I enter the room and the first thing I see is Penelope covered in blankets on what I assume is Derek's bed, shaking from sobs. Knowing that she probably doesn't want to see me, I'm not quite sure how to approach her. Derek said he'd give me five minutes and then he'd come in no matter what, so I don't have time to waste. I walk quietly over to the bed and sit down next to her sobbing form.
"Pen," I whisper, hearing her sobs halt momentarily in surprise, "I'm so sorry that this happened. Please don't leave me," I continue, feeling tears starting to track down my face. "I don't want to be without you. Don't let her tear us apart."
"B-b-but she's going to take everything away from you! F-from us!"
"Not if we don't let her, Pen. Please don't give her this power. This is exactly what she wanted. She's gone now. She's not coming back. I won't let her. I won't let her take you away from me. Please, Pen."
"I c-can't do this!"
"Pen, please." I hear my voice hitch and know that I am close to joining her in sobbing. "I know us. We are stronger than her. Than this. We can make it through this. Just please give us a chance." I pull the blanket away from her, letting me see her for the first time in what feels like days, but has only been an hour. She looks exhausted, heartbroken, and devastated, looks that I never wanted to see on her face.
I move so that I can hold her and I feel her begin to calm down as both of our tears stop. She finally looks at me, and I can tell that she's unsure of what to do.
"Pen, talk to me."
"I don't want you to give up your future for me."
"You are my future. You're the only future I want. I don't care if I have to go somewhere else to finish my degree. I just want you to be with me. I don't want this-us being apart. I don't want you to ever think that something like a degree could come between us. We haven't been together long, and I know that that makes us both feel self-conscious, especially when it comes to our feelings, but I need you to know that you mean the world to me. So much more than a degree would mean."
"Aaron," she starts before grabbing my face and kissing me. After a few moments she pulls away before standing up from the bed and pacing the short distance of the room. "I'm worried. There's a lot that's happening. It's all going so fast. We've only been dating for a few months and you're talking about giving up your degree for me. I know that you're saying that I mean more to you than your degree, and I love you for that, but I don't want us to be married forty years from now and have you resent me for this. I can't do that. To either of us. I think we need to take a break. And not a Haley-induced break. A real break. I need to figure out what I want and I think you need to do the same."
"I don't understand," I state, sitting up in the bed and trying to move toward Penelope, but she puts her hand out in front of her, clearly telling me to stop.
"If you come over here, you're going to kiss me and I won't be able to stand firm on this. Aaron, I love you and I'm so thankful for the time we've had together, but I can't do this anymore. I need time to myself to figure things out. I love that you see a future with me, and I see a future with you, but I'm 21! I'm not ready to settle down and make life-altering decisions like this. I want to break up. But not because I don't love you, because I love you too much. I've lost sight of what I want and I think you have too."
"Pen, I don't want this! I don't want to be without you!"
"That's what I'm trying to say, Aaron. I don't want to be without you, either. And that terrifies me. I went from a self-sufficient, confident woman to a girl I barely recognize. I'm sneaking around, practically living with you, and talking about forever with a guy I've only known for three months. I can't do this!"
"Pen, please."
"I'm sorry, Aaron. I really think that this is for the best. If we're meant to be, we'll find our way back to each other eventually." I sit there, completely shell shocked as I hear the door open and realize that our five minutes are up. Our last five minutes. I gather all the courage I have left and stand up. I move towards Penelope and kiss her cheek, saying one last goodbye before I move past her and out the door.
The week somehow is even more unbearable, while I'm looking around every corner for Penelope, hoping to see her everywhere and simultaneously wanting not to see her at all. However, I don't see her anywhere. She's not at the usual spot where we "run into each other." She doesn't come into my office randomly to discuss the readings. I really start to worry when she misses class on Wednesday. The last thing I want is for her to have trouble with classwork because she's avoiding me.
On Friday, she walks into the classroom, and I can tell that she's not doing well and definitely does not want to be there, but before I can say anything, even hello, she walks up to me and hands me a form requesting a class transfer. I frown, but refuse to make eye contact, and sign the form, hopefully not showing that my heart is crumbling apart. It's not until that moment that it fully hits me. It's over. We're done. I've lost her.