Disclaimer: I own nothing except my own characters.
Note: Um...this took a while to write, I wanted to make it as powerful as possible. There's a special bond between Tammie and Fred but also between Tammie and Matt and I wanted to make sure it was put in the right light, not just Tammie being a whore. Abby's in this chapter SiobhanPhelps!
The Other Unforgiveable Curse
"I thought you transported yourself back to America" he said with a strained smile as I slowly walked down the rest of the steps.
"It's still a good looking option" I tried to joke back with the same strained voice. I looked around, the common room was completely cleared except us.
"Tammie—" he started but I shook my head.
"Please, don't tell me how much I hurt you, don't tell me you care, don't even tell me that Draco is the core cause. I know what I said wasn't right or fair or true and I know I shouldn't have been so—" I cut off as I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry" I said with a pleading expression. "Fred, I apologize, I do, and if you can't forgive me I understand, but I need you to hear me say it" I said feeling the lump in my throat as he dropped his shoulders.
"I accept your apology" he said slowly, taking a step closer, but still so far away. "And I talked to Matt, he explained what happened" I blinked a few times. Matt? I asked myself but listened to Fred. "He said as soon as Draco hit the ground you broke whatever he had been doing to us—the push or Seal whatever he called it—and Courtney took that opportunity to get in your head" he said as he sat on the arm of the chair. I blinked again, my mouth open but I couldn't think of anything to say, besides Fred was still talking. "He wonders if you even remember last night, being pushed so much isn't good for a person" he said. I closed my eyes, not only did Matt lie—I assumed—but Fred was still concerned about me.
"I'm fine, I do remember what I said and…" I paused. "I can't get pass what I said yesterday, my fault or not, I still said, you don't deserve that, I don't deserve you" I told him as he tensed a little.
"I've been saying that for the last two years and now you're going to turn around and use it on me? Don't do that, don't tell me what I deserve. Don't tell me you're not good enough" he said as I felt my heart get a little heavy. "What do you wanna do Tammie?" he asked in a tired voice.
"Be with you" I said as I moved closer to him, his body still tense.
"Matt sealed both us, it didn't affect me. I might have pretended it did, but I still felt the same for you as I always have. You wouldn't have been influenced if you didn't feel it somewhere in your heart. So clearly I must be doing something wrong, so what am I doing? What do you want?" he asked as I shook my head.
"To be with you" I said trying to sound as meaningful as possible without crying. "It's not you, you've done everything right, you've been too good to me—"
"Then why am I not enough for you!" he shouted as he jumped up. I stepped back, trying not to feel the stab. "I don't want to end this, but if I do, and we make up, I don't know if we can be together again—"
"Then don't end it!" I interrupted, my voice almost pleading.
"I can't be with you" he said, his words hitting me like a stunning spell. My mind going completely blank. "I need to figure out how to get pass last night—"
"I'm sorry, I am, for everything, for anything, just, please…" I said but trailed off as he turned to look at me. He looked even more tired than he did two minutes ago. It was suddenly obvious he had been up all night thinking about this. "Give me another chance, anything, just, don't do this. Freddie, please, what else can I do to convince you?" I asked—half stupidly—taking his hands as we shared a longing look, a sudden breath-taking, heart-breaking look.
"Say it Tammie…" he said quietly as he stared at me with sad sad eyes as if already knowing I couldn't, for whatever reason. I swallowed hard, still trying hard to blink back the tears knowing I couldn't give him the only thing he wanted because I was a coward and confused.
"It's not you, I swear" I said but he pulled out my grip, ripping my heart out in the progress.
"Okay" he said quietly as he moved toward the portrait. His voice was hard, different, distant, cold. "I should go, Charity was trying to catch me before I left the Great Hall" he said. I stiffened, Imperio.
"Don't sink to my level, don't get yourself involved with someone like her" I said as he laughed a little.
"She knows what she wants" he snapped back. Crucio. "Besides Malfoy, you still have a few hours before people expect you to go after Matt" he said pretending to look at a watch. Avada Kedavra.
