A/N: Phewww... writing this was a tough job. Besides that, it required a lot of research.
And as always a big THANKS to xxTigerAvatarxx, for fixing my chapter while doing 3 part time jobs, 4 exams and still betaing my chapter 5 :D!

Btw... maybe I should mention that I do not own anything or anyone. Yeah, that's life I guess :P. In the middle paragraph I included parts of book 2, episode 9 (magnusrae - this part is specially for you :)... due to your very first review, I got the idea to add that paragraph to this chapter!). Most of this was NOT my creation - which means, I do not own the content of the according paragraph!
Oh well, but I do own Sureen :D. Or maybe she owns me :P...! Oh... AND, additionally, I do own a certain black albatross-horse. How cool is THAT?! :D

But anyway, enjoy! :)

- 5 -

PLEASE DON'T!

Finally, the fire was burning brightly. Sureen knew she had to hurry. And she was scared of what was yet to come. Everything was prepared properly: clean water, enough dressing material... and the purified blade of her knife was placed in the hottest part of the fire in order to sterilize the metal. Zuko's wound had already begun to turn septic. At least there was only one big shard sticking inside of it... and so, that way, pulling the offending object out wouldn't prove to be too difficult. But afterwards, Sureen would have to act quickly and precisely to staunch the wound. The shard was quite long, and removing it would probably result in a heavy, internal bleeding. So there was no margin for error then.

While Sureen braced herself for the procedure, Zuko was seated next to the fire, his back propped against the wall of the cave. He was hardly conscious now. This already was some kind of febrile delirium, the girl realized worriedly. She really had to hurry. Her heart was pounding like mad when she grabbed the shard with two fingers and pulled as strongly as possible. She felt it moving in her direction and finally she got it removed. A moment later, she grabbed for the dressing material and pressed it right on the wound, trying to staunch the flood of blood which was overflowing from the gaping hole in his side. With her other hand, she reached for her knife and took it out of the fire.

Her heart stopped beating and the world stopped turning the second she pressed the flat side of her knife right in the wound. She was ready to share all the pain that flashed through Zuko's body in that very moment... but she was not prepared for THIS.

He had felt this kind of pain before. The smell of his burning flash, the state of shock and pure horror, the feeling of being completely and utterly at somebody's mercy... he already knew it. This had been his punishment. For speaking out against his father. But he never wanted to fight this Agni Kai against HIM. Thus the Firelord made his son feel the consequences of his refusal. 'You will learn respect. And suffering will be your teacher!' What had happened that day... it hadn't even been the first time his father had punished him. It was just like... the one event that carried matters to an extreme. But even before, the man had never missed any chance to throw everything he could at the Prince, making him feel how insufficient and meaningless he truly was. Eventually, after years of his father relentlessly pounding the belief into Zuko's head, it had become reality to the young Prince. The punishments were frequent and, often, severe... How could he not believe that he was unworthy when his own father continued to tell him so? How could he do this to him... he still was his FATHER after all, wasn't he... so how...?!
And now everything just repeated. And there was no way out, no way to escape from it. Zuko pressed both hands against his head and his head against the wall behind him, praying for this to stop. He couldn't stand it... not again...

"Please DON'T! You're my FATHER... so WHY... how can you...?! LET ME GO! Just STOP IT!" His past was entirely catching up with him. Never before Sureen had heard him screaming like that. His desperate pleading made her blood freeze in her veins. But regardless of that, she had to keep pressing the scorching-hot metal into his wound. She HAD to. The blade had to remain inside the wound so long until it had staunched the bleeding. She swallowed hard, trying to stop her hand from shaking. Only a few more seconds... oh my God... time, please pass by! DAMN IT! Please let this be over! RIGHT NOW!

She held her breath. Tears welled up in her eyes. The seconds until she could remove the blade from the wound seemed to last forever.

FINALLY, she could take it out. Immediately she flung the knife to the ground. Her knees buckled and she slumped down right before the Prince. "Zuko... my God, I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I had... had no idea... oh damn I-I'm so sor..." She was interrupted by her sobbing. In tears she apologized for what just happened... for what she had just done to him... for being the reason why all these memories came back to him in such a horrific, painful way. But he couldn't hear her anymore - unconsciousness had finally delivered him from his torture.

The big burnscar on the left side of Zuko's face... now she knew. She had gone back to that point in time with him, seeing it all through his eyes. What had happened to him that day and even before. And the one who had done all this was THE FIRELORD! Her heart tensed up and her body started shaking. She had always hated him. For killing her people, for destroying her life, for making every nation suffer. But now... henceforth she hated him from the deepest bottom of her heart and with each single component of her mind and her soul.

