What If

Cartman was serious when he sang 'I swear' to Kyle in 'Cartman Finds Love'?

"And I swear! By the moon and the stars in the sky...I'll be there. I swear, Kyle," the asshole sang. I blush furiously and sink into my chair. That motherfucker! Making everyone think I'm gay...well, OK, that may be true. I'm here with Nichole because I thought seeing a girl would confirm if I'm confused or not. The tightening in my pants as the Fatass sings says otherwise...

Suddenly the screen goes half, showing me on it. No, no no! I sink further into my seat. Nichole gives me weird looks. As Cartman sings, a love heart appears over both of us. This is kind of sad...if it was real, I would be smiling. But it's fake..Cartman doesn't actually care about me. If he would sing to me like this and actually meant it would be sooo happy. Shit, I sound like Craig. The song ends.

"Hey, everybody! There's a batmobile outside!" Everybody races outside except for me, Nichole and Token. That heartless fucker...

"You're with Cartman?" Nichole asks.

"No! That fucker's the one who locked you and Token in the locker room!" I shout and storm out of there. I shake my head as tears prick my eyes. It hurts to know he only did that to embarrass me. I wish he would just...uh! It's pointless!

I slam the door behind me. I lower my head and walk, trying hard to keep the tears from spilling. I hear the doors burst open from behind me.

"KAHL! WAIT!" My heart sinks. I feel something grab my wrist and spin me around. It's Cartman. His hair is matted to his forehead with sweat and he's panting from trying to run to me. He doesn't release his hold on my wrist, probably afraid I'll run off. "Kahl..." he pants.

"What? Here to call me a fag? Here to laugh at me? Well, fuck off! You've embarrassed me enough..." my voice cracks. Shit. I feel vulnerable.

"Can I talk to you..?" he asks. I don't say anything, just stare at him in confusion. He takes my silence as a yes and gently pulls me back into the doors and in a private, shaded area. "Kahl.." he starts. He takes a deep breath and then looks at the ground. "I meant it..."

"W-what?"

"The song. A-at first I wanted you to stay out of the way of Nichole and Token because, y'know, blacks belong with blacks." I frown. "But...then, I saw you ask out Nichole and I just felt...jealous. So I sang that song to you..."

"Really?" I ask, dumbfounded.

"Yes, Jew.."

"Fatass..." I mutter, lifting his face gently with my hand. "..I love you.." I gently lock his lips with mine. He kisses back almost instantly, wrapping his arms around my waist. I wrap my other arm around his neck.

We eventually have to pull away for air.

"Love you too, Jew fag."