A/N – Sorry I took longer to post this than I said. I've been having a rough few weeks, personally. Anyway as I was writing this chapter I found I wanted to try and make it very emotional, and get what everyone was really feeling to be conveyed properly. Hope you enjoy it.
"Exactly. That is why I told him that when you got home, you two would sit down on the couch, and actually talk to each other." I thought about what she was saying. And she had a point. We needed to talk. The system we had right now, really wasn't working. "He needs to know his mother is here for him. But he needs to hear it from you." I took in what she was saying to me. Took a deep breath and moved into the living room. As I sat down on the couch, I noticed Henry fiddling with the hem of his shirt. He only ever did that when he was scared or nervous about something.
"Henry…"
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He was looking at me with those big brown eyes. My heart was telling me to tell him the truth. He deserves to know everything. Even if I don't think he is ready. But my head was telling me the complete opposite. It was telling me to protect his innocence. To let him stay a child for a little while longer. He doesn't need to have his heart broken.
"Please. Tell me the truth. I want to know what happened. I can handle more than you think." And just like that, he was able to help me choose.
"Henry, what I tell you…" I didn't quite know how to say this. I wanted to tell him everything, and I was going to, but I just needed to find the right words. "…I need you to understand that even with everything I did, I never regret having you. You were the absolute best thing that ever happened to me. And I would never change anything about you."
"It's okay, I know you love me. No matter how much we might fight." Maybe he was more mature than I normally gave him credit for.
"Okay. And tell me if you have any questions at any point." He nodded, and I tried to figure out how I was going to explain everything to him. I had to try and explain what happened between me and Neal. To tell him what had happened over the past few years. And why his Father had really left. That was the one I was most worried about. "Alright. Well when I was about eighteen, I met your father." I explained to Henry how Neal and I were just a one night thing, without yet letting him know the why of it. I told him how we were going to raise him together. And then I had to explain the bit I hated the most. "See Henry, you're Dad left because he wasn't happy. He wasn't happy with us. And by 'us' I mean, him and me. You had nothing to do with why he left. You know that don't you?" He nodded but looked down at his lap. He didn't always like to talk about this. "He wasn't happy because we didn't do any of the things a normal married couple did."
"But why? You two always seemed so happy and loving to each other."
"That was the thing. We always seemed happy. We made sure to act pleasant and everything when people were around. We didn't want anyone asking questions. And it made things easier on you."
"But I still don't get why you didn't do things like other couples."
"Well, when I met your Dad, I was…" How do I tell a ten year old boy, who is my son, that I was experimenting with my sexuality? "…trying out something new. Up until that point I…well, I hadn't…Henry before I met your Dad I had only ever been with women." His face never changed. As if he was trying to work out what I had just said. And then in the most contained voice I had ever heard him use, he practically whispered.
"So you had only dated girls until you had met Dad. And once you were with Dad you realised you didn't like it, so you decided you were going to stick with women. But when you found out you were pregnant with me, you knew that wouldn't really have been an option." He just summed up the past ten years of my life in to three sentences.
"How old are you again?" We both started laughing. Honestly, I knew Henry had grown up over the past year, but how did he get so smart? "But yeah that is basically it. So your Dad couldn't take the fact that he couldn't actually be with me, so he left. He couldn't handle being around me all day, and knowing he could never have me." I looked straight at him, waiting for some kind of reaction. I wasn't expecting him to lunge forward though. He wrapped his arms tight around my neck, and I held him close to me.
"Thank you." He spoke into my hair.
"For what?" He leant back to look at me once more.
"For telling me the truth. That is all I ever wanted. So thank you…Mom." A small gasp escaped me when I heard him call me 'Mom'. I couldn't hold back the tears that started flooding my eyes. I pulled him back in for a hug, and held him there until my tears began to die away. When we broke apart once more, I could see in Henry's eyes, he finally understood. "All I want is for you to be happy Mom." He never ceases to surprise me.
"And I will be. I just need to find someone I like, that you can approve of." We started laughing again, but it died quickly. "Why don't you go on up to your room, and I can finish a few bits up with Regina. Then we can go out to Granny's tonight and you can order you favourite. Sound good?"
"Yeah." He bounced off the sofa and ran upstairs. I sat on my own for a second before the click of those heels made me open my eyes once more. And there was Regina standing in the doorway. She was looking down, and shuffling her feet around.
