It's hard to explain what remembering felt like. The years as Kadence didn't disappear. But now I remembered. Remembered that my name was not Kadence, but Caelan. Remembered that I was not born in the North, but in the South. Remembered why I had wanted to forget.
"Is it you?" I looked up and saw Anastasia walking towards me slowly. My friend. I smiled, relieved to remember again. Next thing I knew I had toppled onto the bed, Anastasia sobbing as she held me tightly and choked out apologies.
"Shh," I murmured, patting her back. The bright white of teachers hair moved in my peripheral vision and I gently detached Anastasia and stood. I tricked him into thinking I was dead. All these years. I bowed deeply, too ashamed to show my face. He took me in and cared for me. I lied.
"I-I... That is... I'm sorry."
"Don't be," He said softly, smile sad as he cupped a hand under my chin, raising my head, "I'm sorry for waking you. Do you want to," He looked torn, "Go back?"
"No," I said softly. I turned to my brother, who sighed but nodded. Then I turned back to teacher, face solemn, "I'm staying. I've been away too long already."
And I will never leave again.
Teacher turned to the table, reaching forward. Then he drew out the Divine Sword, its' sheath shined to perfection. He turned back to me, hands on its hilt and sheath, holding it out for me solemnly, "Are you sure about this?" I reached forward, hands curling around the sword as I nodded. His face was soft as he murmured, "You don't know how many times I've wished for this moment. Welcome home."
"What are you doing?" Metal demanded, looking at the sword in my hands in confusion, "What is this all about?!"
Changing my fate. Goodbye, Kadence.
I didn't answer, pulling the sword from its' sheath. The metal whispered as I drew it. I stared at the reflection in the blade. It was like staring at another person. I reached backwards, feeling my soft golden hair under my fingers. I placed the sword under it, pulling back the sword in one swift motion and cutting it short.
I heard surprised exclamations and turned to them. Ryder and Seriph stood, looking confused and worried. My chest ached at the sight of them.
Do I really have any right to just return like this? How can I explain what I did?
Tears streamed from my eyes as I whispered, "It's been awhile."
"Who are you?" Seriph asked quietly while he frowned in confusion.
"You…" Ryder stepped forward, eyes disbelieving and face pained, "That can't…"
"Hey Ryder," I said softly. I couldn't help the small smile that came with the sight of my best friend again. In a forced voice I continued, "Don't tell me you've forgotten me."
His eyes were wide, mouthing words silently with trembling lips. Finally he managed to choke out, "Caelan?"
Dont look so sad. I'm sorry.
"Metal," Seriph said, sounding angry, "Dont be ridiculous."
"Do you need a moment?" Brother asked quietly, moving to stand next to me. Part of me wanted to have him stay, to not have to face it alone.
"I knew we should have made them leave," Anastasia said softly. Her eyes were full of pity as she avoided their angry gazes.
"I can explain," I said slowly, despite having no idea how to explain.
"Take off your mask," Teacher said to brother. He had his back facing us. Brother did as he was asked, removing the black mask and throwing it onto the bed. Teacher continued in a grave voice, "Do you believe us now, Little Judgment?"
It took a moment for me to understand. That's right. Seriph met brother before...
"That's impossible," Seriph whispered.
"No it isn't," Anstasia got off of the bed and stood near me.
"I'm sorry," I said to them, "I didn't mean to deceive you, I just-"
Suddenly somebody punched me, sending me staggering backward. Angry exclamations followed and I raised my hand to my bleeding lip, wiping the blood away slightly before I looked up. In front of me stood Ryder, his face contorted in rage and his fists clenched tightly.
"You bastard," He shouted angrily, "You absolute bastard."
Anastasia threw herself in front of me, arms spread wide as she yelled back, "What do you think you're doing?!"
"You were dead!" He continued shouting, angry eyes still trained on me. Then his face seemed to lose some of its fierceness, tears replacing anger as he said behind clenched teeth, "You died right in front of me."
"I had to," I said, pushing Anastasia to the side gently. She still looked like she wanted to use herself as a human shield, but I ignored it. Instead I stepped towards Ryder, head bowed, "I'm willing to accept any kind of punishment. I deserted the Twelve Holy Knights, and I can never express how sorry I am."
"I hate you," He said. In that moment my whole world stopped. I had expected it, but it still made me feel like I had searing iron pressed against my chest. Then he wrapped his arms around me tightly, just about crushing me. I felt tears drop onto my shoulder and I hugged him back, surprised to find he was wider than he used to be, "Why did you do it?"
His voice broke my heart. How would I have felt if it had been him? The same. I could hear it in his voice. Years of misery. Years of thinking his best friend had died.
"It wasn't safe," I whispered, feeling years of regret pile onto my shoulders, "We needed to disappear for awhile. To be somebody else."
"We could have kept you safe," His voice was filled with pain, "You could have at least told us..."
"You would have stopped me," I said quietly, detaching his hands and looking him in the eye, "I did what I thought I had to. I'll regret it for the rest of my life, but I can't change it."
He raised his hands to his face, wiping away the tears and breathing deeply, "As punishment for abandoning the Twelve Holy Knights," He paused and my mind ran through every horrible scenario, "You have to live out your days until retirement as the Sun Knight. Understood?"
I nodded, a smile blossoming.
"Which reminds me," He said suddenly, looking confused, "You have breasts. That's new."
