Deliquesce

Chapter 19: Flames

Rated: T

Warnings: None

A/N: Turrislucidus: Hello! More is indeed on the way. Thank you for you review. :D

When your life comes crashing down around you in a pile of smoking ashes, why is it that calm is the only thing your brain can register?

When I was 15, my house burnt down. When my mother and I pulled up to the firemen spraying the charred foundations of our home, I felt calm.

When my cousin told me she had been raped, I felt calm.

When my family was eaten alive in the next room, I felt calm.

When I realised that no, the outbreak isn't in control, and yes, this would be the end of us, I felt calm.

The emotions came afterward, of course. But at the time, it was a dream. I was floating. There was something very wrong nagging and pulling at the back of my mind, but I couldn't bring it to the surface.

Looking away from the cigarette was difficult. The way the smoke drifted upwards was fascinating. It turned and twisted and faded toward the ceiling. The door was open behind me, I could hear Briley saying something to him about smoking in his room. I had to turn around. I had to walk out of here.

I pried my eyes away from the plate, turned around and saw Jackson looking at me from the kitchen, still stirring the soup in the pot like he'd been doing a moment ago. That was weird, how one thing can change so significantly while everything else remains the same.

I could see Wonka in my peripheral, still standing by the window. I heard him laugh, and something twisted inside of me. I walked to my own room, not looking up at him once, and sat on my bed.

Surely Daniel was wrong. Maybe he'd just found Wonka's experiments and mistaken them for something else. Gotten the wrong idea.

Or maybe I was just trying to rationalise it all because of some shitty, rash decisions I'd made.

I'd become attached to him. I slept with him. I trusted him. I got to know him. I developed feelings for him.

It was confusing. I think I would be prepared to leave with the group. But even after this, I wanted to stay with him. I couldn't, but I wanted to. It's not like he loved me anyway, but I would be a fool to deny I loved him.

It was dark when Daniel knocked on my door.

"He's gone." He said. I nodded. He was going to tell the others, now. I knew that.

He left, and I heard him getting their attention, explaining the situation, the need to leave.

"...not only that, I found a room. He had those things tied up. Equipment and injection things everywhere. Who knows what the hell he's doing with them. It's unsafe here with that crazy fucking bastard. He could have just let us in here to trap us and do god knows what. We need to leave…"

So he found the room too. I felt like going out there, explaining he was working on a cure. However, that would bring up questions as to how I knew. I'd promised to keep it a secret. I mean… he did fail to mention that fact he started an apocalypse. I don't know if I really owed him my trust. But what if they turned on me? I'd kept a pretty big secret. Maybe they'd think I was in on it, that I knew.

After Daniel's voice faded out, there was silence for a while. A calm before the storm, before everything exploded. Everyone trying to talk over one another, yelling.

It calmed down after a few minutes. Everyone was in agreement, they were going to leave. Briley came and sat by me. Her eyes were red.

"I can't believe it." She said, shaking her head in disbelief.

"I can't either, Briley."

"It's just. We finally found somewhere safe. But… it's just… wrong. Our families are dead. We can't stay here."

"I know." I said.

"We have to start packing now. In an hour, we're going." She left. This was happening. We were leaving. We'd never be back. We'd never be this safe again. I'd never see him again. I curled up on my bed. Did I want to see him?

I should be packing.

Of course I wanted to see him. He meant something to me.

We're leaving in an hour. I should pack.

I'm not ready to leave.

I have to leave.

I need to see him.

I got up, walked out of my room and into the Wonkavator before anyone could stop and talk to me. I looked for the button to his room and found it, I think he'd be there. It's late. The elevator arrived, and I walked down the corridor. I knocked on him door. He didn't answer right away, but when the knob turned and I saw his face, I felt a knife twist in my gut.

Shock is a weird thing. First is the calm, then comes the emotion, and it came in hard. I wasn't a cry baby. I wasn't a drama queen. I didn't stand there sobbing. But I felt that emotion, right in my stomach, and it took my fucking breath away. Tears sprung in my eyes.

"Daniel found out." I said.

"About…?" Wonka asked, amethystine eyes wide and bright. I narrowed mine at him, gave him a look of disgust.

"You know what he found out."

He nodded, face unchanging.

"I expect they're leaving now?" He asked. I nodded.

"An hour."

"I expect you're leaving with them?"

I didn't reply. I looked at the ground and shrugged.

"I never wanted this, Ember. You have to know that. If you'll allow me to explain…" He looked at me expectantly. I nodded. "A few of my workers were in Loompa Land to harvest ingredients I needed for a new candy. On the way back, one of them was bitten by some sort of creature I had never come across. It was a bug, a tiny little thing. We got the worker back, quarantined him for a bit but it healed up in no time. Tests were run, and nothing out of the ordinary was picked up. Oompa Loompas work differently to humans, and being their native country they must have some sort of immunity to the virus. Once they're infected, they become a carrier, however it is significantly less contagious as what it would be in infected humans. But he was a carrier nonetheless, and one of the chocolate bars must have been contaminated before I realised. I sent them back after that, kept a few to test for a cure. I never found anything, but I never stopped working for it. I'm never going to stop working for it until the day I die."

