"A friend tells you the things you don't want to tell yourself,"

–Frances Ward Weller

Chapter Fifteen:

I'd never had a particular fear of heights, or even falling, for that matter – which is good considering my current position.

I was hovering high above the ground on my battered second-hand Cleansweep Two, as James yelled out orders to the team. He looked sort of… crazed, with a manic gleam in his eyes that seemed to come hand in hand with Quidditch.

You see, our friend Prongs has what you may call an obsession – one that grows considerably day by day, the closer we get to the upcoming game with Slytherin. First game of the year.

We'd been training every second day – rain, hail or shine – as it didn't seem to matter with James. He didn't seem to notice that it was currently pouring down and every single one of us were frozen to the marrow in our bones, and had been, for the last three hours we'd been out here.

I swooped in next to Sirius, "You know, I'm not usually one to complain, but…"

"Prongs has finally lost his god damn marbles?" Sirius offered.

"Precisely," I nodded in agreement.

Then, James flew up to us, red in the face and grinning from ear to ear, "C'mon guys, I can't be a Chaser all my myself, hurry up, we're using drill 5-7-9,"

"Which one was that again?" Sirius asked, scratching his head. I didn't know either.

He sighed in frustration, "I went over them all before!"

I groaned, "Prongs, mate, you know we love you–"

"–which is exactly why we're telling you this–"

"–because you've hit a dangerous level of obsession–"

"–so we're going to take you back inside–"

"–and force you to relax–"

"–because you've gone completely mental," Sirius finished with a satisfied nod.

James gaped at us for a second, "But we still have to train! We need to be ready! Slytherin's been training every second day!"

"So have we for crying out loud!" I exclaimed, "Just look at your team down there, would ya'? They're as good as they'll ever get – all you're doing now is wearing 'em down and giving 'em all colds,"

"… Fine," Was his grudging response.

The two of us grinned from ear to ear.

"All right, trainings over guys, let's bring it in!" Sirius yelled to the others.

There were collective sighs of relief as we all landed on the ground. It felt unusual walking on the grass after so long in the air, but as we approached the castle, I couldn't have been more desperate for a hot shower and well deserved nap.

The group of us walked, sopping wet, into the Gryffindor Tower. Remus and Peter took one look at our current state and burst into laughter.

Moony grinned and said slyly, "You know… this is exactly why I don't play Quidditch,"

Later that night, with damp hair and tired, heavy eyes, I curled up in the worn armchair with Marvin softly purring in my lap, right beside the fire of the Common Room, watching the flames dancing wildly as my eyelids fluttered closed.

Rain bashed down on the rooftop, as I sat in the small nook in my bedroom, fingers pressed against the cold glass and breathe fogging up my hazy reflection. My real reflection.

I'd arrived back three days ago, and still, I hadn't uttered a word to my parents. Not a single word. There had been no 'hello' or 'how have you been' or 'why did you intentionally supress my morphing abilities without telling me'.

And that was exactly the problem; I didn't know how to confront them – it wasn't that I feared facing them, but more that fact that I didn't know what to say – so I remained silent.

Still, I hadn't hid. I showed them exactly what they'd taken away from me – I made sure they knew that I knew exactly what they'd done – changing my hair from colour to colour every morning, just to drive in the point and make them feel guilty.

But they still acted as if I didn't change my appearance every day, acted as if I weren't a witch, as if magic weren't real. Pretty soon I'd taken to wearing my wand behind my ear, never using ordinary pens and pencils but instead bringing my quill and ink everywhere with me and using every wizard saying I knew in every possible way, yet there was still no effect. They didn't acknowledge it, because to them there wasn't a wand behind my ear, there wasn't magical textbooks sprawled across my bed and their daughter defiantly wasn't a witch.

So why did I feel so guilty? In wasn't the one who should be sorry – I didn't keep any secrets. I didn't drug myself. I didn't betray my family.

