It is nearing midday and you're pretty sure that you're on the very edge of losing your mind.
You left Polis almost six hours ago and while you've made good time so far, considering the force that's marching behind you, mostly on foot, it's not good enough when you think about how much longer you still have to go. You spent the first few hours riding alongside Lexa, at the very head of the army, in a silence that was so thick that by the end of the second hour, you had to move away lest you start talking about the weather or the scenery, just to break it.
You began riding up and down the disiplined lines of the army, having casual conversations with the warriors and the carters, pausing once to settle a disbute between two men (that had started over a canister of what you were pretty sure was mead) and checking on the wagons to make sure that the supplies were secure. Indra had spent the hours watching you with an amused eye from the back of her horse, her gaze trailing you as you rode from the head of the army to the very back, where you encouraged the straggling seconds who were beginning to lag behind as the hours drifted past. She didn't offer you any sarcastic or disparging remarks, seeming to sense your need to do something, anything to stop you from simply riding ahead of the army and back to Thera as quickly as you can on your own.
You almost growl when Lexa raises her hand in the air, pulling her horse to a stop and calling for a break, since you think that you will seriously go off the deep end if you actually stop moving for more than a minute. You feel jumpy and restless and you know that something bad will come of your mood if you're forced to sit down for the next thirty minutes while the Trikru army rests.
You swing down off your midnight black horse with an angry mutter, watching as the warriors around you simply sit down cross legged in the middle of the road, pulling food from their packs and beginning to eat. Your catch a glimpse of Lexa wandering through the ranks in your direction and you turn away from her quickly, your blue eyes landing on a group of seconds, sitting in a circle talking towards the end of the army. You recognise a few of them from the fighting pits yesterday and you march over towards them without another thought, causing them to look up at you with wide eyes filled with awe and respect.
"Sekens," you call, putting a hint of steel in your voice that you had picked up from Luka, over the past four years. "Sep up!"
The boys quickly scramble to obey your command, earning a few amused glances from the warriors watching you with curious eyes, Indra included. You let your eyes scan over their gangly forms, noticing the muscles that were beginning to build in arms and legs and nodding your head in approval. They would do well for your little mission.
"Do you know who I am?" You ask in English, watching as the boys furrow their brows in concentration as they try to understand your words.
"Klark kom S-" One of them begins to speak, only for you to cut them off sharply.
"In English." You snap.
"Clarke of the Sky People," the boy finally says, his words slipping uneasily from his mouth as he reguards you with wide eyes. You nod your head in approval, trying to hide your smile as the corners of the boy's lips tip up in a barely repressed grin of pride.
"The woods are full of enemies," you murmur darkly, adding a tinge of dramatics to the situation whilst ignoring the warmth of a body that you can feel coming up behind you, and the slow widening of the sekens eyes as they take in the imposing figure of the commander at your back. "You will come with me to search the surrounding area, to make sure that your people are safe from harm, understood?"
The boy's nod their heads eagerly at your words and at the thought of being trained by none other than the infamous Wanheda, checking their weapons and armor before straightening up beneath your gaze, your own little army of seven. You ignore Lexa's amused snort, turning around and striding off into the forest, with the seconds following behind you like eager puppies, without a single glance back.
"Mela op," you say as you enter the tree line, every one of your instincts flaring as you glance into the shadows of the woods. "Loka au."
You walk quietly between the trees, your light steps barely making a sound on the forest floor, with the boy's following you like ghosts. They are well trained, barely making a noise as you search the surrounding forest, keeping their breaths slow and even as they duck skillfully behind trees and avoid branches and dead leaves on the forest floor. You pause instinctively when you hear a quiet noise, not far in the distance, your right hand clenching lightly over the handle of your dagger as you slip into the shadow of a nearby tree. "Listen."
The woods are deathly quiet for several long moments, until the soft sound of crackling leaves is heard and the boys tense in anticipation. "Azgeda?" One boy whispers the question, causing an amused smile to tip your lips. They are so eager.
"No," you murmur in reponse, catching a flicker of movement with your sharp eyes, as you slide your dagger slowly from it's shealth and hold it lightly between your fingers. "Dinner."
You let the blade fly, listening to the soft whistle the dagger makes as it cuts through the air, followed by a grunt and the thump of a heavy body hitting the forest floor. The boys follow you excitedly as you jog lightly across the ground, until you come to a stop beside the huge body of a stag, dark eyes open and unseeing in death. You feel a moment of regret, looking down at the beautiful beast, but then you remember the crates upon crates of dried jerky waiting for you for dinner and feel slightly better.
You pull the knife from the stag's throat, slick with blood, before turning and offering the hilt to the young boy at your side, earning a wide eyed look in response. "Gut it and clean it out; it's going to be hard enough to carry this thing back to the road without all of the unneccesary bits. Make sure you bury it all deep enough that we don't attract scavengers."