"Stop it" I said, my voice shaking. Fred glared at me, I couldn't tell if he was upset because his words actually hurt me or upset because he let himself say them.
"Now we're even" he said which roughly translated in my ears to I hate you. I quickly wiped my eye before the tear fell. I looked away to try and stop the oncoming tears but once I heard the portrait open and footsteps leave I was unable to do anything but continuously wipe my face, the tears springing up as soon as I moved my hand.
"Tammie, you can't miss Potions, I know you're upset, but…" Hermione's voice said as I stayed laying on my stomach, listening to her voice from the other side of my curtains. As soon as Fred left and I trusted myself enough to move and not jump out a window I ran upstairs and poured my eyes out. I wasn't sure when Hermione came back but I swore if anyone tried to come near me I would jinx the shit out of them. My chest was still pulling as I turned over on my side. So weak, so sore, so tired.
"Go away" I told her but I knew she was still standing there. I wondered who was with her, had Ginny come up? Was she waiting to murder me?
"Tammie, c'mon, please, I know you're upset but class—"
"I don't care!" I shouted at her. I was heartbroken. I was immature child who just accidently broke her first favorite toy. I was that angry first year who couldn't go to Hogsmade. I was slowly spiraling. It wasn't because I was mad, it wasn't because Matt had tried to help, it wasn't even because I couldn't tell Fred I did care about him. It was because he said he didn't know if he could get back with me. After everything, after almost dying twice, after fighting and arguing, after our families personal wars, after all the other guys love was what broke him. He was gone and he wouldn't come back. He was there but I could never have him again.
I tuned back into the whispering, someone was out there with Hermione, but I didn't want to know who. It could be Lavender. I squeezed my eyes at the thought. "Tammie" Hermione said gently as she moved closer so I could see her outline better.
"Alright, I'm coming" I said I continued laying there, letting the tears slide down my face.
"Good, you need to be around friends" she said. I wanted to let out a laugh, my friends were going to kill me. I reminded myself as I pulled apart the curtains, Hermione and Abby were standing there.
"Oh no" I said as I closed my eyes and hung my head.
"I'm not mad" Abby quickly said. "I'm sad; mostly because you're so sad, you're crying and Fred's face was all blotchy when I last saw at breakfast. He didn't eat or anything" she explained. I shook my head, I wasn't hearing this. "I'll walk with you to class if you want" Abby said as I looked over her and then at Hermione. Innocent sad Abby or Hermione's pity 'logical' statements? Hmm. I shook my head, I could feel myself slowly shifting to reckless behavior.
"Okay" I said grabbing my bag as Hermione and Abby looked at each other questionably. "Let's go; Hermione, I'll see you there" I told her with a nod and then followed Abby out.
"Do you want me to say anything?" Abby asked as we rounded another corner. I stayed silent as I had for the last five minutes. We started to go left but I saw the library, the warm comforting library. I could hide in the back. I could continue to be a coward and hide from everyone. I could curl up on a table and cry.
"Abby" I said placing a hand on her shoulder and nodded toward the library. She looked at it questionably but quickly caught my drift.
"Feel better Tammie and like I told Fred, you guys will be okay, you'll be back together faster than a hippogriff flies" she said with a little smile. I didn't bother to smile back or nod or give any kind of indication I heard her. I couldn't, not this time, it hurt too much and reminded me I wasn't with Fred because of my stupidity. I sighed and walked off, leaving Abby to stay alone for a moment but then heard her sigh and walk off. I moved toward the library in quicker strides, only too anxious to sit down before I fell into a puddle of depression. It wasn't until I reached a desk, slamming my bag on top did I realize someone was already sitting there. I looked up, expecting to see Courtney or even Burnner, grinning at me, smiling at how easily it was to break Melinda and I. I was entirely too surprised to see Matt sitting there, looking at me with the same surprised—almost shocked look.
"Hey" he said slowly, my bag still on his papers.
"Aren't you supposed to be in class?" I asked him accusingly.
