V

Kisses

April2022

"VIVIAN IRIS NOTT! Get your fat ass out of bed this minute!" I drag the pillow over my head to block out the horrific sound. Someone pulls the covers off my bed, my leg is tangled in the sheets and they manage to drag me off with it.

"Shit," I curse.

"Come on missy, we need to make you presentable," looking up, I put a face to the horrific noise: Violet Briggs. "There is a rather charming young man waiting outside the common room for you and you wouldn't want to keep him waiting now, would you?"

"I'm asleep," I pull myself and my duvet back onto the bed and burry my face in the pillow.

"Oh no you don't," Vi summons my duvet across the room and sends a jet of water from the tip of her wand straight into my face.

"What the-" I splutter.

"Get dressed, Potter is waiting for you outside," Vi grins, shoving my school robes at me.

"Potter? Which one?"

"Which one? How many Potters are you secretly dating?"

"Dating? None," I reply truthfully, pulling on my robes.

"Whatever you say…" I can tell she doesn't believe me but for once I'm actually telling the truth. I can tell I'm not going to get any more out of her so go into the bathroom to sort out my face and hair. Several minutes later, Vi is pushing me down the stairs towards the exit. I briefly make eye contact with Scorpius who raises an eyebrow, I shrug.

"Viv," someone calls as I tumble from the wall. I look up into the smiling face of James Potter. Vi's words echo in my head '…secretly dating…' please tell me James does not think we are dating. He comes over to me but thankfully doesn't try anything.

"James, what are you doing here?"

"Just came to say hello," he winks at me. Oh merlin this cannot be good. We wander up to the Great Hall together, chatting about seemingly insignificant things and I find myself laughing for the first time since I found out I was pregnant.

As we push past a gaggle of third years coming out of the Hall, James grabs me round the waist and kisses the back of my head. Oh Merlin.

"James…" it was meant to be a warning but it came out in a distorted giggle.

"Yes, Miss Nott?" He whirls me round so I'm facing him, not letting go of me as he does so. He grins down at me and I cannot help grinning back. We stand there, looking stupid, for Merlin knows how long before my stomach gets bored and makes a rumbling sound, reminding me I am hungry. James giggles and kisses me quickly on the lips before shoving me in the direction of the Slytherin table.

Oh crap. Oh no. James Potter did not just kiss me in front of all the students in the Great Hall (which at this time in the morning is the majority of students in the school). This cannot be happening to me.

I stumble over to the Slytherin table where everyone has broken out into whispers. I take no notice, my mind is reeling. Why is my life so complicated? A few moments later, someone sits down beside me, I look up to see Scorpius. He does not know. I can see it in his face: he has no idea.

"You alright, Viv? Looking a bit pale," he asks. Guilt consumes me, Scorpius is my best friend, my only friend and I have betrayed him. Staring at him blankly, I try not to panic. Scorpius is going to hate me when he finds out, he hates the Potters.

"You know you're my best friend don't you," it just slips out; I blush and hang my head forward to cover my face with my hair. Merlin I sound stupid.

"Sure, Viv, and you're mine," he says, sounding a little confused. "You sure you're feeling okay?"

"I'm fine," I mutter at my cereals.

Defence Against the Dark Arts passes far too quickly, Professor Creevey jabbers on about something the Chosen One did during the Second Wizarding War and we are supposed to be taking notes. The Ravenclaws are uncharacteristically distracted and every so often one of them turns around to look at me. Scorpius is sitting next to me, still completely oblivious to what everyone is talking about. When the lesson ends, I grudgingly follow the rest of the Slytherins down to the dungeons for Potions. If Zabini puts me on a table with Potter… I will kill him.

"Miss Nott, would you be so kind as to assist me?" Zabini beckons as he walks into his study, I follow him in and he closes the door behind us. "I think it best if you remain on the table with Potter and the Weasleys, to move you again might rose suspicions."

"Professor, I really don't think that is a good idea…"

"You will do as you are told Miss Nott, I simply wanted to remind you that it would be best if you do not tell Mr Potter about your situation just yet."

"Yet? I don't plan on ever telling him!"

