Just to put your mind at ease
You don't owe me anything
You paid me well in memories
~A Fine Frenzy
I woke up the day of graduation feeling surprisingly calm. The week before had been filled with "senior days" planned for us by our very own Student Council (the junior class, actually). It was kind of a joke, I thought, but it gave me a chance to spend more time with my friends without having to worry about schoolwork.
Sasuke, true to his word, had continued to be my friend for the past week and a half. The day after the confrontation, I had felt a little awkward. After all, I had just confessed my love for him. It took me about day to realize that I couldn't afford to feel that way. If Sasuke didn't love me back, then I would just have to be as good of a friend to him as I could before I had to go away.
To my surprise, it wasn't hard to go back into our usual routine. Sasuke hardly acted like anything had even happened between us, which kind of stung, but I knew that he was just trying to be polite. Sasuke wasn't a bad person.
The past week had been fun, I had to admit, despite being kind of cheesy. And this time, instead of holding back like I had the last time, I actually enjoyed myself.
The night before graduation, I used the remaining time I had to get my affairs in order. Konan had never told me how I would die, but I assumed it would have to look like an accident. I didn't want anyone to think that I had committed suicide, so I held off on writing letters like I had originally intended. Was it really a good idea, I thought, to leave behind traces of myself?
I would have to act like nothing was wrong, of course. Besides the whole Sasuke thing, obviously. Everything I did was so methodical, I had no time to grieve over what could have been. At least, until Konan arrived.
"Konan," I acknowledged her, not looking away from what I was doing. "It's good to see you."
"Just checking on you," Konan replied. She looked sympathetic. I hadn't seen her all week and had begun to start wondering when she would come visit again. Certainly she wouldn't just leave me to die without coming to see me again. Surely she knew what was going on.
"I don't know what I was expecting, to be honest." I shrugged. "How could he still love me, after all this time?" That came out as a whisper. "How does he even still remember me, without knowing it's me?" I guess I hadn't been repressing my emotions enough, I was already choking up talking about Sasuke.
"When someone has strong enough feelings," Konan answered, "they can linger. Even when their memories are erased. He did love you, Sakura. I hope that it can be some consolation for you."
"Can't you do something?" I demanded. "Fix this somehow?"
"That is not how the magic works," she said. "I really am sorry, Sakura. After all, you are not the same person as you were before."
"You're right," I was crying again. God, why was I always so emotional now? "And I'm glad that was possible for me, at least. I just wish it didn't have to end this way." I couldn't talk anymore, because I was sobbing.
To my surprise, Konan stayed with me until I was calm enough to speak again. She actually looked remorseful, like she wanted to get me out of this mess.
"Konan?" I asked. After crying so much, it was like I had no more tears left to give. That was good, at least. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life crying.
"What is it, Sakura?" She was perched at the edge of my bed. For the first time, she looked like she could have been a normal person, instead of whatever she was.
"When it happens..." I shuddered. "When I die... will I see you again?"
"I cannot say," Konan answered. "It is... not my place." She really did look sorry.
I was used to the cryptic answers by now. "Will you be there, when it happens?" My voice was a little hoarse from crying, but I had to know.
"You will not be alone." She reassured me.
I sniffed. "Okay," I nodded, feeling a little better. At least I wouldn't have to worry about dying alone. "Hopefully that will make it easier." Probably not, I thought.
"I will see you tomorrow," Konan gave me a small smile before she disappeared.
When she was gone, I was happy to notice that I didn't feel like crying anymore. Resignation filled me, and I knew that I would just have to accept that it was over. I would try not to worry anymore, I decided. It was my last day with Sasuke - and all of the people I loved for that matter - and I was going to enjoy it, dammit.
When I woke up the next morning, the feeling of calm hadn't disappeared for me, thankfully, and I was able to get ready without really feeling anything.
My grandmother and aunt were in town for my graduation (something else that I was sure was because of Konan) and had arrived before I woke up that morning. Despite being incredibly tired, they still insisted on us going out for breakfast as a family before I had to start getting ready for the ceremony.
"We're so proud of you, dear." My grandma beamed.
"Thanks," I smiled back. I hadn't been expecting them until my parents had informed me the day before that they had decided to change their plans at the last minute to come. "It means a lot that you guys could make it."
"We wouldn't miss it for the world." My aunt had the same doting expression that my mom had been wearing for the past week. I suddenly felt guilty - this was the last day they would ever see me, and they had no idea.
No, I wouldn't think about that. "So where are we going to eat?" I asked.
