a/n: so here i am, still filled with rage and spite after 3x16. i honestly don't know how much longer this fic's going to be, so i might start making the chapters longer and updating less frequently instead of these short weekly updates

was anyone really expecting me to not reference high school musical at some point in this fic

Clarke was honestly half-expecting to see Lexa's name blink on the screen when she picked up her phone that night after it had managed to vibrate off of the bedside table.

~the dream meme team~

SWORD WOMAN: so what do you guys think about stabbing mr. pike?

the literal bomb: what

Clarke: What?

SWORD WOMAN: he kicked lincoln out of class yesterday!

SWORD WOMAN: for no reason!

SWORD WOMAN: at all!

SWORD WOMAN: }:(

SWORD WOMAN: there aren't enough emoticons in the world to express my anger

SWORD WOMAN: he's terrible

Clarke: So, your immediate response was to ask us about our opinions on murder?

the literal bomb: i mean

the literal bomb: it's not as weird as some of the other things we've discussed on this chat.

Clarke: If this is about MWA again, Raven, I /swear/ I'll go over to your house right now and fight you.

SWORD WOMAN: that's kinda my thing, clarke :/

Clarke: They had "academy" in their name.

Clarke: Have you /ever/ heard of another actual school with "academy" in the name?

Clarke: They never went outside.

Clarke: Jasper had a girlfriend who went there and now he hates everything because she left.

the literal bomb: yeah, yeah, we know, they're vampires

Clarke: I'll defend my position on it, and you can defend yours.

SWORD WOMAN: and yours is that the rival school that got shut down last year is actually a secret vampire cult

Clarke: You're the reason we're talking about this, O, you don't get to gang up against me with her.

the literal bomb: clarke, could you please forget about the vampires for a minute and help me convince octavia to not stab mr. pike?

Clarke: Octavia, don't stab Mr. Pike.

Clarke: I'll tell your brother if you do.

Clarke: Can I go back to sleep now?

the literal bomb: you know what never sleeps?

SWORD WOMAN: new york

the literal bomb: i was gonna say vampires but that works too

Clarke fell asleep with the bright outline of the phone pressed against her eyelids, hoping that Octavia didn't legitimately plan on doing anything dangerous. You can never tell with her, though.

Lexa was still wallowing in regret when she returned to school. Something seemed off throughout the day, Lexa thought - lights were brighter, students walked faster, and there was a relentless nagging in her gut that told her to go home, that something bad was going to happen. She ignored it, walking through the hallways with a dignified, almost regal posture as she looked for Clarke out of the corner of her eye. I won't talk to her, of course, if I see her. I'll just lay low, keep her at arm's distance, go back to the plants for lunch. That would work out best for everyone.

It didn't change the pang in her chest when she thought of the previous night, though. She doubted that anything would.

"Hey, Lexa!" Raven called, sticking her hands in the air to signal her. "Have you seen Mr. Pike?" Lexa grimaced at the thought of the teacher.

"He acts unprofessional whenever I pass by the classes he teaches and seems to have some kind of plan on overthrowing the principal, if that was even something that could happen, and I didn't think that your level would have him. Why do you ask?"

"Geez, you sound like a robot sometimes, y'know that?" Lexa blinked.

"I think you'd get along well with my friend Anya. I should introduce the two of you sometime."

"Anyway, Octavia kept going on and on last night about how awful he was and how she wanted to fight him or something, and we're all kind of scared of her, so I wouldn't be surprised if she actually did it."

"I doubt that she would."

"You've talked to her twice. I've known her for over a year, and I wouldn't put it past her to at least deeply injure someone who hurt her boyfriend."

"I believe that I should go off to class, Raven. I'll see you in calculus."

Clarke didn't even think when she started sketching a girl in the margins of her notes, the pencil staining her hands gray as she bent over the paper. She knew as soon as the details began to show themselves in the girl's face, and this time she didn't have the element of secrecy to hide behind when Octavia leaned over to peek at the drawing.

"That's Lexa, isn't it?" she chirped, gripping the edges of Clarke's desk to keep her balance as the rest of the students shuffled into the classroom.

"Shouldn't you be plotting Mr. Pike's demise or something?" Clarke muttered. Octavia pushed back her chair and smirked.

"Already did that."

"I don't see your sword anywhere."

"I wasn't really going to do anything like that. Can't you take a joke?"

