"It is not love that is blind, but jealousy,"
–Lawrence Durrell
Chapter Sixteen:
The conversation had been normal – the key word there being had.
Prongs, Moony, Wormtail and I had been sitting quietly in our little nook near the back of Gryffindor Tower, semi-stalking the movements of the school with the help of the Marauders Map and creating absurd stories for what certain students where doing in certain places with certain other people – a past time which was surprisingly entertaining and addictive – all until Padfoot ran in with some… interesting news.
"I asked out Ariana Shaklebolt," He grinned at us excitedly, "And she said yes,"
There was silence as every head at the table turned.
You see, Sirius going on a date wasn't rare, or odd, or abnormal in any way. Thing is, he had this… belief… that if a girl was gutsy enough to ask him out, their gutsy enough to handle him and his… eccentric tendencies. Thing is, he's never really had any interest in anybody, or not that I knew of. Not until now.
"Wait, so you asked her out?" Prongs felt the need to clarify.
"Yes," Sirius smiled dazedly, "I did,"
"Ain't she a Hufflepuff?" Peter questioned, looking oddly suspicious.
He nodded awkwardly, "Um, yeah, we have Astronomy with her… she helped me with that essay…"
Lupin smirked, "Is that why you didn't ask for my help?"
Sirius shrugged, "Yeah, basically,"
"And you know her elder brother is an Auror in training, right?" James laughed.
"… Now I do,"
The conversation continued but I remained silent (quite an unusual feet coming from me). Of course he was my best friend, and I should be happy for him, the problem was… I just wasn't. In actual fact I felt like strangling Ariana, but I'd never admit to that, not back then anyway. Maybe I'm acting like some kind of over protective little sister with an over active superiority complex, but the thought of a different girl in his life was… strange.
I just, wasn't sure how I felt about Sirius anymore, it was so… confusing.
"You haven't said a word Vixen, what's going in with you?" Moony questioned, concern and suspicious written across his scared face.
"Oh, nothing just… Charms, you know?" I smiled meekly, appearing to be quite engrossed in my homework. The others just shrugged (typical thick males), but I could see Remus wasn't buying it, although, none the less he remained silent.
After a while of attempting (and failing) to concentrate on Charms homework, I realised my efforts were futile. My mind was just… blank. It was all still sinking in, I guess.
"I think I might go to bed…" I mumbled and left.
Sirius gave me a quizzical glance but I avoided his eyes. I didn't really feel like talking to him. Truthfully, I'm not sure what ticked me off more; the fact that this was the first I've heard of anything between him and Ariana and knowing Sirius as well as I do – which is quite well – he would have put quite a lot of thought into this decision (without even consulting me!) or that, because… well… it wasn't me who he asked.
Oh Merlin, I did not just think that.
No, I erase that thought from my brain. I do not like my best friend in that particular way. Ariana can, but I won't. I simply refuse. I reject it. Burn it. Kill it. Stab the thought with a jagged knife (because stabbing means nothing if the knife ain't jagged) and burry it six feet under my feet.
And so, with that, I collapsed face-first with a groan on my bed.
Life sucks…
"You know this whole 'not liking Sirius' thing ain't working for you…" Alice looked pointedly at me.
I growled, "I don't like him. I don't. I just do not. Okay?"
"Of course, right. How could I forget," She laughed sarcastically.
"You're lucky I'm too tired to be violent today," I banged my head against the table.
Alice scoffed, "You're lucky Andi doesn't know of that tinny crush you might have on her little cousin,"
"Um, excuse me? Who has a crush on my cousin?" Asked the shrill voice of Andromeda herself, as a pile of books were dumped on the spare seat beside me with a sharp crack.
"Oh, Riley does," Alice smiled sweetly to herself.
"What!" She screeched, "Since when!" Then she paused, "... Wait I hope you mean Sirius… if it's Regulus than it'd just be weird…"
I smacked my head against the table again, "Hate. You."