My eye twitched and I punched him square in the stomach, making him double over. Anastasia had begun laughing, clutching her sides in a very un-princess-like fashion. Even teacher chuckled under his breath. Only Brother and 'Aunty' didn't, instead examining the sharpness of their weapons. I looked around the room in confusion, realizing Seriph was no longer there.
"He left awhile ago," Teacher said quietly, face serious again, "You're going to have to explain it to them. All of them."
"I don't know how," I said, looking at my hands and twisting them. It was a habit I had formed as Kadence.
"I'll help you," Anastasia offered at the same time as Metal. They exchanged a wry look.
"Then," I looked at Ryder, quickly mapping out my next plan of action, "Call a meeting for me. Don't reveal anything yet. I think it's better if I explain it personally..."
He nodded and left quickly. When he was gone I turned to Teacher, "Are any of my clothes still in my room?"
"Yes. And the Sun Knight uniform. I doubt it will fit you properly though," He said softly.
"Anastasia, would you go get me the uniform?" She nodded seriously before leaving, her brown hair swishing out behind her.
"And I," The lilting voice of my 'Aunt' called out, "Will fix your hair."
I looked at her suspiciously, "I still don't remember you. How do I know you aren't an enemy?"
"She really is a friend of our parents," Brother said softly, "She was also an agent with the God of Chaos. Bt she was always very kind to me."
"Why are you helping me?" I stared her down, "I'm the next... I'm the Sun Knight."
"The only reason I worked with them was to keep an eye on you two," She sighed, sitting down on the bed and gesturing for me to sit in front of her. I did, not dropping my guard. She began to run her hands through my hair swiftly, and I heard the quiet sound of my hair being cut. She continued in a soft voice, "Your parents were very close friends of mine. When they died I was suspicious, but I had no proof. So I watched over your brother. Until I found you," She laughed quietly, "It was so unexpected, but I knew right away. You look just like them. I arranged for you two to cross paths," Her voice turned wry, "But somehow that ended in you skewering each other. After that everything happened so fast... But I knew you weren't dead. When I found you two you were living in a small village," She snorted, "You didn't even remember yourselves. So I informed the Church there was a Necromancer in your town," My eyes widened, "And I left for warmer air. I thought it would be as easy as that, but I was wrong. Tcht. Blind bastards. I was suspicious when word of your arrival didn't reach, and then you came storming into my tent with the little Judgment Knight. That's when I knew you still didn't remember," She flicked the back of my head, "Silly child. Done."
I stood, running my hand through my hair. It was short now, maybe only an inch long all around. Except for my fringe, which brushed my eyebrows.
I am Caelan Avick. I am the Sun Knight.
Anastasia arrived promptly, carrying the Sun Knight uniform carefully. I quickly donned it, realizing it fit quite well. The waist was a little loose, but I didn't dare mention that in front of Teacher. He had always gotten so huffy whenever Lesus scolded him about his waistline.
"Are you ready to do this?" Teacher asked quietly, eyes worried,
"Not at all," I replied honestly, running a hand through my hair again, "But I doubt I'll ever be. Brother, you stay here with Aunty. You too, Anastasia."
They looked like they were about to protest but I silenced them sternly, "I need to do this by myself. Please."
They agreed, reluctantly. Teacher was the only one who accompanied me, looking stubborn.
As we walked down the halls, to the meeting room, I couldn't help but ask, "Why don't you seem angry at me?"
He sighed, "I don't begrudge you wanting to have a different life. I tried to give you the opportunity multiple times. Like in the torture chamber with your brother," He shot me a wry look, "You don't honestly think I would risk my reputation for nothing, do you? Or that the Judgment Complex just happened to be empty of any guards that night?"
I nodded slowly, realization dawning. He continued in a pained voice, "I wish you had taken one of the other ways out. That you had let us know. But I understand; You wanted to keep them safe as well. I've done the same for my brothers. But child," He looked at me seriously as we stopped in front of the meeting rooms' doors, "From now on you are to rely on them. Let them know what is happening. Don't make the same mistakes I did."
"I understand," I said quietly. He nodded and pushed open the door, walking in before me.
"Grisia, what are you wasting our time with now?" Brandon's voice (Only deeper) snapped. I breathed deeply before entering the room after teacher, standing to my full height and trying to look sure of myself. A wall of shocked silence met me.
I looked around the room, trying to maintain the rush of emotions that came at seeing them all.
They've all grown so much.
Blaze looked just about the same, except with his mouth hanging wide. Storms face seemed longer, and his hair shorter (but still the same brilliant blue). Leaf looked dumbstruck (for once), and his hair was still plaited in the same fashion as when we were children. Earth was still small, and his big watery eyes were running like a faucet. Hell was showing emotion for the first time since I had met him, his eyes wide. Cloud had just dropped a pile of books and was currently looking at me with disbelief. Ice had a glass half-lifted, dripping water onto the table in front of him. Stone looked ready to faint. Ryder looked relieved, confusing me a little. Moon actually had his head up for once, looking at me with tired eyes of shock.
They all seem so much older. How do I look to them right now?
I walked to the head of the table amidst the silence, sitting in my chair (which looked a little bit dusty) and laying my hands flat on the table.
"Hello," I said clearly, trying to think of what I was meant to say next.
Then, all hell broke loose.