"I've been thinking, Ms. Haruno." Deidara had approached me in art class the following week. "You should enter your painting into the senior art show." He was referring to the painting of the cherry blossom tree that I had recently finished.
"Really?" My eyes widened. The senior art show was kind of a big deal for the art kids. "Is it good enough?" People like Sai, who was entering at least five drawings, were the ones who displayed their artwork.
To my surprise, he nodded. "You've shown improvement," Deidara responded. "This painting isn't bad for someone who came in just this year."
I shrugged. "If you think so, then yeah. I'll do it." I was actually really excited. I had worked hard on that painting.
"That's so awesome, Sakura!" Hinata exclaimed. "I'm so proud of you!"
"Thanks," I grinned back. "It's kind of official now," I joked, "I'm basically the best artist of all time."
Hinata rolled her eyes, but she was laughing. "I'm so excited! We can go together now!"
"I was already going to go," I corrected her. "To see your art, silly!"
Everyone had been in good spirits after prom. It had really been the best night of the year. I know that sounds cliché, but it was true. Anyone who had attended were constantly approaching me in the hallway to talk about how much fun they had Saturday night. I accepted all of their compliments, but insisted that it was the effort of the Dance Committee who had actually pulled everything off flawlessly.
"So," Hinata said, looking mischievous, "have you talked to Saskue yet?" The day after prom, after everyone had woken up later that day, Ino had insisted that everyone show up at my house to interrogate me about everything that had happened with Sasuke. We had talked about the kiss, obviously, and they had asked me if we had made anything official yet.
"No," I had said, much to Ino's disappointment. "I didn't want to ruin it, you know?"
"You have to talk to him," Ino insisted, looking at Tenten for support.
Tenten nodded. "You need to know," she insisted.
"We only have a few weeks left of school. What's the worst that could happen, anyway?" Ino had no idea. No one had any idea.
So when Hinata asked me the next day, I had to admit that I hadn't talked to him about it yet. "I've been meaning to," I was getting defensive. "I just haven't found the right time." At least that was true, Sasuke was still friendly with me, but we hadn't really had any chance to be alone since prom.
Hinata just shrugged. "I just think you would be happier if you knew," she smiled at me. "I want you to be happy."
What would I do without Hinata? "Thanks," I said again. "I just need some time... everything's coming up so fast..." I couldn't tell her that I had been worrying about graduation approaching. At least, not the real reason why I was freaking out.
"I understand," she reassured me.
Sasuke continued to be cordial to me for the rest of the week. It was strange, I thought, I hadn't gotten to see him alone all week. He was friendly, but distant. With my preparations for the Art Show on Thursday (I had to make some finishing touches on my painting now that I knew people were actually going to be looking at it), I didn't think too hard about what was going on. Maybe I didn't want to.
When it was time for the Art Show, Hinata and I arrived early. Naruto and Sasuke had said that they would meet us at the event.
"I don't see why we have to get here an hour ahead of time," I complained to Hinata. "After all, we're just looking at art." The art show was taking place at a gallery that was used by the entire community. It was a few blocks from the high school.
"We have to be there for the opening speech," Hinata replied. "Also, we want to be the first ones to see the exhibit. It's kind of tradition." Hinata, who had been part of the art program for her entire high school career, knew these things.
I shrugged. "That makes sense."
It was kind of fun, I admitted, seeing our art displayed before everyone else. I kind of wished that I had been involved more with art - if only I hadn't been so self-conscious before.
We hung out with the other art kids before the exhibit opened. They seemed really enthusiastic to have me be a part of their show, especially since I had been so adamant about having them be more involved with school functions after I became Vice President (like helping decorate for prom).
"Great painting," a girl named Rin complimented me. "I know it's your first year in art too, I'm impressed."
"Thanks!" I replied. "Your pictures look awesome." I looked over to where they were hanging on the wall. Rin had been working on a photography set of different places in town all semester.
Hinata and I spent the rest of the time before the gallery opened walking around and admiring the other works of art. Since it was everyone's senior year, Deidara had allowed them to choose what they would work on and showcase. I was blown away by the creativity.
