Chapter 17- My Fault
Author's Note- Hi everybody! Thanks for all the reviews last chapter, you guys are amazing! ;) This chapter is from where we left off (obviously…that's kinda the point of a cliffhanger). I think that this story will go to 20-22 chapters, if anyone cares. Here's the chapter, enjoy! ;)
Jim let out a breath that he hadn't realized he'd been holding. Pam had called him. Pam had really called him. A part of him wanted to run over to her house and say that everything was fine, that they should just get over this. A bigger part of him wanted to scream at her for everything. How could she think that after all that had happened she could just call him up after an awkward classroom conversation? Jim wasn't sure what to do. His head was spinning and he felt like he was going to throw up. Jim played the message over a few more times, her words burning into his mind. The boy sighed and paced back and forth. If he called Pam, they might make up and everything could go back to normal. But…it wouldn't be normal, in fact it would be far from normal. Pam would still be highly popular and dating Roy while Jim would be dating Riley, who was no substitute for Pam. Jim shook his head and walked up to the house phone. He bit his lip and picked up the phone, his fingers dashing across the buttons until they typed out a well-known number. Jim almost hung up after the first ring but the familiar voice on the other end stopped him. "Hello? Jim, is that you?" Mrs. Beesly greeted on the other end.
Jim hesitated, weighing his options. "Yeah, it's me, um, hi. Is Pam there?" He heard some shuffling around in the background and he prayed that she wasn't out with Roy somewhere.
"Yes, she is. She's in the bathroom actually. It's nice to hear from you, I haven't in a while," Mrs. Beesly replied.
"Um, yeah," Jim mumbled, his sole thought was talking to Pam.
"I know this is a bit weird of me to ask but…have you noticed anything different about Pam lately? Like her behavior?" Mrs. Beesly questioned.
Jim nodded to himself. If Pam's own mom could tell that something was up then he wasn't going crazy. What was he supposed to say? Pam seems perfectly fine? Or Pam is completely changing, please help me? Jim would hate for Pam to think that he was ratting her out. "Well, like she's dating Roy, if that's what you mean," Jim muttered.
"Right, right. Are you friends with that boy?" she asked.
Jim sighed. He was usually a hundred percent fine with talking to Pam's mom but now all he wanted was to talk to Pam. "No, Mrs. Beesly, not really. Is Pam out of the bathroom yet?"
"Oh yeah. It was nice talking to you, dear. She's right here," Mrs. Beesly finished. Jim mumbled 'bye' as he heard some shifting around and noise on the other end.
"Jim! Hi!" Pam exclaimed, happily.
Jim didn't want to but he felt his mouth lifting into a smiled. He thanked God that this was a phone conversation and not a face-to-face one. "Hi Pam," Jim mumbled. "What did you want to talk about?"
Pam moved into the next room, out of everyone else's earshot. "Um, you know. Us. Well, what used to be us. I don't want to fight anymore Jim. I'm tired of this. We're best friends, not mortal enemies," Pam explained, hopefully.
"Oh. So you conveniently call me three weeks after you exploded in my face? Did Roy put you up to this?" Jim demanded. He couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't take being in love with a girl that was taken. He couldn't take pretending to like another girl. But most of all, he couldn't take Pam pretending that everything was alright.
"What? What are you talking about?" Pam shot back. If Jim wanted to be angry, well, she could be too.
"Is he like on the other end or something? One of his sick pranks?" Jim asked, softer than before.
Pam gasped, wondering how he could honestly think that. "No! Absolutely not! Will you just leave Roy out of this?"
"Roy's the one who got us in this," Jim challenged. He heard an incoherent word mumbled on the other end, probably a swear under Pam's breath.
"Look, Jim, Roy has nothing to do with any of this," Pam said, raising her voice.
"He has everything to do with this!" Jim replied, frustrated. "Before him, we never ever fought, not even once. We were inseparable, Pam. And now, if we even talk to each other…it ends in a fight."
"That's why I'm calling you, Jim. To stop fighting," Pam explained, calming down a bit.
"Yeah, I got that," Jim mumbled. "But you're turning everything I say against me."
Pam gaped at his comment. She couldn't believe it, how was this her fault? "No, I'm not. You're trying to put this all on me just like usual."
"Like usual?" Jim repeated, bewildered.
"Yeah. You think that it's all Roy and I's fault and it's not. It's yours," Pam spat. She could picture him now, pacing back and forth while running a tired hand through his chestnut hair.
"Really? It's my fault?" Jim challenged.
