When Dan's lunch hour came around he ixnayed, his trip to the diner and stayed and ate lunch in the break room that sat at the back of the store. All around the room lockers lined the walls. Dan knew that some employees used them although he did not.
Rocko joined him at the lunch table and pulled out a foldable chair and sat down. He and Dan hadn't spoken much lately.
"So Dan. What's new in your life?" Rocko asked enthusiastically.
Dan looked up from his ham sandwich. "Not much really." Dan lied. All he could think about all day was the fact that none of his kids who could talk full sentences were talking to him.
Rocko studied Dan. "Did you hear about that puppy mill off Route 9?"
Dan nodded. "Yeah I did."
Rocko saw that Dan wasn't in a talking mood so he did all the talking. "Well I heard that they're putting all of those puppies up for adoption. The wife and I are thinking about getting one. Labs are good dogs you know." Dan didn't really say anything just nodded his head to show that he was paying attention. Finally he finished his sandwich and ate his plain carrots.
"Hey I got to. See you later Rocko."
After work Dan skipped his meeting and drove to Fulton County Hospital. When he made his way to the Psychiatric ward, Dr. John was waiting for him and they walked to the doctor's office.
Dan sat down in the chair across from Dr. John who sat at his desk. Dr. John pulled open a drawer in his desk and took out a couple of forms that were paper clipped together.
"So how have you been lately?" Dr. John asked, rather friendly while also sounding professional.
Dan tried to relax. He felt nervous for some reason. "Alright I guess." Dr. John saw through Dan's lies.
"Listen you're here so I can help you. You don't need to lie to me."
Dan looked down at his feet and cupped his hands together in his lap. "I know. I got so much going on now that I just have been having a hard time with stuff."
Dr. John looked at Dan directly in the eyes. "Can you elaborate on that?"
Dan looked up at his doctor. "All of my kids are living with me. I mean I try to find stuff that makes me happy and try to be happy but I can't."
"You haven't been eating or sleeping much either, right?"
Dan nodded. "Yeah, I just don't feel hungry much. I have been eating though. I figure as long as I'm not going to enjoy any food I might as well start to eat healthy."
Dr. John smiled weakly. "Hey I wish some of my other patients would be like that. What have you been eating?"
"Carrots. Grapes. Things like that."
"Ah well those are good choices. Any reason you're having trouble sleeping? Nightmares? Just can't fall asleep?"
"No I fall asleep but I always wake up like thirty minutes later."
Dr. John studied Dan again. "You're daughter Darlene and David get married yet?"
Dan shook his head. "No. They have the wedding planned for Sunday but it looks like there won't be a wedding at all."
"Oh? What do you mean by that?"
Dan looked back down trying to summarize his words into something that would actually make sense to Dr. John, "Well my kids got into a fight yesterday and now they are all mad at me and I'm getting the silent treatment now. Two of them claim that the other is my favorite. My son is mad at me for virtually the same reasons that I was always mad at my dad, except I don't have a habit of leaving my family every chance I get. Darlene is mad at me because she says I'm never happy."
Dr. John stayed quiet for a minute then he spoke. "What about DJ upset you? It seemed like that bothered you more than everything else you said."
"Really?" Dan asked, curious that Dr. John got that from his body language.
"Yeah," The doctor said.
Dan looked back up at his doctor. He spoke lowly, sadly. "Well I guess the biggest thing I've been afraid of is having the same relationship with my sons that I have with my dad. I think about all those years that I hated my dad's guts and I just pray that DJ or even Jerry don't start to feel like that with me. I mean I've always been able to tell myself that no matter what happens to me as a father or what I do as a father that at least I'm a better father than my dad. That all changed when I learned the truth about my mom."
Dr. John sat still not moving the pen that was in his hand. "That's a natural fear."
Dan took a quick glance out of the window and then returned his gaze to Dr. John. "That's what Roseanne said to me once. She said that she had a similar fear about the girls."
Dr. John leaned back. "Do you still hear her?"
"Pardon me?" Dan said despite hearing him clearly the first time.
"Roseanne. You told me that you heard her in the house before you came back here. Do you still here her?"
Dan thought about the conversation he had with his kids back when they were still talking to him. "My kids think they hear her too."
Dr. John's eyes moved up and down studying Dan's build. He had lost even more weight. "That's also a natural thing. It's a coping mechanism."
Dan looked back at his lap. "Coping. Sometimes I wonder if I'm capable of that. I mean I try so hard to just go into my garage and fix something but I can't. All I can do is talk to my kids, go to work, come home, try to stay in good terms with my kids, take care of Jerry and try to eat."
"I know you said that you like fixing and building things. You like working with your hands. What else do you know that always made you happy?"
Dan rubbed the back of his neck. "Uh, doing stuff with my kids. Like the little stuff. Me and Darlene we used to play one on one basketball and watch games on TV. Me and DJ would play checkers and I'd help him with his homework and I'd watch games with him too. And me and Becky we weren't as close but she'd ask me to take her to her friend Diane's or the library and we'd play around with the radio in my truck on the way. You know those are some of my favorite memories."
