Chapter Ten – Home

June2022

As I jump down from the train I look around, even through the fog and muddle of people I can tell no one is here to collect me. My heart sinks, what am I supposed to do? I have nowhere to go: Scorp is travelling with his parents and little sister (besides his parents would not allow me to stay with them anyway) and Violet has already vanished into the crowd… I can't very well go to the Potters can I, how awkward would that be? I groan quietly, what a great start to my summer – homeless.

Someone picks up the trunk at my feet and I look up to see Albus – we still haven't spoken. He hoists my trunk on top of his trolley and begins pushing it through the crowd without saying a word. I have no choice but to follow. I can feel people whispering as we go past; rumour already flying. At last the crowd thins and disperses, we have left Platform 9¾ and are now in muggle London. Albus leads us towards a line of cars with weird triangular pyramids on top of them with the word 'TAXI' written on it. A man steps out of one and loads our trunks into the boot, he stares peculiarly at Albus' owl and mutters something along the lines of 'these weird foreigners' before slamming to boot shut. Albus holds the door to the back of the car open and looks at me… he wants me to get in the car?

I have never been in a car before, they are bizarre things and I immediately decide I prefer portkeys, floo powder or even side-along apparition. Albus climbs in next to me and mutters something to the man in the front. After several frightening minutes the man stops the car in front of a row of grisly looking buildings and gets out. Albus does the same and I follow his lead, the man takes our trunks out of the boot and leaves them on the pavement before hastily getting back in the car and driving off – not at all sorry to see the back of us.

Albus walks up to the door of one of the buildings and takes out a key then disappears inside with his owl. Moments later he reappears and grabs our trunks, pulling them inside and leaves the door open behind him. I stand on the pavement alone with Elena, my cat, in my arms. I stare at the building: it is made of grey bricks with small windows besmeared with slime. Reluctantly, I walk up the steps and into the building, I emerge into a dingy hallway that is barely wide enough for one person to stand in. The hallway has three doors leading off it and a narrow staircase at one end. I open the first door: a tiny kitchen that looks like it has not been used for decades. I open the second door: a broom falls out, it is nothing more than a broom cupboard. I open the third door: a cluttered sitting room with mismatched furniture covered in dust. I walk up the staircase: another dark hallway. Two doors. I open the one on my right: a small bathroom with only a broken shower, toilet and chipped sink. I open the door on my left: an almost empty room with just one narrow double bed. I walk across the room to a small window and look out, below me is a tiny square patch of dead looking grass, Albus is sitting on a plastic chair with his back to me.

I sit on the bed and let the tears fall, so this is going to be my life: stuck in a grimy house not fit to live in with a husband who hates me. I let myself sob until there are no more tears to cry. Going into the bathroom, I wipe some of the dirt of the cracked mirror above the sink and try to remove the tear tracks from my face. I needn't have bothered, when I get down stairs I find a note from Albus saying he had gone out and would be back later. A postscript at the bottom read: Ministry has given special license to use magic underage but only inside house.

Pulling myself together I toss the note back on the table and look around again. I am in the kitchen and if I stand sideways and stretch my arms out, I can touch both walls at the same time. Now then, let's see if I really can use magic outside of school… I whip out my wand and point it at the sink, immediately it fills with water. Searching the cupboard for a sponge and finding none I transfigure a tea cup and direct it to the sink. Sitting at the table I instruct the sponge to clean first the sink and then the counter tops, once they were done to my satisfaction I clean the cupboard doors, then all the pots and pans, then the plates and bowls and cups (all of which had been chipped). I leave the windows until last in case anyone should look in and I do them by hand. At last, I am satisfied with the kitchen: the surfaces are all clean and I had changed the filthy puke colour of the cupboards to cream and the surfaces to black granite (oh the joys of magic); the plates and cutlery have been cleaned and fixed and put in the correct places and the floor has been mopped to reveal a decent wood beneath the grime. Exhausted I conjure up a cushion and collapse on a chair. I am still expecting a Ministry official to come knocking on the door to give me an earful.

