Chapter 31: Bite the Bullet

§ Nick §

"Logan, you can go back home. I'll drive my car back." I said, trying hard to keep my voice impassive despite all the thoughts that were running through my head.

Logan nodded, a grim look replacing his usual friendly expression. A small sigh escaped his lips. Even though he was not involved as deeply as I was in this whole business with Lucy and her father, he know well enough that a long, tedious argument was in the making, and honestly, everybody was a loser when either Lucy or I were angry.

I let my expression take on a stoic feel as I walked on the other side of the car to the driver's seat. As I sat down, Lucy didn't even bother to look up, and seemed completely fixated on the floor of the car. I drove off after Logan, gripping the steering with unnecessary force.

I was trying hard not to think about what the stubborn bitch next to me had just done, but I just couldn't. My mind was cruel, it kept replaying a thousand different scenarios where her father killed her, or injured her. I kept imagining her paralyzed in a bed, only breathing because of the machinery attached to her. The more I thought about it, the more I felt like I was about to explode.

A loud groan broke me out of my reverie. I looked over at Lucy whose expression was one of pure agony. She was holding her head between her hands, massaging her temples. I felt guilty that my own emotions were causing her pain, but I couldn't help it. I pulled on the shoulder at the side of the road and switched off the car. I rested my head against the steering wheel, trying to calm my rabid thoughts.

The thick silence was unbearable, however I made no effort to break it, she was the one who spoke up first.

"Nick," she said, her voice sounding soft, almost soothing. She reached out to touch my arm, but I retracted it away. I could see the hurt in her eyes. "I- I know you're mad," she started, but I interrupted her.

I sat up straight as laughter that was more caused by hysteria than anything else bubbled up my throat.

"Mad? Try furious, or... I don't – disappointed. Or perhaps scared shitless is more appropriate."

She bit her lip, a sign that she was at loss of what to say, but I was nowhere near finished. "You know what sucks the most though? That I didn't see this coming. I mean, seriously, when was the last time when you actually gave a fuck about what I had to say, eh? No, you're too good for that." Her jaw hung open at my words. I wanted to stop, but I couldn't find it in me to do so.

"I should have known, you know, when you started acting all romantic and wouldn't even look me in the eyes. Big surprise there, aye, turns out you're not just an arrogant bitch, but you're also a coward." I had no idea how I was able to say these things to her. I could see every word I'd said cut deep. I had never seen anyone almost reduce Lucy to tears like I'd just done.

I wanted to stop, but I just couldn't. I kept blabbing out everything my cruel mind was thinking of.

"No care, no fucking consideration at all. You know, when we bonded, I did have my doubts too, but they weren't about how we'd have to cope with it, no, they were about you. You're so fucking unpredictable. It's not even cute anymore. We've passed cute when you burned down your mother's house. Now it's just reckless. Do you even stop for one moment and thing about your actions, how they could affect others? What if you hadn't been lucky and your father injured you or kidnapped you? Did you think for one moment how that would make me feel? Well even though it went just how you predicted, let me just tell you in case the bond is not enough. I'm fucking tired of being scared of what your next crazy plot will be. I'm even more tired of how you just throw your life out there like you have a back up one. I'm young, Lucy, but I know that one of these days, when your crazy plans blow up in your face and kill you, it'll be me who's going to deal with the consequences you've never even bothered to acknowledge."

I looked at her as my mouth spewed hateful words at her. I was tearing her to pieces, the girl I loved. One of the things that I loved about her was that she would never let anyone put her in her place. And yet now, as we stood in my car, she didn't even bother to look up.

This enraged me even more. The fact that she wasn't even putting up a fight made me question who the girl next to me was. She wasn't the girl I had fallen in love with without even realising.

I had lost my last nerve. I grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her hard. With one hand, I jerked her face up. Her eyes still wouldn't meet mine, but the silent tears rolling down her cheeks were evident now. It cut me deep that I was the reason why those tears had stained her beautiful face in the first place.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, Lucy? Who are you? You're supposed to shout back at me, call me names, make me feel like the worst person on the planet for what I'd just said." I said to her, still gripping her shoulders tightly.

Slowly, her eyes met mine, and I could see the pain. I could also feel her pain through the bond. It felt like a numbing feeling, almost like I couldn't feel my chest.

"Why?" she asked me, her voice sounding broken, "So that I could calm you down, you'd kiss me and we'd end up half-naked to forget about our problems like we've been doing the past few days? What's the use? Every word you're saying is true. You could never understand why I did this." She told me. I acted out of the frustration I was feeling and pulled her towards me, wrapping my arms tightly around her and removing any chance that she could escape. There was no air between us, just friction.

"No," I said, my voice sounding slightly muffled because my lips were touching her head. "You're wrong. I can understand, just help me to do so."

"Nick, I can never be free of my past – my brother hitting me, my mother neglecting me or my father abandoning me. I can't be free of it, so it's best if I eliminate it. My family is my demon, Nick; they will haunt me forever unless I do something about them. I can never have peace of mind, knowing that they're out there. I want us to be happy, and because of the bond, neither of us can be happy if the other is not. I don't want you to suffer because of me, and I know that my actions seem careless and that you're hurting because of them, but trust me, you'll hurt more in the future if I don't deal with my demons now that I have the strength to do so." she said.