"It's Sirius," Alice shrugged, "And it serves you right for waiting too long,"
"But I don't have a crush on him," I pointed out plainly, but this didn't seem to have any effect. Alice was decided, and once decided, there's no going back.
Andi looked at us with a confused look upon her face, "Wait… so do you or do you not?"
I deadpanned "No," while Alice proclaimed "Yes," in a proud voice.
Deciding to completely ignore my point of view on the subject, my two friends turned towards each other and began chatting about my non-existent love-life.
"You know… I'm sitting right here,"
"Yes, but you won't listen to reason," Andi snapped. I wish she liked a guy, just so I could take the piss outa her for it. But then again, you don't always need to like the guy to be teased, just like how I don't like Sirius and yet here my friends sit... damn them. Damn them all.
In the end, I gave up. Let them speculate as much as they wanted – none of it was true. I didn't like him. That was my final decision.
As I put the finishing touches on my Astronomy essay (due yesterday), I left in silence. I'm not sure if Andi or Alice even noticed – they were too busy planning out my life without consent.
Head down and stack of books in arms, I rushed up the Grand Staircase, not watching where I was going, and in effect, managed to get my foot stuck in the disappearing step, causing everything I was holding to topple out of my grasp and fall onto the floor.
"Oh, are you okay?!" A high voice asked in alarm, "Let me help you!"
The girl rushed to my aid, beginning to pick up my books as I tried yanking my foot out of its position.
"Thanks," I said as she gave me a great yank, but the smile soon melted from my face as I realised who she was.
With dark mocha skin, deep brown eyes, thick locks of black hair and the brightest and widest of smiles, my saviour was none other than Hufflepuff Prefect, Ariana Shacklebolt.
She beamed and handed me my books in a neat stack, "Don't mention it… hey, your Sirius's friend, right?"
I nodded, "His best friend, yes,"
"… So you've heard,"
"I have," I grinded my teeth together, trying to be civil but finding the act harder than I'd anticipated. It didn't help that she was so freaking nice. If she were a bitch, it'd be so much simpler. Then I could rationalize my dislike.
"Well, I hope to get to know you better. Any friend of Sirius, is a friend of mine,"
"Right. Okay, well, thanks," I said dryly, looking down at my feet as she skipped off, a spring in her step.
I walked back to the Common Room with extra caution.
"Acerbumdulce," I murmured bitterly to the Fat Lady and she opened the portrait.
Taking a seat in my favourite armchair, I sighed. Sirius was on the other side of the room, talking excitedly with James and Peter.
"Why do you look so down?" The suspicious voice of Remus Lupin asked as he sat down beside me. He followed my line of sight, "Ah, I get it,"
I sat up abruptly, "Excuse me?"
"You were staring at Sirius… I can see that you don't like it, it's obvious,"
When he said 'it' I knew what he meant – he was talking about Ariana. He was right of course (when isn't Moony right?), but I wasn't going to admit that any time soon.
"I don't have a crush on him," I snapped, folding my arms across my chest defensively.
He smirked, "Never said you did,"
I scowled but Lupin continued, "You know… if you need somebody to go with to Hogsmead this Saturday…"
"Oh yeah…" I sagged glumly, "He's going with her…"
Usually, Padfoot and I went together. As friends, of course, but still it was a tradition quite rarely broken. I sighed again, "I guess I'll just… do homework back here or something…"
"I guess you could do that…" Moony shuffled uncomfortably, "Or well… you could always go with me…"
Just to let you know 'acerbumdulce' means 'bittersweet' in Latin. I find it quite ironic.
Please review!
Chapter 17: Chapter 17: A Little Belladonna
Wow, that you all for your reviews! Never thought I'd get any when I first started writing this!
Is she your new best friend?
One day it will end, you know it will,
You're so shy,
So just let it fall apart,
–Eskimo Joe 'Sarah'
Chapter Seventeen:
"So… you said yes? To Remus Lupin?" Alice stared quizzically at me, "… But you like Sirius?"