"Regina?" She looked up, and something about her face gave away that she had something to say. There was a gleam in her eye. But I couldn't figure out what it was for. "What's up?" I got up from the sofa and moved round so I was standing just in front of Regina, but far enough away I wasn't invading her personal space.
"Nothing. I just…" She locked gazes with me, and took a step forward. Now this was starting to enter in to personal space. "I might have heard some of the conversation." My eyes shot wide open. A mixture of panic and infuriation. "I wasn't eavesdropping I promise, I was just checking to see if you were done, and then…" She stopped again. She seemed as nervous as I was talking to Henry. She took one more step forward and I could now begin to feel her breath on my chest. "I heard what you were saying about you love life. I heard what your preference was." Her voice started turning low, and raspy. She was hardly doing anything, but she was sending my head into a hurricane. "And I know Ruby can't keep a secret to save her life, so I assume you know that I am a lesbian. And if she didn't tell you, you know now." She started leaning in. Getting closer by the second. "And I have wanted to do this since I first saw you." She moved in and closed the gap between us. Our lips coming together in a soft chaste kiss. Her lips were so soft and she was so gentle. Everything about her was pulling me in. And before I knew it I was pushing her up against the wall. Deepening the kiss. Trying to feel as much of Regina as I could. Then a thought quickly crossed through my mind, and I stopped. I pulled back and left Regina gasping for breath against the wall.
"I'm sorry, I just...I told myself I wouldn't go for you. At least until the event was done." As she stayed looking at me, I could still see the lust sitting in her eyes. But I could start to see the beginnings of hurt and confusion. "It's just if anything happened, we would still have to see each other every day, and it would just be really awkward. And I wouldn't want that. At least after the event, we would be free to see each other when we wanted." She started moving towards me once more. Her eyes pure lust and want now. "Don't get me wrong. I want to. I mean, I really…" I looked over her body one more time. "Really do. But I just can't right now." The back of my legs hit the back of the sofa, and Regina continued to get closer. She had me pinned between her and the sofa. And I had nowhere to go. She took hold of my chin and made sure I was looking right at her.
"I can wait." I scrunched my face in complete confusion.
"What?"
"I can wait." She moved back and I could breathe once more. "That kiss was the best kiss I have had in a long time. If that is any reflexion on…well, let's just say, I think you will be worth waiting for." She had a smug look all over her face as if she had just won something. She started moving round to the front of the sofa and took a seat. She opened her laptop back up and turned it on. I hadn't moved from my spot leaning against the sofa. "Do you want to continue with the work or should I go and we can continue tomorrow." Her voice was calm and controlled, whilst being so alluring at the same time. I finally knocked myself out of my daze. She had me wrapped round her little finger, and was controlling me like a puppet. And I loved every second of it.
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It had been over a week since I had kissed Regina, but it was like it never happened. We carried on working on the event, gradually getting closer and closer to the final result. She had yet to babysit Henry again, he was still grounded after what he did with the Lost Boys. He wasn't happy about it, but he understood my reasons for doing it. But Regina still came round the house most nights to continue with the work. For such a young woman, she has a lot of determination. She doesn't like to leave anything to the last second. She wants to get it done here and now. And even though we have been so focused on work, I have been able to spend more time with Henry than before. The other day we went out on a walk round by the local park. It was nice. We got to talk some more. Turns out he had more questions than he wanted to share. But we were working through it. One piece at a time. And that was all I could do. Slowly help him understand everything that had been going on in the past ten years. And he was handling most of it better than I thought he might. He had really surprised me over the past couple of days.
I had to work extra at the gallery today, so Belle offered to look after Henry tonight after school. I asked Belle if she could take him out for the evening. After all the things I have been putting him through, he deserved a nice night out. But spending the day with Belle was still keeping the punishment side up for Henry. Regina and I stayed working in the office until eight. It was later than I had originally anticipated, but we got a lot of work done. Which meant I could take tomorrow off. It was packing up time, but I wasn't quite ready to leave just yet.
"Regina, I am taking tomorrow off, so you don't need to worry about coming in tomorrow." She looked up from her laptop, and practically became part of the chair she was sitting in.
"Thank god. I am so tired, I could use the day's rest." She sat back up, and carried on typing away on her laptop. She closed the lid, and started packing away. It was killing me seeing her all the time. All I could think about every time I saw her was the kiss. And then my thoughts kept travelling to when I said I couldn't. I just kept kicking myself. Everything was telling me to keep going at that moment. Except for my subconscious. And I was worried I might have screwed everything up. I know Regina said she could wait. But I'm not so sure I can.
