Chapter 34


"A wand?" She asked, shocked. "Why do you need a new wand?"

Voldemort upraised her. "They haven't told you? Surely Ollivander, with all the time he spends with you, told you why I had him locked in my dungeons?"

She shook her head, shamed.

"They don't trust me with information," she admitted softly, bowing her head in shame. "I'm too close to you, and they don't like it."

His cold hand came to cup her cheek and raise her face to gaze into her eyes. She didn't see sympathy, or rage. She saw glee, glee that they knew she was his. He knew she cared for him, loved him, and her admitting that others thought the same made him happy. He was pleased to see her ties breaking around her. The thought made her angry, and she turned her head to avoid glaring at him.

"It doesn't matter," Voldemort told her. "You don't need to know why I need a wand, little witch, but I want you to create one for me."

"You'd help Malfoy regardless," she reminded him confrontationally. "I don't have to do this."

He encircled her, pinning her to him by the waist. His face was close to hers, his lips dangerously close. Her walls were falling and she wanted to press herself to him, to connect to him in the intimacy of a stolen kiss.

"No, you don't," he promised softly. He leaned closer, teasing her with his breath. "But you will. What if young Malfoy fails his task? I have no obligation to the young heir if his task is not finished to my specifications. I could pick apart anything, from how he manages it to his competence, even if his task weren't nearly impossible. You could help him, even if he fails. You could ensure his release."

"No," she insisted, melting against him. "I can't help you, you know that. Not even for Malfoy."

He brushed his lips over her ear. "You will. Because I'm offering you something. Anything you want. Tell me your price, and I will give it to you."

Her mind raced at the implications, but she knew immediately what she wanted. "Take off the collar."

His eyes darkened. "No."

"That's what I want," she insisted fiercely, pushing against his constraining chest. She wasn't being let go. "If you want this, I won't be your collared slave."

"It saved you and my children just a few weeks ago," he reminded her severely. "I will not risk you."

She bit her lip anxiously. That was true; the collar had channeled her hurt energy to the person who had activated the blood bond, had brought him to her. How could she ask him to get rid of the one way he can monitor his children?

She nodded, mostly to herself. "Then release me from our wand oath."

He stiffened. "You know just how much this is worth, don't you? You insist on the things I'm most reluctant to give."

"It won't change anything," she pleaded. "I'll just have a bit more freedom. I'll get to say what I want in front of your followers, spend the night with my friends occasionally-"

"I want to have you here," he brushed his lips against her ear, earning a shiver. "Every night."

"I won't stay away without a reason," she promised. "I just want some freedom. Please."

She tried hard not to beg around Voldemort, but she wanted this. She wanted to be able to be herself around everyone else. She didn't want to be forced to return at a specific time, or to respect him in front of his followers. Still, he looked at her like her request was the height of stupidity.

"We made that oath to keep the peace," he reminded her. "Without it, I have no guarantee you will behave and not interfere with my prisoners."

"If you treated them decently, I wouldn't interfere," Hermione argued angrily. Then, seeing the angry look on Voldemort's face at her tone, she took a calming breath. "We can retake a different oath when I'm released, then. I'll vow not to interfere with the prisoners, you can vow not to use them against me, and that's it."

He observed her, calculating. Finally, he sighed and stepped back. "I suppose if I refuse you will also refuse to produce a new wand for me?"

Hermione nodded stiffly, standing her ground.

"Even if I refuse to free young Malfoy?" he prodded.

She glared. "You don't know he's going to fail."

There was some consideration before he sagged, defeated.

"I will consider it," he said finally. "You shall have your answer by tomorrow."

When Voldemort left her for meetings, she immediately focused on her confusion and focus. Draco had been there, after telling her he didn't want to do it, and then proceeded to stand with the Death Eaters. And Severus had brought him.

She focused on the magic, hunting for their signatures. Locked on their signatures, she waited and waited until the popped out of the wards. Waiting for them to enter the Hogwarts wards was unnerving, and she paced back and forth in front of Nagini impatiently. Then, finally, they were back. The both walked up into the Hogwarts wards and she felt compelled to go to them.

"I'm just heading to Ollivander," she lied to Nagini. It seemed strange to lie to a snake, but Nagini would tell on her to her Master when she left. "Getting started on your Master's new wand."

Without further ado she popped out of the Sayre estate and directly behind the two Death Eaters in her life. With a fold of her arms and a cough, both men spun around to face her. Malfoy looked terrified, abashed. It appeased her to know he at least thought of what her reaction would be. Severus had always been harder to read, but she could see a great deal of pain in his eyes.

"Would you two like to tell me what that was?" she accused determinedly. "I thought you didn't want to be a Death Eater, Draco. Whether he removes your Mark or not, what you just did is exactly the actions of any Death Eater."

"Hermione," Severus murmured, his voice low, "this does not need to concern you."