Suddenly, everything made sense. Why Zuko was so desperate to capture the Avatar. Why he had been given this "task". Why he was chasing after Aang time and again. For what reason he had to do this and what it meant to him. Why he was just not willing to accept that this was meant to be a curse to keep him banished and restlessly searching the whole world forever. And Zuko's sister... this unscrupulous, ruthless person she had appeared to be... shooting that deadly lightning at their uncle, cold as ice. That girl seemed to be the perfect copy the Firelord then.

And so, being the proud Prince he was, he kept fighting. Over and over. Fighting the very ones who were, in fact, supposed to be the ones supporting him... backing him... supposed to be HIS FAMILY! Vengefully, Sureen clenched her fists. She could hardly feel the tears running down her cheeks.

NO! DON'T! Stay out of this! Keep your distance! Don't get that close! This did NOT happen to ME, these are not MY memories, it's not MY pain and it's not MY business. I MUST learn to not let such things affect me that easily! With a sharp voice inside her mind she scolded herself for still not having learned that lesson.
So she wiped the tears off her face and looked over to the camp-fire. The medicine tea she had prepared for Zuko should be done by now. It was a special mixture of herbs to fight his high fever. She had to pour sips of it down his throat every hour now. She knew he was in a quite critical state... hopefully he would make it through the next hours. Sureen sighed. But he was a warrior, he really was, he wouldn't give up just like that. He wouldn't die that easily. No... please don't. With another deep-drawn sigh she went over to the camp-fire to pour a cup of tea for the Prince.

-x-x-x-

Darkness. Deep, relieving, vacuous, calm darkness. Finally, the terrifying stream of thoughts had come to an end and he was surrounded by nothing but soundless darkness. After the pain had passed by, he couldn't remember for how long his father's face still had haunted him nevertheless. 'You will learn respect... suffering will be your teacher!'... 'I am sorely disappointed... Your mission to capture the Avatar has still led to no success... Therefore I additionally commissioned your dear sister... I hope this measure will increase your efforts... REDEEM YOUR HONOR!' Zuko's memories of the day he had been banished and his father's words pushed to the fore and just didn't let go of him.
But finally, even these memories began to fade away and to dissolve into deep darkness. All the Prince wished for right now was for this darkness to hold on to him and never send him back to the place where his past and his present were real.

But suddenly he heard a voice that was all too familiar to him. It wasn't coming from any direction, it seemed to be surrounding him.

"Are you sure that giving in to the darkness is what you meant by saying you need to find your own way, nephew?"

"Uncle!?" Abruptly the darkness disappeared and Zuko found himself sitting at the river bank where he had been just some hours ago. On the other side of the stream, he saw the distinctive frame of his uncle Iroh, sitting there cross-legged whilst having a cup of jasmine tea.

"Please have a cup of tea with me. You want to find your own way - so we need to talk. Why don't you take a seat." He pointed to the ground right next to him. While doing so, Zuko felt some force of gravity pulling him over the river, straight to the place his uncle had pointed at.

"Uncle... how...? Where are we? What is this all about?! Where is this place?" Zuko was completely baffled.

"That is of no importance." Iroh passed a cup of tea over to his nephew. "But it IS important to draw wisdom from many different places. If we take it from only one place, it becomes rigid and stale. But in order to beat Azula..."

Upon hearing her name, Zuko's eyes flared up furiously. "You can be sure, I'll take vengeance on her for your death, uncle. I promise, I will."

"She's crazy and needs to go down." Iroh nodded. "I would like to teach you a firebending move that even Azula doesn't know! Because I made it up myself. But beforehand... listen carefully." He took a small wooden stick and drew something on the ground. It was the symbol for the element of fire. "Fire is the element of power. The people of the Fire Nation have desire and will. And the energy to try to achieve what they want." He went on with the symbols for earth, air and water. One by one, he drew them in the sand and explained the essential characteristics of each nation to his nephew. But what did that have to do with a certain firebending move?! Zuko just didn't get it.

"Why are you telling me these things? All this four-element-talk is sounding like Avatar-stuff!" Fretfully the Prince folded his arms.

"It is the combination of all four elements in one person that makes the Avatar so powerful. But it can make you more powerful, too! Understanding others, the other elements and the other nations, will help you to become whole. You see, the technique I'm about to teach you is one I learned by studying the waterbenders. Waterbenders let their defense become their offense. Turning their opponents energy against them. I learned the way to do this with lightning." Iroh explained.

"You can teach me to redirect lightning?!" Zuko's face lit up immediately. His uncle nodded. He placed his cup of tea on the ground and got up to demonstrate the technique to his nephew.

