Chapter Six – Honour
May2022
Scorpius throws an arm over my shoulder as we make our way down the lane to Hogsmeade, the weather is really rather warm for so far North and I end up carrying my cloak over my arm. Scorpius cleverly left his behind but offers to carry mine anyway, I refuse, telling him I was pregnant not dying and that he didn't have to tread on eggshells around me. This made him laugh and ruffle my hair. I love Scorpius, he is like the brother I never had – he knows everything about me, from the way I like my cereal to the fact that I am pregnant.
Hogsmeade is a quiet little village, even with the hordes of students who have come down from the castle today. We pass several shops packed with students, avoid Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop and make our way up to the Hog's Head. Scorpius orders two butterbeers and we sit down at a small table in the corner.
"So… what are we going to do with you?" he smiled kindly.
"Hang me from the nearest tree?" Seriously, it would solve all my problems.
"Funny," he pulled a face. "I really do think you should tell Albus though, I mean he really has a right to know."
"Scorp, you don't understand, Albus hates me…" I quickly fill him in on the basics of my visit to Pendragon Place and the conversation I overheard there. He frowns and says something along the lines of 'I don't think Albus hates you…' I am about to tell him that Zabini and my father don't want anyone to know, including him probably, when someone shouts my name from the bar.
"Vivian!" I spin around on my seat to see my father and Zabini sitting at the bar. "I was told I would find you here, we need to have a little chat," my father beckons me over. I glance at Scorpius and he just smiles briefly.
"Yes father?" I am so glad there are no other students in this pub yet.
"Sit," he pulls out a bar stool. I sit tentatively on the edge and wait for my father to speak. "It has all been sorted, you will be able to continue your education without disgrace. Blaise has cleared it with the Headmaster and everything is settled…" He seems proud of himself… much too proud of himself. "All you need to do is take the portkey at the allotted time."
"Sit," he pulls out a bar stool. I sit tentatively on the edge and wait for my father to speak. "What you have done has soiled the name of Nott forever…" I clench my jaw, hoping my shame does not show on my face, I may not agree with everything my father says or does but since I was born, family honour has been ground into my very being. That I have ruined the name of Nott is almost unbearable. "There is, however, a way to minimalize the damage, so to speak…" He sips his firewhiskey. "Tell me, Vivian, are you willing to do what is required of you to rescue your family's honour?" I swallow and nod. "Whatever it take?"
"Father, you're not-" a horrible idea washes through me, is my father trying to force me into an abortion? Is his shame so deep that he will force me into killing my child? "Father, I won't do it, I will not kill an innocent baby!"
"Kill? Who said anything about killing? No Vivian, this is something else…" I sit, fixed to the stool as my father explains to me the solution he has spent day trying to make possible. I am so shocked I cannot form a response, at first the idea seems to absurd that I wonder if he is being serious… My gut reaction is to refuse point blank but he reminds me that I brought the shame on myself and this is the only way to fix what I have done. "It has all been sorted, you will be able to continue your education without disgrace. Blaise has cleared it with the Headmaster and everything is settled… So will you take the portkey and redeem the name of Nott? Zabini will sort you out and when you get there, everything will be ready."
I swallow again but the thought of being able to look my father in the eye once more – knowing that I have done what I could to restore the family pride – overcomes my apprehension of what he is proposing. I exhale as I make the biggest decision of my life.
"Yes." The irony of my situation causes the satirically part of me to smirk – I should really be saying yes to someone else. Relief washes over his face, he honestly thought I would refuse him. Clenching me jaws to stop myself changing my mind, I ignore the twisting in my gut. "If he has agreed then so shall I."
"Thank you Vivian," he nods and turns back to Zabini, dismissing me.
I return to Scorpius and evade his questions – he will only make me change my mind if I tell him. When he sees he will get nothing from me and our conversation is no longer flowing he suggests we return to the castle, which I readily agree to. I need time to think.
