III

Confessions

April 2022

I watch as the Potters take their leave, I cannot decide who looks more relived, Mr Potter or Albus. My mother mumbles something about it being a successful evening but I couldn't disagree more. Not only had I lied to Vi, offended Scorp and danced with Potter, I had also kissed James. In no way were any of those things a success.

"Ah Theodore, Mrs Nott, Miss Nott," Zabini approaches us; I didn't even know he was here, he doesn't normally turn up to these sorts of things.

"Blaise, how are you keeping?" my father enquires.

"Well enough, Theodore, well enough, although I am surprised to find Miss Nott still alive, she informed me in our last Potions lesson that she would not be taking Potion NEWTs as her parents would have killed her by then…" Zabini smiles one of his bizarre, humourless smiles at me.

"Oh really Vivian, and why is that?"

"Because I'm pregnant." Please tell me I did not say that out loud.

"Oh Vivian, you have such a peculiar sense of humour it's no wonder you do not have very many friends," my mother laughs. I stand stock still. Neither Zabini nor my father smiles.

My mother looks from one man to the other, her smile fading rapidly. My father stares at me, his face expressionless. Zabini says nothing, his face remaining neutral, as if he already knew.

"Viv…?" my mother looks at me again, her eyes begging me to laugh it off as a joke. I wish I could but my feel numb, unable to move. "Viv… you are joking right?" I shake my head slowly, not trusting myself to speak. Why? Why did I have to tell them here? What is wrong with me?

My father's face turns steadily redder; Zabini places a soothing hand on his shoulder to no avail, he then grabs my mother and tells me to hold on. I manage to catch hold of my mother's robes before the twisting feeling consumes me again and the next thing I know we are back in our kitchen. I hardly have time to regain my balance before my father launches himself at me, shaking me and shouting so loudly I cannot understand a word he is saying.

"Theo, Theo, let go of her, you're hurting her. Theo!" I hear my mum crying. Oh Merlin, I'm going to die, I knew it. "Stupefy!" The spell misses but I can feel my father loosen his grip on my neck a little and I am able to breath. "Theo, let her go," my mother is really crying now.

"How could you do this to me you filthy harlot!" Father screams in my face. This is not good, so not good. "After everything we have done for you?"

"Theo, I'm sure she has an explanation for this," mother protests.

"An explanation! That she is just another common whore?" he turns on my mother.

"Get out," hisses Zabini while my father is distracted. I didn't need to be told twice, running to the fireplace, I grab a handful of floo powder, throw it into the fireplace and scream 'Pendragon Place' at the top of my lungs as I jump in. Pendragon Place, what was I thinking? I panic but it is too late, a lounge is beginning to materialise in front of me and I can make out several armchairs and a sofa before stumbling out of the fireplace – straight into James Potter's arms.

"Vivian?" he asks in astonishment.

"I should not have come here," I sob incomprehensibly into his chest, I only just realise I am crying myself. What on earth possessed me to come here? I'm so stupid.

"Shhh… it's okay Viv, everything will be fine. You're safe here." James murmurs into my hair. He somehow manages to transfer us over to the sofa where he pulls me close to him and lets me cry my eyes out into his already soaked shirt. This was madness. Complete and utter madness.

"James, dear, what's going on?" Mrs Potter calls from a neighbouring room.

"Nothing, mum, it's fine."

"Clearly it is not fi-" I can only assume Mrs Potter has come to the door to see me weeping uncontrollably in James arms. "Oh, I'll just go and make some coco…" it was such a motherly thing to say, no one drinks coco unless someone is upset.

"I'm sorry," I hiccup, recomposing myself. I am now absolutely mortified.

"Shh, don't worry," he whispers, flicking his wand. A small glass bottle comes flying into the room straight at us, James catches it with the skill of a Seeker and uncorks it, handing it to me.

"What is it?" I hiccup again.

"Hiccupping solution," he smiles and my heart melts, why is he so perfect? I swallow the little bottle and at once my hiccups stop. "Better?" I nod; I can sense my face burning with embarrassment. Why did I have to come here? He pulls me back onto his chest and strokes my hair, I wonder vaguely if my father did actually kill me and this is in fact heaven.

"James have you seen my-" I groan inside, this can't be heaven because if it was, people would stop coming in and seeing me cry. I never cry. Why am I crying now? "Oh, sorry." The voice belongs to a girl but I don't think I have heard it before, it must Lily, James' little sister.

"I'm sorry, I should go, I shouldn't be here," I push at his chest and begin to get up.