"It already does!" she shrieked. "He is using Draco to negotiate with me, he is trying to get me to help him because now, one of the only friends I have is under his thumb, again!"

She took a calming breath. "I'm trying, so hard, not to be taken in by him anymore. I'm trying to keep my loyalties clear and defined, no matter what my feelings are or what I'm forced into. But now, he is asking me to make him a wand! Do you understand what position this puts me in? I'm being turned into his arms dealer because you two had to do some hair-brained scheme without me!"

Malfoy stared at her for a half-second, then let out a loud laugh. Both her and Severus stared at the young boy with confusion.

"Sorry," he laughed, "but I never thought I'd see the day I felt sympathy for the dunderheaded duo. Jeez, Granger, is this how you are with all your boys?"

She felt a blush climb to her cheeks, but she fought it off by glaring at him. "They're not my 'boys', they're my friends!"

She looked to Severus for support but he gave her a pointed look in return, indicating his agreement with Draco on the matter. She glared at him too. "I wouldn't need to lecture you if you didn't do stupid things without me! At least Harry and Ron don't exclude me!"

Severus intervened then, placing a hand on Draco's shoulder to calm the boy's laughter. "Draco, go back inside. I need to speak with Miss Granger alone."

That was ominous. Draco and her shared a look, trying to discern between the two of them what was wanted. Hermione gave him a brief shake of the head, letting him know he could leave her alone with him. Draco nodded swiftly and turned to leave.

Hermione turned to look at Severus. "Well?"

For the first time in a few weeks, she was able to see him and take him in. Severus looked terrible. His eyes were sunken and dark purple bags showed her just how stressed he was. His eyebrows looked like they hadn't relaxed from their furrowed state in just as long. His normally straight-backed posture had changed into one of impending confrontation, always leaning forward like a cornered man ready to fight his way through a crowd intent on taking his life. Her heart panged.

"Severus …" she approached him, hand extended.

He stiffened at her approach and stepped back. "Miss Granger, there are things I believe you should know. Do you … do you still consider me a friend?"

"Of course."

He looked conflicted at her answer, simultaneously happy and terrified. She wanted to ask what was going on, but he led her away from the school quickly upon her reply. "Then, please, this needs to be discussed in private. This is of the utmost secrecy."

She let herself be led towards the Forbidden Forest and to a place just within the trees. He took out his wand and slashed runes into three surrounding tress, creating a temporary protective barrier for as long as the sap flowed.

"Severus, what's going on?" She was swept inside the protective triangle and sat on a log as he knelt in front of her. His pose was one of a penitent man at an altar, and she felt her breath catch in her throat as he looked up at her with haunted eyes. "Severus, you're scaring me. What's wrong?"

She watched as he took a shaky breath, his eyes closing. "Hermione, over the past few months I've come to consider you a vital part of my life, and my feelings for you are …." He opened his eyes and looked at her, and she was certain he saw a wide-eyed shock on her face.

His feelings for her? Hermione thought shakingly. Does Severus ... does he like me? He can't! He's seen everything: my feelings, my memories, my failures ... He saw me kill Dolohov. He saw Voldemort rape me in my own mind!

He clearly thought better of finishing the sentence, because he started again. "I've been a spy for many, many years. But before that, I needed to convince Dumbledore of my loyalty. In order to switch sides, I made an Unbreakable Vow to Dumbledore that I would obey his orders."

It was like a punch in the gut. He'd made an Unbreakable Vow. He could die, die just from disobeying. Whatever he'd been ordered he clearly thought was so appalling his life was better off forfeit. "Why?"

He grimaced. "There was … a witch. A dear friend, a muggleborn, who I needed to save. To convince Dumbledore to intervene, to save her life, I took the vow. Now, though, the vow I made to protect one muggleborn witch means I have to betray another."

Visions of what Dumbledore could have asked fluttered through her brain and across her vision and she clutched her stomach protectively. His black eyes bored into hers.

"Severus," she pleaded, "what did he order you to do?"

He hesitated, then plucked a potion vial from his robes. The deep blue was a distinctive hue that Hermione would recognize anywhere.

"A sleeping draught," she murmured.

"I'm meant to get you to drink this, and then transport you to Nurmengrad," Severus voiced lowly. "Grindelwald's prison."

She gasped. "But … but … I'm not a traitor. I'm on your side!"

"It is not about sides," he stated, his voice trying to sound detached. "There is a conflict coming, and Dumbledore believes that you will have … problems fighting against the father of your children, but that, if we take you away, we can lure him into a premature battle. We need you … out of the way. The magical suppression wards of Nurmengrad are ancient magic, and should keep you from being called back."

He looked up to her pleadingly. "I've made sure you won't feel too imprisoned. It won't be like it is for Grindelwald, I swear to you."

