'Ugh, will he ever just shut up?'
My elbow rested on the table propping up my head as I twirled a pencil around my fingers with my other hand. I was currently in math class and the teacher just loved to talk and talk while half the class usually zoned out.
"And that's all for today. Class dismissed."
Everyone immediately shot up from their chairs and dashed out of the room. It was finally time for lunch break.
I had brought my own lunch with me today, I wanted to try something a little healthier. I scanned the break room for my friend, Joelle, so I could eat with her. 'Ah, there she is.' I spotted her eating in the centre of the room with her friends and strided over to them.
"Hey guys." I said with a smile and Joelle waved at me while I could feel the cold hard stares from the other girls at the table.
"What are you doing here? Are you going to break the rules already?" Kat scowled at me and I backed away a little.
'Rules...oh!' I completely forget today wasn't one of the days I was allowed to eat with Joelle. I was only allowed to eat with her twice a week though her friends rathered she'd just forget about me already.
"I'm sorry. I must have spaced out. I'll go find somewhere else." I bowed my head while I flashed Joelle a sad smile and at the same time saw her mouth the words 'I'm sorry.' I then plodded off to find somewhere else to eat; I could hear them talking about me as I went.
"Sigh... Alone again like always. I wonder if this is how it will always be. I-I just don't fit in anywhere..." A few tears threatened to fall as I sadly at my lunch. The food tasted bland, I felt too sick with my current life that I couldn't enjoy my meal.
...
School was finally over, Joelle had met up with me after school to apologize but I really wasn't interested to hear it. I quickly brushed her off and ran home leaving her behind.
I slammed the door behind me as I entered my apartment, I felt like screaming but I kept it in. My fists started to tremble as I clenched them tight I'm not sure if it was out of anger or pity for myself. I marched towards the piano that my family had gifted me when I moved out. It was nothing fancy but it suited my needs perfectly. I plopped myself onto the chair and began to play.
A edgy song began to fill the room, the music portrayed how I felt inside, 'Lost and broken'.
I had to keep up my practice constantly if I wanted to keep up with the girls in the club but even so I'm no where near their level. I give the piano my all but it's never enough.
"Ahh, why can't I do this right..." I sighed and closed my eyes for a brief moment and continued to play. 'No, I know why. My heart just isn't in it.' If I'm being honest with myself, I never wanted to succeed as a pianist. My heart lied elsewhere.
I took in a deep breath and started to sing along to the music. The truth is, I've always wanted to be a singer but when I was younger my parents always steered me away from it, saying I should try play the piano instead. I never quite understood why but they said it's because they love me and didn't want to see me get hurt and so they made me promise them I'd never sing in front of others. And from then on they made me practice piano all the time and hoped I could become something great through the power of my music.
'That will never happen... I just can't give it my all if my hearts not in it.' I closed my eyes and guided my fingers over the keys as I sang along. I stayed like that for awhile, singing out my feelings.
...
It was finally the weekend again and so I was on my way to Kanata villa. I was surprised to see an unfamiliar face when I arrived. Joelle had quickly come up to me when she noticed the confusion on my face, "That's our manager. Her name is Brenda. She will be helping us out hopefully help us make it big!" Grinning, Joelle took hold of my hand and pulled me up to the others.
Everyone's eyes were on me and I quickly bowed my head, "It's an honor to meet you, Brenda. My name is Elli Dawn." I glanced up to see Brenda walking towards me. She extended out her hand, "It's a pleasure to me you too, Elli." I took her hand and we shook hands.
"You better be on the top of your game. Brenda has already got a gig set for us tomorrow afternoon. I hope you are ready. I don't accept anything less than the best." Kat said, looking down on me, she didn't think highly of me and the look she gave me was almost like her telling me she knew I would be a failure.
"W-Wait?! You can't be serious. Tomorrow? That's too soon!" I cried out in a bit of a panic and the girls laughed. "If you think you can't do it you can just quit now." Stephanie said while she stood next to Kat, they both looked at me smugly with their cocky grins.
'Ooooh! Just wait. I'll show them!' I was infuriated by how little they thought of me. We had all picked up our necessary instruments and begun some rigorous training for tomorrow's gig. Guiding us through our training, Lydia taught us a few new tricks. She teached us for hours on end until we thought we'd pass out from exhaustion. I was giving it my all, I had to do my best. I had to show them I could do this. I wouldn't let them down.
I was brimming with determination but still my heart wasn't in it. I wasn't fully connecting with the music.
...
'Breeeeath. Breeeath...' I took in deep breaths but it didn't help much to calm my shaking nerves and rapidly beating heart. Any minute now I would be performing on stage. It's only a small gathering but that wasn't what scared me. I was worried if I stuffed up and the others would get angry and berate me. Tres Spades is in the audience too, so it makes it even worse because the girls won't accept anything but perfection.
Brenda was out on stage introducing us. 'No no no... I'm not ready...'
"Presenting the upcoming stars 'Crystal Love!" Brenda called out our name and we all gathered on stage going to our designated instruments.
'C'mon Elli. You can do this. I won't back down now!'
I shook my hands one last time and took a deep breath. It was time to start. A soft melody soon filled the air that slowly picked up pace. Next, Kat was up, she began to sing, her voice mixed in with the gentle beat.
I was concentrating fully on my piano, all my thoughts on the song. I couldn't stuff up now. All was going well, that was until I accidentally messed up on a key after one of my hands slipped from being sweaty due to my shaky nerves. It badly messed up everyone on stage and we had to take a quick break to reorganize ourselves.
"I can't believe you! I knew I should never have trusted you. You are useless. What a waste of space!" Kat let me have it. She was furious with my error.
