30

Isabela knelt by Hawke's bedside. She brushed the hair out of Hawke's face, and leaned in close to smell it. She reached under the blanket, gently probing, until she found Hawke's hand. She pulled it out and held it in her own, interlocking their fingers.

"I'm so sorry, sweet thing…" she whispered. She looked down at the wreck of a girl before her. She'd never known guilt like it. This is what happens when you let yourself care, she cursed herself. "Goodbye, Hawke" she said, leaning down and tenderly kissing the mage's lips.

Hawke's eyelids fluttered, and then opened. She blinked in disorientation, and then locked her eyes on Isabela. "Bela…" her voice was barely audible, as she attempted a faint smile.

"Hawke… are you okay?" Isabela asked weakly.

Hawke attempted a laugh, that came out as a cough. "You don't want to know the answer to that…"

"You shouldn't have done that, Hawke. That wasn't your fight. I would've figured it out on my own, I would've gotten away from them."

Hawke shook her head. "I would never have let them take you. You know why..."

Because you love me. Because I let it go on for too long, and I let you fall in love with me… Isabela avoided eye contact and looked at the ground.

"I'm proud of you for coming back. That was the right thing to do. You saved a lot of lives today." Hawke's voice was straining under her damaged throat.

Isabela looked Hawke in the eyes, and before she realised it, the words were tumbling out of her mouth. "You think I came back because it was the right thing to do? So that I could save Kirkwall? I didn't do it for them. I did it for you. It was always about you."

Hawke looked stunned. They sat in silence for a moment. "Do you mean… you…"

Isabela shook her head furiously. She couldn't have this conversation. She needed to leave. Hawke would only try to talk her out of it. "No, that's not what I meant. You're reading too much into it. You've always read too much into it. How many times did I tell you it was nothing, that we were nothing? You were so determined to complicate it that you saw things that weren't there."

Hawke tried to sit up and groaned mournfully as she stretched her damaged side. "I don't believe that, Bela. It wasn't nothing. Lie to yourself, if that's what you need to do, but don't lie to me."

Isabela unlocked her fingers from Hawke's grasp, realising that they were still holding hands. "I'm not lying to anybody. You are. You want to pretend that it was something sweet and meaningful, when really, you like to be diddled just as much as the next lass."

Hawke reached her hand up, and tried to touch Isabela's face. "You know that's not true. I had feelings for you. I still do. And I know you felt it too."

Isabela angrily swiped Hawke's hand away. "Don't tell me what I felt. You have no idea. I never should have come back here. I don't know what I was thinking..."

"You were thinking about me. About what would happen to me if the Qunari didn't get their book back."

Isabela forced herself to look Hawke in the eyes. "I told you once before that I don't give a shit if you get hurt, and I meant it. You mean nothing to me, Hawke. You were an easy lay, and that was the extent of it. But it's not easy anymore, and I'm done with you. I'm leaving Kirkwall today. We won't see each other again

"Bela, no, don't leave. Please, stay. We can work it out. Just… stay." Tears were brimming in the corners of Hawke's blackened eyes, but the mage didn't turn away.

Isabela stood. "No. I'm not staying here. I'm not who you want me to be, Hawke, I never was."

Hawke looked up at her, unyielding. "I know who you are, Bela, you're the one that's confused."

"Why won't you listen to me? Did the Arishok cut off your ears while he was busy making a mess of your face? Hawke, leave me alone! Just… fuck off! This isn't going to happen. Not now, not ever! You were an idiot to ever think otherwise."

She hazarded a glance at Hawke's face. The mage looked suitably stricken, and Isabela knew that her words had had their intended effect.

Aveline came bursting through the office door. "What in the Maker's name is going on here? I heard yelling."

"Get her out of here" Hawke whispered to Aveline.

Hawke turned away and looked out the window as the Captain of the Guard grabbed Isabela's elbow and marched her out of the door.