If Anakin had known how much time Jedis spent in long, boring ceremonies, he might have reconsidered traveling to Coruscant with Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi. Not that he really had a choice but, hypothetically, he might have thought twice about it.
By his count, he and Obi-Wan had been standing in the Grand Reception Hall for at least an hour and he was completely and utterly bored. He rocked backwards on his heels just to feel the faint touch of his master's energy against him, pushing him back into line. Obi-Wan's Force touch felt good, like the tide of an ocean, strong enough to keep him in place but gentle enough that he never felt overwhelmed.
"Anakin…" Obi-Wan murmured, her voice low and exasperated. "Be respectful. These are your new peers and elders."
Anakin sighed and frowned at the assembled line of beings who would be slotted into different classes, none of whom looked particularly friendly. They all looked the same, dressed in identical cream and browns with their Temple faces on, a studied serenity that he knew hided whatever they were really feeling.
More of the same. More boring Jedi who won't like me and will just talk about me behind my back. Why am I even here?
Anakin was starting to brew up a thunderhead of self-pity and Obi-Wan closed her eyes, bowing her head to rub her temple. The boy's anger made the hair on her neck stand up and she had to consciously unclench her left hand. Force, but he was powerful!
The initiates in front of them started squirming, muttering to each other and the master to Anakin's left loudly shushed them, looking over the boy's head to glare pointedly at Obi-Wan. She met his glance once before she turned her attention back to the speech, hoping that the head of the praxeum ship council was going to bring an end to his speech soon.
"And another blessing the Force has brought to us is one of fidelity," the old master said, his voice rasped and rough with age. "That beautiful and amazing bond through which the many become one under the benevolent auspices of the Council and the Order!"
Anakin let out a muttered Huttese curse and Obi-Wan's patience snapped. She grabbed him by the arm and dragged him away as fast as his legs could go.
They hurried down one hallway and then another before finally coming to a quiet spot halfway between the gardens and the classrooms, empty thanks to the welcome ceremony.
"Must you be such an ill-behaved brat?" Obi-Wan demanded, her blue eyes sharp. "Perhaps you find a simple welcoming ceremony beneath you, Anakin Skywalker, but I assure you that there were others in attendance who were enjoying themselves!"
"Are you serious?!" Anakin scoffed, as much as an eleven-year-old with chubby cheeks could scoff. "Master Plo was totally checked out and Master Yoda was asleep! That was the most boring, pointless thing I've done here and you've made me do a lot boring, pointless poodoo in this place!"
Obi-Wan's eyes shot open, her mouth agape. Boring, pointless poodoo?
Had Anakin just insulted her entire way of life? Did he just call her tutelage boring and pointless? And why was the typical sulking of an eleven-year-old boy making her so angry today?
"I...I…" Obi-Wan shook her head, her silver tongue failing her. "No. I am not discussing this with you further. You have disrespected me, your fellow Jedi, and the Temple. Your garage privileges are revoked until further notice and you will report to Master Mundi tomorrow for training practice."
Now it was Anakin's turn to gape in shock at Obi-Wan. "What?! You can't send me to Master Mundi! He hates me!"
"Jedi do not hate!" Obi-Wan snapped, her temper fraying to its last strand. "The only person here who seems to hate anything is you, Anakin. Think on that tomorrow. For now, return to our room and meditate on this. I will be there shortly."
And with that, Obi-Wan turned on her heels and marched into the Temple, the brown folds of her cloak snapping behind her in her haste and fury, pride and hurt stinging her heart as she left.
Anakin stood in the hallway, shocked and abandoned, suddenly feeling very small and cold. He wrapped his arms around himself and watched the figure of Obi-Wan retreat into darkness, the click-clacking of her boots growing fainter until he was well and truly alone.
He hung his head and turned around, walking off into the shadows of the Temple. He told himself he wouldn't cry, wasn't crying, even as tears slipped off his cheeks and were rubbed out of existence into his sleeves. He didn't need Obi-Wan Kenobi. He didn't need anybody.
Right?
Un-Jedi-like shouts and grunts coming from the practice room piqued the curiosity of the Grand Master of the Jedi Order and he hobbled over to the door, peering through the glass with narrowed eyes. After a moment or two, he shook his head and let out a heavy sigh. He tapped the entry button with his gimmer stick and padded into the room.