When it was time, Deidara's speech was prompt. "Thank you all for coming," he said briskly. We were all standing outside of the exhibit hall. "In a few minutes you will see various works of art that our seniors this year have worked on. There are different types of mediums that we hope you will enjoy. My students have done some really great work this year, and I'm proud to see such improvement in them." Despite being such a short speech, I was touched. Deidara really did care about his students.
There was a brief applause, and the small audience was allowed to go inside to look at everyone's work. Hinata and I walked inside to stand beside our artwork, which had been placed side-by-side (Hinata obviously had more paintings than me).
"Wow Hinata," Naruto approached us, "this looks great!" I could see Sasuke trailing behind him, but I was unable to read his expression.
"Thanks," Hinata blushed. Despite dating for a few months, she could still be shy around Naruto. It was cute.
"Did you paint this one, Sakura!?" Naruto directed his attention towards my cherry blossom painting. "It looks awesome!" Naruto was so enthusiastic about everything. I was happy that we were friends too.
"Yeah," I grinned. "Thanks, Naruto!"
He directed his attention back to Hinata, who seemed overwhelmed by all of the praise he was giving her. I just smiled at her, suddenly happy that I had set them up. She looked so happy.
"Hey," Sasuke said. "Good job." He indicated my painting.
"Thanks," I smiled. I was happy to see him. "I was surprised that Deidara even wanted my art in here, to be honest."
"You worked hard," Sasuke replied. "He could see that." There was something off about him and I couldn't figure it out.
"Are you doing okay?" I asked him. "I haven't gotten to talk to you very much this week." I had to admit, it had been disappointing after everything that happened at prom.
"I'm... fine," Sasuke said. His voice was quiet. "Itachi's in town." That explained part of it. Sometimes Sasuke didn't get along with his brother when he came back to visit. Itachi could be hard on him sometimes. Back in middle school, after their parents had died, Itachi had to take over their father's company. Sasuke had been resentful that Itachi left him alone all the time, but he never said anything. I could just tell, I guess.
"How's that going?" I asked.
He shrugged. "He brought home a different girl. She's... annoying." Sasuke always thought that about Itachi's girlfriends.
"Have you tried talking to him?" I knew that was a pointless question as soon as I asked it. It was basically an Uchiha thing to hide their emotions. Even when his parents died, I had never seen Sasuke cry.
"No," Sasuke responded, "but it's okay. We're graduating soon anyway, and I'll be able to move away."
The idea of graduation sent a pang of fear in me. The nightmares had come back in full force that week, once I had realized that I only had a few weeks left until the big night. It didn't help that Sasuke had been distant.
Sasuke left to take a call, presumably from Itachi, and I spent the rest of my time chatting with the other students that had come to the art show. Surprisingly, I had gotten a lot of compliments from my peers. I accepted them graciously, feeling a little weird. If I had been the person I was before, I wouldn't have been caught dead at an art show, much less participated in one. I guess it goes to show how much someone could change in less than a year. I was happy for it.
Sasuke was gone for most of the exhibit, but he came back in a few minutes before we were ready to leave. "I can take you home," he told me.
I was relieved that I would have some time alone with him. I had decided that tonight would be the night that I would ask him about what happened at prom. There wasn't a lot of time left for me, after all.
The ride home, we sat in silence mostly. Sasuke didn't seem very interested in talking, which was fine with me. I was still trying to work up the nerve to talk to him. Why was it suddenly so hard to talk to him, I wondered, when usually he couldn't get me to shut up?
He pulled up in front of my house and I took a deep breath. It was now or never.
"Are you okay?" Sasuke asked me. He looked concerned.
"Y-yeah," I smiled. It felt forced. "I haven't been sleeping well lately." I left it at that. It was true, after all. I should have been used to it by now - this year had been full of sleepless nights for me.
"I haven't either," he did look tired, now that I thought about it. "I'm sorry for not staying at the exhibit for that long. Itachi wants to talk about my future." He sighed.
"It's going to be okay," I told him. Daringly, I placed my hand on his arm. I hoped it was comforting. "We've talked about this before, you're going to do amazing."