"I-I'm sorry..." I bowed my head again and again and then I heard them start to laugh. Looking up I could see Stephanie and Yumi giving me the evil stare.
"Do you know how hard we worked on that?! Leave it up to the peasant to fail us. Why do we even allow you to hang around..." Stephanie sounded just as angry as Kat as she berated me, acting like she was some high and mighty queen.
"How could you... We don't need useless trash in our group. You better pull yourself together and finish the rest with no more failures!" Yumi added, and she walked off with Stephanie, while Mandy just stayed back looking disappointed with me.
"Come guys. Don't be so harsh on her. She really tried out there. Elli gave it her all, it's her first time doing this sorta thing. You might be putting a little bit too much pressure on her." Joelle pleaded with them but Kat stuck up her hand and shook her head, "She is only here because of you, Joelle. But don't think we will be easy on her just because you are her friend. I don't want anyone bringing down our group." Kat said, and turned to me with a snobbish grin, "If it happens again I will remove you from this group. Consider this a warning." She said and turned on her heel and got ready to go back out on stage.
I was left feeling overwhelmed. I didn't know what to do. At this rate...things won't go too well for me.
"Hey, are you alright?" I heard Joelle speak up in a soft voice but I didn't reply, instead, I turned away to hide my face. A look of sadness flashed across her face but she didn't pursue the matter any further and left me alone. I stood there in silence, thinking about what had happened and what may happen in the future.
'What am I going to do... If I get kicked out they will probably restrict me from seeing Joelle anymore and she's...she is my only friend...' I felt something warm on my cheek and touched it with my hand, "I'm crying..." I shook my head, now wasn't the time to be crying. Collecting my thoughts together and putting them to the back of my mind, I, along with the others, went back on stage to finish our performance.
...
The rest finished without a hitch and the audience applauded our performance. I was glad it was over.
The girls were all talking about going out for drinks to celebrate their first performance but I was not invited.
"Sorry, but you nearly ruined the whole gig. We don't want a failure like you to celebrate with us." With a smirk on her face, Kat pushed me back and then proceeded to walk off with the other's, I was left in a daze as I watched them go. And once again I caught sight of an apologetic Joelle glancing at me while mouthing the words 'sorry.'
"Hah, that was tiring." My head hurt, so I decided I'd go get some fresh air where I could gather my thoughts, and went for a walk outside. My head was brimming with everything that had just happened, I didn't know what to do anymore.
"Just one more time and that's it, huh?" I looked up to the sky with a bittersweet smile before heaving a sigh. I couldn't fail again. I just couldn't. But I knew as long as I couldn't give piano my all I would likely make an error again.
Hanging my head, I kicked a pebble on the ground and sent it flying.
"Woah, careful what you kick!"
'Huh?' I heard a familiar voice and raised my head, "What?! What are you doing here?" I was surprised to see Eisuke strolling up to me, he was the last person I expected to see.
"I'm trying not to get hit by flying rocks. Are you trying to kill me?" He asked in a sarcastic tone and I looked away disinterested. I really wasn't in the mood for him and his arrogant self.
"Hey, don't look over there. I'm over here. Look at me." He said and I could hear his footsteps get closer.
'No... please, go away.' I really didn't want him to see me so down on myself.
"I'm sorry. I want to be alone." I said and was about to turn around to walk away when he grabbed my wrist, "Wait, is there something...troubling you?" His voice was different from his usual arrogant one, it had a hint of kindness.
'Is he concerned about me?' I turned my gaze towards him and could see he was genuinely worried about me.
"I'm okay. Really..." I said and smiled but it was so forced my face slightly shook.
"Come with me." He said while still holding my wrist and begun to pull me along with him.
"Waaait! Where are you taking me?" I asked but he didn't reply and just kept walking. At some point his hand slid down my wrist and we were now holding hands. I could feel his warmth emanating from his palm and it made me feel giddy. I had never held a guys hand before. 'It feels...nice.' His hands were so smooth and soft I almost wondered if he used moisturizer. 'Wait, I shouldn't think that and definitely better not ask.' I slightly grinned to myself at the thought. I couldn't stop thinking about the hand that held mine, it made me feel warm inside.
...
"Hey, why are you so red?"
"Ack!" Eisuke was looking hard at my face, I must have zoned out.
'Oh no, why did I go and make a fool of myself.' My cheeks went even redder and I turned away so he couldn't see even though I knew it was pointless.
"We are here." He said and I looked up to see we were at the villa.
"What? Wait, you are taking me to see all the guys with you?" I asked a little surprised. I could feel my heartbeat get faster, faster than even before the performance.
"Every time we visit you girls, you are standing off by yourself. Not to mention they are all over us like magnets. We've all taken an interest in you. You aren't like the others. This way we can spend time with you without anyone else to bother us." He finished talking and opened up the door.
I was left speechless. 'They really have
taken an interest...In me?' I was so surprised by those words but also touched, someone has actually noticed me. At school I'm a nobody or just that girl that everyone likes to pick on or won't even bother with me.
But these guys, they are actually taking the effort to get to know me. It warmed my heart I thought I might cry from their act of kindness but I couldn't cry now, not in front of them. 'Oh, what about Kat and the others... They might not be too happy if they find out I'm hanging out with the guys of 'Tres Spades' and that they like me. They might pick on me even more and make things harder...' Now wasn't the time to be thinking that, though.
I shook those thoughts out of my head. I was going to enjoy my time with the guys, and worry about everything that comes later. After all, It's not every day this happens to me.
"Hey, are you coming?" Eisuke asked while still holding the door opened, giving me a whimsical smile.
"Oh! Yes! Coming." I hurried inside with him. I only wondered where life would take me from here.