"Fine okay, but you don't have to battle them alone. I'm here for you, we could do this together." I said, trying hard to sound strong for her. I had just realised how frail and vulnerable our relationship was, emotional wise. I had been fooled by our physical connection, thinking that nothing could come between us because we were united. Physically, we were more connected than anybody liked, but emotionally? We were on an entirely different scale from each other.

I realised Lucy was more broken than she let on. She was also far more mature than we when it came to making amends with the past.

I felt like a little rich kid compared to her. It was amazing how someone who had almost nothing to their name could make me question my entire existence like this.

She shook her head at my words. "No, I must do this myself. I-"

"Don't say that, Lucy. You're right, you must fight your demons, but we are bound, so your demons are automatically mine too. I don't want to hear you speak like this ever again, like you're fighting some secret crusade that I can't be a part of. You need stop thinking that you're some big misfortune that ruined my life. I love you, Lucy and I don't care if I have to spend the rest of my life fighting your - our demons. Just let me in, you're no longer alone now." I said softly to her. She stopped sobbing for a moment and looked up, then slowly she nodded her head.

"I'm still sorry that you have to go through all of this because of me. I know that I have a lot of baggage to deal with and I'm not sure that I'm worth all this trouble," she said warily.

I shook my head softly at her. "Of course you are, Lucy, you're worth the world." I told her before kissing the top of her head.

"I... I love you Nick, I hope you know that." she said, her voice breaking at the end.

"Of course I do." I answered her. Her cautious voice made a little smile play with my lips.

A small smile found its way on her lips too. "Good, you'll need to remember that around me. I'll try to be more open, but sometimes I can't help it. You'll need to be patient with me." She admitted shyly. I laughed, all previous sense of worry and anger were long gone.

"Lucky, I knew what I signed up for the moment I saved you that night." I told her. "And I don't regret a thing."

At this point, the usual twinkle of mischief that seemed ever-present in her eyes returned. "Oh really, so you predicted that you and I were going to be blood bound? Seriously Nicky, I never knew you were psychic too apart from annoying."

I grinned at her, "No, I didn't but when I started getting close to you I knew that you were a bitch. A bitch who could throw a mean punch and swear more than all of me and my brothers combined."

She snorted, "Oh please, do you hear yourself talk? If Helena knew how you spoke most of the time you'd have a permanent red print of a hand on your cheek from all the times she'd smack you." she countered. I mused on it for a while but then nodded with a resolved sigh. I did swear more than I liked to admit.

"I think we should be getting back home, the guys are probably worried sick. I kind of accused every one of my brothers of selling my car... or worse, using it." I said, shuddering at the thought that someone put their hands on my baby.

"So even I'm not allowed to use it?" she challenged me. I grunted a noncommittal grunt, knowing that no matter how I answered, she'd use it against me. My car was the one thing I had difficulty sharing. Well, truth be told, I was not a guy who liked to share his stuff in the first place. Living in a household of brothers, I'd learned it the hard way that sharing was inevitable, and so was the fact that half of the items I'd share would end up thorn or broken.

She chuckled to herself. "Boys and their toys."

I took her hand and placed in on the clutch before I covered it with mine, she smiled at me, and I could see her lowering down her barriers and relaxing in the seat of the car. I drove off, back home. However, I could feel that the effect of the cruel words I'd said to her remained. It was evident even without the bond.

I cleared my throat first, unsure of how my apology would be received. "I still wanted to apologise for what I said. It wasn't fair on you. I took out my anger and frustration on you. I should have known better."

"Seriously Nicky, it's okay. That's what we do, remember? We fight but then we always make up." she told me, her voice sounding light.

I sighed, ignoring the fact that she had just called me by that tedious name. "But then why can I feel your sadness and worry through the bond? Is something wrong... apart from the usual?" I asked her.

"It's just this thing my father said. About me being human. I guess I've never really put much thought into it, but I'm going to become like you. Me... a vampire." she said, her voice trailing off into uncertainty.

I'd never really thought that much about it either. From the moment we'd bonded, I sought to live my life day by day. I tried not to think of the future and what it might bring. Looking back at Lucy, she didn't sound sad about the prospect, but she didn't sound excited either.

"I just never imagined myself as a vampire, that's all." she continued. I mused over it for a while before answering.

"This isn't a decision which you need to take now. I'll respect your opinion no matter what. If you don't want to become like me, then don't. It's that easy." I told her.

She looked at me sceptically. "And then what, let you age slowly while I wither away? It's obvious what I have to do here." she said, sounding just a tad bit resentful.

"There is nothing that you have to do. No one's forcing you. We haven't got enough to worry about now either way." I said, trying to subtly end this conversation. It wasn't the time or place to start discussing such a topic. She smiled weakly at me.

I squeezed her hand a bit tighter. "Hey, we'll get through this, okay, I know it's hard, but we will, just a few more days till Solange turns and then we'll be able to focus more on us." I said, trying to reassure her, but I wasn't certain if she was the only reason I'd said that. Sometimes I just needed to hear it, to remind myself that things will get better.

She looked away out of the window, pensively. I knew that this was just the beginning of longest four days of our lives.

XXX

Can someone please spell supermegafastupload for me? I've been writing for this story like a machine and at this pace, it'll be done by the week... but I guess even good things have to end.

Hope you liked this, and didn't hate me too much for Nick's behaviour. I felt that sugar-coating the story with too much romance made both Lucy and Nick fall out of character. This way, their relationship is more genuine and real. The way they make up though is so sweet :3 I'll miss these guys.

Until the next time, lovelies :3