"Yeah." Pam paused as she heard heavy breathing on the other end, wondering if he had hung up. Just as she was about to check if he did, Jim spoke up.
"Well…I guess you're right," Jim replied, calmly. "It is my fault. It's my fault that I care for you. It's my fault that I became best friends with you. It's my fault for trying to protect you. It's my fault for voicing my opinion against Roy. It's my fault for trying to reach out to you. It's my fault for telling you that all this popularity you have now is going to leave you once Roy does. It's my fault that I still think and care about you every second even when you're a total jerk. It's my fault that I'm in love with you. So yeah, I guess it is my fault."
Pam nearly dropped the phone. Had Jim just said he was in love with her? Her best friend after ten years had just said he loved her. Roy hadn't even said that. Was Jim being crazy? Pam was wondering if she even heard him correctly or just imagined it. This was so weird but at the same time, Pam wondered if she felt the same way. She shook her head, convincing herself that even if he had said it; she was still with Roy. "Wait, what did you just say?" Pam asked.
"That it's my fault," Jim replied, confused.
"Before that…" Pam muttered.
Jim thought back. He knew that in his head, he thought that it was his fault because he loved her but he hadn't said that out loud…had he? Jim slammed his hand against the wall; he couldn't have told her that. He'd never even admitted it out loud before. "I said that it's my fault that I still care about you when you're a jerk," Jim lied.
"No, you didn't. You said that you were in love with me," Pam replied, softly. She knew that she had just put the two of them in a really awkward position but she had to hear the truth.
Jim sighed. "No, I didn't. I said that I loved you, not that I was in love with you."
"You love me?" Pam whispered.
"No!" Jim backtracked. "I mean, like as a friend, yeah. I love all my friends, as friends. Not romantically. I'm not in love with you, no, no way. That would be weird, really weird especially since I have a girlfriend now. And you have Roy and that crap."
Pam nodded to herself but she wondered if he was really in love with her. At this time, she wished that she could see his face. She could always tell when he was lying. Pam almost wished that he was in love with her but had no idea why. "Right…that's what I thought because of that airhead you're dating and all."
Jim bit his lip, hard. "Riley's not an airhead. She's really kind and smart, Pam."
"I'm sure she is," Pam spat sarcastically.
"She is and if I were you, I'd shut up. You're the one who hangs out with those mean girls all the time…and you're kind of becoming one," Jim responded. He waited for a response, wondering if he'd gone too far or not.
Pam scoffed. "It doesn't matter to me what you think. You're not even my friend anymore, Jim. You're nothing to me…just a chapter of my life that I just finished. A pretty crappy chapter, if you ask me."
Jim almost chucked the phone against the wall. She was unbelievable. All of this was unbelievable. "You know what Pam? I know you really good, better than all of those idiots. You want to know what I think?"
"Not really," Pam muttered.
"I think that the real you is still in there, somewhere deep inside you. I also think that you know it's in you. I know that you're still the same Pam inside but it's like you've put a mask on the outside. This is all an act," Jim explained.
"No…" Pam protested. She was mad now because she knew what Jim was saying was true.
"Yup and you know it. You're pretending to be a mean girl, the real you could never be that cruel. But it's really obvious. It's like a toddler trying to fit into her parent's clothes. It doesn't fit," Jim stated, softly.
Pam was gaping at his explanation. "T-that's not true. You don't even know me anymore, Jim."
"I know you well enough, Pam. Well enough to know that that girl is still inside you and she's tired of being hidden away."
"You're crazy!" Pam cried.
Jim ignored her comment. He knew he was crazy, crazy for her. "I just hope that that girl takes off the mask soon because I'm sick and tired of this whole act," Jim admitted.
Pam sighed but she didn't want to give in. She wasn't going to let a loser like Jim put her in her place. Pam laughed into the phone on purpose. "Roy was right. You are a loser, Jim. Don't know why I didn't see that before but I'm glad I do now."
"Drop the act, Pam," Jim pressed. "It's not funny anymore."
"Bye loser," Pam muttered, clicking off her phone.
Jim looked down at the phone; Pam had just hung up on him. Jim was suddenly glad he was home alone. He screamed in frustration and threw the phone at the wall. Jim ran a hand through his hair and felt his eyes well up with tears. His best friend was leaving him. No. His best friend was already gone.
So what did you think? Good or bad? Boring or interesting? Please let me know in a review. This chapter was hard to write. :P I will have Dwight in the next chapter, couldn't squeeze him in in this one. Continue reviewing and I'll update soon. R&R! ;)