"Aren't you?" he countered as I remained silent. "I told Fred you didn't remember what happened, I told him any lie I could think of—"
"It didn't work, he dumped me" I said, my eyes watering. Matt searched my face, as if I were lying or to see if it really affected me.
"I told him it was Courtney, you weren't responsible for your actions" he said I let my bangs fall in my face as I looked down—still ashamed of myself.
"Was it? Courtney I mean?" I asked him but I knew he didn't need to respond, his sad-pity filled eyes said it for me when I looked up. "He doesn't want me back again, he wants it to be over forever" I said as I hung my head again.
"Sit down, you're gonna fall over if you don't" Matt replied. I did as he said, not because it was he said it, but because I did feel like I was going to fall, I could feel my legs buckle. I didn't say anything to him for a few minutes and he seemed to respect that; even more he made no indication of wanting to comfort me. I was stupid for thinking he would've.
"He thinks we're gonna get together" I said quietly as I continued picking at the wooden table. I only looked up because Matt gave a sore sort of annoyed laugh.
"I do like you," he started as our eyes met, the feeling from our first encounter making me feel the slightest bit better. "But, you don't like me" he said. I wanted to argue, I had opened my mouth to but Matt shook his head. "You're sad, and angry and you hurt. You want comfort but deep down you want Fred more" he explained as I snorted. He said like he knew me. I thought with annoyance. "Besides, I wouldn't want you to go for me" his voice a bit lower.
"Why not?" I asked boldly trying to make myself look—seductive.
"You don't know me" he replied as we stared at each, as if daring the other to make a move.
"I want to" I continued as boldly but quieter than the first time. I knew what desperate meant, I knew what a rebound was, but the way I had to hold my breath, the way the air seemed to isolate us, the way our electricity wrapped around each other felt so strong it was almost terrifying.
"I know" he said, his words as trance-like as mine. I wanted to reach out my hand, to do something, to lean closer, to smell him, and I knew he wanted the same but neither of us were moving, neither of could break whatever bond we had formed. It was as if we were made of glass and with one movement it would be destroyed. "I—we can't start anything Tammie…" he said sadly, trying to pull himself back to reality.
"Why not?" I asked almost too annoyed. I got Oliver, I got Lee. Matt just admitted he liked me.
"It won't stop" he said, an underlying message clear. I wanted to say more, to disagree, to tell him could be stopped—if we tried, if we wanted it to—but something in voice, something is tone, something in his body language told me to not push, told me there was something underneath.
"What aren't you telling me?" I asked him much to his surprise; he twitched, as if cursing himself and then flexed his jaw, his eyes flashing darker for a second—or had I imagined it?—and then he was back to looking relaxed and then indifferent. "Matt…" I said kindly but he sort of glared at me, as if whatever had happened to him seconds ago was my fault.
"Tammie, please, let it go" he said firmly. Unwillingly I nodded and leaned back in my seat.
"Did you skip Defense Against the Dark Arts too?" I asked glancing as his notebook, seeing he didn't have anything written for today's date.
"Yep" he said seemingly going back to his old self.
"I thought you liked that class?" I asked as his eyes fell on me, a little look of hurt but I ignored it, I hadn't done anything to him.
"I did, until I found out Burnner teaches it, you know, the professor you killed?" he said as I felt my eyes widen. I stuttered, not sure what I wanted to say but Matt was quick to speak. "I want to help you, that's why I've been here, but, if I'm going to help you have to tell me everything" he said gently. I stared at him, he saw Professor Burnner's true identity? Was that good or bad? What was I supposed to say or do? Why did she let him see her? Could I trust him? As I let the questions swirl through my mind I watched him reach out his hand, making a motion to touch my hand but at the last second he hesitated and then pulled away. I could see it took willpower, he didn't like it. But he didn't—wasn't—going for me because he, like everyone else, wanted me with Fred.
"Okay" I said quietly as he sighed with relief and nodded. I could trust him, even if no one else liked him, there was something, some kind of self-control, power struggle issue he had going on internally and he was fighting, I could see it, I could feel it. If he could control his own demons and still want to help he deserved answers.
