Chapter 4: You're A Dick

The three kings were incredibly patient while I sat there, nervously collecting my thoughts as I tried to decide where to start. I moved my hand off of Caius's and clasped my hands tightly together on my lap, the skin around my grip going white.

"I am not very good at taking care of number one, if you know what I mean. I have a tendency to be self-sacrificing to the extreme. Me moving to Forks is just one example of that I guess. My mum married a new guy, his name is Phil. He's great and he make mum really happy, but he's a baseball player, so he is always leaving during baseball season. This wasn't a big deal for me, but my mum wanted to go with him, but I had school. So over and over she would have to pick between me and him, me and him. I didn't mind being home alone, but she would worry." I twisted my hands in my lap, looking down and refusing eye contact with any of the kings, my voice low as I spoke quickly. Now that I had started, I wouldn't stop. They needed to know, to understand. But every word caused me pain, like swallowing glass. I was forcing this story out, wanting it to be over as soon as possible

"So I decided to go and live with Charlie, my dad. This fixed a lot of problems, Renee, my mother, could stay with Phil without worrying about me, Phil wouldn't have to worry about making my mum choose between me and him, and my dad finally got back the daughter he had been missing out on all these years. I made everyone happy."

Caius shifted a little next to me and I looked up at him, gnawing on my bottom lip. He looked at me and smiled sadly.

"Were you happy?" He asked, his voice almost too low for me to understand. I shuddered, dropping my gaze again.

"No." I murmured, admitting it to myself fully for the first time. "I didn't like Forks. I don't like the cold or the wet and Forks was both. It was miserable, I was miserable. I hated it there. Me and Charlie never really got along well, it was like moving into a house with a virtual stranger. I liked the big school in Arizona, I had a small friend group. Forks was a small town with an even smaller school and I knew no one other than my father, who was the police chief. PE was required for all four years at Forks High, which was a nightmare. I was miserable, but I had made everyone else happy so I didn't care." I shut my eyes for a moment, trying to calm my thoughts and stop the choked feeling in my throat to developing to full out sobs. I wanted to get this story over and done with.

"I saw them on the first day. The Cullens. They were sitting in the cafeteria, untouched trays of food in front of them that remained untouched for the whole of lunch. They intrigued me, the way they seemed so different but all the same. I was drawn to them, to the mystery they held. They were all staring at nothing, at no one, right into space. Polite disinterest, it seemed to be. They seemed to know what the others were thinking because they almost moved as separate parts of a singular whole. It was fascinating, their dynamic. I was fascinated. Especially with one in particular. The one with bronze hair. He was the one on his own out of the group, the danger. The others were lethal, but it seemed as if they would only attack with reason where as he was a time bomb, always less than a second away from going off."

I shuddered slightly, remembering the extent of my initial fascination. No wonder he had such an initial hold over me.

"Edward Cullen was in my Biology class. I had already been informed that he was the only single Cullen but that he had also made it clear that 'the girls here were of no interest' to him." I paused, smirking slightly at the memory of the pained expression that was on Jessica Stanley's face as she told me that. Oh how revenge was sweet. "Anyway, the first time I walked into Biology he looked at me with a hateful dark expression, his eyes completely black. I was sat next to him as it was the only free seat in the room and he didn't say a word to me, in fact he seemed to be almost disgusted by my very presence. He had moved his chair to be as far away from me as possible. I was quite offended, this was right after I had become quite intrigued in the cafeteria by him and his whole family, and then here he was, being a total dick to me. So after he rushed out of the class when it ended as if the very devil was behind him. Not exactly a self-esteem booster."

"Then, the next day, he wasn't there. He wasn't in Biology that day or at lunch. It was talked about at school because it was unusual for one of the Cullens to miss a day. They would miss days sometimes, but normally it was all or nothing. He wasn't there the day after that, or the day after that. In fact, he wasn't there the whole rest of the week. Or the first day of the next one. It got to the point where I was settling in and didn't give the missing Cullen a single thought by that Monday. However, then everything changed. I walked into Biology on the Tuesday and there he was. Sitting there like a Greek god or a statue in all of his excessive but wonderful perfection. At our shared lab table that I had been sitting at alone, other than that first day. And now, of course. This time, there was no ignoring me or hateful glares. Instead he introduced himself as Edward Cullen, and apologized for how he had acted toward me on my first day. He went on to explain that he was ill, and that was why he had then missed the following week. He smiled politely and said he had figured that not talking was better than opening his mouth and well, he described it as 'embarrassing himself greatly.' We worked well together and then before I knew it class was over. He continued like that for the next few classes, being perfectly nice and polite, but very formal. I got the feeling that he was holding something back, something big. He struck me as extraordinarily restrained, and well-practised at being so."