Cleaning the kitchen has tired me out I cannot bring myself to start on the sitting room. I wait until I hear the door open and Albus come in. Walking into the kitchen he lets out a gasp of surprise before setting some bags on the counter and walking back out. He does not say a word. Sighing, I rummage through the bags to see what he got: bread, milk, butter, jam, soup… the essentials basically. I take out a slice of bread and cover it in butter and jam (I must get a hold of some peanut butter and chocolate spread). Washing my sandwich down with a glass of milk I move into the sitting room. Albus is not in here so I start my cleaning process again… when I have finished, I crash onto the sofa and close my eyes.

Stretching out I let a yawn escape me, I rub my eyes and look around. Judging by the light outside it must be morning; did I really sleep throughout the night? I tug the blanket up around me to keep off the chill, where did the blanket come from… on the three legged coffee table in front of me Albus has left another note: gone to work, be back at five. Since when did Albus work? Yawning again I go in search of some food.

The day passes slowly, I clean the hallway and the broom cupboard, I then move upstairs to the bedroom and finally the bathroom. When the whole house has been cleaned I fix the shower and strip down. The water rushes over me and it takes a while to warm up, I use a spell to wash my hair and body as I do not trust the soap left lying on the edge of the sink. I don't know how long I stand under the shower for but at some point I hear the door open and close, Albus must be home. Home – is doesn't really feel like home, it is so impersonal and cold, not at all like Hogwarts or even my parents' house.

I get out of the shower and run into the bedroom where Albus left my trunk. Rummaging through it I find a set of robes in a dark green and pull them on. Most wizards these days like wearing muggle clothing but I just find it uncomfortable and prefer wearing robes. I go down stairs into the kitchen; I can hear Albus next door fiddling with something. Pulling out some pots I begin to make my first meal on my own. In both Hogwarts and my parents' house, house elves cooked for us so I use an old recipe book that I found lying around and flick through it until I find something that looks easy enough to cook.

I look at the result and feel I little disheartened, is doesn't look as good as house elf food. Grabbing both plates a go into the sitting room, Albus is fiddling with some weird box thing in the corner and doesn't look up when I come in. I set his plate down on the coffee table and sit down in an armchair. Pointing my wand at the fireplace I make flames spring up – this house is freezing even in June. Eventually Albus gives up with the box thingy and sits down on the sofa, he dutifully eats all the food on his plate but I can tell he doesn't really like it.

"What is that?" I gesture to the box; it is the first time either of us has spoken since we got off the train.

"A television, it is a muggle thing, they produce moving pictures it is fascinating… and all without magic," he seems genuinely interested in the muggle creation. We elapse back into silence and I clear the plates away before returning to my seat by the fire.

I can feel the second tick by but neither of us wants to be the first to move. After a while he tactfully pretends to fall asleep on the sofa so I creep upstairs to the bedroom, I'm not sure if Albus slept here yesterday, I think he might have just slept on the armchair I had just vacated as this room had not been cleaned yet. This is ridiculous, I know it may not feel like it but he is my husband and he should not be forced to sleep on the couch every night. Oh well, I will deal with that tomorrow.

The next few days pass by in routine, Albus has left by the time I get up, I spend the day teaching myself how to cook, Albus comes home, we eat dinner in the sitting room, occasionally we create small talk, he pretends to fall asleep, I creep up to bed… Loneliness begins to creep up on me and I long for the bustle of student at school.

A week after school ended, we are sitting in the lounge; our plates lie empty on the table. It has been a normal day, my cooking is improving and I am half pleased with my stir fry. Albus is sitting across from me as usual.

"Do you know if it is girl or a boy?" his question is so out of the blue I blink in surprise; he seems embarrassed as if he had not meant to say anything. It is odd I guess, I knew he knew I was pregnant – the whole school knew I was pregnant – but we had never spoken about it, we never spoke about any of it.

"I don't know," I reply. "I don't really want to know either." He seems to nod in agreement.

"I wonder what house it will be in…" he mutters, making me giggle slightly, he looks at me in shock as if it is not something one should laugh at. "What?"

"Is that really your biggest concern? What house they are going to be in?"

"Well, no… but I do wonder…"

"Well I hope it is in Ravenclaw."

"Ravenclaw? Why?"

"Because it cannot be in Slytherin or Gryffindor because I wouldn't want it to feel more loyal to one parent because they were in the same house and Hufflepuffs are just weird…"

"I suppose, but why are Hufflepuffs weird?"

