Awkward

Elsa sat straight in her chair. Posture perfect, her feet firmly touching the ground. Her own hair was silky, silver, and perfect. Elsa was beautiful, regal, poised, smart, skilled.

Anna was awkward. And she never had any shame in it until that day in the library with Elsa.

"Elsa maybe I can help," Anna said.

Elsa squinted and sweated over her book. Papa told her she had to memorize the entire speech in Russian by the end of the day. Elsa was ignoring Anna to the best of her ability, which was highly skilled in Anna's opinion.

"No Anna."

Anna made a move to go around the table but tripped over a loose lace on her shoes. She swore she heard a snicker from Elsa. But when she looked up she found Elsa's eyes still trained on the book and writing furiously.

Anna awkwardly readjusted herself and sat across from Elsa who didn't move. She sat there, legs only able to reach the floor if she stretched and pointed her toes. Her pigtails were a mess of her own attempt to do her hair that morning. She tapped away at the desk, attempting to beat out the rhythm to a song she learned earlier that day for piano but clunked by the second bar.

"Can you stop?" Elsa demanded, nose practically touching the pages of the book.

Anna complied. And after only a minute began to fidget again. She was happy just to be allowed to be in the same room as Elsa for once. But as the minutes wore on, Elsa seemed less and less pleased with the prospect.

"I'm trying to do work Anna."

"Maybe I can help you Elsie."

Elsa ignored her and continued to go over lines and lines. She would stop every few seconds and shake her head, rub her eyes, mutter something. Elsa had a condition with words, they jumbled and mixed up in front of her eyes. The physician said it was common and not to worry. But that never prevented Elsa from getting incredibly frustrated constantly.

"Here, I can help you read it," Anna said, getting up and walking over to her sister.

"No," came the sharp reply. Elsa recoiled away from Anna's presence. "You can't help."

But Anna was determined to try, maybe if she could help Elsa then she'd get to sit with her sister during her lessons. It wouldn't exactly be like building a snowman but she'd get to be near Elsa.

"Why can't I help?" Anna moved to grab the book.

But that had been a mistake.

"Anna no—"

But it was too late, in an effort to tilt the book so Anna could read she knocked Elsa's tea right over, into her sister's notes and onto her sisters dress. Elsa jumped up in distress. Anna quickly went to shake the paper out, the tea somehow had turned nearly ice cold when it spilled.

Elsa was glaring at Anna but breathing heavily and rhythmically through her nose in an attempt to calm down. She seemed to be shaking and her hands fidgeted nervously, one balled into a fist and shoved into the palm of the other. Elsa brought her hands to her mouth, breathing steadily and squeezing her eyes. Whatever she was afraid of did not come to pass because she reopened her eyes.

"You can't help me."

"Elsie I could try—"

"You wouldn't understand."

Anna could tell Elsa was trying her hardest to keep her tone even and seemed balancing on a knife's edge of exploding completely.

"I could understand if you'd let me!" Anna said, "I'm a princess too. You're not the only one who has to learn things."

"You wouldn't understand. You won't be queen. You won't have to give speeches or write laws or declare wars. You're—you're just the spare!"

Anna could see on Elsa's face that she immediately regretted saying it. Her hands covered her mouth quicker than lightning as she tried to suck the words back in. But there it was. Anna didn't know what her sister meant at the time but she knew it hurt to hear.

A spare what? A spare button? A spare plate? A spare room? A spare person?

Anna backed up in shock, and right into a priceless vase recovered from a dig in Jerusalem. Over it went and into a hundred pieces. Elsa wouldn't have hit the vase. Elsa would have watched where she was going, Elsa would have caught the vase. And Anna rushed from the room determined never to try and help her sister again.

Over the next few days Anna made no effort to speak to Elsa though on the off chance they ran into each other Elsa never looked her in the eye. And when Elsa didn't know Anna was there, she could see her elder sister looked more miserable than ever. And though Anna could see regret written all over Elsa's face, she never got an apology. Elsa was too proud for that.

Anna learned quickly, the older she got, what that term meant. Everyone bowed before her sister, wanted to talk to her sister, wanted to dance with her sister. Anna was second fiddle. Anna was the understudy. Anna was the dorky, clumsy, awkward spare whom everyone hoped would never have to become queen. They never said it to her face as Elsa had but they thought it. She saw it on their faces at parties and balls.

Secondborn. Second place. And somehow Anna always managed to trip at the finish line anyway.