Chapter 20: On The Edge Of A Nightmare

The light was dimmer across the Wall as if the evil seeping through the forest somehow diluted the sun's rays to leave the forest at best in a constant twilight. It felt more twisted, more menacing than before, is that possible he wondered, how can this nightmarish place have gotten any worse? Yates looked to his left, for a moment he felt he was caught under some enchantment. She was so beautiful, her hair was tousled from the Wild Ride, her face was growing paler, and he could see her shaking as she remembered the horrors that awaited them somewhere in the semi-darkness and gnarled trees. And yet despite it all she still took his breath away- he smiled wryly at the thought- she was so warm, so alive; he wished he could reach out to her. He wished a lot of things; he wished she could be happy, he wished she could be safe and loved, he wished he could have been the man to care for her.

Me and Karigan, he mused, it's impossible now, and yet I still care for her. I would see her happy and laughing again not the serious careworn Rider Sir Karigan G'ladheon but the warm spunky young woman I grew to love.

He paused for a moment as he noticed the glitter of gold from under her shirt, a thin chain held a ring just above her heart. He had known all along where her heart lay but that could not have stopped him from loving her, I have known many women but none like Karigan, Yates smiled sadly. An idea struck him that at first seemed so absurd he almost burst out laughing, but the more he thought about it the more he realised it was not as absurd as it had first seemed. Could it be, he wondered, that all along I have been trying to get over her by being with others.

Suddenly she looked straight at him her blue eyes blazing with determination, she smiled sadly at him, and he could not help but smile comfortingly back. He wanted to say something to make her smile more brightly but he could not think of a way to lift the darkness that he knew must lay heavy across her heart. How can I make you smile, how can I stop you from crying inside, he could not take it anymore all he wanted was to make her happy.

"Yates." It was just a whisper but her heard her just the same.

He was shocked as a single tear rolled down her cheeks, the cheeks that when they were both back in Sacor City had had dimples when she smiled. His heart ached as the tear fell. I want her to stop mourning me, he realised.

"Karigan, It wasn't your fault."

She looked at him and smiled weakly once more. "Sorry I didn't catch that."

He shook himself, this was the last chance he had to tell her the truth, when all this was over he would not be able to return to this word. If he hesitated it would be late, they needed to go further in to Blackveil to defeat Mornhavon. No one should face Mornhavon full of regrets.

"It wasn't your fault." He repeated, "I don't regret my choice to volunteer, all of my choices that lead me here... I don't regret any of them, I would go through everything again if it meant I could step in-between you and Mornhavon again."

"Again?"

He smiled wryly. "If it is anyone's fault it's mine. I volunteered; I stepped between you and Mornhavon..." Here he paused. How do I tell her? He sighed. "I opened myself up to him, I hoped you would be able to kill him if i kept him in my body. It was risky... but you wounded him a lot."

She started at him like he was mad. She looked to struggled with herself, he could not help but grin as surprise, then anger crossed her features. That's more like my Karigan.

"Why?" She asked simply.

He shrugged. "Because I love you."

"Because you loved me." She murmured.

"Because you loved me." Her voice started to raise. "You GAVE YOURSELF TO MORNHAVON... because you loved me. You let me kill you because you loved me."

Her eyes grew wild and tears streamed down her cheeks, she raised her fist as if to beat him, her hand shook as hovered in the air near his chest. She shook her head quickly her long brown hair swaying violently from side to side as sobs broke out from her. He wanted to hold her, he cursed his spirit form. He reached out and touched her shoulder; a teary eye looked up at him.

He smiled and leaned closer to her. He was surprised when she did not flinch with the ghostly contact of his body. "I love you. Not loved."

I finished the last chapter with Yates trying to comfort Kari, I was thinking about how to incorporate him in to this chapter... And this idea just popped in to my head. I know it's a little short and out of the blue but hey Zachary isn't the only character that cares/d about Karigan