I glared at her.
She held her hands up defensively, "Okay, so you don't like him in that way… do you like Remus in that way?"
I scoffed, "They're both my friends, Alice, which means that I don't care about Ariana and that Remus and I are going to have a pleasant day at Hogsmeade,"
"So you specified, then,"
I shuffled uncomfortably, "Not necessarily… he knows we're going as friends though,"
"Seriously, you spend all you time with them, and yet you know nothing. Boys are thick; they'll see what they want to see unless you shout it out louder than their egos,"
I shook my head, "Okay, firstly, Remus hasn't got an ego. At all. And he's not thick either,"
"Okay, true, you got me there," Alice bit the end of her quill, "But that doesn't excuse the fact you're only going with him so you don't sit alone in your room for the entire day throwing darts at a picture of Ariana,"
I growled, "Don't push it, Alice…"
"Riley, just make sure you know what you're doing, 'kay," She smiled and left.
"Yeah, see ya' later,"
After a few minutes of peaceful working in the Great Hall, Sirius himself entered, along with James who was watching Lily on the other side of the room, and not where he was going.
They pulled in opposite me, "Sup, Vixen," Sirius grinned.
"Hey Riley," James greeted me cheerfully.
I lay down my quill, "Hey guys, what bring you into my personal-space bubble?"
"We just like invading your territory," Shrugged Sirius, "Foxes, always so territorial…"
"Says the dog," I rolled my eyes and nudged him playfully, "And we aren't territorial, get your facts straight, Padfoot,"
James smirked, "You know that Transfiguration homework…"
"Yes," I said, turning my hair an electric shade of violet to prove the point. Of course I knew what the assignment was, we'd moved onto a topic I found quite simple – human Transfiguration. Something I wasn't horrible at. Most transfiguration had nothing to do with my metamorphmagus abilities, as they consisted of transfiguring animals and objects, but now we had moved onto bigger and better things, my grade standards had risen from barley passing Acceptable's all the way up to Outstanding's.
"What part do you need help on?" I sighed, pushing my work aside for a moment.
"All of it," James answered wryly.
"Well, that's helpful; did you even read the chapter on anatomy?" I asked.
"… Which chapter was that again," He mumbled.
Slightly annoyed, I flicked my wand at his book and the pages flew to Chapter Thirteen, "It's got all the answers in it – go read," I ordered.
He groaned and grudgingly left, acting needlessly childish.
"He's an idiot," Sirius softly chuckled under his breathe.
"I guess, he's just stressed out, with the upcoming game up and all…" I mumbled, "So how's it going with you?"
He shrugged but his face portrayed deep thought, "… Weird. I've never had an actual proper girlfriend before,"
"Yeah, how come I didn't know about this sooner… Jesus, I'm the best friend, I need to know these things…" I smiled mischievously.
He smiled back sheepishly, "Sorry… I was distracted,"
I scoffed, "By a certain Hufflepuff I'd expect," I looked at him with hooded eyes, "Never thought you'd go for goody-two-shoes-Shacklebolt, and a Prefect of all people! They're no good! Too uptight!"
He frowned at me, "Ariana s'not uptight… plus, from what I hear, you're going with a certain Prefect to Hogsmeade this weekend, you hypocrite," he barked a laugh, "Ha! Imagine that, the two biggest trouble-makers in the school – three if Prongs ever gets his way with Evans – all datin' prefects!"
I scowled, "Moony and I are going as friends, thank you very much. I'm already getting enough shit from Alice and your dear cousin Andromeda over it, please not you too?"
He waved me off in laughter, "Of course I know that! I'm just yanking your wand,"
I shook my head. It was times like this when I forgot about everything – it was just us. Two best friends with a history that goes back to our younger years. It was free. It was natural.
"Hey guys!"
… It was ruined.