"Vivian!" Oh Merlin, this time I do not have to turn around to know who has called my name, I would recognise that voice anywhere. "Viv, wait, I need to talk to you." Scorpius shrugs and walks off as James comes running up the lane towards us.
"James, I-"
"No, listen to me, I know there is something going on with you and I have no idea what it is but if you could just tell me I would be able to help you, please Viv, I can't bear not being with you… Vivian Iris Nott, I think I'm in love with you."
Oh sweet Merlin why are you doing this to me? A thousand emotions course through my veins, it cannot be possible to feel so much at once. The promise I just made to me father hangs heavy in the air between us.
"James…" I have to do this, there is no other way. "I am pregnant." He stares at me, froze to the spot. We stand there in silence for a few awkward minutes.
"Viv… we could… I could…we-"
"It's your brother's," I really need to stop referring to Albus as 'James' brother' it is just a bit weird, especially considering… James' jaw actually drops. "I'm sorry," I say coldly, before turning and walking back towards Scorpius.
Neither of us says anything as we walk back to the school but the second I am out of sight of James, I let the tears run down my cheeks. Scorpius just puts his arm around me a pulls me into a hug.
"It was for the best Viv," he reassures me: I'm not so sure. How can this emptiness inside me possible be for the best?
When we finally get back to the school, I go straight to my dorm and curl up on my bed. Scorpius knows I need some time alone and goes in search of his mates. As night crawls in, Vi comes up to the dorm.
"Wow, Viv, you've got a lot going for you… three guys at once, that's almost as many as Miri's got." I am completely bewildered by her statement but I am in no mood to discuss my love life (or lack thereof) right now, so I just ignore her. I spend the rest of the day lying on my bed, deep in thought, sometimes I am tempted to owl my father and tell him I have changed my mind but reason prevents me… I fall asleep with the words 'family honour' twirling around in my thoughts.
The next few days pass in a blur, Scorpius does what he can to be there for me; James just turns around and leaves every time I come into the same room or corridor as him; whispers continue to follow me where ever I go and I seem to have picked up the nickname 'the girl who broke James Potter's heart' which suggests James hasn't told anyone about my situation (Merlin, I sound like Zabini).
During a Potions lesson, Zabini calls me into his office.
"Right, your father has made all the arrangements; all you need to do is touch the portkey just before nine o'clock tomorrow morning. Everything else has been sorted." By now I have accepted what my fate is to be and I hardly care: loosing James has affected me in a way I didn't think was possible. I nod and take the portkey he holds out to me – it is a small golden ring – and slip it into my pocket.
When the lesson ends I go straight back to my bed and close the curtains – something I never did before – and lie there, waiting for sleep to find me. I have not eaten in almost a week.
"You know, you and Zabini really need to make it a little less obvious, I mean sneaking out of lessons for a quickie in his office… could you be more cliché?" Vi's voice comes from the other side of the curtains.
"I beg your pardon?" I ask, peering between the velvety green cloth.
"You and Professor Zabini… it is so obvious."
"What is?"
"That you're having an affair!" She rolls her eyes at me, as if this was just a normal occurrence in her everyday life.
"That we are having a-" I can't help it, the idea is so absolutely absurd I can't help but laugh. "You- you think- Oh Merlin," I giggle, gripping my side as I almost fall off the bed with laughter. "Me and- me and Zabini?"
"Well, yeah. The whole school it talking about it, I always knew there was something going on between you two: you were always sneaking off to have little chats… What is so funny?" She stares at me in confusion.
"That you think me and Zabini are having an affair…" I laugh as she continues to frown.
"You mean… you aren't having an affair with him?"
"Zabini is my father's friend, he's like fifty… well maybe not quite fifty but he is old!" I stagger up, suddenly hungry. "I'm going to get something to eat… have fun think up absurd situations Vi," I laugh again as I walk out the room, leaving a bewildered Vi staring after me.