Obi-Wan was too wrapped up in her velocities to notice the diminutive master as she lunged, slashed, and stabbed at imagined opponents who would never dare call her boring or pointless.
Yoda settled down onto his haunches and waited for exhaustion to set in and the tempest to still.
She finished with several wide swings, a particularly nasty spinning attack, and then a sharp and lethal strike that would have instantly killed any opponent who had the misfortune of being on the other end of that blue-white blade.
Obi-Wan stood there for a long moment, breathing heavily as sweat dripped off her face and her heartbeat struggled hard to come back to something more manageable. Her blue eyes were lost in thought and Yoda wondered when the young Knight had developed such flawless shielding.
It seemed there was much more hidden behind those grey-blue eyes then he realized.
"Hard work, training a Padawan is," Yoda observed, pushing himself upright as he observed Obi-Wan's reaction.
She let out a breath and seemed to collapse for a moment, her arm dropping and her lightsaber dying with a sigh. Taking a moment to collect herself, she stood up stiffly and bowed to the Grand Master. "Forgive me for not greeting you when you came in Master Yoda. I was… "
"Angry?" Yoda asked, his head canted to the side, ears perked up. "Heard you, I did. Pain, I sensed."
Obi-Wan, too exhausted to mind her usual manners, rolled her eyes and walked over to the chrome spigot where fresh water gushed out into a stainless steel cup. "I'm fine Master Yoda. And I am honored by your concern, but…"
"Charm me, you will not, Obi-Wan," Yoda huffed, tapping his gimmer stick on the ground. "Of my line, you are. Thrice times over my padawan you are."
Obi-Wan looked at Yoda and then nodded, bowing her head. "Yes, Master Yoda. I am sorry my training disturbed your walk. I was… trying to work through my negative emotions."
"Sensed it, I did," Yoda sniffed, meandering over to Obi-Wan, his clawed feet making sharp echoing noises in the chamber. "Fought did you, with Skywalker?"
She nodded, exhaustion of more than one kind plain on her face. "He… He insulted the Order! He said that my tutelage was… boring and pointless! He disrespected the masters from the Chu'unathor and nearly started a rabble with the initiates! And he keeps insisting that everyone hates him!"
Yoda nodded, looking away as Obi-Wan collapsed into a sitting position on the ground, her legs crossed in front of her. She took another long sip of water and wiped the sweat from her face with the sleeve of her tunic, something she chastised Anakin about earlier in the day. Could she not even follow her own instructions?
"Hate?" Yoda asked, his voice curious. "Truly believe this, does he? The whole Order, you say?"
Obi-Wan shrugged. "I… I don't know. He feels everything with such passion and conviction. It is hard to know what is true and what he has made himself believe to be true."
Yoda nodded, his cane clacking on the ground as he walked around Obi-Wan. "Remember, do you, when you were eleven years old? Objective, were you?"
She shook her head. "I… I don't know. I doubt it."
The little green master nodded, coming around to Obi-Wan's other side. He reached out with one clawed hand and touched her shoulder and for a moment, she felt as she were under a mighty wooshryr tree on Kashyyyk, covered in its cool, protecting shadow. The fires of her anger seemed small and petty now, a symbol of her own immaturity as a teacher.
"Your teachings, you are not," Yoda said, his voice rough and ancient, like soft moss on the ruins of Tython. "The Jedi Order, you are not. Be only that which you are. Attachment to these things, dangerous. Pride and anger, siblings these emotions are. To the Dark Side, they will lead."
Obi-Wan nodded, feeling her shame grow worse by the minute. She had abandoned her charge and undercut another master by using his tutelage as punishment! How could she have been so stupid and blind? Her heart felt heavy and full of guilt.
Qui-Gon would never have made such a mistake.
THWACK!
"Ow!" Obi-Wan gasped, rubbing the back of her head where, she was positive, a welt would rise up later that evening.
"Gone, our friend is," Yoda said, wiggling down onto his haunches and holding his gimmer stick in front of him. "One with the Force he is. Paths not taken, know we cannot."