"It was an accident. But it happened. I don't know how to feel about that. Why are you explaining yourself to me?"

"I…" He faltered. "I don't want you to leave."

"I don't know what to do."

"Stay with me." He said, reaching out to hold my hand.

"I don't know. I don't know you well."

"Ember, I've let everyone I've ever cared about slip away before I could even tell them I cared about them. After all this, you're the least I deserve, but I just.. no. I'm sorry. I'm being selfish." He shook his head and dropped my hand. "You should leave."

"I can't. I just.. I think I love you. Maybe we're just selfish people, Willy."

He smiled. "I know I am. I can't say the same about you, and I would never want you to because of me. I want you to leave with them. I know I said morality doesn't have a place in our world today, but I think that's just because I've ignored mine. Surviving and living are different things."

"You make me feel like I'm living."

"But can I make you feel like you can live with yourself? You're confused, I'm solving that. I'll see ya round, kiddo."

He shut the door, and I heard it lock. I noticed my cheeks were wet. I frowned. I didn't want to leave him, now that he'd made the choice for me. I didn't want to leave him. I didn't want him to choose. I wanted to choose. I knocked on the door, and knocked again. He didn't answer. I knew that he wouldn't. My brows furrowed, and I left. My legs carried me back to the elevator and my finger pressed the button that brought me back to the group, but my mind wanted to sit at that door all night, knocking until he answered.

Everyone was packed up by the time I'd gotten back, waiting to go.

"Where did you go?" Briley asked me.

I shrugged. "I went to see him."

"Did you find him? What did he say?" She asked.

"Nothing. I didn't find him." I lied.

"Okay." Daniel said. "Get your things, we're leaving."

"I'm not going." I felt uncomfortable, all eyes on me. I was selfish, this was a selfish decision. But the words spilled out of my mouth. I think I would be just as conflicted if I went with them, so there wasn't a right answer.

"Are you kidding?"

I shook my head.

"Ember. We're leaving. If safety is an issue, we're as safe as we can get. We have weapons and food-" Jackson said, stepping closer. I cut him off.

"That's not the issue."

"What's the issue?"

"I…" I didn't know how to say the words to everyone.

"She loves him." Valeriya said.

No one really said anything for a while. A got a look of disapproval from Jackson, a look of disgust from Daniel, a straight face from Spencer, a confused frown from Briley.

"Let her stay." She told them. "Love was rare before, it's almost nonexistent now."

Jackson nodded. "Ember, didn't you hear what Daniel said before? Those things he's experimenting on. You don't know what he could do.."

"I helped him with those experiments. He's looking for a cure."

"Are you sure you want to say? We're not coming back."

"I think I'm sure." I said.

"Well, goodbye Ember. I hope you've made the right decision, because this is it. For good."

"Goodbye Jackson." I said, those words hurt. He was a good person. He shook my hand, and walked over to the elevator. One by one, they gave their goodbyes and left. Hugs, handshakes, reluctant smiles and kisses on the cheek. Valeriya touched my arm and gave me a smile as she passed by last.

And then I was alone. I went to the window and watched them set off. They would be safe for a while. The road going straight up had been completely cleared, before they reach the barren grasslands that only had the occasional zombie. Once they were out of the grasslands, however… that was a much different story.

I watched them walk until I couldn't see them, before I found myself wishing I'd gone with them. I didn't think I had a place with them. I was just a latecomer, a burden.

But… I did belong with them. They'd saved my life. As much as I thought I was an outsider to them, I wasn't. Daniel was like an annoying, mean brother. Jackson was just such a good, strong person. I loved Briley like a sister. Spencer was my friend, my drinking buddy. I didn't know the others well, but if they could come later than me and fit right in why did I feel so out of place?

I watched those little embers of hope walk into the darkness, before I realised I needed to go with them.

Staying here, as much as I wanted to and as much as I loved Wonka, was a selfish decision. Could I really live with myself, letting them go? I didn't think I could. Wonka was safe here, I know he'd always be safe. But I didn't know they would be, and I couldn't sit up here tucked away with food and clothes and gates to shut out the world when they were fighting for their lives.

I wouldn't make much difference in their chances of survival, but if I could fight by their side and lose with them, I would be okay with that. I could live with myself.

I went into my room, layered on a bunch of tops and jumpers and a coat. I put on my socks, boots, gloves and hat. Got the machete from the wardrobe, put it in my bag and packed it with some other supplies I needed.

And with one last glance, I left.