"If you let the energy in your own body flow, the lightning will follow it. You must create a pathway from your fingertips, up your arm, to your shoulder, then down into your stomach..." Step by step he explained the way the lightning's energy needed to be guided through the body in order to make it flow out the other arm in the end. The crucial thing at this was not to let the lightning pass through one's heart, where the damage could be deadly.
Zuko got up as well and followed his uncle's lead to practice the motion. Soon he got a feel for the pathway's flow.

"Now, are you focussing your energy? Can you feel your own chi flowing in - down - up - and out?" Iroh asked while he constantly repeated the sequence of movements.

"I think so." Zuko replied.

"Good. Never forget that feeling. Besides that, now you got your vital energy flowing again. I wish you all the best for finding your own way. There are some important tasks for you to accomplish. Your time is yet to come, my nephew."

The same strange force of gravity that had pulled Zuko to the place next to Iroh suddenly pulled him back, farther and farther away from his uncle.

"Uncle! NO! Wait! There's so much I need to tell you! I found the bracelet and your letter! I am sorry! I didn't mean to... I had no idea...!"

"I know. Don't worry, I know..." Zuko heard Iroh's voice getting lower and lower. In panic he realized that he was caught and pulled down by the river current! He was drowning in the stream that had separated him from his uncle at the beginning of this strange dream! He was swamped! He couldn't breathe anymore! He was drowning! He could feel the water in his mouth! Desperately he struggled for air and coughed up the liquid he had just swallowed...

"Prince Zuko... It's ok, relax... I know this stuff tastes horrible... but you need to drink it! This tea will help to decrease your fever." The river was gone again. And so was his uncle. Instead he heard the voice of... that girl...

"Su...reen...?" Opening his eyes and focusing on his surroundings was so difficult to him. "Why... where... my uncle... where...? Nee...to... tell him..."

"Shhh... what you need right now is a rest. Have another sip of tea and then try to get some sleep, alright?" Sureen slightly lifted his head with her arm and placed the cup right at his mouth. Slowly she instilled the warm liquid between his lips. Zuko did as he was told and took a sip.

"But... where...?"

"Hm? We're in the cave Sera found for us. Remember? Trust me, she's perfect when it comes to finding hideouts. You're safe. Get some sleep now." He flashed Sureen one last grateful glance. Then his eyes closed again. But at least it seemed as if the Prince had overcome his febrile delirium and simply fell asleep deeply and peacefully this time. After watching over him for another while, Sureen concluded with relief that he appeared to be over the worst. So she went over to her sleeping-place to get some sleep herself.

She took a look around and realized that dawn was already breaking. Whatever. She needed at least a few hours of sleep now. Zuko would probably be asleep the whole day anyway... and she had enough trust in Sera to know that this hideout was safe enough for both of them to sleep the day away.

-x-x-x-

The following night, after having spent the day in the cave, looking after Zuko and doing mostly nothing but watching the rain outside, Sureen coiled herself up in her sleeping bag. Unable to get to sleep, she stared into the dying embers of the camp-fire. She just couldn't turn off her thoughts. The pictures of the previous days where still floating around in her head. Still she was deeply shocked about what she had done to Zuko and she felt so sorry...

"You think I'm a total wimp, don't you... I'm sure that's what you think." Suddenly she heard a weak voice behind her, interrupting her line of thought.

I think... WHAT?! Apparently, Prince Zuko had just woken up again! The girl turned around in disbelief and tried to make out his silhouette in the dark, but could hardly see a thing… but anyway. Geez! Thinking other people's thoughts is MY job and obviously that's really not one of his strong points! He's SO wrong! Meanwhile, the Prince went on.

"... I mean, since the day we met, I was just like… losing control, going crazy, nearly losing my mind... unable to handle things on my own... and..."

"No. Please... stop that." Sureen cut him off in mid-sentence. "Alright... so you wanna know what I think!? Here you are..."
She paused a while to collect her thoughts. "There's only so much one can take. That's what I think. And when you constantly have to go further than that... sooner or later that's just what happens. But that applies to everyone. I mean... everyone would react like that. In some way. Honestly, that's just human. And that's not even the point."
She sighed. This was getting tricky. Disclosing her thoughts about him would include disclosing her... knowledge. Or at least some of it. She was about to reveal the fact that she knew him better than he was aware of. Or at least she would drop some quite unmistakable hints about that. So she had to think her words through. BEFORE actually saying them out loud.

"I can't see any other points." The voice from the dark was little more than a whisper.