"At a reasonable hour, yeah, but not when every single other person on the east coast is asleep. You and Raven have been messing up my sleep schedule since I met the two of you in detention last year. How are you even functioning?" Octavia shrugged.

"I'm not." The conversation was cut short by the entrance of Clarke's least favorite teacher, still giving her the evil eye whenever nobody else was watching.

"I haven't even bothered to learn his name," Clarke whispered, rapidly shoving the drawing under her desk. "All I know is that he likes computer chips and candles a lot and hates everything else."

"Is he still mad about your supposed 'delinquency?'"

"Yep."

"Great."

"I believe that class has begun, you two." Clarke and Octavia stiffened. "It would be wise to pay attention, now."

Lexa: i am a gay disaster

Anya (cell phone): What was that? I couldn't hear you over the sound of my own already inflated ego getting larger.

Lexa: I SAID I AM A GAY DISASTER ANYA PLEASE HELP ME

Anya (cell phone): Now, what did you do this time?

Lexa: i asked her

Lexa: to pretend to date me

Lexa: please tell me how terrible i am and how i was a complete and utter idiot i was for doing that

Anya (cell phone): oh my god

Anya (cell phone): In all honesty, though, that's actually pretty smart.

Anya (cell phone): If you pull it off right, at least.

Anya (cell phone): It'll be either really awkward or really amazing when you see her again.

Anya (cell phone): I couldn't tell you for the life of me which, though.

Lexa: wow thanks

Anya (cell phone): Who taught you to be that sarcastic?

Lexa: you did

Anya (cell phone): Well, in any case, I doubt that she'll be able to resist your /absolute badassery/

Anya (cell phone): That Octavia girl has a sword, right?

Lexa: that's news to me

Anya (cell phone): You should fight her.

Lexa: why

Anya (cell phone): Because it'd be /awesome/, that's why.

Lexa: what if i hurt her?

Anya (cell phone): ohohohohoho

Anya (cell phone): /Now/ we're talking.

Anya (cell phone): Keep that confident attitude and you'll kick her ass.

Lexa: anya i don't want to fight clarke's friend i just needed advice

Anya (cell phone): Suit yourself.

That was useless, Lexa thought as she looked up to the puffy clouds drifting across the sky. Was I expecting her to really provide a good answer, though? I suppose it was good to at least get some kind of venting out. She turned to the plants. "You lot are terrible at listening, did you know that?" The plants didn't respond, as usual. Lexa was just about to start ranting to a particularly lively-looking set of daffodils when her phone played its familiar doot-doot-doot from her bag. "It's Anya again," she said to the flowers. "I doubt that it would be anyone else."

unknown number: Lexa?

Oh god.

unknown number: This is your number, right?

unknown number: It's Clarke.

Lexa fumbled with the phone's glowing keys, typing out a response as fast as she could with sweaty fingers.

Lexa: yes it is me leza

Lexa: *lesa

Lexa: **lexa

unknown number: Are you in a hurry?

unknown number: Is now a bad time?

Lexa: a bad time for what

unknown number: Turn around.

Lexa tentatively stood up, half-expecting an ambush. She was met, unsurprisingly, with Clarke leaning on the railing with her backpack slung over one shoulder.

"Hey, Troy Bolton!" she called. "This is where you go at lunch, huh?" Lexa tilted her head in confusion.

"Who's Troy Bolton?" Clarke raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

"You've never seen High School Musical? It's a cinematic masterpiece, Lexa, everyone needs to see it at least once."

"What did she just say?" a voice yelled from beneath the stairs.

"I think she said that she didn't know who Troy Bolton was!" another voice yelled from the same place. Lexa sighed.

"Why did you bring them along?" she asked.

"Lexa, did you really think that shipper extraordinaire Raven Reyes and our unofficial bodyguard Octavia Blake wouldn't head up with me to the hidden roof spot to meet with you, my apparent mysterious badass girlfriend?"

"'Are you trying to make me suffer, Griffin?'"

"Yeah, pretty much." Clarke turned her attention back to Lexa, who was currently attempting to hide her red cheeks in her sweater after hearing the comment. "Anyway, do you go here every day?" Lexa nodded, walking across the uneven pavement to get closer - to see her better, because that's a polite thing to do. This is being polite. Nothing more. "Do you have someone else who sits up here with you?"