He gave me a wry look. "I don't see how you could know that." Still, he took my hand. I felt a jolt of warmth from his touch.
"It's hard to explain," I said, thinking about Konan. "You'll just have to trust me."
"Thank you," he said. He touched my hair almost absentmindedly. "For everything."
I was feeling lightheaded. Seriously, how could Sasuke just touching me do that? No one had ever made me feel that way, not even Kiba when I had still been really into him. I met his gaze, unable to tell what he was thinking.
Any feelings that I had disappeared when he kissed me. I was all focused on him in that moment. His kiss was urgent, like he couldn't get enough. I felt the same way. I hadn't realized how much I had missed this all week until it was happening again.
Too soon, he pulled away. He looked at me almost like he couldn't believe his eyes. Then, his expression changed. He was unreadable again.
"What are we?" I was catching my breath and the words had slipped out. "What is this, Sasuke?"
"I don't know," he admitted. "I'm sorry."
I shook my head. "I need to know," I decided. "Do you want anything out of this?"
"I don't know," he said again. It was sort of infuriating. "I haven't had a lot of time to think about. I'm not sure if I want a relationship right now... we don't have a lot of time left."
Exactly, I wanted to say. There's no time.
"I still want to be friends," he continued. "It's just... complicated."
"How?" I whispered. "How is any of this complicated?"
He just shook his head. "I just need more time."
"Okay," I nodded. "I'll... see you tomorrow." I said goodbye, and got of his car as quickly as I could.
There was no way I was going to cry in front of him. Not about this. I saved my tears until I reached my room, where the rejection set in and I was suddenly sobbing. How could he not know? To me, everything was obvious. We belonged together and there wasn't time left for him to realize it.
"Hello, Sakura." I looked up, through my tears, to see Konan.
"This isn't the best time." My voice was distorted because I couldn't stop crying.
"I am sorry," Konan replied. She really did look like she meant it. "I thought I would check on you."
I shook my head. "I thought everything was working out and then he just says it's complicated. Why doesn't he love me, Konan?" The tears came harder. Was this how Sasuke felt the first night of graduation? It was horrible.
"You have two weeks," Konan's response wasn't very helpful. "It's still possible." Was she encouraging me?
"Thanks," I said, but I didn't mean it. "What the hell am I going to accomplish in two weeks?" Graduation was at the end of May. I was basically out of time.
"This is so unlike you, Sakura. Are you giving up?"
"I'm not giving up," I argued, to my surprise. "I just don't think my outlook is very good right now, to be honest." Thankfully, my tears had subsided. I didn't want to think about how puffy my face must have been.
"Then you have nothing to lose," Konan said simply. She was gone, before I could reply.
I sighed, and looked up at the ceiling from where I was laying on my bed. I wasn't angry at Sasuke, I decided. After all, it wasn't his fault that I was in this situation. He didn't have to love me after all I had done to him the night of graduation.
Maybe this was what I deserved.
The next day, I barely saw Sasuke at all. When we were in class, he was too preoccupied to talk very much. During lunch, he wasn't even there. When I asked Naruto, he shrugged and said that Sasuke had said he was going to the library to work out plans for the Student Council meeting we were having that day (the meetings weren't usually on Friday, but we were doing officer nominations for next year and that was when everyone was available). I didn't question it, but it didn't help the feeling of dread that had settled inside of me.
"Hey," Ino gave me a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. I had called her the night before, once I had calmed down enough, to tell her about what had happened between Sasuke and me. "It's going to be okay. You just need to give him some space."
Tenten nodded. "Ino's right," she agreed. "Space is good." I had told her and Hinata about it before school.
For who? I thought, but I knew they were just trying to help.
That day after school, I was determined to talk to Sasuke. I just wanted to make sure we were still friends, at least. I was happy to see that when I sat next to him in my usual spot for the student council meeting, he gave me a tiny smile and a nod. Unfortunately, he was back to ignoring me after that. His behavior was so confusing, it made me miss how he was before more than ever.