"So what are you planning on doing with your free day?" She looked confused for a second, as if she hadn't quite registered what I had said. But she didn't stay silent for long.
"Not much. Not anything really. I don't get man days off, so when I do, I never really have anything planned. What about you?" I had closed my laptop down as well, and was just gathering a few papers together.
"I was planning on spending the day with Henry. Maybe see if my friends want to make a day out of it. I haven't really told either of them about what happened last week." Her eyes suddenly got an evil sort of glint in them. But her face in general stayed completely poised. "If I don't tell them soon, they might end up killing me. Ruby certainly would. Is it okay if I tell them? I mean it would be effecting you if I did, so I just want to make sure."
"It's perfectly alright. In case you hadn't already caught on, I am not exactly shy. And certainly not about my personal life." She stood up from the chair, and I mirrored her movements. As we made our way out to the cars, we continued our conversation. "Thinking about it, how is Henry dealing with…everything" My heart swelled knowing Regina had concern for Henry.
"He is actually doing better than I thought he would do. I don't think I give that kid as much credit as he is due."
"Glad to hear he is alright with everything." We stood just by our cars, which were parked next to each other. I got here first this morning, so Regina must have parked up next to me. Either she was trying to see me as much as possible, or it was just a coincidence. But then again, I don't really believe in any coincidences. "So you got any other plans for tonight?"
"I was just planning to go home and unwind. It has been a long week." She didn't say anything, she just looked straight into my eyes. Her lips spread into a smile, and she just seemed so sweet. She acted as though she had genuine thought for me. And as she stared at me, I never looked away. And I could feel myself wanting to get closer to her. I wanted to feel her lips upon mine again. They were so soft, and I was starting to worry I would forget how she felt.
"So I'll see you soon. Have a nice evening." She turned away and was about to get into her car, before my feelings finally got the better of me.
"Actually, would you like to join me…back at my place, I mean. Henry is probably going to be wrecked from spending all this time with Belle, and I would love the company." She stood at her car door for a moment, not saying a word. She smiled even wider.
"I would love to. I'll follow behind you. So by all means, lead the way." She continued to smirk as she made her way into her car. I stepped into my own car, and took a breath. And suddenly, what I had just said, hit me. I had invited Regina back to my house. And chances were we would be alone once more. And the last time that happened, things started getting quite…difficult. I could barely stop myself last time. If anything happened now, I doubt I could hold myself back.
"Oh god. What am I doing?" I said to myself, as I started the car. The drive back, I was so anxious. There were so many things running through my head. A few were alright. It would just be me and Regina just talking all night. Others went off on slightly different courses. I pulled up into the drive, and saw Regina coming up behind me. We stood up out of the cars at the same time. As we were walking to the door, our last time here, kept running through my mind. And all I could think of was the fact that I made a complete fool of myself. I was determined to set the record straight, that I wasn't a complete idiot. And I did just that. I opened the door and remained perfectly calm and collected. It may have been a small triumph, but it was big enough for me to be proud of.
"Bravo. You learnt to open a door all on your own." She waltzed past me and headed for the kitchen. Her entire attitude was completely smug, but with a hint of mystery. It was like she was trying to make herself even more alluring to me, which personally, I didn't think was possible. But she never ceases to amaze me. "You have a note." Her voice shook me from my state of drooling. I hung my coat up, and followed Regina into the kitchen. There was a piece of paper on the counter. It read,
Emma, Henry and I are going to go to the library. He wanted to get a few new books. Don't know what time you'll be back home, and Henry doesn't mind staying at my place tonight. I'll have him right ready for school tomorrow, so don't worry. Talk to you tomorrow. Goodnight. Belle.
I put the note back down on the counter and turned to Regina at my side.
"I guess we have the house to ourselves tonight." I figured we would be alone tonight, but I thought at least Henry would be upstairs even if he was asleep. It would be in my head that Henry was upstairs and someone was around. Now, there was no one. It was just her and me.
"Well then we had better make the best of the time alone." Just her words sent my heart racing. She could have me bowing at her feet if she told me to. I was practically powerless when she spoke. "Do you want to get a drink? We can just sit in the living room and talk if you like." What? Her voice was so calm, and normal. No hint of anything behind it. Maybe she respected the fact that I wanted to wait. That I couldn't do this now.