"We grew closer, and as we did I grew more and more intrigued. He was truly fascinating, a study in enigma. He was extraordinarily good at dodging questions and even better at making you think he was revealing something about himself while simultaneously revealing nothing at all. I was in deep, hook, line, sinker, the whole shebang." I took in a deep breath, preparing myself for the for the beginning of my end.

"He asked me to sit with him at lunch and I did. We talked more and more and he found out more and more about me as I found out less and less and grew more and more attached."

"I spoke with one of my friends that lives on an Indian reservation nearby, and he told me of the legends his tribe had of creatures they called the 'cold ones'. Now known as vampires. He mentioned the Cullens, and how none of them were allowed onto the tribe's land. I connected one and one and got two, and did some internet research of my own, coming to the rather shocking, juvenile, and yet surprisingly fitting conclusion that the Cullens were vampires. Of course, I attempted to immediately dismiss that idea. Vampires aren't real. They're legends, fairy tales. Designed to scare little kinds from sneaking away from their parents at night. As I continued to become closer and closer to Edward, bit by bit I found out about him. Just little things that didn't add up. I knew there was something different. Then something happened, something that forced us even closer together, something neither of us were anticipating. I see it now as the point of no return, the point where he truly began to reel me in." I felt a tear, a single traitorous tear, escape my eye and start its way down my cheek. I swipe at it angrily, not wanting the kings to know of my sadness.

"My dear, we are not forcing you to do this, we can wait until a later time, until you feel you are ready," Aro said softly, his voice both kind and sad as he patted my knee. Caius grunted his agreement, placing his pale hand on top of my tightly twisted ones. He stroked smooth lines with his thumb, loosening grips and relaxing muscles until my hands lay, limp and separated, on my lap. He then slipped his hand inside of my open one, and gently squeezed. I placed my hand on top of his, covering both of our hands and sighed, knowing that if I did not continue my story and get it all out now, I most likely never would.

"I was in Port Angeles, a nearby town, shopping with friends. We separated, as I wanted to go to a book store and neither of them had much interest in books. There was nothing specific that I wanted, I was just browsing. Then, I noticed a group of men standing outside of the store, just hanging around laughing. Every now and then one of them would look inside the store and they would all gesture and laugh loudly. I didn't think anything of it. I probably should have."

I took a deep breath, shutting my eyes and trying to make the words hurt less as they came out. Caius' smooth hand gently squeezed mine again, knowing that he was there helped me to stay calm.

"They were waiting for me," I whispered, my breathing speeding up and my heart beating faster, as if it was trying to outrace my lungs. The memory of my absolute terror was coming alive again, something I had spent a long time trying to supress.

"I walked out and they fell silent as I walked away, before I heard a murmur of voices and then nothing. I didn't want to turn around, didn't want to look. But I had to. It was just a glance over my shoulder, but I saw them. They were there and they were following me." I nearly didn't notice Caius's hand tightening on top of my own as I continued my story, until I jerked it out of his grasp when it began to ache. I shifted away from the three men, trying to take deep breaths but it felt like the air was thicker than normal. I choked out more words, needing to stop the knifing pain that attacked me with every moment that this story went on.

"They had surrounded me, some of them had taken some kind of a short cut I think. All I know is that they were suddenly in front of me and beside me and behind me and everywhere. Suddenly their hands were everywhere, stroking and touching and squeezing and pulling and oh god all I could say was 'No, Thank you'. II still had my manners. They were pulling and shoving and suddenly my shirt was ripped and they were saying the most awful things and all I could say was 'No, Thank you.'. How fucked up is that? I mean-"

A low voice interrupted my panicked babble.

"What did they do to you?" It was Marcus and his eyes were far from kind. His voice was controlled, restrained within an inch of explosion.

"Nothing." I murmured, looking back down. "Edward came. He saved me."

"He came, and made them leave and I got in his car and everything was ok again. I was safe. I was also in shock and trying to convince myself I was fine. I was shaking and sick. He pulled over to let me throw up, I think twice." I began to shake, chewing on my bottom lip as I remembered how he had acted on that day. He had been so coldly concerned, clinical almost. As if he was treating me as an experiment, a pet goldfish he would poke and study how it reacted.