Obi-Wan nodded, a little confused or perhaps concussed. Yoda had a wicked arm when he wanted to. "Yes, Master Yoda. I… I am sorry. I just… I feel…"
"Lost?" Yoda asked. "Abandoned? Alone?"
She nodded, her hands folded in her lap. "Yes. And… discarded."
Yoda's eyes opened at that, round and amused. "Oh! Hehehe… Jealous of Skywalker, were you? Once? Hmmm?"
Obi-Wan rolled her eyes again, counting on Yoda's affection for her to get her through without another smacking of his gimmer stick. "No. I am not. Who would want to be the Chosen One? How do you live with yourself? What if you fail? What if you succeed? What if you turn to the Dark Side? How can anyone put that on a nine year old child?"
"And on his Master, hmmm?" Yoda asked, gently poking Obi-Wan's boot. "Fear of failure I sense. Of the future? Near and distant?"
Obi-Wan bowed her head and nodded, feeling very much like a chastised eleven-year-old. "Yes… It seems there is still much more for me to learn, Master Yoda."
"Always a Padawan you will be," Yoda chuckled, pushing himself upright. "In the ways of the Force, still a Padawan, I am. Always learning, always growing. Padawans in Master's robes we are."
Obi-Wan looked up at her initiate master, comforted by that dry laugh. "I cannot imagine you as a Padawan, Master Yoda."
"Oh?" Yoda turned around, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "So old am I? Terrible Padawan, I was. Too many questions, I asked. Like Qui-Gon. Hated ceremonies I did. Like Skywalker. Hid in the gardens, I tried. Found me always, my master did. Patient, he was. Like you."
Obi-Wan felt deeply humbled, bowing her head to the Grand Master as he walked to the door. "Thank you Master Yoda. For speaking with me. For… for understanding."
"Easy, my task is," Yoda said as he willed the door open with the Force. "Happily done, it was. Envy yours, I do not. Trust in Obi-Wan, you must. Feelings you have, share you do, with Skywalker. Qui-Gon's burden, both must share. Never alone, you are. Together, the path must be walked."
And with that bit of mysterious wisdom, the Jedi master was gone, chuckling to himself as he shuffled down the hallway.
Obi-Wan took a deep breath and pushed herself upright. She needed to apologize to Anakin and hoped that she hadn't done irreparable harm to their relationship.
The speeder bay was dark and empty when Anakin keyed open the door and stepped inside. He jumped as the door whooshed shut, leaving him a heavy grey twilight that was partially illuminated by safety lights that glowed along the seam where the wall met the floor. The boy looked up into the darkness of the garage, dismayed to find that he could not see the ceiling anymore.
The speeders were lined up in neat rows, from single seaters all the way up to three large skiffs that could carry as many as a dozen beings. There were even a few small single-seater ships, painted orange and green, he remembered as he stepped further into the cavernous and empty room.
It looked like everyone else in the Temple was still at the welcome ceremony.
Good,Anakin fumed, turning to the wall behind him and feeling around for the light switch that would at least allow him to turn the security lights up to full power. His fingers ghosted over the panel and with a flick the entire speeder bay buzzed to life, the sudden light momentarily blinding the boy.
Which one should I take? There were so many different craft sitting in the stillness, waiting for someone to turn on the ignition and bring them to life. Anakin had been down to the speeder bay a few times, trailing after Obi-Wan as she picked out a comfortable and boring two-seat speeder for visits to Chancellor Palpatine or to visit boring museums she insisted Anakin should see.
Once, she let him pick out their speeder and he had gone for a shiny blue Kuati three seater with a super-cooled turbo-charged engine that was originally built for suborbital swoop racing. It even had a small aerodynamic rear fin that reminded him of his pod racer back on Tatooine.
She had let him take the long way to the Senate building that day, looping through a few residential neighborhoods under the guise of "teaching Anakin the lay of the land".
Anakin wondered if that speeder was checked in and padded over to the in/out log, picking it out by make and model. The Order only had two in rotation, and he saw the one he liked was available.
He turned towards the vehicles and picked his way through the silent rows before he found the one he was looking for. Standing in front of the speeder, he frowned, trying to mentally calculate how many credits he could sell it for and if it would be enough.
Enough? Enough for what? You can't do anything with one. One speeder won't bring even half of what I need to get to Mom, buy her freedom and then get us to Naboo. I'd have to steal two speeders and that skiff and nobody is going to buy that thing! It has the Jedi seal on it!