Breakfast with my family was fun. My mom and grandma were getting along so well, it was like their bickering over the holidays hadn't even happened (to my dad's relief). We talked about what my plans were for after graduation (I managed to stay calm) and about a solo trip to Europe that my aunt was taking in a month. In that moment, I felt incredibly grateful that Konan had arranged this last family gathering. I knew I wasn't ready to say goodbye, but it was nice to be able to see everyone together.
After breakfast, my aunt and grandmother went to go take a nap, while I hung out with my parents for a little longer. We went on a walk together, and talked about old memories.
"Do you remember the time when you were a little girl," my mom said, "and you always insisted on picking out your own clothes?"
"Yes mom," I laughed. It had been when I started Kindergarten. Even when I was little, I always wanted control over my life.
"You've gotten so old," my dad joked, and ruffled my hair like he used to when I was younger. He hadn't done that in years, I realized.
"We're so proud of you, sweetheart." My mom smiled at me. I was glad that I had that time with them.
Honestly, the rest of the day was pretty much a blur for me. After the walk with my parents, I went to Sasuke's house so he could practice his speech on me (he was valedictorian).
When he opened the door, Sasuke's eyes widened. "You're here early," he said.
I rolled my eyes. "My family showed up way earlier than I was expecting. We just got back from breakfast, actually." It was ten thirty in the morning, I realized and then decided I didn't care.
Sasuke shrugged, and stepped away from the door. I followed him inside. Usually, I would wait a little longer to come over, but this time was important. He was going to spend time with me today. I was allowed to be a little selfish, I decided.
"How's the speech coming?" I asked him, once we were inside. He was, of course, valedictorian. I had actually been in the running this year to be in the top ten students (they always got to graduate first), but I was sadly a few people away. Shikamaru ended up pulling through with his academics and getting salutatorian.
"It's already written." Sasuke said. Of course it was, I thought, Sasuke was good at basically everything.
"Do you want to practice it?" I teased. From what I remembered last year, Sasuke and Shikamaru had produced some of the most uninterested speeches of all time. Sasuke, at least, did an okay job of pretending.
"No, it's okay." He sighed. "If I wasn't giving the speech I probably wouldn't want to go at all."
"What!?" I exclaimed. "Of course you have to go! It's graduation!"
"It's weird," Sasuke agreed. "I guess I don't feel like I should be there. I don't have any family, really." I felt a pang of sadness for my friend. Of course he was feeling this way, I had just been too preoccupied trying to get in my last time as a senior that I hadn't even bothered to ask.
"You have your friends," I replied. "We're your family, Sasuke." I wished that Itachi would come to graduation. I knew he loved his little brother, after all, he had rushed to the hospital when Sasuke got in the accident. I knew that Sasuke would realize that one day.
He only nodded. "Thank you, Sakura."
"What do you want to do now?" I asked him. Sasuke wasn't going anywhere today. I could afford to be selfish this time.
He shrugged. "Anything you want."
I sat on his couch. What was the thing that I wanted right now? "Tell me a story," I said. "About yourself."
He sat down beside me, closer than I would have thought. "About what?" To my surprise, he was just going along with it.
"I don't know." Carefully, I leaned my head against his shoulder. That was okay for friends, right? I didn't really care. "Anything, really."
"Well..." Sasuke thought for a second. "When I was in fifth grade, I moved here with my family. We already knew Naruto because he was a family friend, but for some reason we hated each other. I don't think I actually did, but he was always telling me that I was his enemy or something."
"I remember that," I laughed.
"You do?" He looked surprised.
"Yeah," I answered, pretending to be offended. "I've been here since Kindergarten, Sasuke."
"Oh..." His face went blank for a second. "I guess I never noticed..." He sounded awkward.
I tried to sound as nonchalant as possible. "Of course you wouldn't have," I responded. "It's okay."
"Anyway," Sasuke continued, "my family invited Naruto over to stay with us for the winter break because he doesn't have any family. He said no at first, but he was just being stubborn. We ended up being friends that week after we got back at Itachi for calling us some stupid name... I can't even remember what he said, to be honest."
I shook my head. "Boys."
"It's not relevant," Sasuke said. "We're friends now." He was absentmindedly tracing shapes on my hand. I knew we were getting in to dangerous territory, but I still didn't care. I liked the affection, even if it didn't mean anything to him.
"Tell me another story," I said. "About us."
He considered this. "Well, I've told you this before. When I first spoke to you, you just... approached me. Like I was as familiar to you as any of your friends."