"We shall see," Zabini mummers, piling boxes of ingredients into my arms. I glare at him as he walks back out the door.

Taking my seat next to Potter and his cousins, I can feel every eye in the room watching me. Well this is going to be a fun lesson. Rose Weasley shoots daggers at me as I sit down and Roxanne looks disgusted. Potter on the other hand appears to be the only person in the room not looking at me. I can feel my cheeks turn an uncharacteristic red, I have never been the centre of attention anywhere and I can't say I like it.

No one at our table says a word whereas the rest of the class are whispering none stop. I am desperate to run out of the classroom but don't as I know it will only aggravate the situation. Across the room I see Bulstrode leaning over the table to whisper in Scorpius' ear, Scorpius' face turns from curious to complete shock. He catches me looking but I can read nothing in his grey eyes. Oh Scorp, I'm so sorry.

The rest of the day is uneventful, I manage to avoid James at lunch by sneaking out to the grounds and hiding by the lake; no one directly speaks to me and I speak to no one; during lessons I keep my head down at the back of the classroom and by the end of the day, the whispers that follow me wherever I walk have subdued somewhat, although have not entirely disappeared. I am making my way up to my dormitory when I hear him.

"NOTT!" Zabini screams across the common room causing everyone to break out into whispers again. "My office, now," he hisses. Sighing, I follow him out of the common room and to his office off the Potions' classroom. "Are you out of your mind?" He yells as soon as I shut the door. "James POTTER! Asides from the fact you are carrying his brother's spawn, you are aware I hope of what your parents – your father especially – think about the Potters?"

True, my father hates the Potter family (something to do with when he was at school with Mr Potter) but my mother actually quite like them and I think she would be overjoyed that I was dating a Potter boy… under normal circumstances of course.

"There is some kind of misunderstanding…"

"There had better be, Miss Nott, because you are in enough trouble as it is," he spits at me.

"…James Potter and I are not an item," I finish. "I assume that is what you were referring to?" Zabini looks like he wants to hit me.

"Good, then perhaps you will like to tell him that because he seemed very certain you were." Oh great, now I am in real trouble. I nod and make to leave. "Oh and Miss Nott," he calls as I traverse through the tables in the Potions room, "I thought you might like to know your father has returned home."

The door to the dormitory creeks open and I pretend to be asleep (even though it is only eight o'clock).

"What did Zabini want this time?" Vi asks, clearly ignoring the fact I'm pretending to be asleep. There is something about the way she emphasise 'this' that puts me on my guard.

"What do you mean," I ask hesitantly.

"Nothing, you just seem to be talking an awful lot with him lately, is there something going on you want to tell me about?" Oh great, now Violet Briggs, the biggest gossip in the school, suspects there is something going on in my life that no one except Zabini knows about.

"Nope." Her smirk does not fade and I wonder what kind of bizarre scenario she is conjuring up in her head… however wild it may be, I doubt she will ever guess the truth.

Midnight finds me on top of the Astronomy Tower for the second night in a row and as I suspected, James appears out of nowhere. He grins at me and I force myself to look away: looking at him will only make what I have to do even harder.

"I knew you wouldn't be able to stay away much longer, we are too good to-" I cut him off before he can finish.

"James, I can't do this," I clench my jaws to stop the tears that threaten to fall.

"Do what?" he looks down at me, confusion on his perfect face.

"This," I wave my hand between us. "I can't do us, James."

"But… why?"

"I just… can't. It's too hard." He searches my eyes for clues and finds none. I have prepared myself for this, I hardly slept at all last night, my mind alive with worry that I would not be able to see it through. I remember my family's honour. "I'm sorry," my voice is a whisper and I have to look away.

He looks hurt, like I have never seen him before. James Potter has never showed any emotion other than happiness, never – since the first time I saw him when I was boarding the Hogwarts Express five years ago – have I ever seen him look hurt. His face has fallen, his eyes look dull and closed, it takes all my will power not to try and kiss away the pained expression on his beautiful face.

"Viv…?" his eyes do not leave my face as he silently begs me for an explanation. I can give him none.

