THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS GUYS!

Okay, so maybe in retrospect I was wrong about the last chapter being fluffy. I hope I described the panic attack correctly… if I didn't, please inform me and I'll change it, but I did a lot of research so I hope it's right. I just really don't think anybody could go through an ordeal like Riley did and not suffer from some repercussions… it actually really pisses me off when the protagonist of a story acts like they're totally invincible and things that are horrible just don't affect them for no reason at all.

Rant over, on with the story…

"A friend is one that knows you as your are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow,"

–William Shakespeare

Chapter Forty-Five:

"Ignore it," Sirius muttered under his breath, putting a protective arm around my shoulder and sent a glare to the snickering girls behind us.

"I know, I know… but everybody thinks I've finally cracked it, and with the game coming up, people can't think that. Also, since I lost us the last game, I was counting on trying to make it up again," I sighed, slumping in my desk with a groan.

After the panic attack, Professor Ptolemy eventually caught up with us and escorted me to the Infirmary (however unwilling I was), even when I assured her I was fine, the Professor wouldn't take one bit of it. Madame Le'Dionettre gave me quite a few strange looks as I refused to give the why to the panic attack, but thankfully I managed to keep hidden my physical pain enough that she didn't examine my body further – that would be very difficult to explain.

As I continued to act unknowing to why I had the attack, Madame Le'Dionettre banned visitors. It was an extremely boring three days, let me tell you, but luckily the Marauders managed to visit and keep me company in the night, still, eventually they'd have to leave and Remus would stay after for a few minutes to check up on my healing progress.

Now catching up on work in the library, I could feel people's stares burning into my back like hot iron rods. Each roomer to why I had freaked out seemingly worse and more far-fetched than the last, so I stopped listening, trusting that it would all die down soon enough and my classmates would find somebody else to gossip about.

"Riley! Riley! Riley! I really need to talk to you it's about–" Remus came running through the library, earning a sharp look from the librarian, but on seeing Sirius he stopped dead in his tracks, "You know, the thing," he bit his lip.

Sirius narrowed his eyes, "What thing?"

Purposefully ignoring the question, I begun gathering my books shakily, "I – uhhh – I have to go… I'm really sorry!"

And then I ran, following Remus right out the door, knowing that Sirius was sitting there completely and utterly confused.

"Way to almost completely blow this whole operation, Moony," I muttered harshly as we walked as fast as possible towards the Room of Requirement.

"We've been looking for you all day, how was I supposed to know you'd patched stuff up with Sirius? There was an emergency meeting last night, James and Lily managed to catch the end of it."

"End of it?" I questioned.

"They were practising and didn't notice…" he spoke aloofly as other students passed.

I nodded, "Ah yes, the new additions to HQ, you've yet to show me around,"

"Yeah, well that may be today – c'mon," he frowned worriedly and we ran the last few twisting corridors before slipping into the shifting room without any further thought.

Behind the mirror I found Lily and James, looking awfully tired given the lack of sleep last night and sitting with grimaces plastered across their faces.

"Something tells me this isn't good," I muttered, sitting down, "So let's hear it,"

James sighed, "Kingsley, Arthur and a few others including my parents went to check out the Death Eaters new place, but because of us, they'd already ditched. But it wasn't the scrubbed-clean and devoid of all evidence like the last place – everything was still there while Bella and her merry friends skipped out,"

"So when you say everything…"

Lily nodded, understanding where I was going, "You're blood included – which is extremely hard to miss since there was a giant puddle of it in the centre of the room, smeared on the chair you were tied to and trailed up the stairs from when Potter carried you,"

"So? As far as I know, the Ministry don't keep blood type records… that's more of a Muggle practise," I commented

"It is?" James and Remus stared strangely at me, but the question was ignored.

"Riley, you're a metamorphmagus so your blood is different… how many others like you do you know?" Lily asked, hoping that we weren't as rare as it seemed.

Sighing, I answered, "I've not met any of them, but roughly around seven that I've heard of in the UK… holy shit, Dumbledore will know, we are so screwed!" I ran a hand through my hair in panic.

"Kingsley has already sent it to St Mungo's to be examined," Remus sighed, "All we can do now is wait and see what happens, keep training and practising, I guess,"

The three of us nodded in agreement, and Lily began to pack up the notes that were spread across the table.