"Because they are… I mean… They just are…" I trail off, unable to find a valid reason. This must be the most bizarre conversation I have ever had. We fall into silence again.

"I suppose Ravenclaw is quite a good house…" Albus cannot seem to let it go, I smile. "But Gryffindor is better."

"I think you'll find Slytherin is better thank you very much," I huff.

"Sure… that where what's-his-name was sorted, you know, the one who killed all those people back when our parents were our age."

"Yeah but he was one of the most powerful wizards to ever have existed, I don't agree with what he did or anything but you have to admit he was a great wizard…"

"Yeah but not as great as Dumbledore… or my dad," he flashed a grin as I roll my eyes.

"Your dad might not have survived if it wasn't for a Slytherin," I point out. "In fact, more than one Slytherin I think."

"Who?" he asks genuinely confused.

"Your namesake for a start – Severus Snape and Scorpius' grandmother, Narcissa Malfoy, they were both Slytherins." He shrugs, clearly at a loss as to what to say. We sit for a little while longer before I get up to go to bed.

"You know you don't have to sleep on the sofa," well that was not the most tactful way of phrasing it but hey. Albus looks at me oddly. "It is just a bed." He tilts his head to the side and as I turn to go up the stairs, he can follow if he wants: I have given him the option.

I am almost asleep when I hear the stairs creek, my pulse quickens, was this really a good idea? He tiptoes quietly around the room, changing into his pyjamas. I stay very still as the sheets on the other side of the bed are pulled up and he slips in. A few minutes later, I can hear gentle snores and I know he has fallen asleep.

The next morning he has gone when I wake up. I come to look forward to five o'clock when he comes back home to relieve my loneliness. Our evenings become more comfortable and he now comes up to bed a little after I do.

August 2022

One day he comes home to find me crying on the bed. I cannot help myself: I miss my mother more than I thought I would and the tears just fall. He comes upstairs and – not knowing what else to do – he comes and sits beside me and puts an arm over my shoulders. I turn into his chest and sob; he cradles me close to him and leans back on the bed. We lie like that for over an hour; I can feel his body pressed against me as he strokes my hair: there is something inexplicably comforting in the presence of another human body.

"Vivian…" he mutters, it is the first time I have heard him say my name since the night that lead to all of this; I mummer at him to continue. "It is your birthday tomorrow," I had completely forgotten. "I have taken the day off work, would you like to go to Diagon Alley for a bit?" His thoughtfulness causes me to cry again but I manage to nod into his chest. He continues to stroke my hair.

The next day dawns and I wake to the smell of bacon wafting up the staircase. Rubbing my eyes I descend the stairs and hover in the door way to the kitchen. Albus is busy at the stove, frying bacon and eggs – I had no idea he could cook. His hair is messy as usual, he is wearing just his pyjama bottoms and I notice he has quite a nice body, the memory of running my hands down it comes rushing back to me and I quickly look away.

"Good morning," he smiles when he spots me in the doorway. "Happy birthday," he presents me with a plate heaped with bacon, eggs, tomato and toast. I smile back at him, thank him and take the plate. "So, where do you want to go first?" he asks as we take a seat at the tiny kitchen table, I can feel his leg pressing against mine under it.

"Hmm, I don't mind… Surprise me." Surprise me… what was I thinking, I hate surprises. Albus looks and me and smiles, it is a genuine smile but there is something in his eyes I cannot read. After breakfast is finished, we leave the dishes on the side for later and I go up for a shower while Albus starts twiddling with some odd looking instrument on the counter – he really is obsessed with muggle inventions.

When at last we are ready to leave, Albus helps me on with my cloak and locks the door behind us. As we walk down the street, muggles look at us with a strange expression on their faces; one woman even crosses the street with her two young children as she sees us approaching.

"Why are they looking at us like that?" I ask Albus who seems to know everything about muggles.

"Because of our cloaks and robes, muggles don't wear this sort of thing so they assume we are weird." He doesn't seem too bothered about it but personally, I cannot wait to get to the Leaky Cauldron and the wizarding world. My wish is soon granted and we manoeuvre our way between the tables and chairs.

"Good morning, Mrs Longbottom," Albus greets the landlady.

"Albus, how are you?" She asks cheerfully as a couple of girls come round the corner.