Maybe it was the grief that I saw in their eyes, the ones that silently pleaded for my forgiveness? Or maybe it was the fact that every time I looked at them, a small piece of my heart tore away?

Whatever the reason, I still wasn't ready. I needed time to think.

There was a bark outside my window. Then another. I looked down to see Padfoot jumping around, tail wagging, playing in the garden bed.

Then, an owl came to my window – a slightly demonic looking owl – that dropped a letter through the small flap I'd created for mail such as this, it read;

Are you going to come down so I can cheer you up, or will I have to drag you out with my teeth and claws?

A tentative smile pulled at my lips and I took one more glance at the shadowy animal in my front garden before swiftly morphing into my fox form and slipping down stairs and out the cat-flap installed by the previous owners of my home.

"'Bout time," Sirius chuckled under his breathe, "You girls always take forever,"

I stuck my tongue out at him, "You're such a wanker, you know that right?"

"A lovable, adorable and handsome wanker, yes," He grinned.

I scoffed, "Keep on dreamin',"

But amidst out playful banter, I could feel the knot in my chest growing lighter and lighter with each of his playful smiles. He had that effect on me – the ability to lighten even the darkest of my moods.

"C'mon, we leaving?"

I nodded, "Where are we goin'?"

He shrugged, "Dunno, you gota wake up,"

"Huh?"

"Wake up, Vixen," Dream-Sirius shook my shoulders, "C'mon, wake up,"

"Merlin, are you dead? We said wake up, sleepy-head," Prongs and Padfoot were staring down at me as my eyes cracked open. Wormtail looking exited standing in the background while Moony was shaking his head in disapproval and muttering something I couldn't quite make out in my hazy state.

"Wha–?" I shook my head, as Marvin scrambled up my arm to sit on my shoulder.

Sirius groaned, "God, you're slow, we have the perfect prank planned for Snivellus planned!"

At those words I immediately perked up, "Prank? Well, I do adore those…" I grinned mischievously.

"We know," The pair said in sync – gleeful smiles matching my own.

"Merlin, I've been itching to cause him hell since last week… teach him not to call me a Mudblood," I stood up with sudden determination and dusted off my pyjamas.

Sirius scoffed, "Yeah, and he jinxed me, remember,"

I rolled my eyes, "So what's this prank entail exactly?" I inquired.

The other exchanged evil smiles and I heard Remus murmur something in the background that sounded like, "This will not end well…"

"So how'd you get the Prefect schedule?" I asked, knowing there was no way Remus, Evans or any of the other Prefects would've ever willingly handed it over. They're too uptight.

"Persuasion…" was Prongs's illusive answer.

There was a bitter snort in the background, "Ha, that's funny, because the way I remember it was you guys held me down and stole it,"

"You don't have to be here, you know…" Peter rolled his eyes.

Remus scoffed, "The hell I don't! I need to make sure you don't actually get killed, or worse expelled,"

Sirius smirked, "That's impossible. We're too awesome to die… or get expelled," He added as an odd after thought.

"Obnoxious much?" I nudged him playfully and he nudged me back.

"Shhh!" James turned to glare at us, "Get under the cloak,"

We shuffled about, all five trying to fit, even after an enlargement charm was cast.

"James, your elbow in in my face," I tried to said, but my face was pressed on Moony's shoulder, so the words came out muffled. So, I did what any other sane metamorphmagus would do, I shifted my age down a few years so I was once again a short, scrawny, chest-less eight year old. Peter seemed to get the idea and settled as a rat on the ground.

Marvin hissed at him, but otherwise remained on my shoulder.

"Aww, you were so cute! What happened?" James ruffled my hair.

I glared daggers at him, "I swear to the name of Dumbledore, if you call me cute again, I'll cut out your tongue,"

"Well, you're a grumpy little girl…" Moony muttered and I kicked him in the shin, "Ouch!"

I stuck my tongue out at him, and it didn't even look stupid and immature, because I was eight.

"Nah, she was more of a devil child when she was a kid. Hanging out with stoners and the like down in the tunnels," Sirius grinned mischievously.