James sighed, standing and looking to me with a mischievous smile, "C'mon let's show you what's been changing around here,"

I followed, and Remus trailed along behind being led through the corridors that outlines the Order's meeting room and finally through a door that hadn't been there previously.

The new room lit with dull candles and also lined with mirrors, but far more plain then that of the Grey Room. Metal dummies had been pushed aside and there were targets spread across the back wall which already sported few black scorch marks. Manuals of different offensive and defensive magic were stacked on a book shelf as I grinned, "This is absolutely amazing!"

James looked smug, crossing his arms across his chest, "I know, but it was Remus's idea,"

"Since none of us are going to be giving up any soon, it would probably be best to prepare better before our next 'mission' so that somebody isn't killed," Remus spoke in all seriousness.

I pulled my wand from the messy bun in my hair with a challenging smile, "Well, what are we waiting for then?"

It was dark as I walked down the deserted corridors, late for dinner, when I heard a faint crying coming from around the corner.

Narrowing my eyes, I peeked around and saw Andromeda clutching her stomach and weeping as Ted and Alice comforted her from each side. I felt myself tense, muscles coiling and teeth clenching as tightness wound itself in my chest, but as she wept I forced myself into relaxing, making myself think of good, happy memories of my friend.

Unknowing, I took and step forward and heard a sharp and icy, "What do you want?"

"To apologise," I spoke unthinkingly, stepping forward some more, "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

Andi stared at me strangely with a fierceness that made images of blood flash behind my eyelids – I shook them away, "What do you mean? I told you, and then you started screaming at me!" she glared.

I sighed and closed my eyes, fighting away bad memories, "I had a sudden… panic attack because of my apparent PTSD-like tendencies, as Madame Le'Dionettre said. I didn't even know what you were saying, I couldn't hear you… I couldn't breathe,"

Alice sent me a sympathetic look but didn't question it, and Andi spoke again a little less harshly, "I was asking for help,"

I looked to Ted for clarification, and he spoke up, "I don't know if you knew… but my dad is a metamorphmagus too… I didn't get the gene, but um…"

"Holy shit," my eyes widened in sudden shock, "You're pregnant!"

"Shhhh!" the three gave me a panicked look.

"We found some spells, did some tests… she's a metamorphmagus too… I needed your help and you flipped out," Andi hissed, tears beginning to fall again.

I knelt before her, "Help how? All I know is that she will look different every single time you pick her up out of the crib and she'll probably grow really erratically, Jesus why do people think I know about this stuff? First Sarah with Elric and now you guys… look, I'll do my best, okay?"

It was then that I noticed their packs.

"You're running away, aren't you?" the question was more of a statement than anything else.

Ted nodded and Andi begun crying harder, "M-My family they c-can't…"

I stiffened at the mention of the other Blacks, "Yeah, I know. It's okay… anything I can do? I have some money if you need it…"

"Thank you, but I think were set… we've been planning this for a while anyway, the baby just makes it slightly more important," Ted spoke seriously.

"I-I can't go home to my f-f-family," she choked and Ted stroked her hair.

Thinking of her sister, I understood why, "I know, it's okay. I'll cover for you guys so long as you send letters," Alice smiled to her best friend, "Have you figured out a way to Hogsmead yet?"

"No," Andi shook her head, drying her tear stained cheeks.

Then, suddenly, I had a thought and began riffling through my bag, tossing aside my Pocket Kaleidoscope as sorted through my different sketchbooks, hoping that's where I'd left it, eventually I cried "Yes!" a little too loud, making the confused trio jump.

I pulled out the Marauders Map, and tapped the blank parchment with my wand, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good,"

"Riley… what is this," Ted looked anxious.

