Disclaimer: I own nothing... Sadly. Ok. On with the reading.
Warning: Suicidal thoughts and self harm in this chapter
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I don't know how long I have been waiting, but I feel like someones watching me. I wouldn't be suprised if there was though.
Sammy continued calling like... Every ten minutes, it got annoying. Bobby called atleast twice.
God I'm scared. I've never actually showed fear before but... God! My freakin father is somewhere hunting, me down! And I damn well know he'll find me!
Ok. Just take some deep breaths, Dean. Bobby and Sammy are going to protect you. Just... Stay calm!
Thinking to myself isn't working! I know! I will try to watch some tv.
I walk over to the tv and click the power button. It takes about four seconds for it to fully come on, and when it does... Its on some kind of chick flick.
I search frantically for the remote. I don't want to watch any of this crap for a second! I find it and flick around the channels.
I gasp happily and actually scream "BATMAN!" Before I can stop myself. I love Batman. He saves people. Like I used to do before I became a wimp mixed with a loser.
Am I even worth saving? I mean... My father has known he's been abusing me... Sure Sammy and Bobby MIGHT care but... They can't stop me from hating myself.
Oh my god... I hate myself! I finally realized... Sammy's gonna kill me for this but, its not like he cares much...
I grab my knife I keep under the pillow and slowly, slice myself, in my right arm. On my vein. I cut deep. I don't even deserve to cut myself, because I'm THAT much of a loser.
This is all my fault. I let dad get as far as he has and here I am. Cutting myself.
Would people care if I died? Sammy has been gone for... Who knows. He has been living perfectly without me. Bobby... Last time I actually SAW him, he threatened a shotgun on us, so who knows?
I look over at the table where my gun lay. I don't attempt to get up. I just look at it. I try to distract myself by watching Batman but... Its calling me. Yelling "Dean...? You know you want to Dean. Just end it all Dean. Everyone will thank you for it at your grave. You'll give them something to live for."
THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING! What do I do? Should I just end it all? Finally do something good for dad... I don't know. I need help.
I sigh. Look back at the tv. There are tears welling up in my eyes. I let them flow because... What the hell?
I'm crying. Its pretty obvious. I'm sobbing too. I don't deserve to cry. I slowly pick the knife up again and start cutting my left arm. Alot harder.
So... I'm just gonna pass time by doing this. Wait for Sammy and Bobby, if they ever care to show up.
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"DEAN!" Well. That was a suprise. I drop the knife and look over at the door. Sammy is standing there. His jaws hanging open.
"What the hell do you think your doing?" I know he's gonna throw some insults at me in a matter of time so i step up.
"Sam... Before you start calling me stupid or effed up in the head... Calling me names isn't gonn help me in this kind of situation."
I see his anger fall and turn into sadness. "Why?" I sigh. "Because... This is the only thing keeping me from going insane right now. If I don't then..." I trail off, eyeing my gun on the table.
Sam seemed to notice because he stepped infront of my gaze. He cupped my face in his hands. "No. Your not killing yourself on my watch." His voice trembles at the same time, eyes tearing up.
"Why, Sam? Nobody cares anymore. They stopped caring about two years ago. More like twenty." I look down.
"Dean... I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have ever left. I should've made sure you were safe... Your awesome, Dean! Your the most amazing person I know. If I had to sit here and name all the awesome things about you... We'd be here for over a month." He said. Smiling sadly.
I chuckle. "Thats not what you said the night you left, Sam." It was one of the worst nights of my life.
*FLASHBACK*
"Dad? Why can't I go?" Sammy and dad were in another fight as usual, but this time... Sammy wanted to leave.
"You are a hunter Sam! HUNTERS DON'T GO TO COLLEGE! Winchesters don't go to college!
"Yeah well I'm not a daddy's little soilder like Dean! I have my own life! I DON'T LET SOMEONE ELSE CONTROL IT!" That hit me hard. I had to stop this before it got out of hand.
"Guys, please stop fighting. It doesn't do anyone any good. If anything it-" I got cut off by Sam screaming.
"WHY DO YOU ALWAYS SIDE WITH DAD? THIS IS WHAT I MEAN! YOU ALWAYS DO WHAT DAD ORDERS! WHY NOT DO SOMETHING THAT YOU WANT TO DO FOR A CHANGE?" I stand speechless. I have no idea what to say to that.
"Whatever, Dean. I've already hot my stuff packed. So... Bye." He grabs his stuff from under the motel bed.
He was almost out the door when dad said "If you walk out that door... DON'T YOU EVER COME BACK!" That shocked me so much that I didn't even register Sam saying "That's what I plan to do!" Then the door slamed shut, and the nightmare started.
* END OF FLASHBACK*
He inhales sharply. "I know, Dean... And I am so, so sorry! If I had any idea that this would happen... I'm here now though. I'm gonna protect you. Ok?" I nod really slowly. He smiles sadly as tears fall freely from his eyes. He wraps his strong arms around me. I do the same.
"I am so sorry." He whispers quietly into my ear. "If anything, you did the right thing coming to me. If dad shows up, I'm gonna kick his ass so hard..." He trails off. I can hear the venom in his voice.
"Just... Please don't cut yourself or think about..." He looks over at the table. At my gun.
"I should clean these cuts up." He says quietly. Letting our contact go.
I could hear the truth in his voice. See it in his eyes. I'm safe.
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This was a Sam and Dean chapter. I will add Bobby in the next chapter. I'm actually at a friends house listening to the band "Disturbed" while writing this so... You should check out some of their songs, if you like metal or rock. See you next week.