I scowled, folding my arms across my chest defensively, "I didn't know Ratchet smoked pot back then… "

"Right, so you never wondered why he was always high as fuck?" Sirius stared at me.

I punched him in the arm, "Oi, that's my friend you're talkin' 'bout, Black, don't make me jinx you," I warned.

He recalled, "No need for violence, Little Fox, we're on a covert mission here,"

Lupin sighed, "Why am I friends with yo–"

But he was cut off by the sound of approaching footsteps echoing on the marble floor. James smile widened and I crawled out from under the cloak.

I lay down on the floor and morphed myself to appear as if I was bloodied and dead. A bloodied and dead Lily Evans, as a matter of fact, then next to me I placed a knife we stole from the kitchens and covered in newt's blood that Prongs had left over from our last Potions lesson (mainly because he entirely screwed up the potion).

I could hear the others muffled laughter from where I believed the other four still stood, and a sigh from Remus. Sometimes I really wonder why he lowers himself to our stupid and childish immaturity level – he's such much of a better person than us, no matter what he believes.

Finally, I heard Snape turn the corner and gasp. He ran up to me and kneeled next to me, "No, no, NO! Not Lily, Merlin please, not Lily," He sobbed and I had to resist bursting into laughter.

Then, the guys started their whisperings from under the cloak and I found myself wondering (not for the first time) what father is his right mind would give James of all people an invisibility cloak?

"…help…me…"

"…Severus…help…"

"…so….cold…"

"…death… so…cold,"

"…help…"

He jumped up franticly and looked around with crazed eyes, "What!? Lily, are you… a ghost? What's happening? Are you… d-dead?"

"…so…cold…"

"…so…dark…"

"…can't…see…so…dark…"

He looked back at me with tears in his eyes and I couldn't help but laugh. A small short laugh, which quickly turned into giant belts of laughter from the others as they came out from their 'hiding place' or invisibility cloak as I knew it to be – but Snape didn't know that.

I sat up, morphing back to myself again and smiling sickly-sweetly, "Never knew how much you loved me, Snivellus,"

He scowled; face growing red with furious rage as he raised his wand, "You infernal half-breed!" he spat.

I growled, "Call me that again, see what it gets you…"

"What? That you're a silly little Mudblood half-breed," He scoffed.

"Why you little–" I lunged but Remus held me back.

"C'mon, you wouldn't hurt the feelings of your precious, pretty and prude Lily, would ya'," Sirius mocked.

"I can't believe you cried!" James sneered, "How old are you? Five?"

"Levicorpus," I heard Snape whisper and the curse hit James square in the chest and hoisted him straight into the air by the ankle.

Sirius and I automatically went to grab out wands but then Remus intervened, "Oh, for Merlin's sake, Liberacorpus!" He cast the counter-curse and Prongs fell to the floor with a thud, "You're all a bunch of idiots!"

Snape scowled, "You're no better, Lupin, I could give you all a detention in a second,"

"So why haven–" Sirius started but was interrupted.

"So could I! We all deserve one anyway; I don't know why I agreed to this… I'm leaving; you all should too, unless all four of you idiots want to get expelled," Then he stormed off back in the direction of Gryffindor Tower muttering angrily to himself.

I barged into their room in the morning, "Can I borrow your spare tie?"

"What happened to yours?" Lupin asked, he seemed to have cooled down since last night.

I shrugged, "Set it on fire accidentally,"

"I… I'm not even going to ask," He shook his head and dug into his footlocker, "Here," he threw it at me and I dashed quickly out of the room, "Don't lose it… or burn it… or harm it in any way!" He yelled after me and I laughed.

"Sure,"

Then, I sprinted back up to the girl's dorm, still wearing half my pyjamas and half my robes. Quickly, I riffled through my mess of clothes in my trunk and found a clean-ish skirt (meaning there was only one gravy stain near the hem) and pulled it out.