"You're not going anywhere," dragging me back down onto the sofa he turns me to face him. "Do you want to tell me what's wrong?" His voice is so gentle, not at all demanding – I just want to curl back up on his lap and never move again.

"Al I wouldn't go in there," the girl's voice warns from the next room but it is too late, I can hear someone push open the door.

James looks up and his face changes from concern to… guilt? What on earth could James be guilty about?

"Al, I can explain-" he starts but the door slams shut behind me. "AL!" He looks back to me and his features soften slightly. "I'm sorry, stay here, I have to go talk to him." Jumping off the sofa, he plants a quick kiss on my forehead that sends shivers down my spine and then runs out the door. I sit, dazed, for a few seconds before collecting my thoughts.

I should not be here.

James was just being his usual flirty self earlier, it didn't mean anything, it certainly didn't mean I could just dump myself at his house when things got rough at home. Albus clearly doesn't want me here either, I didn't see his face when he came in but the slamming of the door and James need to explain are proof he does not want me in his house. Lily probably has no idea who I am yet and Mrs Potter was probably just being polite. What was I thinking?

The rational part of my brain asks me where else could I have gone. It's not like I have many friends, in fact Scorpius is the only person I would actually classify as a friend and let's face it, I couldn't exactly go around his house, his father is friends with my father and he too would me disgusted with me let alone what Scorpius would say if I had to explain to him why I had randomly turned up out of the blue, besides, I think he is still angry with me for dancing with James instead of him. So all in all, I didn't really have a choice: Pendragon Place was the only other house address that came to mind.

So now that I am here, what am I going to do? Well to start with I should really sort out my face… I get up from the sofa and walk towards the door, it leads into a cosy kitchen where Mrs Potter is waving her wand at some mugs on the counter that are stirring themselves. She has her back to me but Lily, whom I recognise from earlier, is sitting at the table and looks up when I come in.

"Do you mind if I use the bathroom?" I ask weakly.

"Of course not my dear," Mrs Potter turns around. "It is just up the stairs and the second door on the right," she smiles affectionately and I feel a pang for my own mother – she may be controlling hag but I know that deep down she loves me.

"Thank you." I hastily climb the stairs and am in the process to opening the bathroom door when I hear them. Voices. They are coming from behind the door on the other side of the hall.

"I can't believe you James!" A voice hisses, "After everything you said… She is the daughter of a death eater!"

"I know that Al," James sighs.

"She in Slytherin!"

"Al, I know…"

"After everything you told me…"

"Al, listen, I'm sorry. I know how you feel about her but-"

"No. Clearly you don't because if you did you wouldn't have done it. You would not have kissed her James." Oh great, they are talking about me. "I wouldn't expect you to understand, it's not like you have ever been in-"

"But that's just it Al! I have never felt like this before, she affects me in a way no other girl ever has! I think… I think I might be falling for her Al." Oh Merlin.

"Don't. I don't believe you, you are a heartless bastard James, you would not be saying this if you knew how I really felt."

"Al, I'm sorry…"

"Forget it."

Crap.

I lunge across the hall as the door swings open, disappearing into the bathroom. He hates me. Albus Severus Potter hates me. Well that certainly clears one thing up for me: I am never going to tell anyone who the father of my child is.

"Viv…?" James knocks on the door; I grudgingly get up to open it. "Are you alright? Sorry, I just had to talk to Al, why are you in here?" He peers around the door and I burst into tears again. Seriously, what is wrong with me? "Viv, come here," he wraps his arms around me again and I sob into his already damp shirt.

"I'm sorry," I stutter.

"Hey, don't worry about it," he gently wipes a tear from my cheek, tilting my head up to meet his gaze. "You're safe here, Viv, I won't let anyone hurt you." This just makes me sob even harder. Oh Merlin why is he so perfect. "Come on, mum's made us some coco…" he kisses me on the top of my head before pulling me back into the hall.

"Wait," shoving him out, I close the bathroom door and turn to the mirror. My face is a disaster. The makeup the woman had so cleverly applied earlier was smudged and running down my face, my hair had fallen from its pins and was tangled across my shoulders and my emerald dress was crinkled shamefully. I hate not being able to use magic outside of school.

It takes me a few minutes to tidy myself up as much as possible before a huff a sigh of irritation and make my way back down stair to where James is waiting in the kitchen. He says nothing, just hands me a mug of steaming coco and sits down.

"I'm so sorry, James. I should never have come here." My voice is steady but hoarse from crying, he grabs my hand and pulls me down onto his lap and I simply don't have the will power to resist.