The boy nods his head enthusiastically, dropping to his knees to begin his work, as you order the other seconds to stand guard. You face away from the boy and the stag, watching the quiet forest for any signs of life and finding nothing as you wait for the young man to finish. It doesn't take long and you quickly help the boys hoist the massive beast up onto their shoulders, getting your own shoulder beneath the stags hindquarters as you begin the journey back to the road.
The stag is heavy, which shouldn't be surprising, since it's easily one of the biggest that you've ever seen, weighing a couple of hundred pounds at least. You thankfully hadn't wandered far into the woods during your short scouting lesson and you're relieved when you finally see a break in the trees, unable to stop the smile that graces your lips when you finally step back onto the road and you're greeted with loud cries of surprise and approval. You're even more relieved when a group of warriors relieve you of your burden, laughing and clapping you heartily on the back as they carry it away to place it in the back of one of the empty wagons. It's not long after the boys have been pulled away by the warriors that you feel that familiar warmth at your back, but you don't let the smile drop from your face.
"Who killed the stag?" Lexa asks you as she steps up beside you, crossing her arms over her chest as she watches the seconds telling the story to the group of warriors that are loading the stag into the wagon.
"I did," you say with a shrug, acting nochanlant, even as you feel a proud smile pulling at the corners of your lips. "I thought you might appreciate a hot meal instead of whatever it is you've got boxed up in those crates."
"You have my thanks, Clarke," Lexa's voice is serious, though you can hear the amusement that she's trying to surpress. "That beast could have taken out half the army if it wished. It is quite large."
"I didn't really think about it," you finally admit with a somewhat sheepish grin, finally turning your head to capture Lexa's gaze. "It was just there and I threw my dagger without considering the fact that we'd have to carry it back. It was heavy."
Lexa turns her head away to survey the temporary camp, in what you think is an attempt to hide her smile and for a very small moment, you forget about the anger that you feel for her and you just feel light. Weightless, like there are no burdens resting on your shoulders, like you're not about to walk into a war with this woman by your side, one who has proved that she cannot be trusted.
It's nice.
"Come, Clarke," Lexa finally says, once she's managed to contain her smile and her face is once again impassive. "The road it yet long."
You watch her as she disappears into the crowd of warriors that have finally finished their break, before turning away to find Raven, where she waits patiently for you at the other end of the army.
/
The army marches doggedly through the afternoon and straight into early evening and it's not until the sun is hidden behind the towering trees of the woods that Lexa stops her mount literally in the middle of the road and starts barking orders for her warriors to set up camp. You think to yourself that you could have gone on longer, since the warriors still seem to be in good spirits with enough energy to continue marching right into the night, but you say nothing as you slide off Raven's back, handing over your reins to a nearby warrior.
You turn in a circle and survey the warriors as they begin to set up camp and notice the large tent that is beginning to be built in the centre of the army. You remove your own supplies from Raven's back before she's led away and decide to set up your tent on the very edge of the camp, as far away from the centre as you can manage.
It's not as if your ride at Lexa's side had been exceptionally horrible, because it hadn't, you had even managed a handful of words in easy conversation, and the commander had unexpectedly pulled a smile from your lips when she pointed out a female rabbit with it's young on the side of the road.
It was more than it had all been too easy, too easy to fall back into familiar patterns with the commander, even after six years apart and a vast ocean of betrayal and pain between you. It made you uncomfortable and more than a little wary, how easy it was to forget about the need to maintain the distance between the two of you, emotionally if not physically, for your own sanity, when Lexa was by your side, chatting casually as if you were old friends instead of estranged ex-allies, who had been barely more than strangers to one another in the past.
(strangers who spoke of love and weakness, of hearts broken and lovers lost. strangers who talked of death and living, of war and victory, who kissed in the quiet before battle and who shared secret smiles on their walk to damnation, who thought of not yet and dreamed and prayed for the possibility of a someday. strangers who hoped together for a tomorrow and a future.)
You are halfway through setting up your tent when Indra seems to magically appear by your side, eyeing your half constructed future dwelling with a mixture of disdain and curiousity. "What are you doing?"
"Setting up my tent," you reply easily, your brow creasing as you concentrate. "What does it look like I'm doing?"
Indra rolls her eyes at your words but only says, "heda has ordered the space next to her tent to be left clear for yours."
"That's nice of her, but I'm fine here," you reply simply, standing back and smiling proudly at your tent once you've finished. "I want to be near the woods to listen, in case of an ambush."
It's only a half truth, but it's truth enough. Indra scoffs.
"We are too close to Polis to be attacked," she says, eyeing the thin fabric that is supposed to protect you from the edge of the woods, which is barely a few feet away.
