A/N: I don't own nor make any $ from Chuck. Thanks for all the reviews they do serve to spur me on
Casey stood alone in castle, as Graham and Beckman came on the screen. He was unsure of what was going to be discussed, but he had a pretty goo idea of what it was, as he was ordered not to tell Sarah or Chuck about the briefing.
"Major thank you for your discretion in regards to the privacy request for this meeting," Beckman said.
"Yes ma'am," he replied.
Here we go...they are going to ask me if I have seen anything suspicious going on with Walker and Bartowski...I should burn their assess... he thought and smiled to himself.
"Major we called this meeting to inform you that the new intersect will be online within the month. Once it finished up Beta testing it will be fully operational and this part of the human intersect project, as well as your current assignment will be finished," Beckman said.
Casey knew that the new intersect was being built, but was a little surprised to hear it was happening so soon. He was under the impression that it was still very much in development.
"Yes ma'am that's wonderful news," Casey replied.
"Yes it is Major. Agent Walker and yourself have done a great service to your country and will have your pick of assignments," Graham said.
"Thank you sir. I know Bartowski is looking forward to having the intersect removed and...,"
"That won't be happening Major," Graham interrupted.
"I don't understand sir? With the intersect still in his head, and without protection, he is a liability."
"You are correct Major, but unfortunately we have been unsuccessful in our attempts to develop a way to successfully remove the intersect. So...,"
"Is there another way ma'am," Casey asked Beckman as he quickly realized the direction this was going.
"I'm sorry Major, but once the new intersect is online, Mr. Bartowski is to be terminated," Graham said.
"But ma'am...,"
"Is there a problem Major? We came to you with this assignment because it needs to be done correctly. I share your reservations but we cannot allow the knowledge in Bartowski's head to be compromised. If you are unable to do it I can assign another team to it," Graham barked.
"No sir that won't be necessary. You can trust me to always follow my orders," Casey replied as he fixed them both with a steely glare.
"Very well. We will update you when you are to proceed," Graham said as the screen went blank.
Casey stood in silence as he contemplated what to do next, and for the first time in his professional life he was torn. He didn't want to kill Chuck, but he knew if he refused they would send someone else, and maybe even kill himself and Walker as well. Walker would be another issue. He knew that she was just a little too interested in Chuck for him to be just an assignment to her, but he needed a way to find out just how far gone she was. If he was wrong about her then she could report him to the superiors and he would most likely be terminated with the asset; on the other hand, if she really was in love with Chuck what would she be capable of to protect him? All these thoughts swirled in his mind as he climbed up the steps and headed to his car. Once inside he got out his encrypted phone and dialed a memorized number, which was picked up after 2 rings.
"It's me. The order came down. I need your help," he said as he heard the unfamiliar sound of panic in his voice.
"Sarah am I in trouble?"
He never knew such a simple question could have such a chilling effect on him, but Chuck had blow past nervous and was now downright scared as he tried to read Sarah's body language. She hadn't answered him, she just looked at him sadly for a second and then began acting very strange, at least for her. He had never seen Sarah look, let alone act, unglued; but as she paced back and forth, that was exactly how she appeared. After discovering the two bags in the hidden compartment of her closet, he found himself sitting on the bed, as she almost wore a hole through the carpet.
Sarah exhaled deeply as she thought about what to do next. She was tired of so many things associated with the spy life, but most of all she was tired of the lies. Chuck was in danger and that terrified her. She knew all along what fate held for him after this assignment was over, and almost from the first day, found herself thinking about a way to stop it. She thought back to how it all began, and almost smiled as she realized now how quickly she fell for him and how over protective she became..
It began innocently enough, when after about a month into this assignment, she decided to have a few extra id's made up for herself in case things went south. She never really trusted Graham, and therefore always had a safe house and a change of identity safely hidden away, in case he tried to burn her. The forger was an "off the books" contact she had and used regularly and did exceptional work, which was completely untraceable. He was a bit of a paranoid burn out and hated to use cameras, because a modern digital picture left a sheen on the photograph which was difficult to minimize, and could lead to detection. He insisted that she provide a picture, so she handed him the one she kept in her purse.
"One for him too," the forger asked.
"Huh?"
"One for your boyfriend too," he said as he flipped it over revealing a picture of herself and Chuck at one of his sisters parties.
"Oh wait that's the...," she said as she rifled through her purse trying to find one of just herself, but she didn't have one, as a matter of fact that was the only picture she had with her.
"No that's the right one. Yes please one for him too," she covered.
"Ah a couple in love," the he joked as he went about his work.
Why had she kept the picture? Even if it was for the cover nobody really keeps pictures of their assignment on them at all times..she thought.
"Here you go all done. Mr. and Mrs. Lomax of Green Bay Wisconsin," the forger said an hour later as he handed her the two new id's.
"Thanks very much," she said as she paid him his money and left.
She fully intended to throw Chuck's id out, but somehow just couldn't do it. Over the next few weeks she found herself making more for him, and a few months later, she had his bag ready.