"Listen to me, Miss Nott, if you apologise one more time, I shall have to force feed you a tongue-tier from my uncle's shop," his face remains serious but I can see his eyes twinkling and a small giggle slips through my lips. "Miss Nott, I hope you don't think I am joking!" he says in mock horror, making me giggle further… It's not even that funny but I can't help myself.

"I'm terribly sorry Mr Potter,"

"Was that another apology Miss Nott?" My smile fades, I called him Potter, in my mind, 'Potter' has always been for Albus, not James, he was always just 'James'. This reminds me why I am here: because I am pregnant with Albus Potter's child. He sees my face fall and immediately thinks it's his fault.

"Viv…?" his forehead crinkle with worry.

"I should go…" I stare into my half empty mug and sigh. He nods, understanding that there are things I have to sort out. He leads me quietly to the fireplace and I have to hold back more tears.

"Promise me you'll come back when you can?"

"James…"

"Promise." He refuses to let go of my hand.

"James, your brother clearly doesn't want you here, your parents probably don't really want me here… I don't want to intrude…" I can feel my arguments are pointless.

"I'll deal with Al, my parents won't mind, I promise, you wouldn't be intruding at all… I need you to come back and let me know you're okay." I nod, hoping it's enough, I don't really have any intention of coming back and I think he knows it too.

"Good bye James," I choke.

"Bye, Viv," tilting my head up again, he kisses me lightly on the lips. "Come back to me," he whispers and I feel my heart break a little: how can I come back, it would only hurt him, he will eventually find out I am pregnant with someone else's baby… he will never want me then.

Before I can cry anymore, I throw a handful of floo powder into the fireplace and step into the flames, whispering 'Number 7, Perk Road'. As the green flames consume me, I look back to see James staring at my vanishing figure.

Zabini's living room comes into view and I stumble out, why didn't this come to mind earlier? His house is small and he lives alone, there is little furniture, only one rather old looking sofa, a broken clock and a desk with some papers and two photographs. After calling out his name and getting no answer I wander over to look at the photos, one shows him when he was younger, he is with an older looking woman who (although being white) looks very much like him – his mother I presume; the other one shows him when he was at school, a banner at the bottom reads 'The Slug Club 1996' the picture shows a group of students standing in rows, Zabini was at the back next to a dumb looking blonde guy, in front of him was a bushy haired girl who bore a remarkable resemblance to Rose (without the red hair), a man who could only be Mr Potter as he looks exactly like Albus and I little red haired witch who I assume is Mrs Potter because her eyes are the same warm brown as James'. The most astonishing thing about this photo is that Zabini is smiling. Never once have I seen Zabini smile, as I stare at it further, I notice he only smiles when the little red haired witch opens her mouth. How bizarre.

Snap.

I jump in fright as someone apparates behind me, whirling around I come face to face with Zabini. He glares at me and points to the sofa; I shuffle over to it and sit down.

"Miss Nott, I am pleased to find you here, I was not sure where you had gone to when you vanished in the fireplace. Your father as you may understand is very disappointed in you, he did not think you would disgrace him. You mother of course is also very upset but she is more willing to allow you back in the house. Your father on the other hand, has some conditions." Oh Merlin, this could not be good. "He requests that you inform him of the father of your child," he sneers at the word. "He also asks that you finish your fifth year at Hogwarts and inform everyone that you will be completing your education in Durmstrang Institute-"

"Durmstrang!" I exclaim.

"You will, of course, not actually be attending Durmstrang but remain in your house for you confinement. Lastly, he wishes that you tell no one of your situation." Having delivered these conditions, Zabini goes into the adjoining room which I assume is the kitchen.

Well now I have a problem: never, ever, shall I tell a soul who the father of my child is. The other two conditions I do not have a problem with, it is after all very believable that I will continue my education in Durmstrang, Slytherin students sometimes do and as for telling anyone about my situation, as Zabini puts it, I wasn't planning on doing that anyway.

"So, Miss Nott…" Zabini renters the room with a glass of firewhiskey. "Do you agree with your father's terms? I really don't see you have much choice."

"I have only an issue with one: the first one." Zabini looks as if he was expecting this, something about his face makes me wary.

"I see, your father thought you might have trouble with that one. He said if that was the case I was to bring you home anyway and we could discuss it there." Merlin help me, Zabini's voice is sinister and I am apprehensive as to what he means by 'discuss'. But like Zabini said, I don't really have a choice.