Anakin let out a heavy sigh and turned around, sliding down to the ground against the speeder.
He closed his eyes and tried to focus on his mother, on the warmth of her smile and the feel of her hand on his head. He tried to remember her voice and how she would comfort him when he was sick or angry. He could almost feel her hand on his face, pushing his bangs away from his face, her soft hand cool on his hot skin. He remembered pressing his face into her shoulder when angry about something Greedo had said as she ran a soothing hand down his back.
His missed his mother so much.
Anakin felt so alone in this stone Temple, this marble and gilt structure built on the top of a mountain. The other Padawans disliked him and the Masters distrusted him. He had grown used to their sidelong glances and softly muttered comments about his lack of control and patience. "This is not the Jedi way" was combined with his name so often that he wondered if he should start keeping track, maybe give out an award to the Master who said it the most.
It would probably go to Obi-Wan. Anakin glowered, staring at the floor, sadness overtaking his anger. She probably hates me now.
Why didn't she like him? Why did the other Padawans gossip about him behind his back? Why hadn't the Council wanted to admit him? Was there something wrong with him? Wasn't he supposed to be some kind of Chosen One? What had Master Qui-Gon seen in that no one else could see?
Why did he keep doing messing everything up? Anakin was trying to be a good Jedi, to meditate and be calm and quiet. He did his homework, even when it was boring and he was really good at his Force work and lightsaber forms. He had managed to lift Master Yoda and his hoverchair five feet off the floor in class the other week and instead of congratulating him the other students had ignored him or called him a "show-off".
What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he make the Temple his home now?
Why did everything hurt so much?
"Skywalker? What are you doing in here, young one?" a deep, warm voice came from above Anakin and he jerked his head up, his face red with embarrassment and tears streaming down his cheeks. It was Master Kit Fisto and he looked concerned, or at least Anakin thought it was concern on the Nautolan Jedi's face.
"Nothing," Anakin sniffed, rubbing his sleeve over his face, balefully remembering Obi-Wan chastising him about disrespecting his uniform earlier in the day. "I'm fine."
Kit did not look like he was convinced by the boy's statement and he lowered himself into a sitting position opposite Anakin. He leaned against the back of a yellow speeder, his hands on his knees and his purple-brown eyes focused on the red-faced boy in front of him.
Anakin pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs, his chin tucked against his knees. "I'm okay, Master Fisto. You don't need to stay."
Kit blinked and then tilted his head to the side, his voice low and kind. "No, I do not. But I have chosen to do so and so I shall."
Anakin looked up at Kit, his blue eyes round with surprise and bloodshot from crying. "Why? Aren't you just going to turn me into the Council for insubordination and trying to steal a speeder?"
"Is that what you were going to do?" Kit asked, relaxing against the machine behind him. "I can't blame you. That is a lovely model."
Anakin chewed on his lower lip and looked off to the side. "No… Not really."
Kit nodded, looking back at the door that led to the Temple and exhaling a long breath. Anakin watched him over the tops of his knees, wary and suspicious of a trick. The Nautolan folded his arms over his chest and looked back at Anakin. "Why are you here, young Padawan?"
Anakin frowned at the toes of his boots and rocked back against the speeder. "I… I was… I fought with my master and she wants to send me to Master Mundi and I don't want to go because he hates me and everybody hates me and I don't like it here and I just want to go home!"
He was surprised by the amount of pent-up emotion that escaped him, pouring forth from his soul like a reservoir set free. Anakin looked up at the master, scared that the Jedi would really turn him into the Council now.
"Aaah…" Kit smiled as he nodded. "I understand. I saw you and Master Kenobi leaving the welcoming ceremony. I take it your quarrel took place shortly after your departure?"
Anakin nodded, glumly wondering if Obi-Wan was packing up his things right now, looking forward to handing off the burden of Chosen One to Master Mundi. He closed his eyes as another wave of grief crashed over him.
"Oh young one," Kit sighed and shook his head. "Such pain over so small an event. Come. Let us find your Master. I am sure Obi-Wan would be distraught to know that you were considering fleeing the Temple."
