Loss

(WARNING, MAJOR SPOILERS IN THIS CHAPTER: I reveal the third act plot twist, the identity of the film's villain, and the climax scene.)

Elsa never ever forgot what she lost. How could she when Anna's silver stained hair was ever present as the girl herself at her door. She saw in that strand of hair a reflection of herself in the worst way: she saw snow and ice and pain. How much pain Anna had been, how she cried and shivered. Elsa had never known what it felt like to be cold and then her sister nearly died from an affliction Elsa would never know but always carried inside her. It didn't seem fair.

So she stayed away.

"Elsa do you want to build a snowman? Well it doesn't have to be a snowman. We could ride our bikes or draw something, or read or—"

"Go away Anna."

The silver in Anna's hair was the childhood they never had.

But then the silver turned to white and this was a different kind of magic. This was anger and fear and it was evil. It was creeping and cold beyond comprehension and it wanted to harm Anna.

So Elsa chased her away and once again something disappeared, something was taken from them, something that had once existed between them buried itself deep beneath the frost.

The white in Anna's hair was the hope slowly dying from both of them.

And if I lose her? "I'll hate myself until I die,"Elsa said to no one. Should sooner never set eyes on her living sister again than have her die.

And then Elsa was out on the fjord, frozen over. Elsa bled frost into the air as she got angrier and frustrated and scared. The blizzard raged and raged and raged and Elsa was about to lose everything.

"Your sister is dead because of you."

For once in her life, Elsa knew what cold felt like.

She was on her knees before she realized it and the blizzard stopped and all around the snow simply hung dead in the air. This was frost, this was numbness, this was her heart breaking, this was her soul dying.

And Elsa cried. Years and years, 21 years worth of tears, spilled without relent from her body and she was sure she'd never stand up again. How could she? She had nothing to stand up for. There was no reason to walk anymore, no reason to breath, no reason to sleep or stay awake, no reason to read, no reason to eat. The reason for everything left with Anna.

In seven words Hans brought a queen to her knees.

She heard him moving behind her. She heard the sword unsheathe and she knew he meant to kill her. Perhaps the storm would stop when her body died. Perhaps she would be allowed to see Anna and her parents in heaven. Maybe she was bound for hell. Let him kill her, let her blood stain the fjord. She lost everything. It was time to stop. Let the storm end.

Let it go.

But someone had something else in mind. There was a clang and a shatter just after someone let out a shriek like one Elsa never heard before. And there stood Anna, frozen solid in the last pose she'd ever take. Her body had stood in the path of the sword, her arm outstretched to shield her sister. Anna had taken the blow meant for Elsa, Anna shielded Elsa, Anna died in Elsa's place, Anna died for Elsa.

Anna died. And it was so much worse than before.

She was supposed to be the one protecting her sister. She was supposed to be the one stepping in front of dangers and calming nightmares and reading bedtime stories.

"No one's gonna hurt you because I'm your big sister," Elsa said to the sleeping infant, so long ago in the dead of night. The baby was crying and Elsa talked her back to sleep in a whisper, "I'll always be there for you."

And Elsa, full grown, held the body of that now adult girl. And the feeling was the same No one can hurt you while I'm here, I won't let anyone try. But her sister was dead.

Why am I the only one who loses everything?

Everything in the world was dead to Elsa now and a hundred thousand years could pass by, Arendelle could be little more than ruins to a future world, her body could be dust in the wind, and the memory of the memory of her name could be all that remains for the world but she would never ever forget what she lost and how cold felt.

And then Anna's heart started beating again.