the other one," he said as he retreated back to the bedroom. Kate rolled her shoulders. That was better. She needed to take control again.

"Use the window to get out," she called to him.

"What?"

"Go over the roof so you don't come out in this street. I don't want anyone to see you."

"Are you ashamed of me, m'Lady?" he asked, poking his head around the door. She grinned.

"Very. Do you mind?"

"Not in the least."

He went back into the bedroom and she heard him open the window and climb out. She probably used that exit more than she used the door...

She took out the envelope and then a large (and incredibly boring) book about lineage and wealthy families. Richard returned with some coffee and warm bread and she ate enthusiastically. Then she had to get dressed. She could have called Lanie, or managed on her own, but she needed to lighten the mood again.

"Castle," she called from the bedroom.

"Yes, my Lady," he called back.

"How would you feel about furthering your education about corsets?"

He appeared in the doorway.

"You want me to put that on you?"

"Yes."

"And you won't blame me for your suffering?"

"It's self inflicted."

"Alright then.. what do I do?"

Kate grinned. She showed him how to pull it tight then braced herself on the end of the bed. He pulled.

"Put your back into it, Ricky. No point otherwise."

"As you wish," he said. He pulled harder. The noises Kate made weren't strictly necessary but she knew Richard would enjoy them. He tied it as she had shown him and handed her the grey dress she was going to wear. It was smart and had a jacket that matched; she did her hair up and pinned on her black bonnet, throwing down the veil. She laughed as Richard put on tinted glasses and a fake beard.

"Completely unrecognisable," she told him. They left Montgomery's together, through the window again, across a couple of roofs and down into a different street. Kate walked briskly just as she would have done alone, and they didn't talk much, but she couldn't deny that she felt a certain comfort in having him at her side.


"I still think it was the wife. They do say poison is the spouse's weapon of choice."

"While that is true, Castle, we're going to need more than what you think to prove that she did it."

"She had opportunity. And motive, she hated him."

"But she's destitute now. While he was alive she had money. Now it all goes to the son, the son that won't even speak to her."

"Ah yes, the mysterious son who isn't even in London. Tell me, Lady Beckett, how could he have done it?"

"He could have paid someone."

"Why do you prefer the son?"

"I don't. I think it was the wife too. But why would she kill him when she knew she would lose all her money?"

"Maybe she knew where some pirate treasure was buried. Maybe it's a Romeo and Juliet thing and she's going to kill herself now as well."

"That's not Romeo and Juliet. Romeo and Juliet both killed themselves."

"I'm a writer, not a reader."

"Arrogant."

"And not true. I just meant Romeo and Juliet as in both sides of the couple end up dead."

"But she isn't dead."

"Spies?"

"Castle. Spies? Buried treasure? Seriously?"

"What are your so much better theories?"

Kate looked around the room. They were back in her living room with a pot of coffee and the notes from their interviews with the wife and the victim's best friend.

"An affair!" Kate said suddenly. "She's having an affair. That's why she doesn't care about the money. The other man must have money too. She was trapped in a marriage with a man she didn't love who was making enemies left right and centre, so she and her lover decided the only way for them to be together would be to kill him."

Richard grinned at her. "It's the perfect explanation. But how do we prove it? And how do we prove that it wasn't one of his political enemies?"

"His son inherits the business. That won't help anyone. No one benefits from his death apart from the son. If it wasn't him-"

"It has to have been her. So now what?"

"We prove she was seeing someone. That will be enough for the police to take her and do their work."

They left in the afternoon to speak to some family friends – but the most helpful conversations were with the servants. In a way Kate was glad of the brutal and unfair class divisions. It meant that most servants had very little loyalty to their employers. By the end of the afternoon she had not only confirmed the affair but found the name and address of the gentleman in question. One maid also said she had seen this gentleman in the house on the night of the murder, and that he had left using the back staircase and door. This was enough to arrest both the wife and her lover.

Although she had worked out the strategy, Kate had to admit she wouldn't have been able to do it nearly so easily without Castle. He was effortlessly smooth with all the servants, befriending them instantly. He hardly had to ask them questions for them to talk. She was brusquer. She always got the information she needed but she grudgingly accepted that Castle had gotten it far more quickly than she would have done.

They made a stop at the police station on the way back to her apartment to pass on all the information they had gathered. Kate had to help Richard get up onto a nearby building so they could reach her window unseen.

"It's all very exciting," he said as he clambered into her bedroom.

"What is?"

"What you do. The disguises, the midnight adventures, climbing through windows and running over roofs, digging up secrets..."

"I solve crimes, Castle."

"Me too, in my books. People find them exciting. Even you. So why shouldn't I find this exciting?"

Kate sighed. "No reason. It's just a different way to look at it."

"A better way?"

Kate ripped off his fake beard and he yelled loudly.

"You should go home," she told him. "Alexis will be worried."

"She knows I go out sometimes. I warned her I would have meetings in London. But yes, I should go home. Will you come to dinner?"

Kate thought about it. She wanted to say yes but she changed her mind. "No. But I'll see you later?"

"Of course. But why don't you want dinner?"

"I... I'll be there tomorrow for the tea party. I think you and your family need a bit of time without me. I don't want Alexis to think I'm taking you away from her."

"No one could ever do that. I'm sure she wouldn't mind, but as you wish. You can... What will you do?"

Kate grinned at him. "I'll have a bath and read a book."

"Now I really don't want to leave."

"Castle. We both need some time away from each other. Probably more than a few hours but I think the extended break can wait. For now, go home, see your family, be the good father I know you are."

Richard smiled. "Do I still have to use the window?"

"When you leave and when you return later. If that's alright."

"Alright? I love it!" he said, sounding like a little child.

"You are bizarre," Kate told him. He kissed her for that and then scrambled out.

"I miss you already," he told her as he closed the window behind him. She raised her eyebrows. He stuck out his tongue and then he was gone. She grinned. They had solved a case, he was coming back later, and she had time for a bath!

Lanie helped her to heat enough water and carry it up to the tub in front of the fireplace in her bedroom. They had two tubs; they heated water for Lanie to have one in her room too.

Kate undressed without needing assistance from anyone and was finally free to sink into the almost too-hot water. She sipped her glass of wine and leaned her head back happily. Sometimes she thought this was better than making love.


A/N: I hope you liked it, please review! Thanks for reading, love you xxx