"I sorta feel silly, but also not."
Still in the same hospital bed, Kendall sat up and talked to his friends who came to see him. The doctor said he would be discharged the next day, so he at least had something to look forward to.
"It's okay to feel however you want," James said. "But listen, uhh…"
"What."
"Logan told me something interesting."
"I did?" Logan asked.
"Yeah," said James. "Carlos told you that Kendall proposed to him."
Kendall snorted and diverted his attention to the window, even though the blinds were shut.
"Did you?" James asked.
"I did," Kendall mumbled.
"But he told you no?"
"Yep."
"Well dude, that's nothing to end the world over," James said cooly.
"You don't understand," Kendall snapped. His heavy eyebrows furrowed along the bottom of his forehead. "Your guy said yes."
"Yeah, but if he didn't, it woulda been okay."
Logan blushed as the other boys kept talking.
"It's the way he did it, man," Kendall said, sighing. "Like, he knew I was having problems and stuff. And then so I put my heart on my sleeve and ask him to marry me. You know what he said?"
James and Logan shook their heads.
"'Oh, I don't want to do that.' Can you believe it? Ugh."
"What's so bad about that?" Logan asked.
"It was cold," Kendall said. He folded his arms and peered back at the engaged couple. "And then he starts talking about how I don't shut up about James. Well sorry. Sorry if I've been thinking about my ex, who is having this new relationship and blah blah blah. What the fuck."
"Awww…" James hummed. "Carlos is just being a butt."
"I've been dealing with a lot lately," Kendall said. "Dunno if you know this, but my sister tried to kill my mom."
"What?" James gasped. Logan put his fingertips to his mouth.
"Yeah…"
"That's messed up!" the tall brunette yelled. "How did it happen?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Okay," James said. "Sorry. You could have told me these problems, you know."
"Yeah I know. I dunno. Maybe I've been keeping too much to myself."
Their conversation was cut short by James's phone ringing. He jumped up, took it out of his pocket and said, "Oh, it's my parents. I gotta take this. Be right back!" Then he left Kendall and Logan alone in the room.
"Um," Logan said quietly. Kendall didn't answer. "Do you still…love James?"
"Depends how you define 'love,'" Kendall said. "Do I still care about him? Of course. Why not? Do I still want to be with him? No."
"Are you sure?"
"Yep."
"Oh, okay."
"Why do you ask?"
"Well, I guess, if it would fix things, I would leave James so he could get back together with you."
Kendall suddenly burst into laughter. He shook his head, smiling, reached out and touched Logan on the arm. "You're too sweet," he said.
"Huh? How come?"
"You would really ruin your life to make James happy?"
"My life was ruined before I met James. He gave me hope. I owe him everything. Even if we broke up, my life has been changed for the better because of him."
The blond boy nodded. He retracted his hand and folded them both in his lap. It was then he realized that James and Logan weren't getting married too soon. They had something that James and Kendall never had; understanding.
"Oh, and Kendall?" Logan snapped him out of his bittersweet train of thought.
"Yeah?"
"Carlos wants to get back together with you."
"He does?"
"Yes."
Kendall sat back in his bed and looked up at the ceiling. He was speechless.
"Kendall?"
"Hm?"
"Will you take him back?"
"I don't know."
"Why not?"
"It's complicated, Logan. It's just complicated."
The door opened up and James came back in. "Sorry guys! Hey, everything okay?"
"I think so," Logan said quietly.
"Alright, well how would you like to have dinner with my parents, baby?" James asked Logan, taking his shoulder.
"Tonight?"
"Yeah. We can go right there. That cool?"
"Uh huh, okay. Sorry Kendall, we have to go."
"It's fine," the blond said. "I'll be home tomorrow anyway. So I'll see you guys real soon." He smiled halfheartedly and waved a little as the couple headed out.
"It's so nice to see you boys again," was the warm welcome that James and Logan got from Mrs. Diamond when they later showed up at the house. "I'm glad you made it on such short notice. Sorry about Kendall."
"Oh it's fine, he'll be alright," James said. He gave his mother a hug and then lead Logan through the front door.
"So how are you two fairing?" Mrs. Diamond asked.
Logan held onto James's arm as he led him through the house. Since this was only his second time being there, it was still very unfamiliar. The floor was comfortable hardwood and the entire place smelled warm. It seemed there was meat broiling.