She looked at him and wished for maybe the millionth time, that she could have been honest about her feelings with Chuck from the start; and that maybe she would have had him safely hidden by now, but it was an alien concept in her world. It had been drilled into her that honesty was dangerous and would get you killed, so lies became the norm. It was almost comical to her now when she first asked him to trust her, because she never intended to be honest with him.
She had learned that it was possible to trust a partner, like Bryce or even Casey, but not be honest with them about things. Chuck had changed her for the better in so many ways and was the only man that she ever met that truly deserved her honesty. His life depended on her now, and she needed him to trust her more then ever, but she needed to trust him too. She needed to be honest with him, and not just about this, but about everything. She didn't like talking about her emotions or feeling, but she resolved to tell him how she really felt and finally put an end to all the bullshit.
"Yes Chuck," Sarah finally said.
"Huh," he responded unsure of what he heard.
"Yes Chuck you are in trouble," she replied as she stopped pacing and turned her attention back to him.
"Look I don't need to know what the bags are for. We can just pretend that I never saw them, or the money," he said nervously.
"No that's not going to work," she said slowly.
"Oh God," Chuck exclaimed nervously as he looked at Sarah, who immediately saw the look of panic on his face.
"Oh hey calm down," she said as she rushed to his side.
"I'm sorry Sarah I didn't know about the bags..the medicine made you a little drowsy and I ...," was as far as he got before Sarah silenced him with a kiss.
"Ok not where I thought this was going," Chuck said when she broke the kiss.
Sarah laughed at his response and kissed him again.
"What did you do that for," a thoroughly confused Chuck asked.
"I wanted to," Sarah replied.
"Sarah what is going...,"
"Chuck I need you to listen to me for a few minutes," Sarah interrupted.
"Ok. Sure just let me know..,"
"You need to be quiet and just listen first, can you do that," she said.
"Yes."
"Ok good, because I need to tell you some things that you need to know about, and I need you to trust me," she replied.
"I do trust you Sarah, you know that," he replied.
"Please don't interrupt until I'm finished. Chuck I made the bags because you are in danger, ever since Bryce stole the intersect the government had been working on another...,"
"That's great," Chuck chimed in.
"No Chuck it's not. Please listen," she replied
She explained what would happen when the new intersect came online, and though he would not be needed anymore, he would still be viewed as a threat to national security due to the secrets in his head. She told him that he would most likely be thrown into a bunker, but deep in her heart she knew that he would be terminated. She watched his expression go from confusion to fear as she painted the scenario, and when she was finished, waited for his questions. He was quiet for a few minutes before he finally digested enough to process what would happen.
"What would they tell my sister," he asked.
"Probably that you would be transferred by buymore at first and then...,"
"That I was dead?"
"Yeah," she replied sadly.
"Sarah that would kill her! Why are they going to do this to me?"
"It's the way they think Chuck. It's easier for the families to move on if they think the person is dead," she said.
"I can't believe this...wait a minute," Chuck said as he stood up.
"You said if the person is dead. Sarah if I'm of no use to them why...oh god they would wouldn't they? Oh God Sarah they are going to kill me," Chuck said as full-blown panic set in.
"Chuck calm down," she said as she got up and tried to approach him.
"I can't Sarah! What am I going to do? Oh God!"
"Chuck listen," she said as she grasped his head between her hands.
"I need you to calm down and trust me. I will never let anyone hurt you," she said firmly.
"But Sarah...wait ...why you telling me this? Aren't you going to get into trouble too? Wouldn't they go after you if they found out you told me?"
"Chuck just stop! I need you to calm down and listen to me! I promise that I will answer all of your questions, but there is more that I need to tell you so sit down. Do you hear me," she said.
"Yes," he said as he sat down.
"Good. Now Chuck I'm not good at this part, but I need to tell you everything," she said with a sad look.
"Chuck I need to be honest with you and I need you to trust what I am about to say to you because it is the truth, and please just hear me out before you interrupt. Ok?"
"Yes."
"I've been trained to lie my whole life, first by my father and then by the agency; so I would understand if you have some doubts about what I am about to tell you, but I want you to know that what I am about to tell you is the honest truth."
"Ok," Chuck replied with a bit of concern.
"Chuck when I first met you I was in a very dark place, my life, if you could even call it a life, was a mess. I was a hollow person and I hated myself, hated what I had become. The pain was so much that...I was almost...I almost wanted...I wanted to get killed so I wouldn't have to deal with it," she said as a tear formed on the corner of her eye.
"Oh Sarah I'm sorry...,"
"Please just let me finish...I'm ok," she said as she pushed him back down.
"Chuck when this assignment started, something changed in me. I started to feel better about things, but what really changed is I started to feel better about myself. I started to look forward to things and to look forward to seeing people again, one person in particular. I looked forward to seeing you and spending time with you," she said.
"Me," he asked confused.
"Yes," she laughed.
"At first you were just an assignment but it quickly changed into something else," she continued.
"Wait what? When?"
"After you fixed my phone and before you started disarming bombs with porn viruses," she replied.
"But Sarah when I asked you with the truth serum you said..,"
"I have been trained to resist truth serum. Didn't you notice that I never looked you in the eyes?"