"No," Lexa replied. "That's why I like it up here, actually - it's peaceful. Quiet. I can get a fair amount of my homework done."

"Oh." Clarke looked down, shuffling her feet awkwardly.

"I wouldn't be opposed to the idea of eating with you and your friends again at some point, though." I could do that. It wouldn't be completely out of the question.

"Really?" Just then, Clarke's phone buzzed, and she dug around in her pocket to check it. "Yeah, that's, uh, cool!" Abruptly, she started leaning on a nearby pillar.

Is she okay? Lexa wondered. Maybe she has a problem with balancing.

"It's nice up here," Clarke continued, struggling to keep her one-hand hold on the pillar while looking up at the sky.

"That's the other reason why I stay here. It's beautiful, the view of the sky without anything in the way." Clarke gave a small hum before nearly tripping over her own feet and falling off of the pillar.

"Anyway, I'd better, uh, go." Clarke ran off without another word, and it occurred to Lexa that the lunch period was almost over. That thought, however, was immediately overshadowed by another that had been a long time coming as Clarke walked down the stairs to rejoin her friends.

There's no need to deny it anymore, she thought, an odd sense of relief enveloping her as a soft breeze blew her hair back. I have a crush on Clarke Griffin.

Wow, Clarke thought. Crushes are terrible. She wished that this had been the first time she had experienced this epiphany, but that honor had instead gone to one Finn Collins, regrettably.

"Lexa's better than Finn, right?" she blurted out as Octavia fumed about how that had been a waste of a lunch period.

"Listen, Clarke," Raven sighed. "I didn't drag my useless leg all the way up here for you to wimp out after we were finally getting somewhere. Trust me, Lexa's a good person. She wouldn't do anything like that. Anyway, what'd you think about my advice?"

"What advice?" Octavia asked.

"This," Clarke muttered, showing her the phone.

the literal bomb: lean on that pillar.

the literal bomb: it'll be great.

the literal bomb: trust me.

"I almost fell down several times," she deadpanned. Raven shrugged.

"She looked concerned, didn't she? Listen, Clarke, because I'm only going to say this once - you need to stop second-guessing everything. Lexa is honestly just a lovesick puppy, she's not going to hate you because you tripped once. You'll be fine."

"You're awfully confident about the two of them getting together," Octavia muttered. "What makes you so sure that they will?"

"You've been in a crappy mood all day, O," Raven said, shoving her thumbs in her jacket pockets. "What's wrong?"

"Good ole' Bellamy heard that I, uh, might've put a whoopie cushion in Mr. Pike's chair." Clarke snorted.

"A whoopie cushion? He's mad at you for that? That's the most harmless prank anyone could ever pull!"

"Yeah, well, he thinks of Mr. Pike as some kind of god because he mentored him when he went here in the ye olden days, so this is apparently an evil travesty or something. I didn't even tell him that this was my third choice and my initial plan was to stab the guy."

"How did he even find out?" Raven wondered.

"He's got eyes everywhere. Namely, eyes in the form of Mr. Pike himself. God, I hate that guy."

"Who, Mr. Pike or your brother?"

"Honestly? Sometimes I can't stand either of them. And Bell's coming home again on Friday, so you two can expect me to be getting a three-day-long lecture about responsibilities and all of that crap. Have fun with your thankfully brother-less lives." Octavia stalked off with a hmph, leaving Clarke and Raven standing on the stairs in awkward silence.

"I'm glad to see that you've finally come to your senses and embraced your aggressively bisexual crush on my classmate. I'll put in a good word for you in calculus." Clarke shot her a glare before the two went their separate ways.

"I like Clarke Griffin." Lexa had expected the words to taste foreign on her tongue, but instead they felt oddly familiar, like the feeling of flopping down on a hotel bed after a long trip. The classroom was empty, the day had ended, and she was alone and in no hurry to meet Aden at the elementary school. "I have a crush on her," she continued. "I . . . I want to date her." This isn't new. Why is this a problem? Why can't I just let this go? I should probably just-

Aden: LEXAAAAA

Aden: Where ARE you?

Lexa sighed, getting up from the desk and picking up her bag.

"I have a crush on Clarke Griffin," she repeated. "This won't end well, but I can address it now. This is progress, right?" There weren't any plants in the classroom, however, and for the first time Lexa began to realize that she was lonelier than she had pretended to be.