"I'm sorry," the words are forced, I cannot bear it anymore. Turning away from him, I run – I don't care where – I just have to get away from him. Oh Merlin, why did I ever have to meet a Potter boy? I end up at the shore of the lake, not stopping, I continue to follow the shoreline until I am deep within the Forbidden Forest. At last I come to a halt and, collapsing against a tree, I finally let the tears roll down my face.

The forest is deathly quiet, we are not really supposed to enter it but this is not the first time I have found comfort within its branches. The stillness is peaceful, you are never disturbed… Apparently there was once a time when strange creature roamed these paths but they were gone by the time I came here, either that or they had taken to hiding from intruders. The ancient trees reach up to the sky like a child reaches up to its mother; at this time of year, a thin carpet of moss lies on the ground; this far into the forest, not even the wind can disturb its tranquillity.

I do not know how long I stay leaning against the tree, letting the tears slide down but when at last I make my way back to the castle, the blurred edges of the horizon tell me the sun has already set. No one stirs as I walk blindly back to the common room, even the portraits are silent. I whisper the password to the wall and slip inside.

"Vivian…?" I freeze. "Viv? It's me… Scorp." Oh, Scorpius… I thought I had cried all the tears I could today but apparently not: as I feel Scorpius fold me in his arms, they gush from my eyes again. "Hey, Viv, shh… it will be okay," he mummers into my hair.

"I'm so messed up Scorp, you have no idea…"

"Shh… come on, tell me then." Why was he being so nice? I had kissed his archenemy (or one of them anyway) in front of almost the whole school. He pulls me gently over to one of the low-backed leather sofas and cradles me in his arms.

Seriously, what is wrong with me? This is the second time in less than a month that I have found myself crying in the arms of a man whilst cuddled up on a sofa.

"I'm… I'm pregnant…" I sob. I know I shouldn't tell him but I can't keep it to myself anymore.

"You're what?" Oh Merlin, he is going to hate me now too.

"I'm sorry, Scorp, it was an accident, I never meant for it to happen."

He pulls me back down to his chest as I continue to cry, this isn't right… he is supposed to be disgusted with me, hate me even.

"Shh, of course it was an accident, we all make mistakes Viv, I'm just shocked… how long have you been with James?"

"It- it's not his," I hide my face in shame. "It's his brother's." Well if he knows I'm pregnant, he might as well know everything. He laughs – I don't know what I was expecting but it definitely was not that. "It's not funny!" I exclaim, outraged that he finds my problems funny.

"I'm sorry Viv," he giggles and I can't help it – a snort escapes me. Within seconds we both have tears of laughter streaming down our faces.

"I'm pregnant, with Albus Potter's baby…" I gasp; suddenly my whole situation (as Zabini puts it) seems so ridiculous that it is funny.

Scorpius suddenly becomes serious again.

"I saw James earlier… He seemed so happy... He must be so torn up, no one has ever seen him this happy because of a girl before, he normally doesn't care one way or the other... If it had this effect on you-" He indicates to the tear tracks on my face. "- he must be even worse, it's a shame really, for him to finally find a girl who he is genuinely happy with and for it to end so abruptly without a reason - or at least that he knows of." At the mention of James, my heart falls again.

"I had to do it, Scorp, I couldn't just pretend that everything was okay, could I? He can't ever find out, promise me you won't ever tell him," I beg him. "It would kill him."

"Viv… he will find out at some point, I mean Albus will have to tell him," I frown, Scorpius hates the Potters, why is he so relaxed about this, why is he referring to them by their first names without any hint of anger or aggression?

"He doesn't know, I don't want him to know…" I explain to Scorpius about my father's conditions and the plan for my future. He stares at me, dumbstruck.

"Viv… you have to tell him. He has a right to know." Since when had Scorpius cared what rights Potter has? "If it were me… I would want to know."

"Scorp…"

"Look, how about we both get some sleep and we talk about this in the morning, it's a Hogsmeade weekend, we can go and talk somewhere away from everyone." I nod in agreement and make my way to my dormitory where all the girls are fast asleep.