Anakin buried his face in his knees and cursed to himself before he took Master Fisto's hand and stood up.
Obi-Wan stood outside the door to the suite of rooms she shared with Anakin, taking a deep breath to calm herself before entering. This was going to be a difficult conversation with her Padawan and she would need to keep her sharp tongue in check. She was the adult here and it was her responsibility to make Anakin understand that, while he had misbehaved and would be punished for his actions, she had grossly overreacted and taken personal offense when none was meant.
Yes, that sounded eminently sensible and, dare she say it? Mature.
Obi-Wan keyed open the door and stepped inside. "Anakin? I would like to discuss what happened earlier. Anakin?"
The main living area was empty and just as they had left it this morning, bits and pieces of a disassembled droid on a workbench near the window, a pair of boots Anakin had outgrown leaning against the wall by the door and small brown robe thrown carelessly over the couch facing the window.
The warm afternoon sunlight streamed through the blinds as Obi-Wan hurried over to Anakin's sleeping area, the corner protected by a dark curtain that blocked out sound and light. She pulled the material away, dismayed to see that her Padawan was nowhere to be see.
"Where the devil are you?" Obi-Wan asked, breathing slowly and methodically as she tried to tame the anxiety that was trying to take root in her chest.
"Master Kenobi? Master Kenobi, are you in here?" A warm, accented voice filtered through the front door and Obi-Wan turned around to see Kit Fisto standing in the doorway, an apologetic smile on his face. "I'm sorry to disturb you but I caught this young man trying to flee the Temple."
Kit stepped back to reveal Anakin's sullen, angry face, his nose bright red and his eyes bloodshot from crying. He looked a terrible mess.
"Oh, Anakin," Obi-Wan sighed, hurrying over to him and putting an arm around his shoulder as she smiled at the Nautolan Jedi, who nodded in understanding. Kit placed a comforting hand on her shoulder before he left, the door closing behind him.
Once the door had shut, Anakin jerked out from Obi-Wan's hand and marched over to his bed. He pulled out his old, battered rucksack and started jamming things into it, heedless of the mess he was making.
"And where do you plan on going once you leave the Order?" Obi-Wan asked, seating herself on one of their dining chairs and reminding herself to be gentle with him. "Back to Tattooine?"
Anakin said nothing, shoving a shiny tool deep into his bag. His anger lashed against Obi-Wan's mind: pelting, scouring rain that sought to hurt and silence in equal measure.
She was just like the rest of them, cold and unfeeling. He had thought maybe Obi-Wan was different, but she wasn't and she could keep her kriffing ceremonies and her meditation and her stupid, boring history lectures. He hated history and he hated Obi-Wan.
And he hated crying. Why was he crying?
Obi-Wan sighed softly. "I am sorry, Anakin. I… I should not have said those things, before. I… I felt… I… Oh, stang!"
Anakin stopped packing and waited.
She bowed her head, a hand combing through her hair. "I thought you meant me and my teaching. That I was boring and pointless. That you saw no value in me as your teacher. I have tried so hard to be the perfect Jedi Master," Obi-Wan murmured, looking down at her hands. "To teach you everything you will need, to protect you from a destiny you did not ask for."
Anakin looked down at his pack and fiddled with a buckle.
"I do not know how to be master to the Chosen One," she said, looking at his Padawan braid that she had reworked a week ago. "I know only that… your words hurt me and I was not mature enough to bite my tongue. I punished you for being yourself and that is not the kind of master I want to be, Chosen One or not. I grossly overreacted and I am so, so sorry."
Anakin sniffed. "Do I have to be the Chosen One?"
Obi-Wan looked up, a spark of hope in her eyes. "No! Of course not! You can be whatever you want."
You can even leave the Order if that's what you want.
Anakin nodded, once, rubbing at his runny nose. "What if I just want to be your Padawan? Can I stay if I'm just Anakin Skywalker? And not special?"
"Of course!" Obi-Wan stood up and walked over to the boy, sliding onto the bed in front of him and taking his shoulders in her hands. "You will always have a home with me, little one. Always. I promise. Can you forgive me for what I've done?"
Anakin looked up at her through wet, spiky lashes. "Do I still have to train with Master Mundi tomorrow?"