"No I thought you did?"
"It's a trick. I looked at your eyebrows, they are close enough to the eyes to make it look convincing," she said.
"Oh I see I guess that….wait a minute does this mean you have feelings for me?"
"It means that I love you Chuck. I'm scared to death to say it but it's true, and you deserve to hear the truth."
"You love me? Really," he replied with a bit of shock.
"Yes Chuck."
"Sarah that's great I love you..,"
"I know, but hold on Chuck I'm not done," she said as she pushed him back down.
"What's wrong," he said.
"I need to talk to you about Bryce," she said.
"Why? What for," he asked with concern.
"For that! Right there"
"For what?"
"Your lack of confidence in yourself. Chuck I need you to trust that I love you, but I need to know that you believe that you deserve me. Honest to God your constant feeling that you don't deserve me gets you into trouble, and I can't allow that to happen anymore," she said.
"I don't think that," he said.
"Bullshit! I can read you like a book and know everything about you from your shoe size to your hat size. Tell me I'm wrong," she asked as she felt the anger rise up in her.
"But Sarah...,"
Sarah was so angry and frustrated with every thing they had been through for the last year, but most of all how she had to hide her emotions from him. She was used to fighting for others but now she was fighting for herself and for him. Sarah was not very good with emotions, but anger is an interesting emotion, it can heighten your sensitivity and simplify things very well. Sarah felt her frustration grow at Chuck's denial of his insecurity, and her anger came out to set him straight.
"No Chuck you need to trust me! You are the only one for me and no one, and I mean no one, has ever made me feel anything close to how you do. Chuck you make me want to be a better person, and nobody has ever had that effect on me. Bryce was and is nothing compared to you! I made that bag because I love you! I will kill anyone who tries to hurt you because I love you! I'm telling you all of this because I love you! When you have doubts about yourself you do something stupid and it will get you killed! I will not allow that to happen, so if you ever have one more goddamn doubt about that tell me so I can beat it out of you now," she said as she glared down at him.
Chuck stood with his mouth open as Sarah spilled her heart out to him and sat there slack jawed as she waited for him to respond. His heart welled as he realized how passionate and resonate she really was in her love for him. He knew Sarah very well, and knew that there was a special frustration that she reserved for him, it was the frustration that a woman has for the man she loves. He realized that she was frustrated at him because he didn't trust her feeling for him. In a microsecond he saw how foolish he had been, the bag was Sarah's way of telling him that she truly loved him; and he damn sure got it now.
"Well?"
"Ah yes..I mean no...I have no doubts...I'm sorry Sarah."
"Good. No more doubts Chuck," she said as she extended her hand to him.
"No more doubts Sarah," he said as he grasped her hand and she pulled him up into an embrace.
"Talk about being scared straight," he said under his breath.
"What!"
"Oh maybe we could go on a date? I said," he said covering.
"Chuck not now ok? We will talk about all that stuff when I'm feeling better," she said.
"Oh sure no worries," he said.
"Now we have a lot to do an I need to get at least 4 hours of sleep before my shift starts," she said as the clock on the wall hit 6 am.
"Oh sure. My shift starts at 2pm today."
"So does mine, get into bed," she said.
"For what?"
"Use your imagination," she said as she dropped her robe and got under the covers.
"Even more fun if you come along," Sarah said to a dumbfounded Chuck.
"Right," he said as he stripped down and joined her in bed.
"I have been dreaming about this forever," Chuck said as he moved over to her.
"Sarah?...Sarah..are you? oh no," he said as he heard her snoring softly.
"Really? Oh thanks a lot for the medicine Ellie," he said smugly as he adjusted the covers so Sarah would be warm.
He brushed back her hair and latex down on his side facing her as he felt his exhaustion take hold. He knew he was in danger and he knew that the government wanted him dead once the new intersect came on line, but he felt great warmth permeate through his soul. He couldn't help but smile because the woman of his dreams had poured her heart out to him and loved him as much as he loved her.
"Thanks for the medicine Ellie," he said smiling as he drifted off to sleep.
Six hours later Sarah awoke with a start to a ringing phone.
"Walker secure," she said.
"Casey secure. Walker is Bartowski still with you?"
"Yes. Why," she asked as she looked over at a still sleeping Chuck.
"Get over here ASAP, we have a briefing from Beckman and Graham in an hour."
"Is there a mission?"
"Not sure, but I think it's an update on the status of the new intersect."
Sarah's heart dropped at his words.
"Is it operational?"
"Don't think so, I think it's still in beta testing. But it will be ready soon, maybe sooner then we think, so be ready Walker. Understand?"
Why had Casey said that to her...does he know? Sarah wondered.
"I see," Sarah said.
"Get here ASAP and bring sleeping beauty."
"I will. Thank you John," Sarah said hoping he would read her meaning by using his first name.
"Just looking out for my partner," he said as he hung up.
"Chuck wake up," Sarah said as she rolled him off the bed.
"Sarah what the hell," he said as he hit the floor.
"Hurry up and get dressed."
"What's wrong?"
"It's happening sooner then we thought!"