The officer nominations went on forever. We spent at least an hour and a half just making nominations and discussing the candidates. Thankfully, I wasn't required to do much for the big election day - I would just assist Sasuke if he needed anything.
When the meeting was finally over, I wasn't able to catch Sasuke in time. He left so quickly after that I didn't even notice him leaving. That's how I found myself outside, staring at the ground. What was even the point of anything? I thought.
"Hey," I looked over to see Shikamaru laying in the grass a few feet away.
"What are you doing here?" I asked him. It was Friday, after all. Didn't he have anything else to do?
"Waiting for Ino." Shikamaru's eyes never left the sky. He didn't seem very concerned about anything. I wondered how he did it.
"She's still in the meeting room," I told him. Ino, who was the Secretary for the senior class, had gotten caught up in a discussion about leadership with one of the freshman representatives. I hadn't even thought about telling her that I was leaving.
"Figures," he sighed, but didn't move.
With nothing better to do at the moment, I joined him in the grass. It felt cool on my back, almost comforting. Looking up, I saw that the sky was a clear blue with a good amount of clouds.
"What are you doing out here so early?" Shikamaru looked away from the sky for a brief moment to look at me. "Don't you usually stay after for a while too?"
Years of experience of being friends with Shikamaru had trained me to just be up front with him. After all, he was so perceptive he would probably figure out what was going on anyway. "I was looking for Saskue," I admitted. "
He nodded. "I think he had to leave pretty quick after the meeting because it's Itachi's last day here..." He hesitated for a second. "I heard about what happened. Ino didn't tell me outright, I was just there when you called her."
"Of course you were," I muttered.
"Sakura," Shikamaru turned is head to look at me again. This time, he looked serious. "Sasuke's really into you. It's pretty much obvious to everyone except Sasuke... and you, apparently."
I shook my head. "That's not it," my voice was quiet. "He's confused. I don't know what I can do to help at this point. He obviously doesn't want to talk to me right now."
"He needs some time," Shikamaru said. "Listen, I think his relationship with Karin really messed him up for a while there. He's been a lot happier since you became friends. Besides, you'll have the whole summer to talk about it." In my haste to make friends with Sasuke, I had completely forgotten how much I had missed talking to Shikamaru.
"But that's the thing," my voice broke a little. Dammit. "I don't have the time." My eyes widened a little when I said too much.
Thankfully, Shikamaru didn't question me any further, but there was understanding in his eyes that made me wonder what he was thinking. "Listen," he said, "do you remember how aggressive you were when you asked me out to homecoming?"
"As friends," I corrected.
"That's not the point," he insisted. "You were so insistent and confident, it completely snapped me out of whatever I was thinking. I needed that push, Sakura. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"I can't do that to Sasuke right now," I argued. "You just said that."
"You don't have a lot of time left." Shikamaru looked me dead in the eye. "Obviously I don't know what's going on with you, but it's serious isn't it? It's important to you, or you wouldn't be this upset. I'm telling you to go all out if you want this. After all, you don't have much left to lose." His words reminded me of Konan's the night before.
"Okay," I felt better and more terrified at the same time. "You're right."
"Hey guys!" Ino was finally done with whatever she had been doing in the meeting room. "What are you doing down there?"
"Just giving Sakura some life advice," Shikamaru said dryly.
"Don't listen to him!" Ino laughed, but I knew she was just teasing. She offered me a hand, which I accepted.
"Shikamaru gives good advice," I defended him. "Usually."
We both looked at Shikamaru, who shrugged. "Don't take it if you don't want to." His indifferent attitude was back, but he gave me a small smile.
"So what are you doing?" Ino asked me. "Do you want to go get dinner with us?"
"No thanks," I would have usually accepted the offer, but I was still thinking about Shikamaru's advice. "There's something I have to do." I sighed.
"We'll see you later then!" Ino gave me a reassuring smile. I knew that she thought everything would be okay. Then again, Ino didn't know the entire situation.
That's how I ended up at Sasuke's door that evening. After all, I had nothing left to lose.
"Hey," Sasuke looked surprised to see me. "Is everything okay?"