"I know what you did,"

It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

I turned around to face an angry Lily, "And good morning to you, sugar-queen!"

"It was cruel and heartless… I should report all five of you!" She exclaimed suddenly.

"Six," I corrected, "Snivellus cursed Prongs… actually, wait no… you're right, it is five. Moony didn't do anything; he broke up the fight – kept me from socking Snivellus in the eye, should 'av herd what he called me…"

Evens face twisted into a scowl, "I don't care! How dare you… you use me like that!"

"Use you?" I started at her blinking. That wasn't what I'd expected.

"I never gave you any permission to use my body against my best friend!" She snapped – eyes like burning emerald orbs.

I shrugged and morphed into Snape, "But that's absurd!" then I morphed back, "Biologically, any 'body' can be mine, since I'm a metamorphmagus, and all… all forms are my own, it's in my DNA,"

"I find it strange how proud you are to share the blood of a murderer," She sneered,

I winced, "Well I apologise for being strange, then. I still don't see where this conversation is going…"

"You're infuriating!" She screamed.

"Well, so are you!" I yelled back, although much calmer than Lily.

"Ugh!" She threw her hands up into the air and stormed off.

I smirked and yelled after her, "By the way – James loves you!"

"Fuck off, O'Conner," Then she slammed the door.

I sniggered, "Temper, temper…"

Once I finished changing and getting myself ready for classes, I ran down to the Great Hall, just in time to swipe some toast before the elves cleared the tables and I had to sprint to Transfiguration.

"S-sorry Professor," I mumbled to McGonagall as I took my usual seat beside Alice.

She began her lecture on transfiguring through different species, and I pulled out my Invisible Quill. I began scribbling on a ripped piece of parchment asking 'any update, or still nothing?' and pushed it towards Alice.

Inconspicuously she tapped the paper and murmured, "Vatum conspectus," to reveal my writing and scribbled down a message of her own, biting her lip in the process. The note read; 'nothing, I'm still waiting – what should I do?'

I wrote back; 'I'll kill the coward… and he calls himself a Gryffindor!'.

'Don't kill Frank, I need him to ask me out first' she replied with a scowl.

I smiled slyly, 'I won't, we need Longbottom for the upcoming game anyway, he's our best beater,'

'Still, every time he makes an excuse to talk to me, I think he's going to ask me… but nothing', Alice sighed.

'You want me to slap some sense into the boy…?' I offered.

She sent me a warning look, 'You better just be yanking my wand, Riley…'

I shrugged as a reply and she frowned.

She wrote; 'Don't you dare… it's easier for you… you have a boyfriend'

I furrowed my brow in confusion, 'what are you going on about?"

She sniggered, 'Sirius, duh'

'He is not – nor will he ever be – my boyfriend!' I furiously wrote in reply, so much so that I ripped the page.

She smirked and pushed the parchment over towards me, 'you sleep in his bed more often than not, spend every waking minute with him, have your own inside jokes, live next door from each other…so… friends with benefits, then?'

I stiffed a laugh – the idea was completely ridiculous! 'Okay, now you're just being stupid, there is nothing between Padfoot and I. We're best friends, no benefits or anything else like that, okay?'

'Sure, sure, whatever you chose to believe…'

"Miss Greenhill and Miss O'Conner, care to pay attention?" The Professor looked at us sternly I shoved the paper into my pocket quickly.

After that, I attempted to concentrate on the lesson, unable to continue the conversation with McGonagall's all-knowing gaze watching over Alice and I, but my mind kept wandering off elsewhere.

Is that what people thought of us? That Sirius and I were… well, that? The idea seemed so completely ludicrous, but I understood their view, however disturbing it was. Yet, of course there was the little voice in the back of my head that had to whisper what if… what if we did go out…

I squashed the stray thought immediately. That's just not… right. He's my friend – my best friend, in fact. I can't like him. Hell, I downright refuse to like him in that way! It's just… weird and… wrong…

So why then did it feel so right?