"Alice, Eloise," Albus greets the girls (who I think have just graduated) before we leave out the back of the pub.

Diagon Alley is, as always, packed with witches and wizards of all sorts. We push our way through the crowd towards Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour. It seems weird to be among so many people again, I have grown accustomed to the solitude of my new life. We buy our ice creams and make our way down the street. I look up to ask Albus where we are going and I see he has ice cream on him nose, giggling, I wipe it off with the sleeve of my robe. He flushes slightly.

We come to a puddle and I hesitate: these are my only pair of good shoes. I extend my arm to steady myself to climb around the puddle and I feel someone grab onto my hand. Albus carefully positions himself to support me as I jump across the offending puddle.

"Thanks," my voice is quiet as I look up into his eyes; he has beautiful, deep green eyes that remind me of the lake outside my dorm in Hogwarts. We stand for a moment, his hand still entwined in mine.

"James," a voice protests across the street and I make the mistake of looking. James Potter is standing there, staring at us in horror. A girl is stood beside him, holding onto his arm as if preventing him from coming towards us. Inside, my guts squirm uncomfortably and I feel another piece of my already fractured heart chip off. Oh, James.

I let go of Albus' hand.

James turns to the girl and pulls her towards him, titling his head down to kiss her. I turn away. Albus gives me another one of his funny looks and continues to walk down the street. I follow him, leaving the piece of my heart behind. James has already moved on, after everything he said…

Albus takes me to a quiet restaurant to order lunch, even here whispers follow us… everyone in the entire wizarding world seems to know our story. We wonder around Diagon Alley for a while afterwards, hardly talking, my heart is not in it anymore and I just want to back to our house and curl up on the sofa. Albus seems to agree with me as he directs us back to the Leaky Cauldron and into the muggle world. This time I hardly notice the muggles staring at us.

Hours turn to days… Days turn to weeks… Albus and I are distant again, we hardly talk and he often sleeps downstairs on the sofa. I feel awful but I cannot help myself, I am still in love with James and I seem powerless to change that... I cannot forget him. Numbness seeps into my veins again and I worry that it might never leave. Why? Why does my life have to be so complicated? Albus comes home later from work these days and I have lost the will to cook something nice so he often brings home a muggle 'take-away' whatever that is.

It has been nine days since I left the house, nine days since I saw James. I cannot bear it anymore and decide to go out. I do not know where to but I have to get out of this place. Pulling on my cloak I wander out into the August sun, the muggles avoid me as I retrace our footstep to the Leaky Cauldron. When I get there I stand looking at it, do I really want to go into the wizarding world where everyone judges me and knows my story?

"Viv..?" His voice is hesitant but I know at once who it is.

"James?" I swivel around to see him standing a few feet away, looking at me nervously.

"What are you doing here?" We chime together – it is dumb question, this is after all the entrance to the wizarding world. We both wait for the other to reply.

"Are you alone?" he asks, I know it is just code for 'where is Albus' but I just say I came out because I was bored – which is the truth. We stand in awkward silence for a few minutes. "I miss you." Oh Merlin why did he have to say that? I can feel my knees getting weaker as my pulse starts to race in a way it hasn't done for a very long time.

"I miss you too," I know I should not have said that and that I should just walk away but I can't. I am still in love with him.

"How are you?" I realise we are still talking with a huge gap between us but neither of us moves to close it.

"Fine," I lie, I am always fine.

"You're always fine," he knows me too well, how, I am not sure… we were only together for a day.

"I know…" I cannot think of what else to say, there are so many things I still want to tell him but they just refuse to come out of my mouth. He steps one step closer. I bite the inside of my lip.

"Viv…"

"Yes?"

"I still love you, you know." I am only made aware of the fact I am crying by the sensation of a tear rolling down my cheek… oh James.

"I love you too." It is so wrong, I am married to his brother and I am having his brother's child. Then I am in his arms as he wipes the tear from my cheek, whispering sweet nothings in my ear and I feel my heart explode. "James…" I breathe. His lips are moist, gentle, familiar. I lean my body into him and he tangles his hand in my hair. This is so wrong. Then why does it feel so utterly right?

At length he pulls away for air and I look up into his beautiful brown eyes and I can see he has tears rolling down his face as well.


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