Obi-Wan laughed and shook her head, using her sleeve to dry his tears. "No. You're stuck with boring, pointless me for at least another day."
"Can I get my garage privileges back?" he leaned in close, wordlessly seeking a hug and receiving it. "Please?"
She sighed and shook her head. "No. You did misbehave at the ceremony. I have not forgotten that."
Anakin closed his eyes and let out a sigh. "Okay… fine. I forgive you. I won't leave."
A great wave of relief washed through them both, surprising them with its intensity. Obi-Wan tucked the moment away for deeper examination while in meditation and Anakin simply let it blow through him, carrying away the worst of the pain.
After a long period of quiet, her Padawan spoke up. "I never meant you. You're not boring. You're wonderful."
Obi-Wan chuckled and rubbed her padawan's back. "Flattery will get you nowhere. You're still banned from the garage for two weeks."
"No," Anakin pushed himself up and looked at Obi-Wan, his blue eyes serious. "I mean it. You're the best Jedi here, even better than Master Windu! You're nice and you listen to me and let me work in the garage, most of the time."
She smiled and ruffled Anakin's hair. "Thank you. It's very generous of you to say so."
"And you can fly a fighter and you killed a Sith Lord!" Anakin was warming up to his topic now that he didn't hate Obi-Wan anymore.
He hadn't really meant it when he thought he hated Obi-Wan. He could never hate his Master. She was his whole world!
She was all he had.
"I have told you before that I was very lucky and he was very sloppy," Obi-Wan replied with a shake of her head. "Now that we are friends again, I am going to get changed and we are going to the dining hall to get something to eat."
"Do we have to?" Anakin asked, slouching in dismay. "Can't we go out to eat?"
Obi-Wan arched an eyebrow. "And why would we go out when we have an excellent dining hall here?"
The boy groaned and rolled his eyes. "I don't want to eat in there. People are always looking at me funny and talking about me, like they think I don't understand them."
"Think of it as practice," she said, walking over to the panel where her current rotation of robes and clothing was stored. "One day, when you're a Jedi Knight, you will have missions that take you to places where people don't care for us. What will you do then?"
"Ask you to talk to them!" Anakin replied, pulling out his personal items and returning them to the little shelf over his bed. "Everybody likes you."
"What if I'm not there?" Obi-Wan asked over her shoulder. "What will you do then?"
"Why wouldn't you be there?" he wondered, straightening out a solar fin on his model. "You're gonna be my partner, right?"
She shook her head and finished tying off her sash and fed her tabards through it. "That is not the point of this exercise. What would you do?"
There was a long silence as Obi-Wan pulled on her boots and Anakin came up with a plan.
"I would go rescue you and then you could talk to them and make them see that Jedi are nice," Anakin decided, a smug grin on his face. "Ready?"
"You are incorrigible," She sighed, shaking her head. "Lead on, my gallant knight errant."
"What does gallant mean?" Anakin asked as he headed out the door and into the hallway.
Obi-Wan followed after him. "That sounds like a question Master Nu would just love to answer. Or perhaps that new master from the Chu'unathor! I think we'll ask him tonight at dinner."
"No! Please, Master!" Anakin pleaded, whirling around in the hallway, his face aghast. "You wouldn't!"
"I would," she grinned, her eyes sparkling with the same mischief she had seen in Yoda's. "You can show your remorse by listening quietly and respectfully. If you do… I could be convinced to cut down on your punishment."
Anakin looked at Obi-Wan, his blue eyes wide with shock. "What?! I could… how short? A couple of hours? Days? What are we talking about here?"
She burst out laughing. Anakin would have made a brilliant merchant. "Half."
"And all I have to do is pay attention to Master Talks-Too-Much?" Her Padawan feared a trick.
Obi-Wan nodded. "Yes. And apologize to him for leaving in the middle of his speech."
She watched as the boy turned the offer over and over in his mind before he nodded. "It's a deal. Shake on it?"
Obi-Wan took his smaller hand and gave Anakin a good firm shake. "A pleasure negotiating with you, Master Skywalker."
"You're not very good at haggling, Master Kenobi," Anakin replied with a cheeky grin as he hurried along toward the dining hall and the hardship he had to face to get back to his beloved speeder. She followed after him, shaking her head.
Always on the move, my little storm cloud.