"Those memories. They're small. It was something that you did a lot. But I noticed that all those memories are lacking Roseanne."
"Well Roseanne didn't like sports. Usually if there was a game on she'd do something with Jackie. And I usually took the kids places so that she didn't have too or because they were on my way."
"Ah. Makes sense. Time is almost up. Is there anything you want to talk about in the last few minutes?"
Dan looked up at the clock. The doctor was up. There was only 15 minutes left in the session. "Can you give me any advice on my kids? The silent treatment really hurts."
"Well, when you were here you learned to work through problems by talking. Take them one by one and just apologize. If you still can't get them to talk to you, keep talking. Show them that you don't care about the silent treatment."
At the house Jackie came in to find DJ playing his Nintendo 64, Becky in the kitchen with Jerry and Darlene sitting in the chair in front of the fake fireplace reading a magazine.
"Where's David?" Jackie asked, as he was the only missing.
Darlene looked up at Jackie. "Who cares?" She scoffed.
"Are you talking yet?" She said putting Andy down on the floor and then sitting next to DJ on the couch.
Darlene put her magazine down. "Let's see Aunt Jackie. Are you talking about me and David or me and my dad?"
Jackie had been smiling but she stopped. "Either one." '
"Then the answer is no."
Jackie sat there awkwardly. Finally she couldn't stand that anymore and spoke even though she knew it would cause Darlene to get annoyed and pissed. "Listen Darlene. Your dad is really sorry for what he did. You shouldn't be mad at him because he's depressed."
Darlene looked up from her magazine but still held the magazine in front of her at her eye level. "He's not even trying to get better. And that's not my problem. My problem is that he didn't yell at David for leaving me."
Jackie rolled her eyes. "Darlene, Dan I mean your dad, knew that you wouldn't let David back in the house anyway."
Darlene went back to reading her magazine. "Whatever."
Jackie sighed and made her way to the kitchen. She sat down at the table next to Becky who was feeding Jerry in his high chair.
"Hi, Becky."
"Hi. Aunt Jackie. No me and my dad aren't talking." Jackie looked at her niece blankly. "You really think I couldn't hear you talking from the kitchen?"
Jackie leaned forward with her hands waving in the air. "You don't think that you're hurting your dad by not talking to him? He loves all of you the same."
Becky gave Jackie the same look that Darlene gave Jackie. "That is not the same as playing favorites."
"Playing favorites? How has your dad ever played favorites? You left the house and then he let you and your husband live in the house and gave your husband two jobs."
Becky stared cold heartedly at Jackie. "He let David move in. And he let David move back in even after he found out that he was living with Darlene in Chicago. He didn't even care that we were getting a divorce."
"Becky. You're dad cares about you and he loves you. Stop treating him like crap. You seem to blame him for everything."
Becky kept up her stare. "That's because he's too blame everything."
Jackie gave up and then went back into the living room. "DJ follow me." She commanded sternly.
DJ put his controller down and followed Jackie into Dan/Darlene's room. "Do you really expect that acting like a three year old will get you you're way, DJ?"
DJ glared at his aunt. "I don't know what you're talking about."
Jackie stood firmly in front of DJ. "You ran off to St. Louis without your dad's permission. He cut you slack for that because of your mother. Then you cut school, and then when you got off easy for that you don't come home from school early when you were asked. You're mad because you don't think you should be in trouble for disrespecting your dad. You should thank God that your dad doesn't believe in beating kids like your grandpa because you wouldn't be standing if you acted like that with your grandpa."
DJ stood there frightened. Just the fact that Jackie put him in place was a wake-up call. Suddenly DJ started to sweat and feel guilty. "I'm sorry!" He said trembling.
"Don't tell me. You're silent treatment isn't hurting my feelings."
DJ nodded. "Okay."
Jackie said nothing but left the room and went back to into the living room.
She stood by the door and called, "Becky bring Jerry and come here!"
Becky reluctantly and with attitude did as she told. Once he was out of his high chair Jerry ran to Andy and the two chattered to one another. DJ came into the living room too and sat down on the armrest of the couch. "I am not going to watch you treat your father like crap. Darlene you are getting married on SUNDAY! Do you really want all this drama before your wedding? Your father wants all of you to be happy. Of all of us your dad's life had changed the most. He quit drinking; he's going to be a single parent for the next 18 to twenty years. He is trying to be happy. Cut him slack will ya? God knows he's cut you all plenty of slack."
All of the kids watched Jackie. She stood there but when she got no response she took Andy and left. The group broke up and later David came home.
Darlene took him and talked to him in the master bedroom. "I've been thinking David, and I want to say I'm sorry. It just seems like you never give me any space." Darlene said, sincerely.
David sat next to Darlene on the bed. 'You're right. I do get to…attached. I just worry that something bad will happen."
Darlene put her hand on David's hand. "I love you for that. But can you please give me some space? I promise I'll tell you if anything is wrong."
"Okay Darlene."
Eh, can't decide how to end this chapter so I'll just leave it like this.