"We went out for dinner. He forced me to drink and eat, saying I was in shock. I just felt sick. He kept asking questions and talking and the waitress flirted with him and I remember hating that. He was . . . dazzling me. I couldn't think. He would always do that. I think he liked the level of control it gave him. He could make me do almost anything when he dazzled me like that. We talked over dinner, about my theories on who and what he was. He didn't say much at all about himself. I just guessed, basically. I sounded crazy, vampires and mind reading. But he didn't deny any of it. Not one thing. So I guess, that just piqued my curiosity even more. I wanted, no, I needed to more about Edward. My savoir."

"He drove me home, driving at an inhumanly fast speed. I was sitting in the passenger seat, the daughter of a sheriff as he destroyed the speed limit as though he was too fast for it to apply to him. He informed me that he had never gotten a speeding ticket, and that he never would. I found his confidence attractive at the time. We discussed his mind reading, which he had all but explicitly confirmed for me as well as the fact that he could not hear me. My mind was my own then, as it still is now. We were together from pretty much that moment on. In was his little science experiment, a human in a house of vampires, a lamb in a lion den. 'And so the lion fell in love with the lamb' he once said. But I don't think he can love at all. I don't think he is capable of it. He seemed like the person I was going to be with forever. Literally. But I was wrong. Things started out perfect, but if things are perfect, it only takes on thing breaking before they're not."

I frowned silently for a second, thinking of Edward and what he had done to me. I needed to get the words out, needed to be finished with him.

"Quite quickly, things broke and went down fast. I'm not sure what it was that originally set him off, whether it was boredom or my disobedience or nothing at all. But something did and he hit me." As soon as I said those words, Caius's presence was gone from m aside, as he began to pace at human speed by the door, his face no longer a face but just a twist of murderous rage. I ignored him and took a deep breath before continuing.

"The first time, it was a full backhand across my face. He broke my cheekbone that time. I stared at him in shock before getting up to leave, trembling. All it took for me to stay was just his voice saying my name and I couldn't even remember why I wanted to leave in the first place."

"I made up some stupid story about falling, which everyone believed because it wasn't exactly rare for me to fall and hurt myself. I'm not sure if he hit me as a test of his control, because it would be so easy for him to just snap my neck or crush my skull in less than a nanosecond, so I don't know why he got off on it so much. I don't know why he didn't just kill me. Saved me all this pain…. But no. I lived. He hit me, over and over and over. He didn't go for my face much after that first time, as it meant too many questions. He was careful to never spill any blood. He took just as much precision in this act as he did in the rest of his life. The only things he ever broke after that first time were fingers and ribs, things like that, easy to explain. He was fascinated with how I burned, how it felt for me. He liked fire, partly because it was so forbidden for him, he also liked my pain, so he combined the two. He only did those in placed I could hide, and only small burns too."

"I just let him. I just let him! I never fought back or anything! I just let him hurt me, again and again and again. Until there was nothing of me left, it was all him. He was a planet and I was an asteroid, pulled into orbit, being pulled to pieces by his gravity until all that was left of me were the craters on his surface. But I let him. And I didn't just let him. Part of me liked it. Liked it! Edward was always so controlled, so closed off. The only time he showed true passion, actual emotion for me was when I was screaming and burning and bruising. He loved it. And in those moments, in those awful, fucked up moments, he loved me too. And I was too in love with him to care how he got there, as long as he did."

Now I was crying, tears pouring down my face as I sobbed, deep tearing sobs that had me bent over clutching my stomach. I ran to the bathroom, getting to the toilet as vomit rose up my throat, throwing up violently before falling down next to the toilet, tears pouring down my face as I cried for lost love, for pain and for Edward, but most of all for me. I slumped sideways, my forehead touching the cool tiles and snot and tears mingled on my cheeks, my eyes squeezed shut against the flow of tears. I heard the toilet flush as my sobs began to abate, leaving me with soft hiccupping tears, a swollen and blotchy face with tears, snot and vomit all over it. Cool hands touched my shoulders, bringing me up to sitting and then picking me up and carrying me, placing my gently on a bed before softly stroking my cheek, a soft tissue quickly wiping away the mess on my face. My tears continued to flow as I curled up in a ball on the bed, the cool hands stroking the top of my head as I cried myself out.

I lived my head, opening my eyes blearily to see Marcus looking down at me, with his kind eyes. I rubbed my eyes with a sigh and sat up slowly, brushing my hair out of my face. I frowned slightly at the taste in my mouth, blushing as I remembered my complete loss of decorum in front of the kings. Aro then appeared next to Marcus, holding a glass of water. I smiled at him gratefully, taking a gulp to clear the taste in my mouth.

