"Deciding not to travel with you again was one of the hardest decisions that I ever had to make," Jack admitted to the Doctor as he sat down against the door. He thought about going into the bathroom to be with the Time Lord, but this conversation was one that they were never going to be able to have face to face. There was still too much heartache and pain tied to the memories of that year. "I wasn't lying when I said that I wanted to go back to working at Torchwood with my team. Back to a life that I considered somewhat normal while I tried to convince myself that I didn't understand why you wanted to save him. Yet, when my own brother returned and tried to kill me, I too tried to save him as well."
"What happened?" The Doctor questioned him softly as he moved to sit on the other side of the door. He leaned his back against it so that they could speak to each other easier while he stared at the smooth shower wall, pretending he was alone once more. Jack took a deep breath.
"When we were children our village was attacked by the Sitarikira," Jack told him and he heard the Doctor growl. The Sitarikira were well known across the universe for their barbaric ways. They invaded villages just for the thrill of the hunt killing the men and woman before kidnapping their children. The children were then tortured until they either succumbed to their injuries or joined the Sitarikira. "My father told me to take my brother and run while he went back for our mother. It wasn't until I reached the safety of the trees that I realized I had let go of Gray's hand. I looked for him for years, but he found me first."
"You couldn't have saved him, you were just a child. The Sitarikira would have captured you as well," The Doctor told Jack. Jack nodded slowly despite the Doctor not being able to see him.
"It didn't matter. I had to make it right. I lost both my father and brother that day and my mother died a few years later from grief. I kept thinking that if I could find my brother I would be able to help him and make amends for destroying my family. In the end, I couldn't kill him either, despite the pain he caused me," Jack admitted to his friend.
"Where is he?" The Doctor questioned.
"Currently, he is cryogenically frozen in Torchwood's autopsy room, until I can figure out how to save him." Jack leaned his head back against the door, letting it hit the wood softly. It was the first time he had ever admitted what happened to his brother and he felt like a weight had been lifted off of his chest.
"I'll help you," The Doctor promised Jack. Jack smiled.
"I won't hold you to that, but thank you," Jack informed him. He still expected the Doctor to take off in the TARDIS and leave them all behind once he was released.
"The Master was once my friend," The Doctor told him opening up to Jack to show Jack he understood. "When we were children, he treated me like a brother, protecting me when my own brother's wouldn't. He never saw me as different because I wasn't loomed like the rest of them. Instead, he took care of me. As the years passed we grew apart, but I will always remember him as the little boy who ran with me across our parent's land."
"You loved him," Jack whispered softly.
"At one time I did," The Doctor agreed just as quietly.
"Now?" Jack wondered the Doctor was quiet as he thought about the question.
"I don't know," He answered truthfully after a moment. He tried not to think about the Master and the pain he suffered during that year at the hands of his friend. At night, though, he was forced to relive the memories along with the loss of his people and everything else horrible that had ever happened to him. The drugs had allowed him to sleep peacefully and that made it easier to convince himself that he had made the right decision to keep taking them.
"I wouldn't blame you if you did. Even if I can't forgive the horrible things he did to you during that year. One night above all the rest of them stands out in my mind. His guards had brought you in, laying you down at my feet hours beforehand in a vain attempt to let me care for you. The Master had been furious that day and you had several broken ribs on top of the various other injuries to your body," Jack informed him. He would later find out that the beating had occurred as a result of the Master finding out that Martha had somehow lived through the bombing of Japan. I remember kneeling down beside you and you opened your eyes to look at me as your mouth moved. Your throat was so dry and you could barely breathe so it was almost impossible for you to speak. It took me several minutes to realize that you were repeating yourself over and over again.
"What was I saying?" The Doctor questioned.
"Save them. Just those two words. I promised you that I would and begged you to go back to sleep. To let your body rest and heal. I took your hand in mine and you gripped it tightly until you passed out once more from the pain. I sat there waiting for hours for you to wake up again, to return to me as your breathing became more and more labored. Finally, I realized I was being selfish as much as I wanted you to stay with me, begging you to live when you were in so much pain constantly was cruel. So I laid down, gently taking you into my arms and gave you permission to let go. I promised you again that I would save them for you as I told you that you didn't have to suffer anymore. You somehow managed to hang on through the night surprising everyone on the vessel and in the morning you were taken away from me," Jack recounted his voice soft.
"I'm sorry I don't remember that night," The Doctor informed him.
"I didn't think you would. I was told later that you had been moved back to the conference room and the Master had aged you again while healing your injuries. He threw you into the tent and life returned to normal aboard the Valiant," Jack explained.
"I always wondered what changed after that day. He stopped beating me so badly and I thought it was because he was starting to listen to me," The Doctor sighed. Jack heard movement inside the bathroom and a second later the door opened. He didn't look up as the Doctor stepped around him. The Doctor offered Jack his hand to help him up. Jack reached out taking it as he came to the conclusion that their conversation was over for now. He allowed the Doctor to help him to his feet, putting as little weight as possible on him.
"Did you want to go for a walk before breakfast?" Jack wondered as he stood. The Doctor shook his head no as he turned to go back to bed. Despite sleeping all evening, he was still exhausted. He sat down on the edge of it as he looked at Jack.
"I just want to eat and then go back to sleep for a few hours," The Doctor admitted. Jack walked over to him, helping him to move further on to the bed. He pulled the blankets up to the Doctor's waist before leaving the room. He returned shortly after with a nurse bringing the Doctor's morning pills as well as injection. Jack followed with their simple breakfast of bacon butties and a banana for the Doctor. The Doctor didn't fight the injection, the pills or the liquid anti-depressant. Slightly grumpy, he ate his breakfast finishing it before Jack even ate half of his own food. Flopping down, he pulled the blankets over his head turning his back to Jack.
Jack sat his own breakfast aside. Laying down he wrapped his arms around the Time Lord and pulled him close. He kissed him softly on the side of the head and the Doctor turned over leaning into him. Jack felt the Doctor's hand on his back while his other hand inched lower between them. Jack caught his wrist pulling it back up as the Doctor's other hand rested on his bottom. Jack's hips jolted forward brushing their groins together. The Doctor gasped as Jack fought the urge to pull away, not wanting to encourage the Doctor nor let the Doctor believe he thought he was tainted. He used his hand to push the blankets back and saw the fear that Jack was going to reject him clearly written on his face. Jack kissed him on the forehead, not pulling back.
"This is more comfortable," Jack told him with a small smile as his mind screamed at him. He pushed his own hand against the Doctor's lower back, keeping their bodies as close as possible but not giving him room to move. Throwing his leg over the Doctor's helped pinned him into place as they lay together. He saw hope in the Doctor's eyes and wondered silently if he had made the right choice.