She cupped her hand protectively around her children. It was her only connection to Voldemort, to him. Severus knew exactly what he was asking when he asked her to come with him willingly to Nurmengrad. It was a request to betray Voldemort, to let him die. "I should go, I should want to see this all end, I should want the man who killed so many people. But … I don't want to leave him."

But … Severus was betraying Dumbledore just to tell her this. Just to make sure she didn't get hurt in the process. He was there, at her feet, trying hard to look stoic and fierce as always, but with the sheen of sadness in his eyes. If he could betray Dumbledore …

"Is … is it safe?"

Severus shook his head. "We don't know. Dumbledore believes that, if the time you spend there is short enough, there will be no damage to your children. But … there's not guarantee that their magic will be unaffected. Your children could be born squibs."

"No!" Hermione said immediately. "He can't force me to … NO! I…" If they turn out to be squibs, I'd need to leave the wizarding world. But I couldn't – the wards would pull me right back in. I couldn't get away. They'd grow up surrounded by magic and house-elves and wonder, but would live on the outskirts. They'd never fit in. They'd be ostracized. How could I willingly take away from them something I love?

"There have to be so many other ways to do this!" she pleaded. "Let me talk to Dumbledore, I'll convince him to let you go and we'll find another option. Or, at least, to wait until they are born. Please, Severus."

Severus let out an anguished groan and raked his hands through his hair. "I tried, Hermione. I tried. I told him I'd die rather than betray you like that, but he wouldn't change his mind."

"But … you're his spy!" Hermione gasped. "He'd let you die?"

Snape looked away, his expression hard. "This is completely your choice. I will live or die with your choice, no matter what it will be. I won't take this away from your children … or you."

Hermione knelt by his side and took his hands into hers, intent on comforting this man. He flinched at her touch, but didn't try to take his hands away. The touch-starved Severus Snape wanted her comfort, but was so afraid of it. Did he have any friends like her? What about the woman from his past, had she seen how troubled he was? Did she ever hold his hand? Did he ever get hugs from her?

It was clear that he hadn't saved whoever this woman had been, and now to have another friend in peril brought back that trauma. She thought about it, for just a moment. Her children could be squibs, if it meant Severus lived. The tragic image of muggle children growing up surrounded by a magic they could never be a part of was nothing compared to the thought of her children, wizard children, never knowing Severus Snape.

And Voldemort …. They weren't allies. They were lovers, and she'd come to see an intelligent, confident, proud man who made her want to improve so much. She did love him, and the thought of betraying him and leaving him to the Order made her feel sick. That wasn't the problem, though; the problem was that since the beginning, she knew either he would die or her friends. Even if she never wanted to acknowledge it once she became pregnant.

She made her choice, and let that part of her heart die. All along she'd known she'd be making this choice one day. There was just always the hope that she could put it off, just a little longer. Preserve her hear for a while until the infamous Hermione Granger intellect kicked in and solved it all for her.

"It's too soon," she murmured in anguish. "Too soon."

She wrapped Severus in an embrace. She sat there, wrapped in his comfort, and cried. Cried for what was about to happen, for what she couldn't avoid, for everything. And after he'd recovered from her tearful physical proximity, he returned it. He murmured no platitudes, no comforts – Severus knew how hard this was going to be for her. How heartbroken she would be when it was over.

Finally, when the tears subsided, he murmured a soft, and assuring, "It's alright to refuse."

"But I can't let you die. I won't."

She felt him return her embrace hesitantly. He truly had no idea how to deal with Gryffindor sentimentality, did he?

"Did he give you a time-limit?" she asked. "Does it have to be tonight?"

"Before the end of the school year," he admitted, "and off school grounds."

"What? Why?" she tried to figure it out before he responded.

He sighed. "If you were injured while connected with the wards, Dumbledore fears you'll be taken back to your Master. It's his way of making sure nothing stops your capture. Malfoy has even informed us that, as the blood collar is from the Malfoy vaults, he can temporarily disable it so it will not summon you mid-transport. We have planned for this, and we're ready."

"Okay," Hermione nodded, thinking fast. "Then, here's what we'll do …"

She outlined their plan, taking into account little details Severus shared about the plans Dumbledore had for the final confrontation. They talked into the evening, preparing for every scenario and change. Eventually, her oath hand start to burn with her wand oath. It was time to return to Voldemort, and she turned to Severus in regret.

"I have to go," she told him softly, enveloping him in another hug. "I haven't said this yet, but thank you so much for trusting me. For giving me the choice."

He held her tightly, moreso than before. "I hope you know that I could never betray your trust like that. I will never assume authourity over you; you've had too much of that already."

His words pained her, but rang true.

"After my last exam," she reminded him, rising to her feet. "Go give your report."

Then, with a deep breath, Hermione apparated back to the side of Voldemort. The man she loved, who she had just agreed to lead into a death trap.


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