When I come down to the common room, Scorpius looks up and I crack again. He rushes over to me to see if I'm alright – he must think I'm metal.
"Vi- Vi thinks- Vi thinks I'm having- an affair- with Zabini-" I choke out between bursts of laughter. When I have recovered enough to be understood, I repeat myself and Scorpius grins.
"Didn't you know? You're the talk off the school," he winks. "First Potter, then Zabini… some people are saying I'm your next victim," he grins, it must be a relief for him to see me laugh again.
"Oh Merlin, I may have a slightly twisted life but this? What do they take me for? A serial shagger?"
"No… that's Miri, I think they just think you're a heartbreaker," he smirks. He helps me down the rest of the stairs and leads me out the common room.
"Where are you taking me?" I ask as he leads me down a passageway I didn't even know existed.
"To the kitchens, you look hungry," trust Scorp to know exactly what I want. He stops in front of a portrait of a bowl of fruit and starts scratching at a pear. The pear squirms and giggles, forming into a door knob, causing me to giggle again. He pushes me through the portrait and I find myself in a large room, the size of the Great Hall with five corresponding tables. I am too hungry to pay much attention to my surroundings.
"Master Malfoy, it is a pleasure to see you again, is Mistress We-" Scorpius stops the elf before it can finish and asks for some food for Mistress Nott. The elf runs off and returns a few minutes later with an assortment of foods.
"Steady on, Viv, your stomach won't like it if you eat too much at once," Scorpius warns me, I take no heed and stuff as much food in my mouth as I can. "Suit yourself," he mutters.
We sit in silence for a while, me munching my way through a ridiculous amount of food as he just sips at a butterbeer the elf brought for him.
"How did you find this place?" I ask at last.
"Ah, now that would be telling," he taps the side of his nose. "So, tell me what did Zabini want earlier, if it wasn't a quick shag?" he flashes his unnaturally white teeth at me. I stick my tongue out at him before recapping my meeting with Zabini. We are both left wondering what on earth my father has planned for me.
"Urgh, I'm full," I moan, Scorpius laughs and gives me his 'I-hate-to-say-I-told-you-so' face. We make our way back to the common room, everyone seems to have gone to their dorms already, only a seventh year couple are sitting, kissing, in the corner. I say goodnight to Scorpius and go up to my dorm – luckily Vi is asleep.
The morning of the arrangement with my father arrives in a torrent of rain; I crawl out of bed and run to the bathroom. Gross, I haven't vomited since I was five. I quickly jump in the shower before anyone else wakes up and make myself presentable – my mother always said that whatever you do, if you do it looking good, the result will be much better. I have never listen to her words before but today it seems like the only thing I can do to prepare myself for what is to be my fate.
Once I have towel dried my hair and applied my make-up, I change into my casual robes. I then make my way the Great Hall, I am one of the first ones there as most students sleep in on Saturday mornings. Sitting at the Slytherin table I munch my way through a bowl of cereal, thinking of my life until now – my life as Vivian Iris Nott. Not long after, Scorpius comes to join me.
"I really think you should let me come with you," he starts up our argument from last night.
"Scorp, I really don't think that's going to be a very good idea… my father doesn't know you know I'm pregnant and I would like to keep it that way."
"But-"
"No buts, Mr Malfoy, you will do as you're told." I tap him on the nose with my spoon and he surrenders, looking glum. "I'll be fine, I'm always fine."
As nine o'clock approached, I pulled out the little gold ring from my pocket and place it on the table.
"What's that?" Scorpius asks, leaning over to have a better look.
"The portkey." He studies it closely, looks at me, then looks back to the ring.
"Viv…" he starts warily and I can see an idea forming in his mind but before he can figure it out and stop me, the ring glows slightly and I grab onto it as it transports me to goodness knows where.
The spitting of rain greets me as I scramble up from the cold, wet floor. All around me, the landscape is made up of different shades of grey: grey sky, grey buildings, grey road. Well actually, there are not that many buildings, the hazy rain obstructs my view but I can only make out a small, pointed structure a little way down the stony road. As there is nothing else visible to me, I head towards it.
