Though, the Doctor had agreed to the shower he was trembling as he watched Jack strip off his own clothes. Seeing how uncomfortable the Doctor was, Jack left his pants on deciding that he could get a dry pair later or go without them for awhile. He turned on the water, letting it warm while the Doctor removed the flimsy hospital gown that covered his body. He was still shaking as he stepped into the shower letting the warm water wash over him. Jack stepped in after him causing the Doctor to look at him. He stared at Jack's hands for a moment waiting for Jack to take advantage of the situation. When all Jack did was stand there, however, he turned his back to him deciding to ignore him. Standing directly under the spray, he hung his head watching the water disappear down the drain. It had been awhile since he had last showered and the water felt like bliss running down his lithe body. He was so distracted that he jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.
"Easy," Jack cooed. "I'm not going to hurt you. I know you are enjoying the water, but you need to think about washing your hair and body. As much as you want to we can't stay under the water all day."
"Why not?" The Doctor questioned him.
"Well for one, this isn't the TARDIS so the water will get cold here soon. Also, we eventually need to eat and you have an appointment with Daniel where you actually are going to talk to him about your problems," Jack answered him. The Doctor rolled his eyes at him.
"I thought you wanted me out of the shower," The Doctor responded. Jack glared at him and he sighed. Keeping one eye on Jack he reached down picking up the shampoo. The rest of the shower was quiet as he washed his hair and with Jack's help washed his back and the rest of his body. Stepping out of the shower he wrapped a towel around his waist as he looked at himself in the mirror again. "I need to shave."
"You also need a haircut. If you would like I could help you," Jack told him. The Doctor glanced over at him as Jack pulled a towel around his own waist.
"Can you cut hair?" The Doctor questioned.
"I have cut my own hair for years now. I am sure I can cut yours," Jack responded.
"Alright," The Doctor agreed. Jack left the Doctor in the bathroom for a moment in order to find scissors and a razor. Taking his clothes with him, he quickly changed in the Doctor's room, placing his wet pants in the sink. He went to the nurses station, requesting the items from Adam. It took a minute for the request to be approved, then he had to wait for the items to be retrieved. While he waited Jack kept one eye on the Doctor's room waiting for the door to open. The Doctor, though, didn't make any attempt to escape. Jack actually found himself worried about why the Doctor remained in the room and practically ran back to it as he finally was given the scissors and razor. Entering the room he found the Doctor was still waiting for him in the bathroom. He had put the toilet seat down and was sitting on it to make it easier for Jack to cut his hair.
"There you are," Jack sighed in relief. The Doctor looked at him confused.
"I haven't moved," He informed him. He adjusted as the hard toilet seat hurt his bottom still. Jack didn't say anything about his squirming as he retrieved the Doctor's pillow from his bed talking loud enough the Doctor could still hear him.
"I know. I expected you to try to run as soon as you were left alone. That is why I am so surprised to find you still here," Jack explained handing him the pillow. The Doctor took it, he was grateful to have the pressure relieved off of his healing body and could sit more comfortably with it.
"The TARDIS won't let me on," The Doctor pouted as he stood up to place the pillow and then sat down again.
"When did you go to the TARDIS?" Jack questioned as he picked up the shaving cream.
"Last night when you were asleep," The Doctor admitted.
"While I am happy that you are feeling well enough to start wandering off, I won't hesitate to start restraining you again at night if necessary," Jack threatened. With gentle movements, he applied the cream to the Doctor's face avoiding his sideburns.
"I can't go anywhere. I am stuck in this bloody hospital until Martha releases me and even then the TARDIS may not agree to move," The Doctor hissed angrily at the threat.
"I'm sure she is just doing what she thinks is best for you. If you want I can have a talk with her," Jack offered. The Doctor shook his head no, his eyes filling with tears at the thought that the TARDIS would let others on but not him. She was his home and his friend and he had lost her in a moment of weakness. He couldn't imagine never being able to set foot inside her walls again. He decided that he would rather die than be stuck on Earth without her for the rest of his life.
"It's going to be alright," Jack reassured him. There was no way Jack could know that for sure, but the statement helped. Still, he continued to sulk as Jack shaved his beard then trimmed his sideburns and hair. By the time Jack finished, he looked like his old self, but he still didn't feel like it. Jack then helped him to finish drying off then dress in a new hospital gown. Picking up his pillow, he moved back to his bed unhappy to find that Daniel was in the room waiting in his seat by the bed.
"I'll be in the hall," Jack promised him. The Doctor nodded looking at Daniel.