"We're great," James said. "Logan and I are really, really great." He kissed Logan on the cheek.
"I'm glad," his mom said. "Why don't you sit with your father at the dinner table? I'll grab the roast and be right in."
"Cool, cool. Come on, Logan." James took his fiancé by the shoulders and directed him to his chair. "Got it?"
"Uh huh!" Logan cheered. He got comfortable on the seat cushion and placed his elbows on the table. There was food on the table, he could tell; maybe potatoes and something like broccoli. It was hard to tell just by the odors.
"James, Logan," Mr. Diamond said, nodding his head with each name. He was sitting at the table, reading some book through his bifocals.
"Sup dad," James said casually.
"Not much is 'sup', James."
Mrs. Diamond came back to the table now, carrying a large platter with a piece of roast beef in the middle. She set it down on the table and took a seat. She sighed happily. "Dad, can you cut it up for us?"
"Sure," James's dad said. He put down his book and picked up a knife.
"So did you plan all this for us, and just except us to say yes?" James asked.
"The roast was on sale," said Mrs. Diamond. "And it wasn't until I put it in the oven that I realized it was too much for us. So I thought, hmm, why not have my boys over?"
"Boys?" Logan said, raising his eyebrows.
"Logan honey, you're practically family," Mrs. Diamond said, smiling. Logan blushed.
"Well, hehe, about that," James began. He grinned ear to ear as he plopped a big pile of mashed potatoes onto Logan's plate.
"Jaaaaaaaames?" his mother asked. "Are you hiding something?"
James giggled. He slid his hand over the table and squeezed his fingers. Logan's face lit up. Mr. Diamond held the knife over the roast but stopped when he saw the hand touching. He peered over his glasses and said, "What is it?"
"We're engaged," James said quickly. He stared at his parents with a big, expectant smile. His father put the knife down and sat back in his chair. "Jesus Christ," he said, rolling his eyes. But his mother just sat there with a meek smile on her face.
"Isn't it too soon?" Mr. Diamond asked, sounding frustrated.
"A little, but I don't care," James said, squeezing Logan's fingers. "I love him and I want to be with him."
The father let out a long, tense breath of air. "That's great," he said, sarcastically.
"I think it's fine," Mrs. Diamond said quickly. "If that's what you want to do, well, then that's fine. That's just fine." She smiled and handed the carving knife back to her husband. "Can you cut the roast, please?"
"Okay, okay," James's dad roared. He took the knife and went to cut the meat again.
"Ummm…" Logan finally spoke. He tried to smile, but being put on the spot like that made him nervous. He didn't quite expect dinner with his fiancé's family to go that way. "So ummm…"
"Logan, it's fine," Mrs. Diamond reiterated. "Like I said, you're family."
James's father put a slab of roast down on Logan's plate and then one on James's. "Can he eat meat?" his father asked.
"What do you mean? Of course he can," James said. "He just can't cut it like that." He swapped plates with Logan's and cut his meat into small pieces. His parents watched silently as he practically babied his boyfriend. Mr. Diamond cleared his throat and gave his wife a piece of the roast. He put one of his plate and sat down stiffly.
"So when is the wedding?" Mrs. Diamond asked.
"Dunno yet," said James.
"I think the first day of Spring would be nice," Logan suggested.
James smiled. "I like that. What do you think?"
"That's so sweet," said Mrs. Diamond. "I think it's nice."
Dinner continued in a rather tense but alright manner. Obviously, James's dad wasn't so cool with them getting married so quickly, but his mother could tell and she was trying to make them feel alright about it. The food was fantastic, both James and Logan agreed. On the ride home, James noted that his mom had always been an amazing cook.
"Dunno how he never gained weight," he said. "I'd be so fat if I could cook that well."
"You cook great," Logan said. He put his elbow on the side of the door and propped his head up. "Do you think getting married is a bad idea?"
"No. Why would you say that?"
"Your dad seemed mad."
"Pops is always mad," James said with a little giggle. "Don't worry about it. Love is love, you know?"
"Mmm. And I do love you," Logan whispered.
"I love you too, baby." James looked over at Logan and stuck out his tongue. "I wanna fuck you good tonight."
"Heh. Okay. Maybe." Logan sighed.
"What's up?"
"Worried about Kendall."
"He's a big boy, he'll be alright."