"Sorry," I whispered softly, my voice husky and dry due to my sore throat after that bout of crying. I then heard a loud growl from the furthest corner of the room, where a blond king stood, leaning against a wall with his pale arms crossed over his broad chest clothed in midnight black robes, the expression on his face simply a twist of hatred, lips pulled back into a terrifying snarl as venom dripped from his teeth, his darkness a smudge on the walls of the otherwise bright room, a storm cloud on a clear day.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, my dear." Aro smiled at me and I hesitantly smiled back, unsure of where I stood in relation to the three kings, especially after this. Then suddenly, Caius was there, and his expression of rage was centred straight at me. I shrank back slightly, not wanting to bear the brunt of an ancient vampire's rage.

"Do not lie to the human Aro. She has plenty to be sorry for." He ground out, he expression towards me transforming to one of complete contempt.

"She let this idiot vampire use her as his little toy, a pet to be dragged around and shown off. She allowed him to hurt her, she just sat there and let it happen! I would say that this idiot little human has plenty to be sorry for, one of the first things being being alive in the first place! You stupid, mundane little breakable human. You come here, crying and broken, expecting us to help and pity you because you never had the courage to do anything on your own!" By now I was pressed up against the head board on the bed, my head turned away as I tried to hide behind my hair as he roared, the volume enough to shake me.

"You have a lot to be sorry for. And I will make you pay." He growled and I felt the brush of cool fingers on my neck, and then heard a smash. I flinched, my body shaking so hard my teeth were chattering, although I was not cold. Then I heard Marcus speaking to me and looked up, peeking through my curtain of hair, and saw his smile.

"Isabella, he is gone, you are safe. I promise, you are protected." I put my head all the way up, biting my lip as Marcus continued to coax me out like I was a frightened animal. I stretched out my body, looking around the room, noting the smashed door and lack of both Caius and Aro. Then I heard raised voices outside and looked at Marcus as he moved in front of me.

"It is not her fault Caius! You cannot blame her for this! You need to come to terms with it, its not going to go away! You have already killed him, do not take out your anger on her, she will never forgive you. And that is not something you want!"

"I do not blame her Aro! Do not patronise me! I know all of this, but I cannot…."

A moment later Aro walked in and whispered something at vampire speed to Marcus. I made a decision. He could not just do this to me! Not again! This was becoming more and more unacceptable. I got up from the bed and walked across the room. Aro and Marcus were discussing something and didn't notice me. I stepped over what was left of the door, seeing Caius immediately, surrounded by destruction, a broker desk, chair and a couple of plants, his head was on his forearms against a wall, his back to me as he leant over.

"Caius," I whispered, and his body snapped up straight. I chewed on my bottom lip, before words just seemed to fall out of my mouth, and I just had to hope that they wouldn't get me killed.

"Edward is dead. He is dead because of you. You saved me. Yes, I loved him, and he still haunts my thoughts, but he is disappearing. He is rooted deep into my head but I am digging him out. What he did to me was not my fault and never will be and if you ever say that again, so help me I will take a lighter to your ass." My voice was growing stronger, more confident, as I stood up straight. I was right and he would listen to me because I am not a stupid little human. I am me and no one is going to stop me from being that ever again.

"You, Caius, are a complete and total dick. AMD I don't think enough people have told you that in the last millennia or so, so here I am. You're a dick and you know what? My name is Isabella, not idiot human, so use it. Fuck you, asshole. Fuck. You." I took in a deep breath and then watched as he turned around. He faced me and raised his head, looking me right in the eye. He looked at me, standing tall, confident and smirked then he took a step forward, coming to s stop right info font of me, smirking as he lowers his head and with one quick movement, licks right the way up my neck. I gasp in shock, a full body shiver rocks me closer to him, the vampire king. He lifted his head, his forehead coming down to rest on mine, as my breathing became unsteady.

"Perhaps you are right. Maybe I do need someone telling me I am a dick more. That can be your job, if you decide to stick around. Thank you, Isabella." Another shiver rocked through me at the sound of his low voice saying my name as his breath washed over my face. I tensed, expecting to be dazzled, but instead, it was just… nice. No dazzling included. In a moment of absolute insanity, I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his. I stayed still for a moment, just until he began kissing me back, his hand touching my wrist, and I tore myself away.

"You're a dick." I say breathlessly before moving away, back into my room.

Hey Guys,

Sorry for the wait, I was right, this was a difficult chapter to write. I have some personal reasons that mean that this chapter is quite personal, and writing just hit very close to home. I am very sorry for the wait. I have insane amounts of homework at the moment, but I am writing every free moment, I promise! This chapter is 1000 words longer than usual, so hopefully that makes up for the wait.

Izzy out