Sirius brightened up as she slid in beside him, "Hey Ariana,"
"Good morning Sirius, how are you today Riley?" She addressed me.
I stared blankly at her – I wasn't used to people addressing me so… formally.
"…Um, alright, I guess… just… homework an' stuff, ya' know?" I muttered awkwardly.
"Yeah, it's annoying sometimes, but it pays off eventually, right?" She smiled sweetly and Sirius rested his arm around her shoulders.
I wasn't sure why she was bothering to talk to me – Sirius's past flings had never even acknowledged my existence. They preferred to pretend as if I wasn't there. I intimidated them, in a way, as if I was some kind of threat.
Ha, I wish.
Wait… no I don't… I shook my head and delved back into my homework as did the other two. We didn't speak for a long while, but I could see the both of them kept nudging each other and sneaking glances. It was sickening.
"Hey, Sirius, what's this plant?" I asked, showing him the picture from my notes that I'd forgotten to label.
"Belladonna, it's poisons,"
I rolled my eyes, "Gathered that myself, smart-ass,"
"Well, what's this?" He showed me a different drawing in his textbook.
I stiffed a laugh, "Padfoot… that's a microwave… we use it to reheat meals in the Muggle World,"
"Really? Cool!"
Ariana looked up at me with a puzzled expression on her face, "I didn't know you were muggle born… aren't you a metamorphmagus?"
"Why can't I be both?" I questioned, slightly defensively.
"It's a genetic disorder right?"
A disorder? Did she just call my amazing awesome-ness a disorder? Well, I'd for sure never found anything disorderly about it. Ever.
"Yeah but us muggle born's are just descendants of squibs – my Grandmother was the squib and her mother was a metamorphmagus, therefore, you get the wonderful me,"
"Esmeralda Bonechild…" She mumbled to herself.
"How'd you know that?" I wondered suspiciously.
"Oh, I'm into history and genetics. Have you read Hogwarts: A History?" She asked politely.
I laughed at the mere thought – I never read unless I absolutely had too, "Who the hell has?"
"… I have… a few times…" She said in a mousey voice.
"Well, I spend my time in other ways,"
Sirius didn't seem to have noticed the hostility that was taken a place in my tone of voice as he worked along seemingly not hearing our conversation. Alice was right, boys are thick.
"Like pranking?"
"Hey, what's wrong with pranking?" Sirius mocked looking deeply offended.
"Yeah, it doesn't matter as long as you don't get caught," I laughed.
Her lips creased into a line, "What about your victim? How do you think they feel afterwards?"
"Annoyance, embarrassment, anger… what's you point? If they're smart enough to, they'll prank us back. It keeps you vigilant… sharp," I smiled excitedly, "That said, I had an idea earlier…"
Sirius leaned in excitedly towards me as his girlfriend rolled her eyes, "Yeah?"
It was good to know I still had my best friend when it counted.
"Hey Moony," I said excitedly with a grin was I walked up to him, fists buried deep in my hoodie pockets.
He smiled back, "Hello Riley, shall we go?"
I shrugged, "Well, I ain't gona stand here all day,"
We dawdled along with the crowd towards Hogsmeade, Hagrid leading us along the way. It was a warm afternoon, with the clouds partly covering the sun and the gravel crunching under my strawberry converse.
"So, where are we going first?" Moony asked.
I shrugged, "I need another years' worth supply of sugar to keep me going for the next month until the next trip, how about Honeydukes?"
He nodded in agreement, "Sure, I need more chocolate anyway…"
"You're a serious choc-a-holic, Remus,"
Moony shrugged, with a sheepish grin on his face as we walked through Main Street of the small village. Pushing open the door, we heard the bell ring. The shop smelled like heaven and I believe if I had died right there, I would have died a happy girl, but unfortunately it was also quite crowded, so we swiftly grabbed our food and paid.
Outside, we sat on a park bench in comfortable silence. I was happy with all thoughts of them out of my mind.
