Over the next hour, the Doctor was sick to his stomach several times as he continued to sit in the bathroom. Jack was desperate to help him, but any attempt to comfort the Doctor by touching him resulted in the Doctor shaking him off or pulling away. He leaned against the wall miserably, just wanting to crawl into his bed to sleep but not daring to move away from the toilet yet. He felt hot, his stomach burning from being sick and his bottom was sore from sitting on the hard floor. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore he pulled his legs up, wrapping his arms around them as he rested his head on his knees. He looked at Jack with sad miserable eyes.
"I don't feel good," he whimpered softly.
"Is there anything I can do to help?" Jack wondered wanting to reach out and stroke the Doctor's hair from his head but respecting his wishes not to be touched. The Doctor shook his head no.
"I just want to go to bed," The Doctor informed him. He pulled himself up off the floor, stumbling a little as he stood. He caught himself on the edge of the sink and kept one hand on it as he made his way towards the door. Jack didn't miss the fact that he was keeping his legs slightly bowed as he walked.
"Let me help you," Jack told him as the Doctor moved slowly.
"I can do it," The Doctor replied. Jack sighed loudly. He let the Doctor continue towards the bed on his own, staying one step behind him just in case. The Doctor made it without falling and climbed unsteadily onto the bed laying down flat on his stomach with a sigh. The pressure on his stomach, though, made his nausea worse and he turned onto his side curling into himself. He barely looked up as Jack pulled his blankets up to his neck tucking him in while touching him as little as possible.
"Do you need your ointment?" Jack questioned him. The Doctor thought about it a moment. While he didn't want to be touched, he was in pain and the ointment would make him feel better. He also trusted Jack not to do anything but apply the ointment. Still the thought of someone touching him there made him feel sick.
"Yes," the Doctor whispered at last. Jack went to the cupboard and pulled the Doctor's ointment out. The Doctor shook as Jack moved his blanket back. He grabbed onto his pillow squeezing it tightly closing his eyes. He cried out as he felt Jack's gloved hand apply the ointment for him. His stomach flipped and he barely managed to hang his head over the side of the bed before he was sick once more. Jack came around the bed, the glove still on as he knelt down to clean up the mess. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry for," Jack told him firmly. He handed the Doctor a small bucket to use in case as he cleaned up the floor. He let the Doctor calm down while he did, but that was all the time that he gave him. The Doctor needed to talk and soon. He threw the mess away, then came back to the Doctor's bed sitting on the edge of it. He closed his eyes briefly when the Doctor shifted away from him, making sure that no part of their bodies touched. "This can't go on much longer Doc. These memories are hurting you and it is killing me not being able to comfort you while I am forced to watch you getting sick over something you couldn't control. You blame yourself for what Micha did to your body."
"I let him," The Doctor whispered not looking at Jack.
"I don't believe for an instant that you just walked up to Micha and let him take advantage of you, nor do I think that you are the first person that Micha tricked into using their body for payment," Jack informed him. He saw a shudder go through the Doctor's body and he gagged at Jack's words. Jack moved the bucket closer to him before continuing. "I know normally you are too clever to be tricked by a mere human so why don't you tell me what happened."
"You'll hate me," The Doctor whimpered burying his face further into the pillow.
"I told you that I will never hate you and I meant it. So please just tell me what happened before this destroys you any more than it already has," Jack begged him softly.
"I can't," The Doctor responded. He hid his head again, but he couldn't sleep and everytime he did manage to drift off for a moment, he was back in the office getting bent over the desk. Jack stayed by his side, moving to the chair as he lay in bed shaking and miserable. He wanted more than anything to be able to have a drink of water laced with the bitterness so that he could just forget. Jack would never give it to him, though. "Please sedate me," he begged as morning approached.
"Sedation won't stop the dreams Doctor. I can help you deal with them, but you need to tell me what happened," Jack told him. The Doctor looked up at him with bloodshot eyes that showed just how tired he was.
"Please, Jack don't make me tell you," The Doctor whispered his voice scratchy.
"I'm not going to make you tell me anything," Jack informed him. "I love you and I thought that you trusted me enough to let me help you. But it is obvious that I was wrong."
"I do trust you," The Doctor argued not liking that Jack was trying to trick him into talking. Jack knew though about him waking up in strange places with a sore body after having slept with someone the night before and Jack still stayed with him.
"Then prove it. You don't have to go into anymore detail than your comfortable with, but tell me what happened so that I can help you deal with the pain," Jack responded. The Doctor looked towards the wall, not answering Jack right away. He could see the Doctor was contemplating his words and sat there quietly waiting. Eventually, his patients paid off.
"It started at the cafe. I went back there to find out who there supplier was. Veronica wouldn't tell me at first, but I managed to get a name and location," The Doctor admitted starting with the easy part of his story. He skipped the part where he forced himself into Veronica's mind in order to get the location, though. He wasn't ready to admit to Jack that he did in fact deserve to take the punishment medication. "I waited as long as I could before going to see Micha. Eventually the cravings became overwhelming and I couldn't wait any longer. I lied to get through the door telling them Veronica sent me. I was led into Micha's office and he told me that I could have one of the bags if I sucked him. I turned and ran from his office in response."
"I would expect nothing less," Jack teased him softly as the Doctor paused to gag. He didn't want to tell Jack the next part. Pulling the blankets up over his face he continued. He told the TARDIS about returning to the TARDIS with a headache that steadily got worse. He knew now it was because he couldn't communicate with her anymore, but at the time he thought it was due to the drugs leaving his body. He admitted going back the office where Micha was waiting with a small glass of water laced with the powder, before he went quiet again.
"So he waited until you were at your most desperate before taking advantage of you. While you are partially to blame because you went back to him, knowing what the payment was going to be, he is also to blame. He could have just accepted money from you or had you give him a trinket but instead he insisted that you pay with your body knowing you would give in when your craving was at it's peak. Does that sound fair to you," Jack summerized for the Doctor.
"No," The Doctor answered him softly. He had to admit that while he still felt horrible, it did feel as if a weight had been lifted just by being able to tell someone what happened to him. He dared to look at Jack, seeing that Jack wasn't looking at him with pity as he expected. Instead, Jack was just sitting there trying to understand what happened.
"Then stop letting Micha win by blaming yourself for everything that happened," Jack told him. The Doctor nodded. Moving his hand out of the blanket he laid it on the edge of the bed. Jack gently took it in his own hand waiting for the Doctor to pull away. When he didn't Jack gripped his hand tightly leaning down to kiss his knuckles. While they still had a lot to talk about, the Doctor had made progress tonight by admitting some of what happened with Micha. Now, he just had to help him piece together the rest.