"Can I talk to you?" I looked him in the eye. He looked tired. "It's sort of important." That was an understatement.
"Sure," he said. "Let's go for a walk." Inside, I could hear two other voices - a lower one that sounded a lot like Sasuke and a higher, girlish one.
"Is Itachi going to be here for graduation?" I asked him. I already knew the answer, of course.
"He said he has to go out of town." I instantly regretted asking as soon as I said it. Sasuke hadn't admitted to it, but I knew he was upset. After all, we would only graduate high school once (well, if you didn't have some strange other being tampering with your life). It was important.
"I'm sorry," I told him, and I meant it.
He shook his head. "It's not important." It was, though.
We ended up walking to our spot in the park - under our tree. Since everything had been so busy lately, I hadn't gone there to think in a while. There was something about being in my place of comfort that gave me the courage to start speaking.
"We need to talk about what's been going on," I was surprised to see that my voice sounded confident.
Sasuke sighed, and sat down next to our tree. "I know." He looked regretful, and that worried me.
I sat down next to him. "I'm not okay with your indecisiveness. We're friends, so I think that I at least deserve an answer..." I trailed off, suddenly not feeling so confident. Was I ready to accept the response that he gave me? What if it just wasn't in him to love me anymore?
"You're right," Sasuke gave me a small smile, but it didn't meet his eyes.
"If you just want to be friends," I said quietly, "that's okay. I want to be your friend no matter what, but I don't want to be led on if it doesn't mean anything to you."
"Why would you think that?" He gave me a troubled look. "That it doesn't mean anything to me?"
"Well..." I thought about it. "You haven't been too receptive of me, for one. And last night you basically said you had no idea what you were doing."
"I did say that," he agreed. "I know this is going to sound ridiculous, but it doesn't have anything to do with you."
"It has everything to do with me!" I argued.
"No," Sasuke sighed. "The way I've been acting... Do you remember when I told you I haven't been sleeping well either?"
"Of course I do." I felt a little defensive.
"I've been having dreams about my friend again," he said, "but this time, I can barely remember her at all. I think... it has something to do with what's going on with us."
I took a sharp breath. How was this even happening? "I don't know," I wasn't sure what to say. "Maybe." Seriously, how could the memory of me be making him do this? Especially when he couldn't even remember that it was me!?
"That's why I've been confused," Sasuke looked at me and there was almost a desperate look in his eyes. There was pain, I realized. "I can't forget her, Sakura. I don't understand why this is happening, and I don't know how to stop it. I don't even remember her name."
Sasuke, I thought, I'm so sorry. How much had he loved me before, to make him feel this way?
"Maybe it's time to move on," I said, in an attempt to be calm. Of course, I didn't want him to move on from me, but if he didn't know it was me in the first place... "Maybe she... would want that." In that moment, I wanted nothing more but to tell him that it had been me all along. After all, that would make everything a lot less complicated.
"I don't know," Sasuke said. "I loved her. I mean, I must have, but I can't remember."
"I love you," I whispered. "Doesn't that mean anything?"
He looked startled for a second, because of my words. "Of course it does," Sasuke said. He looked conflicted.
"I don't know what else to do." I took his hand. If only he knew.
"I'm sorry, Sakura." Sasuke looked like he was struggling with something. "I don't want to lead you on."
A tear escaped from my eye, and I wiped it away quickly. This was it, I thought. I would just have to accept it and move on. Until graduation, at least.
"I'm sorry," he said again. I could tell he really meant it. "I hope we can still be friends. Maybe later, when I'm not so hung up..." He didn't finish his sentence.
"I don't know if that's possible," I was still holding his hand, I realized. He didn't move it. "We're still friends, definitely." I smiled, even though it was hard.
"I'm glad," he squeezed my hand. I wished that was enough.
Author's Note: I know a lot of people are probably going to hate me for this, and I'm sorry! I've been planning it like this for awhile now, so I hope you can all stick it through to the end with me! I would like to thank everyone who left such awesome reviews for the last chapter! I really appreciate it and I hope that you'll let me know what you think about this one.
The next chapter is graduation.