Loosing You
Chapter 5
"It's good to see you admiral." Chakotay smiled pulling on his ear "thank you for agreeing to speak with me."
Kathryn raised her eyebrow and looked at him with certainty as she said "Always" Chakotay was surprised by her remark and tried not to show it as Kathryn went on "that is to say, I will always speak with you should you wish to speak with me." Chakotay went to reply when she added coolly "good communication is the key to a good relationship wouldn't you say Mr. Chakotay?"
Realising what she was getting at he pointed out in his defence "you were so unapproachable in the last few months."
"so you were going to tell me but it was my fault you didn't is that what your getting at?"
"Firstly I was keeping nothing from you." Chakotay began.
"Oh so you did tell me you were sleeping with Seven, I must have missed that memo!" She was raing her voice now and felt like she had to defend herself.
Sighing Chakotay added "Kathryn stop this"
"Stop what?!"
"can I start again?"
"Ok, Sorry Mr. Chakotay you wanted to say something?" Kathryn growled rubbing her forehead in frustration.
"I am sorry"
"for what exactly?" she asked him "so we are clear." She added when he looked insulted.
"not telling you that Seven and I are an item" he said confused as to why she wouldn't know what he was sorry for "had I known it would upset you I would have told you, we were simply trying to keep quiet until our future plans where in order."
Chakotay didn't miss the look of surprise as she spat at him "an item! Future plans?"
"Well yes Kathryn" he growled at her "What did you think?"
"I... well... I ... I thought you were just shagging her" Kathryn spluttered out wide eyed and holding back the tears.
Chakotay look furious at her "shagging her?" he spat back his anger boiling "What kind of a man do you think I am?" he hissed. Kathryn looked confused "I thought we were friends, best friends"
"so did I"
"so be happy for me, be happy I got what I finally wanted"
Kathryn coughed loudly as she spluttered "finally wanted?"
"a woman who appreciates me, who wants more from me than a nodding yes man, who loves me."
"I appreciate you!" Kathryn insisted "I want more for you than a nodding yes man." She shifted uncomfortablely as she added "I ... care for you Chakotay, a great deal." Even here, even now in the alpha quadrant she wouldn't bring herself to admit she loved him.
"You never showed any of those things" Chakotay reminded her "not since the Equanox"
Slowly she closed her eyes and gritted her teeth as she hissed "so what are your future plans with Seven?"
"See!" Chakotay exclaimed, "still even now you cant face it, you wont talk about it, about Equanox."
"what?" she exclaimed "what for?" standing she paced the room to get some distance even though he could still see her "why does it matter, your with Seven now"
"yes" he informed her "the leaset you could do is be the friend you claim to be and be happy for us"
"ok" she waved her hand at him and didn't stop her pacing "I am happy for you"
"you could sound it" Kathryn rounded on him death glare and hands on hips "what happened to you Kathryn?" Chakotay asked.
"What does that mean?"
"you used to be such a close fiend" Chakotay said deeply "you used to care and share in my joy, now your cold and distant."
"some joy I cant share in"
"well that's a shame" Chakotay remarked "Seven is set on you marring us"
"excuse me?"
Chakotay signed, I didn't want to ask you like this "Seven is coming here next week" Kathryn raised and eyebrow "she wants to settle off world with me, she wants to learn of my tribal customs"
"I see" said Kathryn as she slumped back in to her seat "you and Seven are getting married"
"yes" nodded Chakotay with his deep dimpled smile Kathyrn hadn't seen in a long time "We hoped you would do the ceremony"
"Me!" exclaimed Kathryn shocked.
"yes" agreed Chakotay "why not?"
"I can't" she shouted as tears welled up in her eyes "I might be busy, being an admiral takes up so much of my time" she added.
Chakotay looked hurt as she asked "You can't find time to help your dearest friend marry the woman he loves?"
"Loves!" her eyebrows shot up at the thought of it.
"well Kathryn I don't marry a woman I don't love" he sounded hurt "then again you seem to think I would have sex with any random woman without the intention of being with her"
"I did not say that!" Kathryn shouted
"as good as" he mumbled
"I don't understand?" she asked "I thought the issue was I chose to stay with Starfleet"
"don't flatter yourself Kathryn" he hissed angrily at her.
Kathryn looked hurt and taken aback as she hissed "excuse me?"
"you and I might have had a chance once, many years ago but I gave up a long time ago."
"this has nothing to do with you and I!" shouted Kathryn
"clearly not."
Rubbing her forehead she sighed saying, "I am happy she loves you, and you... love her... but I wouldn't be a friend if I didn't express my concern about how sudden this is. When is this wedding to be anyeway?" She did not sound convincing.
"Next month." He told her matter of fact.
Raising form her chair once more to hide her horror she gasped "next month!"