"I was attacked on my way to the city, even closer to the gates than we are now," you reply, your eyes searching the darkness hidden behind the trees. "I want to be prepared."
The older woman looks thoughtful at your words, eyeing the flickering shadows in the woods carefully before she nods her head firmly. "I will speak to heda. We should double the guard."
"Do that." You say with a firm nod, before pushing aside the flap of your tent. "Rest well, Indra."
"And you, Klark kom Skaikru," Indra says, almost respectfully, her eyes lingering on the woods before she turns sharply on her heel, heading for the commander's tent. You smile slightly before slipping into your own small sleeping place, throwing your pack on the floor as you unwrap your bedroll. You collapse on the furs with a sigh, knowing that you still have some time before dinner will be ready and you close your eyes to get a few moments of rest, having already decided to spend the night on watch.
You fall asleep in seconds.
You wake what feels like moments later, drenched in sweat with your limbs shaking like leaves fluttering in a brisk wind.
With every quick fluttering of your eyelids, you see images painted on their backs; a city on fire, burnt and blistered children, Raven screaming on a table, Lexa's face covered in blood, her expression of regret. More recent memories flicker across your eyelids, of Isandra's glassy brown eyes staring up at you, unseeing, of hot blood dripping from your finger tips as you carved your knife into flesh, of Luna's stormy grey eyes welling with tears as she clenched her jaw against the pain of your needle slipping beneath the ruined flesh of her shoulder.
You press the palms of your hands against your eyes, pushing until your vision goes black, the images slipping away. It's not uncommon for you to wake up from nightmares, sweating and shaking, but this is the first time in a while that you've woken up alone and you're not sure how to making the trembling stop.
The source of your sudden awakening becomes quickly apparent when a soft voice calls from outside your tent before the flap slips open, revealing a figure draped in shadows with firelight at her back. Lexa, of course.
"Clarke?" Her voice is soft and all too concerned and you pull your hands away from your face, subtly wiping away the tears that had welled in your eyes as you do.
"Ever heard of knocking?" You say, managing not to spit the words with too much force, but your voice is still hostile enough to wipe the concern off Lexa's face, quickly hidden beneath the mask of the commander.
"I heard noises," is all that she offers, her eyes still roaming carefully over your face and for a moment, you see that same face coated with the lifeblood of the Maunon, but then you blink and it's gone. "And there is no door for me to knock upon."
You bite back every sarcastic remark that threatens to spill from your lips, like, how long were you waiting outside to hear noises? It's a defensive mechanism you know, a way to feel stronger when you currently feel so weak and small, curled as you are in your tiny tent, knees pressed to your chest and your eyes still wet with unwanted tears. There's barely enough space in your tent for one, let alone two people and it's small enough that Lexa has to duck slightly, to stop from brushing her head against the fabric that makes up the roof.
"I'm fine," you finally say, stretching out from your curled up position and sitting up on your furs, running your fingers through your dishevled hair to straighten it out. "Everything's fine."
Lexa doesn't look convinced but she nods anyway, tilting her head slightly as she takes a small step backwards. "Come, Clarke, dinner is waiting."
You follow the commander reluctantly from the sanctuary of your tent, into the cool night air where the camp is aglow in the light of a large bonfire. You think that the camp is a sitting target for any enemy waiting within the surrounding ten mile radius, but you notice the many guards standing watch around the camp and you feel a little relieved that Indra heeded your warning. You expect to make your way to the fire, where you can see people handing out sticks covered in meat, but you're not really surprised when Lexa holds open the flap of her tent for you to step inside.
The space inside the tent is almost exactly the same as you remember it to be, lit up with several small lanterns, with the commander's throne set upon the ground at the other end of the room. To your left is the war table, where a map of the area is placed, complete with small figurines and models and to your right is another smaller table, with two chairs and two plates full of still steaming meat waiting for you. You catch a glimpse of Lexa's furs, just behind the dining table, along with the chest that holds her personal items and it feels as if you've stepped back into the past.
"Like nothing has changed," you murmur to yourself softly, ignoring the look that Lexa throws you from the corner of your eye. You shake your head as the commander walks past you, striding over to the table and sitting down with a grace that clings to her every move. She gestures silently to the seat across from her and you take it after a few moments of hesitation, shaking your head again when Lexa merely starts eating without another word.
You're quiet throughout the entire meal and except for the few times that you can feel Lexa's gaze burning into your skin (you never look up from your plate) it's peaceful. As soon as you're finished eating, Lexa stands up once again and strides over to the war table and you guess that the time for silence is over. You stand up after a few moments of staring at her back, marvelling quietly at her perfect posture before you finally follow. What you find is not what you expect.
Upon the war table, where there was once a map of the Mountain and it's surrounding areas, a map that you knew like the back of your hand, there is now something new. A map of Thera.