I winced a little, remembering that particular memory. Luckily for me, he thought of it fondly. "That was a mistake," I said. "At the time. Sort of."
Sasuke smiled, and shook his head. "You were so bold. After that, it was like I saw you all the time."
"I didn't think you noticed," I looked up at him, surprised.
"Of course I did," he replied. "Who wouldn't notice you?"
I was sort of flattered then. "I don't know," I said. "Not Sasuke Uchiha."
"I did notice you," Sasuke continued. "All the time. And then... we were friends. It was in the fall, I had just broken up with Karin, and there you were. Asking if we were friends now."
"You said yes." I smiled.
"I did," he agreed. "And here we are."
"Yeah," I said. "Here we are."
We stayed like that for awhile, just talking. Honestly, that was really all I needed. Sasuke giving me his time and attention on my last day was amazing. I wished that it could have gone on forever.
"I have to leave soon," I regretted leaving him, especially given the circumstances, but I was supposed to get ready for graduation with Ino and she would be wondering where I was.
"Me too," Sasuke admitted, to my surprise, and mentioned something that he had to do with Naruto.
"I'll see you there," I said.
"See you there," Sasuke replied.
When I got to the ceremony, it felt surreal. Ino and I were already wearing our robes - plus the cute dresses that we had picked out that weren't even visible beneath them.
"Are you okay?" Ino was looking at me a little worried.
"I'm fine," I grinned. It felt forced. "Let's go inside."
Our graduation was held in a convention center in town - a place that accommodated the large size of our class. It was better than having the ceremony in the football stadium, in my opinion. I had the sudden feeling of deja vu when I walked inside, it was exactly the same as last time.
I shook my head and took a deep breath. I was suddenly stricken with nerves. This is it, I thought.
"Don't look so freaked out," Ino put her arm around my shoulders and led me to the room where everyone was getting lined up to enter the room where we would graduate. "You're just going to walk across a stage. That's it..." She didn't look very convinced.
"Sorry," I gave her a shaky smile. "Everything just feels so final, I guess."
"It does," Ino agreed, "but I've heard it gets even better after this."
"I've heard that too." I hoped that she took my uneasiness as something normal. Everyone got a little nervous about graduation, after all.
We split up shortly after that to find our places in line. Sadly, our last names were so far apart I could barely see her. I found myself sitting by a girl from my Biology class. We smiled at each other and I was relieved to see that she looked nervous too. A row down, I could see Hinata standing in place, smiling slightly.
"Sakura," I looked up to see Sasuke approaching me. "You made it."
"Did you think I wasn't coming?" Seeing my best friend made me feel so much better. A feeling of calm that I only had when I was around Sasuke settled over me. I could do this.
"You and Ino were some of the last ones here," he teased.
I gave him a shrug. It wasn't like I had been very eager to get to the ceremony. "Are you ready for your big speech?" Since Sasuke was valedictorian and Student Body President, he was actually supposed to give two speeches. Luckily for him, Tsunade had told him that only one speech was necessary.
"As ready as I'll ever be," Sasuke admitted.
"It's going to be great." I told him.
"I have to go," he said, "but meet me after the ceremony."
"Of course," I smiled.
I watched as he walked back to his place in the front - along with the Top Ten students, Senior Class President, and Tsunade. Sasuke caught my eye before we left the room and gave me a small smile. I knew he was a little nervous, but he wasn't going to let anyone see.
The actual ceremony, like last time, was kind of a blur to me. Maybe it was the circumstances that I was in, but I wasn't able to concentrate as much as I might have if I only had a party to worry about.
Shikamaru's speech came before Sasuke's and, like before, it was very dry. I could tell that Ino had helped him. Sasuke's speech was, of course, flawless. It was pretty generic - he had told me he didn't care much for graduation speeches - but I still liked it. Watching him on stage made me wonder what kind of person he would grow up to be. Konan had said that he would be important and I was kind of sad that I wouldn't get to see how my friend would end up.
After the speeches, it was time for everyone to get their diplomas. The top ten students went first - including Sasuke, Neji, Tenten, and Shikamaru. I watched them walk across the stage with a smile.
Walking across the stage felt completely unreal, like I was dreaming. I did my best to smile as I took my diploma from Tsunade. In the background, I could hear the cheers of my family. I looked for them in the crowd, but it was hard to spot their faces.
The strangest thing happened after I took my diploma. I suddenly felt weak, like I was about to collapse. Thankfully, I was able to make it back to my seat before anything like that happened.