"So, I believe when we left off in our last session we were up to the star Betelgeuse and the entire Orion star system, that you liked better than me," Daniel stated as soon as Jack was out of the room. The Doctor sat down on the bed looking Daniel over for a moment.
"Why did you become a psychiatrist?" The Doctor asked him finally.
"Because I wanted to be able to help people," Daniel answered him.
"So why not become a doctor or a teacher?" He wondered.
"Because as a child, I watched my mother struggle with depression. I wanted to be able to help people heal their minds and not just their bodies. Can I ask why you chose to become a Doctor?" Daniel questioned surprised that the Doctor was actually having a conversation with him and not just insulting him for a change.
"I'm not a doctor. Not in the sense that you know at least. While I do have a little bit of medical training I have more just learned how to treat people during my travels," The Doctor explained.
"So why do you call yourself the Doctor?" Daniel wondered.
"Back on Gallifrey, it was tradition to chose a new name once you left the academy. That name would follow you for the rest of your life. I chose the Doctor," He informed him. "It was meant to be a promise, but I broke that promise. I should be nameless and on Gallifrey, I would have been. Jack, though, refuses to let me abandon my name."
"What promise did you break?" Daniel leaned back in his chair. Picking up his notebook from where he had tucked it beside himself in the faint hope that the Doctor would actually talk to him for a change. He opened it to a fresh page.
"It doesn't matter," The Doctor told him eying the notebook.
"Alright, if you don't want to talk about the promise and how you broke it, why don't you tell me about your childhood," Daniel suggested.
"That doesn't matter either, Danny boy. My childhood was traditional for my planet. I went to the academy at the age of eight like any other good Time Lord and stayed there through my childhood," The Doctor responded. He didn't bother to mention that he was considered a child longer on Gallifrey than on Earth due to their lifespans.
"So why don't you tell me what matters. What brought you to this point?" Daniel questioned. The Doctor sighed. He leaned back on his bed staring up at the ceiling. He knew exactly how many dots were on the tile above his bed as he had counted them several times over the long hours he had been forced to remain laying on his back. Still, he stared up at it letting his eyes wander between the dots. Daniel didn't say anything to him as he waited for him to continue. He remained quiet, though, until he heard Daniel get up. "Our hour is over. I want you to think about my question and hopefully, tomorrow we can discuss it further," Daniel told him.
"I doubt it," The Doctor mumbled at him. He heard the door open and then close a minute late as Jack came over to his bed. Jack sat a tray of food on the bedside table, then placed his table over his lap. He moved the food to the second table. The Doctor glanced at the chicken with potatoes and gravy. For dessert, there was a large piece of banana cream pie with fresh bananas cut up on top. The food looked good and he reached for the fork as Jack sat down with his own meal. Rather than eating, though, he began to speak softly as he finally answered Daniel's question.
He told Jack about being drugged for the first time and then returning to the cafe under the pretense of confiscating the drug but instead taking it for himself. He explained about trying to convince himself that he couldn't get addicted, even as the addiction took hold. He didn't look at Jack as he recounted the times he remembered waking up not knowing where he was and the time he woke up in the hotel room with his body slick with lube. Once he started talking he couldn't stop as he finally felt the relief of talking about the pain he held inside. Out of everybody who was involved in his care at UNIT, Jack was the only one he needed to make understand his decisions. When he finally stopped talking he looked up at Jack waiting anxiously for him to leave.
"You asked me when you first got here if I had ever done drugs. I didn't answer you at the time because I knew you were only asking to try to gain sympathy from me so I would get yours for you. The answer, though, is yes I have done drugs in the past. I did them to forget the pain I was going through due to losing everyone I love time and time again. So nothing you have just told me changes how I see you or how I feel about you. We all have pain that we carry and you have been so strong for so long all on your own. Wishing that you had let me help you before now does nothing, but I promise that I am going to be here and help carry you until you are ready to run on your own again," Jack told him seeing the worry in his eyes tears were flowing slowly down his cheeks. Still, he gave a weak smile as Jack thumbed a tear off his cheek. Jack moved their forgotten food aside, then took the Doctor into his arms. The feel of Jack holding him tightly as the dam finally broke. The Doctor clung to him sobbing like a lost child. Jack rubbed his back slowly in soothing circles letting the Doctor cry. He finally, went quiet as he had not more tears to shed, but Jack made no move to let him go. Just needing to comfort him, he continued to hold him long after the Doctor's breathing evened out.