The map spans the length of almost the entire table, and you marvel at the detail, wondering how long it must have taken. In the center of the map is Thera, the city of the floukru, surrounded by the exquisitely carved gates made of wood, sitting on the edge of a giant cliff that you know stands a few hundred feet above the ocean. Half of the map is made up of water, though there are a few figurines seated on the blue stained paper, small handcrafted boats to show where the floukru's ships are anchored. The other half of the map shows the grass covered ground that leads down from the cliff, before it turns into sand that spreads out as far as the eye can see in both directions. Past the golden sand of the beach is the forest, which covers the rest of the map and which continues on much further than where the map ends, for hundreds of miles in each direction. The further you journey into the forest, the thicker is gets, and you can see the figurine at the bottom of the map, a tiny model of what is truly the largest oak tree that you have ever seen, which is the point where the floukru territory drifts into that of the trikru, their closest allies.
Your hand reaches out of it's own accord, gently, almost lovingly, brushing your fingers over the wooden fence that guards the city that you've called home for the past four years. It's beautiful and you miss it so much in this moment that your heart aches.
You think you catch a soft look pass over Lexa's face as she watches you, in your peripheral vision, but you don't lift your eyes from the map for a moment to return her gaze.
You watch as Lexa's hands move into your vision, holding a bunch of tiny flags that you recognise with a hint of disgust, which she places on the table before you.
"Tell me where they are," Lexa says, pulling her hand away and watching intently as you slowly reach out to pick up one of the tiny flags, fighting the urge to crush it within your grasp. Slowly, you place the flag on the map, followed by another, then another and another until you've run out.
"Got anymore of those?" You murmur, finally lifting your head to meet Lexa's green gaze, watching as she sighs with a frown before moving away to retrieve more pieces.
/
An hour later, you've pushed the giant map up as far as it can go on the war table, until the ocean hangs slightly off the edge, and have added another, smaller, but no less detailed map underneath; a map of the Trikru territory between Thera and Polis.
You have placed tiny Azgeda flags on every bit of land that you know their warriors have camped in between the floukru city and Polis and now the fourteen light blue flags stare back at you defiantly, mocking you.
"So many," Lexa murmurs, her brow furrowed as she leans her hands upon the table, her green eyes studying the map intensely.
"There's thousands of them," you reply, your voice equally soft, but filled with an anger that Lexa lacks. "They arrived in the night and in the beginning, we thought that they were making their way to Polis... until they attacked one of our outposts. We were lucky that one of our scouts survived to warn us or we probably wouldn't have lasted long enough to barricade the gates against them."
Barricading the gates is the only reason that the city survived at all, outnumbered as you were. It is no secret that the Ice Nation is the largest clan in the coalition, it's numbers more than double that of any of the other clans, with more than half of their people trained in the deadly art of war. The population of Thera is that of little more than two thousand, with less than a thousand of those being trained warriors and more than half of those warriors had been either lost or wounded in the battles and skirmishes that have lasted over the past two monthss.
You know that you're lucky that there have been any survivors at all, outnumbered easily three to one as you are.
"They were like ghosts in the snow," you whisper, your eyes glazing over slightly as you remembered the first few skirmishes, so many weeks ago now. "It rarely snows in Thera, but the winter hit us so hard this year and the city was half covered in snow by the end of the first month of season. The city is easy to defend, but they were so hard to see, we could barely leave the city without being slaughtered."
It had taken an entire month of fighting and for Luna to be speared through the shoulder for her to finally pull her warriors back securely behind their gates for good. In the beginning, they had ventured out into the surrounding woods, fighting the Azgeda warriors head on in an attempt to push them back, but there had been too many. As hard and skilled as the floukru warriors were, they were outnumbered and struggling in the cold, more used to fighting in the heat than the mind numbing cold, but the Ice Nation were in their element.
They had planned their attack well and the Boat People barely stood a chance. It was only Luna's superb leadership and her sharp mind that had kept them alive for as long as they had.
"The Ice Nation are fierce warriors," Lexa said softly, turning her head to meet your gaze. "But we will beat them, Clarke. This is not the first time that floukru and trikru have joined forces against azgeda and we have never lost. That will not change. And the clans closest to Polis will join us in the fight; azgeda will be outnumbered by far and Nia will regret her desicion to break her oath to the coalition. I will make sure of it."
You say nothing, but you feel a small flicker of hope burst to life in your chest, warming the part of your heart that had spent the last few months frozen in fear and despair. You turned your gaze back to the map, studying the pieces before you give a tiny nod of your head.
"So," you finally say, breaking the heavy silence that has settled over the inside of the tent. "What's your plan, commander?"
Lexa's response is a smile that is equal parts beautiful and terrifying.