"Vivian…?" A cloaked figure calls, they are stood in the shadows and I cannot make out their features.
"Yes," as I get closer, the figure takes on the form of my father. "Father," I greet him.
"Hurry up, they are waiting." Again, I force myself to breath: I cannot back out know. I run the last few meters until I am face to face with my father, he takes my arm and leads me to a small wooden door at the front of the building. The doors open magically as we approach and we step inside.
It is even darker inside than it is out, the windows block out the little light there is and the few candles I can see only serve to cast more shadows. There only appears to be one room, with rows of benches on either side of a passageway. I can just about make out three figures: my mother, standing almost across the room from me; a man with black hair and his back to me and an old looking wizard holding a book.
My father does not let go of my arm as he begins to walk towards the man and old wizard. The whispers ceased and my mother turned to look at us – she has tears streaming down her face. I steady continue to breathe steadily, telling myself that I must do what is necessary, that I must not disgrace the name of Nott again… the name of Nott.
The man at the front is the only one not looking at me.
At last, when we are just behind him, the man turns around. His black hair is untidy and hangs partially over his almond shaped green eyes, there is little emotion across his handsome face but his stance gives of an air of determination. Albus Severus Potter.
My father takes my hand and places it in Potter's out stretched one and I prepare myself to seal my fate. Determination seeps from Potter's hand into mine as the wizard places his own on top of our entwined ones. This is my choice, I remind myself.
"Ladies and gentlemen. We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of two faithful souls…" The old wizard in front of us begins after my father takes his place beside my mother, his voice is croaky.
My father explained to me that there was only one way to redeem the name of Nott: marriage. The thought of his daughter bearing a bastard child was one too awful to contemplate so he had spent days making the necessary arrangements for Potter and I to be wed. He knew that I too valued the family's honour and he hoped it was enough for me to understand the necessity of marriage.
To those people who cannot comprehend why I am marrying a man I hardly know for something that has no material value let me explain to you that family honour is something more, something much more, than simply something rich people like to gossip about. Your family is at the core of you, without it you are nothing – you would not exist; your family is more important than friendship or love because your family is there for you no matter what, they are irrevocably linked to you by blood and blood is a stronger tie than anything else. It is for that reason that I am marrying Albus Severus Potter – because since I was a child, my parents have impressed upon me the importance of family and I owe them everything I have. It is for that reason that I will do what it takes to redeem the honour and respect of my family so that my family does not have to look upon me with shame.
I turn to face Potter as the wizard continues.
"Do you, Albus Severus, take Vivian Iris…"I study Potter's face, it is void of emotion and I wonder what on earth made him agree to marry me, I mean my father persuading me is one thing but for my father to persuade Potter is another. The wizard continues to talk, Potter makes his vows and so do I.
"Do you have the ring?" the wizard asks. I pull out the small gold ring that had minutes before brought me here as a portkey and slip it onto Potter's finger.
"…then I declare you bonded for life." Potter leans forward and kisses me briefly on the lips – as is custom – I do not pull away.
The door of the chapel slams open and in sync, Potter and I turn to face the intruder.
James is standing in the door way, his face looks broken, like someone has destroyed his soul. My heart breaks at the sight of him and I close my eyes tight and turn my face away, family honour may be a powerful motive but it does not prevent your heart from breaking. He is disgusted, appalled by what I have done… he hates me, like I always knew he would. I hear the door bang in the wind and know James has gone – gone without a word. I collapse on the floor. My whole world shatters before me and I know, deep down, that my heart will never really be whole again.
Author's Note: Thank you so much 'cwtsh' for pointing out I had completely the wrong chapter up here, sorry to anyone who that completely confused! Well let me know what you think and if you have any questions or want to see pictures of my characters, check out my blog (link of profile page) ~ GirlOnTheSidelines x