"Sure. What would you like? A glass of apple cider?"
"You got anything stronger?" She really was my kind of girl. I poured us two glasses of scotch and we took our seats in the living room. We sat opposite each other on the sofa. "So, how do you think the event planning is going?"
"It is going perfectly. Honestly, you have been an absolute life saver for me. You are just, amazing. Really, I think if you weren't here I might have drowned in my own panic by now. I just don't know how to thank you enough for everything you have done for me the past few weeks." I am sure I could think of plenty of ways to thank her, but none of which would be acceptable to do right now.
"Thank you. But you don't need to thank me. This is my job. It's what I do." She started to get that cheeky smirk again, that told me her mind was going in the same direction mine was. "But if you really did want to thank me…" Her voice was practically dripping with the seduction she was giving.
"Don't even think about it." I exclaimed jokingly.
"Too late. Already have." I couldn't help but laugh. Ruby was right when she said this girl wasn't shy about anything. She really put herself out there, and she was making it so hard for me not to snap her up.
"Changing the subject. You're what, 22? 23?"
"22 yeah. Why?"
"How is it that you seemed to have your entire life planned out, but you have barely even lived your life yet? How can that be?" She smiled, but it wasn't so much cheeky, as it was embarrassed.
"Well, when you have a clear view of how you want things to go, and parents that help you on your way, it makes it easier for you to do the things you want, or more importantly need. I will admit, there were plenty of things I had to give up along the way. For example, having many friends. Or any friends for that matter. I was always so focused on my studies I didn't have much time to socialise. And when I did, it never really went well. But, I wouldn't be here now if I had done anything differently. At least that is what I keep telling myself." She let a shy smile grow on her lips, and it was so sweet to see her be so open, and vulnerable. It is hard for anyone to be so open. I should now. But she seemed so comfortable and alright with doing so. "But, it's not like you haven't done well for yourself. You're 29 years old, and own your own art gallery. Granted some people might not think art is such a big thing to get involved in, but seriously. When you run your own business, it must be fulfilling."
"It would have been. If I had earned the gallery on my own. My parents decided to hand it down to me. But I don't mind. I enjoy doing the work, I just wish they would have chosen a slightly different time to give it to me. I think they gave it to me because when Neal left, they thought it would be some sort of pick me up. What they didn't realise was that it just added more stress and pressure to everything that was going on." I gave her a smile of my own, and it wasn't even one of my greatest ever smiles, it was a small simple one to say I loved my parents no matter what. However, the smile seemed to light Regina up even more. "What else would you want to do with your life?" The question almost took her by surprise. I don't think anyone ever really asked her what she might want to do.
"Honestly, I would want to do something in politics. I love the idea of having control of something. Or responsibility over issues. And just generally be the one that has to make the decisions. It all seems so crazy and hectic, but it is something I would love to do."
"Why have you never gone and done anything about it then?" Her face went grim for a moment, but when she shuffled around on the sofa, I think she was uncomfortable talking about this topic matter. "If you don't want to tell me, you don't have to."
"No it's not that. It's just, I've never really had anyone who told me I should go and do what I wanted to do. I mean, being an event organiser is amazing. I love doing it. But I just always thought I would be better used in other things. But my Mum always told me there was no point in dreaming. If I wanted to become a politician or a mayor of a town or something, it would only happen in my dreams. She was a great Mum don't get me wrong, but she never thought I could ever be good enough for something's. It was her form of tough love I guess." She stopped, and she just sat for a second, thinking. I didn't really know what to say. So all I did was place my hand on her knee to try and comfort her. It must have been hard for her to try and open up. But she did, and I'm not sure how either of us feel about that. She looked up at me, and as she did, her eyes filled with that life that she always has. That life that shows me she is so passionate, and caring, and will do whatever she can to make people happy.
"You know, I sometimes think that just talking about things, makes them easier to understand." She didn't react for a second. But when she did, my heart almost beat straight out of my chest.
"Thank you Emma." Those three little words. So simple, and yet that packed such a punch. And it made my heart swell. She had been very open, but hadn't always registered it all. And this now shows that not everything I do goes crap. I can help people, and make people happy, and feel good about themselves. And it turns out, the result is better than I could have ever imagined.
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A/N – I am so sorry again for making you all wait for so long. I hope I didn't upset too many people. The updates won't be coming overly frequently as I am going to college now, but I hope not to keep you all waiting this long again. Goodbye my lovelies.