"Well... I know. But I can." Sureen replied with a gentle tone. "Look... you're pretty much stuck in this situation, but nevertheless you're steadily fighting to carry on and you never give up. You're so close to breaking point but you keep standing your ground. Because you are looking for a way to get out of this. You refuse to let it drag you down. There are not many people who could act like that. Believe me, I've seen so many places and met so many different people during the last years. Inside your heart you're a true warrior, Prince Zuko... and you deserve to be respected for that. I think you're a real strong person who has lots of courage and the will to persevere, no matter what. And you've got all my appreciation for that. And I definitely do NOT take you for a wimp."

"SHUT UP! Don't tell me that strong-person-shit! Just don't gimme that crap!" The voice snapped at her wrathfully.

"Oh, sorry for bothering you with my crappy TRUE OPINION and with BEING HONEST!" Sureen snapped back at the Prince. "Are you crazy?! I really meant what I've just said! Just because you hate yourself I cannot hate you back. UNFORTUNATELY I can't do you that favor. 'Cause that's just not what I think! OK!?"
She took a deep breath. Alright, maybe that was a little over the top. Just a day ago he was quite close to death... and the first thing I do after he finally wakes up again is bite his head off. "No... I mean... I'm sorry." She lowered her voice again and went on more softly. "Didn't mean to yell at you. But... I really hate when someone accuses me of lying to him, though I know I did NOT."

"I'm not accusing you of lying to me... It's just... I can't believe you... 'cause... I can't. I... I just... can't." The voice replied haltingly.
Sureen hesitated for a moment, thinking about how to continue. Maybe it really wasn't that easy. He surely had his point of view for a reason. And she couldn't -offhandedly, just like that- tell him the exact opposite of what he had been thinking about himself maybe for years... and then, on top of that, expect that he would believe her from one second to the next.

"Yeah... I see. Alright. That's alright, I guess. I mean... I can't tell you what you're supposed to believe or not. That's up to you. But at least now you know what I think... and honestly, I'm not reckoning you as a wimp. SO NOT. Maybe you could just... kinda note that. Possibly. 'Cause it's not a lie... ok?" She whispered to the darkness.

The darkness remained quiet though. As the minutes passed by in silence, Sureen could feel a fluffy doziness slowly enfolding her, making her eyes close by themselves. Finally she fell asleep. Unknowing how much her words had just affected the Prince.

Why? Why was everything so difficult and so confusing? Although Zuko could think clearly again after what felt like ages to him, it didn't help him to fight the chaos in his mind. His father... this strange dream about his uncle... that woman: Sureen...! He was a nervous wreck and didn't even know where to start being confused.

Although he couldn't pinpoint it, he felt that he had nothing to fear from Sureen. But at the same time, he also knew he wouldn't dare to trust that feeling. Furthermore... the way she had just told him what she thought about him was like... she knew him inside out. On the one hand that seemed so disturbing to him... as she probably was as close to him as no one ever before... although she hadn't even asked him for permission to do that. This had not been his own decision at all. She had done it against his will.

But on the other hand... whatever she had found out about him, it didn't seem to bother her. It was like... quite the opposite.

How could someone know that much about him and still take him for a strong person, for a warrior... and still think that he deserved to be respected?! After all, that was just what she was doing. Although she wasn't afraid to tell him her opinion right to his face and she never avoided any arguments... but that was just kind of... her way of being honest, wasn't it? And it didn't change the fact that she had treated him with respect since the very first moment.

Could this be possible? That someone really knew him... and nevertheless had decided to... like him? Lying awake in the darkness all alone, an unseen tear escaped Zuko's good eye.

This is it, boy, this is war - what are we waiting for?
Why don't we break the rules already?
I was never one to believe the hype
Save that for the black and white
I try twice as hard and I'm half as liked
But here they come again to jack my style

...

Well, some nights I wish that this all would end
'Cause I could use some friends for a change
And some nights I'm scared you'll forget me again
Some nights I always win, I always win...

But I still wake up, I still see your ghost
Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?
Most nights I don't know...

...

When I look into my nephew's eyes...
Man, you wouldn't believe, the most amazing things, that can come from...
Some terrible nights...

The other night
You wouldn't believe the dream I just had about you and me
I called you up but we'd both agree
It's for the best you didn't listen
It's for the best we get our distance...

[FUN. - SOME NIGHTS]

LINK TO THIS SONG:
www. myvideo. de/ watch/ 8602018/ Fun_Some_Nights
[copy+paste - remove blanks - enter :)!]

-x-x-x-

A/N: ... *sniffle*... No, I'm NOT crying :P... *sniffle*... but hopefully for you, my dearie readers, this was as emotional as it was for me! So... reviews are welcome, as I'm a curious person. ;)