I had a moment of panic after that. What if this was it? Would I die in front of my peers, or would I simply just disappear? I quickly shook those thoughts out of my head. If anything, I would die around the same time as Sasuke, the night after.
That didn't really help in the moment, but at least I was able to calm down enough to enjoy myself a little. I threw my hat up into the air when it was over with everyone else, not even bothering to see where it landed.
I was able to meet up with my family after the ceremony.
"We're so proud of you!" My mom gushed. "I can't believe you've grown up so fast!" She looked like she was on the verge of tears.
"It's going to be okay, Mom!" I laughed. She had done the same thing the last time.
"You look stunning." My grandma was beside me too, beaming.
We exchanged hugs, and took about fifty pictures (my mom insisted). It didn't help when my friends showed up and my mom insisted on even more pictures with them. I didn't mind, to be honest.
"Are you ready to go?" Ino grinned at me. Ironically, we were going to a party hosted by Kiba. It really was like the last time, I thought.
"Yeah," I smiled back.
"Be careful!" My aunt winked at me. I rolled my eyes as a response.
"We'll see you later." My dad hugged me.
"I love you!" I called after them when they walked away. I teared up a little, thinking that it was probably the last time I would ever see my family.
"What's wrong?" Hinata was the only one who saw the tears, thankfully.
"I don't know," I lied. "I guess I'm feeling a little emotional... it's the last time for a lot of things tonight."
She nodded. "It's kind of exciting, though."
"Hey," Sasuke was at my side. We had been waiting for him to get away from the crowd of people that had practically lined up to talk to him. "Sorry I took so long. It was kind of crazy."
"I saw Itachi," I smiled. It was true, while we were waiting for Sasuke I had seen his older brother walking towards the exit.
Sasuke smiled back, and it was genuine. "Yeah," he replied. "He was here... I was pretty surprised, but he said he realized how much of a jerk he was being and that he couldn't miss my graduation."
"That's awesome!" I was really happy for him. "How long is he going to be in town for?"
Sasuke shrugged. "Just two days, but he said that he was going to work harder to keep in touch. I'm going to go to the city with him over the summer and he's going to start teaching me about our family's business."
The tears sort of came back then, just briefly. "I'm fine," I assured him, when I noticed how he started to look worried. "I'm just really happy for you... I know that's probably kind of dumb." I wiped the tears away quickly.
"It's not dumb," Sasuke said. He had a strange look on his face, almost like he had realized something.
I ended up riding in the same car as Sasuke, Naruto and Hinata. Sasuke was driving, of course.
"I don't understand why we have to go to this," Sasuke complained.
"Come on, Sasuke!" Naruto called from the back seat. "This is the last time we're going to see some of these people! Be happy!"
Sasuke mumbled something under his breath. He hadn't been very happy to go to the party last time, either. I was glad he was going, though. I wasn't going to let him out of my sight that night. Not unless he told me to, anyway.
"Naruto's right," I agreed. "This is the last night that anything's going to be the same. Besides, you don't have to stay the whole time."
When we got there, the deja vu was stronger than ever. The only things that had changed about the party were the people I was with - Hinata and Tenten definitely hadn't been there the last time, but now they were some of my best friends.
The party was huge, even bigger than Ino's New Year's Eve party. It felt like the majority of the class had come to celebrate. Promising to return soon, Ino went to go socialize with the other guests (Shikamaru was dragged along behind her). I hung around the rest of my friends for awhile, until they broke away - Hinata and Naruto went to talk to a few of Naruto's football team friends and Tenten and Neji had snuck away somewhere unknown (part of me wondered if they had just left).
"Do you want to go outside?" I asked Sasuke, suddenly feeling claustrophobic. The house had gotten even more crowded. I was suddenly overwhelmed. Even though it was raining, I would have preferred the weather over how trapped I felt.
"That sounds great," he said. To my surprise, he took my hand and led me out to the front yard without question.
The rain that had been only at a drizzle all day was turning in to a full-on storm. Still, I could appreciate it. We stood on the porch together and I took a few deep breaths.
"Is everything okay?" Sasuke asked me.
"It's hard to explain," I looked up at him. Even though we were under the cover of the porch, I could see drops of rain clinging to Sasuke's hair. He was so perfect, I thought. "In fact, I can't explain it at all."
"We can leave, if you want." He looked concerned. "If you're not feeling well."
"I might take you up on that." What time was it anyway? A quick look at my phone told me that it was a quarter to midnight. How much longer did I have left?