"It'll help, okay?" I spoke quickly, analysing the map before pulling out a piece of parchment and pen to scribble down the details, "Now, there's a passageway from beneath a one-eyed witch statue by the stairs to the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom, leading to the cellar of Honeydukes. Tapping the hump with a wand speak the spell 'Dissendium' to the witch and you'll be able to accesses the passage… good luck," I smiled, folding the crumpled piece of paper in their hands, "Burn that afterwards, we don't want everybody knowing,"

They nodded with warm, sad smiles, "Okay… thank you – both of you,"

Alice pulled Andi into a tight hug, "I'm gonna miss you,"

I saluted informally, "Write if you have any troubles with the squirt,"

And then they left, walking down the corridor swiftly and I turned to Alice, "I don't know about you, but I didn't woke up this morning thinking I'd be helping a couple elope,"

She laughed slightly, "C'mon we'd better get to the feast…"

I shook my head, "Not hungry, I think I'd better head back to the common room,"

With a short wave she was also gone and I sighed, it'd been a very long day. Plodding my way back to the Gryffindor Common room slowly, I took in a deep breath. It was probably the first time I'd had to myself in a very long time, everything had been so insane recently. God, the amount of homework I had to sort through! I didn't even want to think about it… with a sigh, I approached the Fat Lady and mumbled the password tiredly.

She raised an eyebrow as I entered, knowing I should be at the feast – or maybe she'd just heard all the rumours; 'Riley has finally gone bonkers!' or 'did you hear that O'Conner was caught high?' or probably the worst in my opinion, 'apparently she tried to kill Andi, she's turning into her Great-Grandmother!'.

I sighed, knowing deep down the reason I didn't want to go to the Great Hall was because as soon as I walked in, every head would turn and look at me, so I headed up to my dorm to get changed into my pyjamas and get Marvin from his cage.

The ferret sat curled up in my hoodie as I fed him pieces of kibble from my palm. Finally, heading downstairs, I curled up in the leather armchair by the fire, patting Marvin.

"Why can't I just have a normal life Marvin? Why all this madness? I think I'm going crazy Marvin… holy shit, I'm talking to a ferret. Ugh, Marvin why can't you talk back…" I groaned, sinking lower into the comfortable chair, "Why must everything suck,"

"Talking to yourself, O'Conner?" a families voice asked and Sirius sat down on the woollen rug before the warm fire, "I didn't see you at dinner,"

"I didn't go, too many people and too much whispering," I sighed and Marvin squeaked.

He chucked slightly, "Yeah, I guessed. Brought some chicken 'cause I thought you'd be hungry,"

Padfoot handed me the meat on a towel, "Thanks, I starved. Missed lunch because of… doesn't matter,"

The grey-eyed boy sighed heavily, "I wish you didn't keep secrets from me… is there even any point asking?"

I shook my head, although I wanted more than anything not too… I just couldn't have him in danger. Because I knew he'd want to join, and want to help – but I'm selfish, and after what happened to me… I wouldn't be able to bear it with him. I can see how James and Lily struggle with each other being in danger – especially James.

After a few moments of silence I whispered, "Sorry,"

He shrugged putting on a grin, "Hey, I can work back the trust I lost… you're my best friend,"

I felt a tight pain in my chest, as if my heart contracted suddenly at his words, because I did trust him. I wish I could explain it.

"You know, I-I should probably go… I'm really tire–" he caught my arm and looked up with raw leading eyes as I tried to walk past him and I couldn't help but recoil and hiss at the stinging pain. Only a few of the deeper cuts remained, but still, they hurt like bitches.

"I-I'm sorry," he gasped looking at me apologetically, "I didn't mean to grip that tight…"

"No, that's not… " I stopped myself – how could I explain? Quickly I tugged down my sleeve, but not before he noticed, "I am actually seriously tired…" I faked a yawn.

His voice was hard, "Riley, please…" I could see the glimmer of watery eyes.

Those beautiful eyes…

I turned back to look at him, and he gently pulled up my sleeve, eyes scanning the scared words with a slight gasp, "Holy shit… Riley… you didn't…" he gave me a questioning look.

Sharply I retracted my arm, "No, it wasn't me, stupid!"

"Riley…" he stared at me, eyes tearing up. The pain inside those grey orbs so real and raw and open.

I felt myself become weak, "There so much you don't know, so much I can't explain… please… don't make me,"

He only stared back at me, silently pleading.

I was just so tired of it all, so sick of lying and hiding everything behind his back… I couldn't put him in this danger – it was a war for fucks sake. In war people die. People get hurt. People go insane. Wars scar people on the inside and out, Hell, I've already been scared!

… But I couldn't hold it all any longer. I needed him so much… so, so much…

And so I decided not to be selfish.

WOW PACKED CHAPTER; I HOPE IT DIDN'T SEEM RUSHED!

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