"Too bad James is too paranoid to leave his room… it's a nice day," I smiled but Remus shifted uncomfortably.
"… Yeah, why is that?"
I smirked, "He thinks he'll break a leg or something and he'll have to forfeit the game… believe me, Sirius and I got a big talk about all the 'extremely dangerous hazards' of Hogsmeade before we left," I paused, "And Wormy just forgot to get his form signed. Idiot,"
"Typical," Remus shook his head in amusement.
I laughed, but it caught in my throat as I spotted a horrid sight across the park. Sirius had Ariana pressed up against a tree, kissing her heatedly. I felt my heart drop as if it were made of led.
"… Riley, are you okay?" Moony asked me a few times but soon spotted the sight for himself, "Oh… we can leave if you want?"
"Why should we leave? I don't care. It's his fucking life, not mine," I snapped.
Remus smugly cocked an eyebrow, a small knowing smile pulling the edges of his lips.
"Sorry…" I mumbled, looking down at my converse.
He sighed and put a friendly arm around me, "I get it, seriously, I do… I watch the girl I like, pine over one of my best friends every day… it gets easier,"
I smiled weakly at him and stood up, "C'mon, let's go do something fun!"
"Now, that's the Riley I know," He chuckled and followed my trail away from the sickly sight.
The two of us ended up in sitting The Three Broomsticks drinking Butterbeer.
"I still can't believe you dragged me into that dusty old book shop…"
Moony glared mockingly at me, "Well I happen to like books… and Tomes and Scrolls isn't dusty, it's quite pleasant,"
"I sneezed seven times," I deadpanned.
"Well you're weird," He said lamely.
I scoffed, "Tell me something I don't know, mate,"
Across the room I saw the tall and lanky figured Frank Longbottom enter the pub. His eyes scanned the crowd until they came to rest on Moony and I, his smile brightened as he walked towards us.
"Hey, have you guys seen James?" He asked, talking a seat opposite me and beside Remus.
Lupin shook his head, "He's too paranoid to leave his room,"
"Thought so, he ranted at me for a good twenty minutes before I left today," He grinned.
I cocked an eyebrow, "Are you sure there isn't… I don't know… somebody else, you're looking for?"
"… No," He lied and there was an awkward silence.
Remus jumped up with unexpected hast, "I'm going to get another butterbeer… you two want one?"
"Sure," I answered for both Frank and I before he had time to open his mouth. I watched Moony leave in silence, before I picked up his newspaper and began repeatedly hitting Longbottom with it, "Ask. Her. Out. You. Idiot!"
"Oi, for Merlin's sake stop it!" He yelled, throwing his arms up in defence.
I rolled my eyes, "Well, she's kinda getting impatient – Alice won't wait forever. You know how she is, always up and going, with a million things on her mind at any one given time. Ask her the fuck out already, it'll save me so much stress,"
"Jesus, what is with Andi and you? Both at me from both ends! I'm waiting for the… time to be right, I guess," He shuffled awkwardly in his seat.
"To hell with the 'right' time! Just do it, okay? I'm serious, dude; she likes you, a lot, okay… I don't understand why, with all your scrawny awkwardness and stuff, but that irrelevant," My eyes pierced his, turning from my usual calm hazel, into burning orbs fiery scarlet.
"Dude, that's just plain creepy," He pointed out, "And I'm working on it, 'kay, just leave it… please,"
I sighed and lent back in my chair, "I'll give you a week – maybe two if I'm feeling generous – before I set the great match-maker Andromeda Black upon your whiney ass,"
He cringed, "… Right, well, I better go…"
Frank stood up and left just as Remus returned, "Remember what I said!" I called after him.
"You 'talked' to him, then?" Remus asked with a sly smile pulling at the corner of his lips. He hadn't even gotten Frank a drink.
I rolled my eyes, "You seriously do know everything, don't you?"
"I'm observant,"
"I've noticed,"
"Well, then your observant too," He winked and took a swig of his drink.