"Sakura..." Sasuke trailed off. He was looking at me funny again. "I'm sorry, for what happened after prom. I've been thinking about it a lot ever since..." He shook his head. "I feel terrible for hurting you."
"Don't," I reached up and touched his cheek. "It's not your fault."
He took my hand, still touching his face. "You're too good for me," he said.
I shook my head, lowering my hand. "What are you talking about?" I was laughing now. His words shocked me. "You're too good for me, Sasuke. I'm just happy that I've gotten to spend so much time with you this year. Really."
Sasuke shook his head, a wry smile on his face. "Let's not argue, then."
I felt my breath catch when he pulled me to him. Carefully, I put my arms around his shoulders. I couldn't even think.
When we kissed, I forgot everything I had been thinking. All I could do was focus on Sasuke and pull him closer. In that moment, it didn't matter if he loved me or not. It didn't matter what would happen to me in a few minutes. It didn't even matter why he was suddenly so remorseful about what had happened. All that mattered was that I was spending the last moments of my life with him.
I lost track of time, but I didn't care. We stayed like that for awhile and, even though Sasuke didn't remember me, I knew his body always would. There was some comfort in that, I thought.
When we finally broke apart, I was definitely out of breath. "I love you," I said. "I've never loved anyone more than I've loved you, Sasuke. Thank you for everything." A tear escaped from my eye. He wiped it away quickly.
"Sakura, I-" Sasuke was cut off when the front door opened. It was Naruto.
"Hey Sasuke!" Our friend grinned. "There you are! We want to get a picture with some of the football guys, come inside for a second!"
Sasuke rolled his eyes. "I'll be back," he told me. "Do you want to get out of here after this?"
It was almost midnight. "Yeah," I nodded. "Don't worry about me, I can wait."
I watched them return to the party. At any other time, I would have been furious with Naruto for interrupting. Now, I was just glad that I had another moment with Sasuke.
As I waited, I looked out into the storm. It was hard to see anything past the road. It was just like the graduation before, the night that Sasuke had died. I was so thankful that nothing like that would happen to him again. He was going to go on to do great things, so Konan said, and I wouldn't get in the way of that.
From afar, I could see a shape materializing out of the rain. Konan.
Without thinking, I stepped away from the porch into the rain. It was cold, but welcome. I trembled as I walked closer to the road, partly from fear and partly from the rain. "Konan!" I shouted over the thunder. I could barely make her out in the storm. "Where are you?"
"It is time." Her voice was faint, but I knew what was about to happen.
I waited a few seconds, but nothing happened. "What happens next?" I was still shouting. It didn't occur to me that I was standing in the middle of the road.
The next few moments happened so fast, I barely had any time to process it. There was a shout and I could hear the squealing of tires, muffled by the sound of the thunder. I was shoved to the ground, hard. Pain coursed through my body, more intense than I had ever felt in my life, and then - just as quickly - disappeared.
My eyes flickered open. I was lying on the ground, the rain running over my body. I could barely feel the rain anymore - I could barely feel anything. My view from the ground was confusing. I could see colored lights flashing and shouting voices. Some of them sounded familiar. I shut my eyes, feeling tired.
"Sakura!" A voice filled with panic shouted. Sasuke? "Sakura, are you okay?"
"We found her out here like this." It was a girl's voice. "I don't know how it happened-" Her voice broke.
"The ambulance is here." Someone else said. "Everybody make room!"
"Sasuke," I looked up at my friend. Through the rain and the darkness, I could barely make out his face. It was panicked and broken. "Don't..." I trailed off and went to lift my hand, but it gave a feeble twitch and returned to my side on the ground.
"Don't move," Sasuke was choked up, for the first time ever. "They're going to take you to the hospital. You're going to be okay."
"I don't... know about that." I managed to whisper. "It's okay." My head was swimming. Everything was going dark.
"No," he said, desperate. "You can't say that. I won't let you!" There were shouts around us - the paramedics were getting out of the ambulance.
"I love you." I took one last look at his dark eyes. Behind him, I could see Konan's tall silhouette. She had said she would be with me at the end, I realized. "I'll always love you, S-Sasuke." I closed my eyes. It was over.
There were more shouts then. Sasuke said something else, but I couldn't make it out. "Sakura, I..."
Then, I died.
Author's Note: First of all, I'd like to apologize for waiting so long to publish this chapter!To everyone who stuck with me until the end of this story, thank you! It's nice to see all of your kind reviews. :) I know you're probably kind of confused by the end of this chapter (or maybe not), but the story isn't over yet.
Please let me know what you think!